Question for military mothers

[ElleGee]

My 18 yr old son signed up for the national guard. I know I should be proud that he wants to serve his country but I am scared sh!tless for him. This is my firstborn.

I go from extremely proud to being in tears with in 5 minutes!! I don't think I have ever been this scared in my life... We had a discussion yesterday that was wicked uncomfortable about if he dies his benefits go to his 12 yr old brother.. I mean he talked about it like it was the most normal thing to talk about while I am trying not to cry b/c I can't bear the thought..............

My 2 questions are:
How do you deal with this stuff?..

Are there any good military parent support boards out there? and if so can someone pm me with a link to them so I can get a feel for what I may be in for? (b/c I don't remember if posting that type of link is allowed)

Any help would be greatly appreciated. TIA

[buglebe]

I can not answer your question but I will tell you I certainly can sympathise with you.
My father was in WWII. I was 18 months old when he first saw me. That war was awful. They all are. My husband was in VN when our children were 3 yrs and newborn.
When my son had a motorscooter accident at age 12 , at the time I thought that the one good thing out of it was that his injuries would keep him out of the service if we were in another war. Have we ever not been in one for any lenght of time? Now I worry about my 6 yr old grandson. Don't get me wrong. I am proud of the men who have served to protect our country. I am so proud of my dad and my husband but I don't want my son to go. I admire the men and the families who sacrifice for us all. I am thankful for them. I didn't answer your question but I do understand.

[Explorer 4x4'r]

http://www.bluestarmothers.org/mc/page.do;jsessionid=165C35BA3B62592294C48AC3C125D89 B.mc1?sitePageId=59966

[suzski]

First off, here's a link to the military mom's website:

http://www.militarymoms.net/ It has specific links to the different services.

Second, I'm in a kinda unique situation....I am currently serving (my 27th year) in the Navy. I have four children, 3 of which are old enough to serve. So, here's what I would tell you looking through my eyes:

1) Your son signed up for the National Guard so he will be defending home soil, not at the 'tip of the spear' serving in an unfamiliar country. Although no job in the military is without risk, I think you may rest easy.

2) The reason he brought up benefits is that it is a decision that must be made in advance. I served on the USS COLE when it was bombed in Aden, Yemen, and know how important those death gratuities ended up being to the survivors. It is just about preparation, not expectation.

At least one of my sons is actively working on joining and do I fear for them? Absolutely! What mother wouldn't? But I am proud of him too and know that the military will be able to offer him many things (free education, training, travel, etc.) that he would not get (cheaply) otherwise. Also, he will be part of a larger military family. I remember lots of holidays away from home when my extended military family was there for me.

Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[Vee030473]

:hug Elle. My husband is active duty Army and our oldest talked to us over the weekend about enlisting for active duty Army too. He has taken the ASVAB practice test and scored well enough to get a really good MOS,but the mom in me is getting nervous. I wish he would think about going Guard instead or Reserves at least. But I know its not up to me dammit LOL

[newwiccan]

1) Your son signed up for the National Guard so he will be defending home soil, not at the 'tip of the spear' serving in an unfamiliar country. Although no job in the military is without risk, I think you may rest easy.


Please let me know if you have any

Not necessarily. I have a friend who is on his third deployment right now.

[Vee030473]

Not necessarily. I have a friend who is on his third deployment right now.

New's right. The Guard is deployable just like Reserves,maybe not as highly deployable as Army but I've had friends in the Guard deploy .

[suzski]

I stand corrected. Sorry for the bad gouge.

But again, it's perfectly okay to be scared, worried, etc. Just go to the links posted above and talk with other mothers who are in the same situation as you. I really think that will help out.

[jen-ron]

Not necessarily. I have a friend who is on his third deployment right now.

I have to agree, my husband is on his second tour to Iraq, many of the guys in his unit are doin their second, some even doin their third or more tour over there and are all National Gaurd. My DH was also full time Army, and was sent on an unaccompanied tour to Korea, so technically its his third overseas tour. Just because hes National Gaurd doesnt mean he wont be deployed, in fact, here in the state of Alabama, we have had the largest number of National Guardmen & women sent over seas than any other state (or so it was last time I heard) and the National Gaurd here gets deployed more than the regular full time Military.

Now, I did NOT say any of this to worry you, or make you upset. I just wanted you to know the facts. I am an army brat and very proud of my Dad who served in Vietnam. Now, as a wife, I am extremely proud and extremely worried for my DH. I have friends who helped me get through his last deployment and as much as I love them, they really dont understand what we as family memebers are goin through. Check out the links given to you above, they are extremely helpful and knowing that the people who you are talking to (even over the net) know exactly how you feel and what you are goin thru make a world of diffrence.

IF by any chance he gets activated and sent overseas, join his units Family Readiness Group. I am ViceChairperson for our units, have been actively involved for 3 years now, but I wasnt when he went to Iraq the first time, I sure wish I had. Even if he doesnt get acivated, join the FRG, they are your support and your shoulder because they are goin thru it with you. If there isnt one currently with his unit, talk to the POC (point of contact) and see about starting one up. If you ever have any questions or want someone to listen to whatever it is you need to say, feel free to PM me. :)

Jen

[ElleGee]

Thank you every one. I am just clueless to all of this so thanks suzski, buglebe for the info..

You didn't worry me jen-ron :) I really did want to know other peoples perspectives/stories/coping mechs. about it which is why I was looking for places of that sort in the first place. Thank you :)

And thanks very much for the links.

[cathych]

If my son were in any type of military I would be scared to death also. The thought of them dying is very real. He is in the Peace Corps right now. I think that also mothers who have sons that live in the middle east, when their sons are at war are just as worried. After all, they are mothers too.

[Vee030473]

If my son were in any type of military I would be scared to death also. The thought of them dying is very real. He is in the Peace Corps right now. I think that also mothers who have sons that live in the middle east, when their sons are at war are just as worried. After all, they are mothers too.

Death is a reality for everyone isn't it? Do you think that the Peace Corps has no deaths? You'd be surprised? Yes them being in the military in a combat zone is dangerous but being in the military is just like any civilian job when they're not deployed,my husband works 8 to 6,has an hour lunch etc. Firefighters and police,IMO,carry a greater burden on being in danger.

[baragabrat]

My youngest son joined the Army in 1995. He is now a staff sergeant and will retire in five years. There were a few times when he told me he was deploying to Afghanistan but it never happened. I was so grateful! He's made me even prouder of him than I was before he enlisted. The Army has indeed made a man of him and brought out many good strong qualities in him.

He told me when he thought he was going to deploy that he didn't want me to get all anxious about it when I talked to him on the phone because that made HIM more anxious. So when we discuss deployment (he's talking about Germany right now) I take it all with calm. Although it's not dangerous there, I don't want my baby that far away from me. He's far enough away as it is...he is stationed at Redstone Arsenal in AL and before that it was Arizona and NY and NC.

I can't tell you how to handle this situation as I do know how anxious you are but my thoughts are with you and I hope you find good support and folks with whom you can share your fears and from whom you can get support.

[cathych]

sure, of course I know that people die in the Peace Corps. People die everywhere every day.