Are you a parental "snooper"?

[Anniston]

In recent weeks, I have given much thought to the perils of life when my son becomes a teen. I am stressing over it...

Anyway, I am just wondering from other parents, do you snoop through your children's things? Or do you feel that is a violation?

Honestly, at 10, my son does not give me reason to snoop, as I am confident there is nothing I would find. But, when he gets older, I know myself well enough to guess I will tend to be a "snooper".

So, I am either looking to be berated enough not to do this, or to learn the best techniques not to get caught! Not sure which yet!

[iluvmybaby]

In recent weeks, I have given much thought to the perils of life when my son becomes a teen. I am stressing over it...

Anyway, I am just wondering from other parents, do you snoop through your children's things? Or do you feel that is a violation?

Honestly, at 10, my son does not give me reason to snoop, as I am confident there is nothing I would find. But, when he gets older, I know myself well enough to guess I will tend to be a "snooper".

So, I am either looking to be berated enough not to do this, or to learn the best techniques not to get caught! Not sure which yet!

You should be open and honest, only let him use the computer in a family room under supervision. You dont want to be James Bond spy, you want him to be able to trust you and for you to be able to trust him.

[Anniston]

Thanks. Yeah, I have heard enough horror stories to never let him have a computer in his room. It is all just so scary.

[jasmine]

We have 1 computer, out open in the living room.

[ahippiechic]

My Dd is 8, she's always had a PC in her room, but we configure her access to only those sites we want.

As far as snooping, I never snooped on my son as a teen until I found out he smoked weed, then I felt I had a good reason to be nosy.

[speedygirl]

No, I never snooped and they grew up fine. I felt like it was definitely a violation of personal space and trust. That said, if I suspected my child was doing something harmful or wrong, I'd confront them and then take it from there.
To snoop for the sake of curiosity isn't cool.

[Anniston]

Thanks, Speedy. I do hope that I adopt that outlook when he is older. But I am afraid that curiosity will get the better of me.

[fleabones3]

I don't snoop UNLESS I think I have a reason to. Several of my friends say that since its MY house not the kids' I have the right to snoop, which yes I do, but my mom did it all the time and I hated it, and I wasn't even doing anything wrong. Now, if I find notes in their pockets when I am doing the wash, yes I will read them. My son has a drawer full of notes from his ex g/f when they were together. I have never read them.
Like I said, if I felt the need, then yes I would. But just to do it because I can, then no, thats wrong, IMHO

[cpbaby]

I dont "snoop" but I do take precautions. When they join MySpace or Facebook, it is a requirement that I be "friended" fully. Their cell is on my plan and I have limits set(Nick is allowed 2000 texts a month and can only get/make calls from 6:30 am til 9 pm from number not on the list I set up). I can see who and when people call and how long they talk. I dont always check it, but he knows I can if I think I need to.


I didnt used to check his iTouch until Thanksgiving. I picked it up and was looking at it only to find that he had been looking at porn on it via my mother's wireless. Yeah, THAT was a talk I didnt want to have with him, but we did. Now he knows I will check it whenever I feel the need, so we shall see. As for drinking or smoking(cigs or weed), he isnt doing that near as I can tell, but if he breaks that trust, then, like the iTouch, I wll do a check as needed, too.

[Only_save]

I don't have a problem with that.. My DD plays only online games or sometimes does work in adobe..

[pepperpot]

My son just got the itouch and it has internet access......this troubles me. I need to figure out how to check the history/sites he's been visiting.

Not that I think he's doing anything wrong, but who knows what he is stumbling across. :(

[cpbaby]

My son just got the itouch and it has internet access......this troubles me. I need to figure out how to check the history/sites he's been visiting.

Not that I think he's doing anything wrong, but who knows what he is stumbling across. :(


Unless you have wireless internet, it shouldnt be a problem. Also, you can put a password on your router so he cant have access. OR, you can go into your router's history and see where he has ben also.

[pepperpot]

How do I get into my router's history?

I have wireless and I gave him access, but I do want to check up on him.

[cathych]

I never snooped into my sons things, felt I had invaded his space, plus my mom did it to me and I hated it. Then, I found it that he had been smoking weed since age 15, gosh knows what else he did. I feel now that I should have been snooping all along.

[dinosmom]

My DS is 13 and I check over things...not really snooping and he knows I do this. He has never given me any reason to think that he was up to something etc, but I just keep an eye on things. Thats the rule-live here and have internet access and I will check up on things. He has his own laptop (my old one) an iTouch and his own cell phone and he knows I look at everything! I mean I dont go thru his drawers, but if I have to put something away, I will open up the drawers and look around the room. I also make sure my rules and expectations are clear! But I make darn sure I am accessible to him as well. He knows (and does) he can talk to me about ANYTHING!

[Kelsey1224]

I never snooped simply out of curiosity. However, when behavior suggested that 'something' might be going on in their lives...then I absolutely snooped!!

I truly didn't want to invade their space or betray their trust. But when my trust was betrayed by their behavior...then I figured that my losing their trust was irrelevent.

[DreamWarrior]

I didnt start "snooping" until my daughter got REALLY secretive.... then I looked for things that were "out of the ordinary" like when my BIL (who was 27 at the time) started propositioning my oldest daughter (who was 15 at the time) on the computer... she had erased the history from her chats.. I found this odd so I found her journal and read it... THAT is how I found out about my BIL... I was LIVID!!! I confronted him, told his wife, and banned my daughter and him from speaking anymore.. I would have pressed charges against him, but the chats were erased on both sides of the convo (this was over 4 years ago)

My SIL (his wife) tried to blame it all on my daughter, but I got in her face and told her that HE was *27* @#$%^&* years old and SHOULD KNOW BETTER!!!! Even if my daughter started the conversation, he should have been MAN enough to tell her that they cant talk like that...Needless to say, he was NOT allowed in my home EVER again.. and has NOT been in my home to this day...

[fleabones3]

I don't blame you, but he would have also got a azz kicking.

Like I said, if behavior issues change, or if I hear something from their friends, etc.. I will be a snooping.. LOL . With 5 kids at home though, its really hard for my kids to " hide" things, like weed, cigs or whatever else they might try to hide. We have one pc, its in my room, and I check the history from time to time. So far I haven't seen them go to sites they shouldn't. Since the 5 kids at home also have 2 older siblings that used to live with us and there was never enough room or privacy, I try to give the kids as much privacy as I can now that they do all have their own rooms ( besides 2 of my boys) I go into their rooms daily to put clothes up and if its on the floor or in the open and its not something I have seen before, I will take a look. So far ( knock on wood) I have never found alcohol, weed, cigs, pills, or anything.. so in that area I am good.

[magenta]

I was 100% against snooping. My parents did it to me and I had nothing to hide but it made me feel violated. I have changed my mind in the last couple of weeks.

My computer is in the LR, etc. etc. everything they tell you to do. I thought I was doing everything right. Lets just say kids are sneaky and stupid. DH & I "accidently" came across things on the net of my dd's. She is almost 15. Needless to say, now I will go through everything with a fine tooth comb. She is not allowed on the phone unless she is in the room w/ us and she is not allowed on the computer at all ever. I had full access to her facebook and was a full friend, that did not work.

[Urban Cowgirl]

Since its my home and DH and I pay for everything. Its not snooping IMO. MY girls are too little for me to worry about this yet. But yes I will go through everything. If they want privacy then they can grow up, get good jobs and get a place of their own!

I was a pretty good teen and was pretty open with my Mom, but I still did things that I wasn't "allowed" to do, things that were against her rules.

[galeane29]

It's not snooping, its parenting

[diana_circe]

We didn't snoop until our oldest snuck out and the next to oldest was caught with porn in his room by one of the younger kids. They know we will occasionally check their rooms, especially if they have seemed to have gone through a change of some sort (attitude etc.). We aren't sneaky about it, they know they never know when we might strike so if you don't want us to find it don't bring it in the house.

[cathych]

dont worry about if they think it is snooping, whatever. it is your house, all things in it should be approved by you, right? you will thank yourselves a million times over if you do this now, trust me.

[sunniekiss]

No I wouldn't snoop but then my sons are now adults. I think I taught them well enough while they were young so I trust them.

My one friend was upset that her son, who is an adult, refused to allow her as a friend to his facebook page. She then demanded his email & facebook passwords. I though that was a bit, no way too excessive.

My oldest son was the one who got me to reister on facebook to see his page & my youngest son gave me his password to his email so I could double check a phone number for him. I threw the passowrd away as soon as I did what he needed.

I guess everything comes down to trust.