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View Full Version : Just so over hearing it!!!


Licchl05
10-01-2009, 08:04 PM
My best friend is dating/living with this guy. They have a 8 month old son together, she has a 3 year old daughter, and he has an almost 2 year old daughter. Every time they'd get his daughter my best friend would be the one taking care of her, waking with her, bathing her, etc. Since her son has been born she's done all the feeding, bathing, etc. For the first year they were together her bf didn't work, blaming it on a thyroid condition...and despite the fact he wasn't working he still wouldn't care for his own daughter when they had her on weekends. Well now he's working and my best friend isn't. He blows his money and is constantly up my friends butt wanting money off her...now he makes decent money- paychecks are 1k after taxes..he called her a c u next tuesday because she wouldn't pay his cell phone bill with her unemployment! He's very secretive, she knows for a fact he's talking to this chick who's 19(he's 31) who he used to work with that is now in TX for college. This chick in TX knew about my friends bf's days off from work before my friend even knew! He has been going to his car to make calls and as soon as my friend goes outside he's off the phone, he takes his phone everywhere and deletes his text messages. He accuses her of cheating because she left a pair of her undies in the living room the one day(they fell out the laundry basket) and speaks to her like crap.

Her family isn't any better really, they create alot of drama for her, but she's turning it all into an excuse for his behavior. I've told her time and time again that i can see she's unhappy, to make friends with Glad and throw his chit out. One day she's fine the next she's wanting to kill him and screaming how she's done, it's starting to affect how patient she is with her kids, and i even told her this.

Im just so over sitting here hearing her complain about him yet making excuses up for the way he's treating her. I have no idea what on earth i should do as she's my best friend and i love her to death, but i'm so over the negativity already!

*sigh*
tunisia
10-02-2009, 07:12 AM
unfortunately, she is just going to have to go through these things herself until she finally wakes up and realizes it is not worth it. There's not anything that you can say or do that is going to change it. Uggh, makes me stressed just reading about her life.
3lilpigs
10-02-2009, 07:40 AM
he called her a c u next tuesday because she wouldn't pay his cell phone bill with her unemployment!

HUH??:confused:
PreciousDarlin
10-02-2009, 07:53 AM
HUH??:confused:

He called her a C U N(ext) T(uesday) because she wouldn't pay his cell phone bill with her money because he blew his... I LOVE men like this! :rolleyes::headshake
Licchl05
10-02-2009, 08:34 AM
Sorry for the confusion, the c u next tuesday thing is from SITC.
3lilpigs
10-02-2009, 09:27 AM
Sorry for the confusion, the c u next tuesday thing is from SITC.

LOL...I was wondering how he could call her a name next Tuesday. I thought maybe I was in some kind of time warp. lol
fleabones3
10-02-2009, 10:03 AM
Well its like I told a friend of mine who is dealing with a DH that drinks and lies and sneaks about it. She has been putting up with it for 4 yrs, fighting, whining etc. I finally told her I was tired of hearing about it and her not changing anything. Comes up all kinds of excuses such as how she is going to pay her bills etc. But its like I told her , after 4 yrs if she hasnt figured it out yet .. nothing is going to change unless SHE changes it and that I dont want to hear about the same thing next year
iluvmybaby
10-02-2009, 10:05 AM
tc. But its like I told her , after 4 yrs if she hasnt figured it out yet .. nothing is going to change unless SHE changes it and that I dont want to hear about the same thing next year


AMEN, if you tolerate the treatment you are condoning the treatment and teaching them it is acceptable to treat you that way.
PreciousDarlin
10-02-2009, 10:13 AM
Sometimes, because of personal self-esteem or other issues, people find it hard to leave a relationship - even one they know is bad for them. Not leaving or putting your foot down about the way your significant other acts or treats you might not be practical to some people, but it could be the only course of survival that some people see. Of course, we all know that whining about the problem isn't going to fix it. But, sometimes a person just needs an outlet to get things off their chest. Being the outlet isn't always easy, especially when your hearing the same problems with no solutions all the time... but you might not realize what a difference it makes to that person just to have someone to vent to when they think they have no other option.
cathych
10-02-2009, 01:37 PM
You really can't do anything about it. After all, it is her problem, not yours. I don't mean to sound mean or anything, but I have known couples who go through the same thing year after year. When she decides she has had enough, she will leave. Just tell her she is bringing you down with her constant complaining about the situation (although I am sure you can find nicer words), and if she decides to leave you will do whatever you can to help.
Licchl05
10-02-2009, 02:08 PM
nah, you don't sound mean. i can just so see myself just saying "STFU" to her. Either chit or get off the pot, yanno what i mean? It's just really frustrating to hear it over and over how done she is yet she does nothing about it. He'll know she's to that point then he'll kiss her butt she'll forgive him and he does the crap all over again.
krisharry
10-02-2009, 02:10 PM
I would tell her that you love her and value her friendship but that you are tired of hearing the complaints all the time and the negativity about a man she still chooses to be with. Let her know that you will be there to help her and give her support if she decides to make a change. Until time, you would rather not hear about it. Then move the conversation to something else.
Kelsey1224
10-02-2009, 03:21 PM
I would tell her that you love her and value her friendship but that you are tired of hearing the complaints all the time and the negativity about a man she still chooses to be with. Let her know that you will be there to help her and give her support if she decides to make a change. Until time, you would rather not hear about it. Then move the conversation to something else.

I couldn't have said it better myself.
magic52
10-02-2009, 08:29 PM
Doesn't sound like she wants fixes, just a friend who will listen. She is dragging you in and out of her relationship. It is in your corner to decide if you want be in this position for what might be years, because she may never leave him or if you want your friendship to end. Decide what you can put up with, tell her, and stick by it.
fleabones3
10-02-2009, 08:30 PM
Exactly. Its not really being mean, but, like with my friend, she has got me to where I hate her husband, and yes some of their problem is his fault, but some is hers. I have my own problems too, but it got to the point where I dread answering her calls or texts because it was always some rant and rave about her DH, then a few days later he was just great blah blah. I just noticed its been 2 wks since I have talked to her..funny thing is I havent missed it.
Licchl05
10-02-2009, 09:21 PM
thank you all for the advice, it's just so hard because we've been best friends since we were 12 and i don't want this to end our friendship but there's only so much someone can take.
nightrider127
10-03-2009, 04:28 AM
The very minute that he called her that name, she should have put him to the curb. She should give him to his other woman. They deserve each other.

There is no way that my husband would get away with calling me a name like that and treating me in such a manner. It would mean 40+ years of marriage right down the drain.