Here Comes The Storm...

[DreamWarrior]

I am on state aid for my children (foodstamps and medicaid). I have a child support order (or rather my ex does) thru the state of Iowa. Well, I called my case worker about a week ago with some questions about homeschooling my son ( i wanted to know if I would get kicked off of state aid if I homeschooled). I mentioned to her that I would like to have my CS case transferred to Missouri. Well today in the mail I received a letter from the state of Mo about child support. They are opening a case down here against my ex, which is a good thing because $90 is NOWHERE near enough to support his kids. The amount I receive now was based when he was in college 5 years ago, and has not been re-evaluated since. The main reason is because every time I think about calling to have it re-evaluated, he seems to sense it and lays a guilt trip on me. (I know...I know... need to stop letting it get to me)

My ex is a MASSIVE control freak, not to mention a manipulative so-and-so and I know he is going to FLIP out when he gets the new order. I'm not afraid of him getting physical or anything like that, he knows I have NO problem with calling the cops on him (have done it before), I just dont want to deal with the verbal crap that is coming. I have nerve problems bad enough and DO NOT need to deal with THAT!!

So anyway, when the application for the new order came today, I didnt hesitate I filled it out and sent it in right away. I wasnt going to let him get to me again. My kids deserve to be taken care of they way they are supposed to be taken care of. Its not MY problem if he doesnt like it.

He is supposed to carry insurance on them, hasnt done that in at least 3 years, he has a new gf now, which I am glad for bcuz now he isnt calling me all the time, but what I DO have a problem with is when he has a day off, he doesnt make an effort to spend time with his son.

He is always griping he has no time with him, but does nothing about it (we live about 100 yards from my ex). If it were me, I would be doing anything I could to see my son. I wouldnt care if I only got to see him for a couple hours... I would cherish whatever time I got, but he doesnt see it that way. He thinks if he cant get him for 24 hours or more its not worth it. I told my ex that it is HIS responsibility to make an effort to see his son, I will NOT chase him down to make plans for him. My mother always had to do that with MY father and I hated my dad for it.

I have told my son if he wants to see his daddy, to go down there and spend time with him when he has days off, I am not gonna be mad at him or anything like that. My son doesnt really get along with the gf (he feels she is "moving in on his turf" ~ he is only 11).

Wow... didnt realize I had so much to say. Not wanting any advice or anything, just needed to get this out. If you read all of it, thanks for taking the time to read all of it. I know I babbled and didnt make much sense, but the thoughts were all jumbled in my head and I just wrote them down as they came. I could go on for a lot longer, but I wont... I need a break LOL

[pepperpot]

:hug I hope it works out for you and your son.....

[DreamWarrior]

Thanks :) In the end I'm sure it will. I have been more than patient with my ex and now its time for him to put on his big boy pants and do the adult thing, support his kids....

I have a daughter as well who is almost 18(ex is her dad too) so I am not really expecting on getting support for her.

[Licchl05]

AWW hun, I'm so sorry you're going through this crap! I know all too well about ex's who are juiceboxes (it's my kid friendly way of saying someone's a DB). If you need to vent I'm just a PM away :)

[DreamWarrior]

LMAO!!! juicebox! I LOVE IT!!!!

Thanks hun! If I need it, I have your PM addy.. *wink*

[wubbywa]

Its time for these "fathers" to step up to the plate and help support their own children. I am not talking about just this ex above. I see it alllllll the time mothers raising their children and daddy not supporting them so who is???? I do know that answer!

[ttistin]

:hug sorry you and your kids are going through this. but it sounds like you are doing the best that you can, that is all you can do.

Oh yea if/when he starts crap for sending in the paper work I would hang up or walk away. Like you said You do not need to deal with it. Good Luck with it!

[BeanieLuvR]

I hope you get more support. :hug It sounds like your ex is just making excuses for not seeing your son. I don't see how men can put a woman before their children. With him living that close there is no excuse for him not seeing his kids.

[gmyers]

I hope you get more support too. I don't know why these parents can't realize $90 isn't nearly enough to support a kid. If he had them you can bet he'd go after you for support. Don't let him try to put a guilt trip on you. Ya'll deserve better.

[Licchl05]

I wish states would do more to enforce support orders. I've had an order on Chloe's dad for 2 years. He owes me over 11k, and I haven't gotten a payment since Dec of 2007. I've contacted PA(it's where she's always lived and where I filed) but since he lives in AZ and AZ is who put the order in we're at their mercy.

[DreamWarrior]

Oh... and here's the BEST part... he just put his 2 weeks in last night where he works.. he plans on going back over the road for a company he has worked for before, so there goes my regular support again.. (it may only be $90 but I can make it stretch). He does this shiz every time he hits the 6 month mark... he always finds something wrong with the company he works for... either the ppl are jerks or he doesnt like the rate of pay...blah blah blah... same crap every 6 months...

THANKFULLY the man I am with now knows how to hold a job! Hell he had a job less than 2 weeks after we moved to Missouri!! And has held it for over a year now. He supports me and my children financially as well as emotionally. He knew from the get go that I was a "package deal" you get me you get the kids too. He accepted that and is more of a man than my ex will EVER be!

[DreamWarrior]

I wish states would do more to enforce support orders. I've had an order on Chloe's dad for 2 years. He owes me over 11k, and I haven't gotten a payment since Dec of 2007. I've contacted PA(it's where she's always lived and where I filed) but since he lives in AZ and AZ is who put the order in we're at their mercy.

You should be able to have it moved to PA.. I asked my case worker about moving mine to Mo, and well, i got the papers today :)

Its still gonna be 6-8 weeks before everything is said and done, but hey, thats 6-8 weeks more support my kids get...

[Licchl05]

Oh... and here's the BEST part... he just put his 2 weeks in last night where he works.. he plans on going back over the road for a company he has worked for before, so there goes my regular support again.. (it may only be $90 but I can make it stretch). He does this shiz every time he hits the 6 month mark... he always finds something wrong with the company he works for... either the ppl are jerks or he doesnt like the rate of pay...blah blah blah... same crap every 6 months...

THANKFULLY the man I am with now knows how to hold a job! Hell he had a job less than 2 weeks after we moved to Missouri!! And has held it for over a year now. He supports me and my children financially as well as emotionally. He knew from the get go that I was a "package deal" you get me you get the kids too. He accepted that and is more of a man than my ex will EVER be!

Your ex has alot of the traits my ex's have LOL, and your new BF sounds like mine...sad we had to go through juiceboxes to get to the real prize!

It's an awesome feeling to be with someone who's, as I explain it, simply amazing. I wake up daily thanking God for blessing me with such a wonderful guy in my life as well as my kids.

[Licchl05]

You should be able to have it moved to PA.. I asked my case worker about moving mine to Mo, and well, i got the papers today :)

Its still gonna be 6-8 weeks before everything is said and done, but hey, thats 6-8 weeks more support my kids get...

I don't even know why the hell AZ entered the judgement. I filed in PA, she was born in PA, and has always lived in PA. I've fought with them(PA) about it, they claim that since he lives in AZ they have jurisdiction...which makes absolutely no sense to me at all.

There should be laws for those who purposely change jobs frequently to get out of childsupport...hell there could be, I don't know. Chloe's dad has only worked under the table since before she was born, and I think his dad and step mom paid the first(and only) 2 payments I ever got. He thinks that wearing designer clothing and drinking his life away is more important than this little girl. She's better off without him anyways.

[DreamWarrior]

Yeah... my sperm donor (my father...he doesnt deserve to be called dad) is that way. He would work at a job til child support would come after him then he would quit or find a way to be paid under the table. And he has 2 other kids he never supported and 1 he did because her mother MADE him... Now he is on disability for having heart problems and being a drunk and dopehead... You think my mother saw one penny of back child support??? Hell no... the state took it all because she was on state aid when I was growing up.

[Licchl05]

What I find the most absurd of all is that my friends juicebox(I can't stand him but she's still with him...) was 2 MONTHS behind in his support, which was a measely $100 and they were going to throw him in jail if he didn't pay by a certain date, yet we have guys who owe thousands of dollars and nothing is happening to them.

*not saying i agree with him being behind but seriously $100 is alot less than 11k.

[DreamWarrior]

each state is different... unfortunately...

[mabby89]

Good luck with everything DW, and you too, Licchl05.

[Licchl05]

each state is different... unfortunately...

I would say maybe they need to make it a federal thing, but then again look how bad the feds f stuff up...i think we could just end up worse off LOL!

[DreamWarrior]

Good luck with everything DW, and you too, Licchl05.

Thanks mabby :hug

[jasmine]

well DreamWarrior, I hope you get an AWESOME order for more money on your child support, $90 just doesn't cut it these days.

In my situation for child support from ex husband, I live in OK. And I just got tired of him not paying me every month and getting behind, so I took my court order to DHS, gave them his info. where he worked, lived etc... and they did the hunting down for me, I didn't have to do anything. They got a hold of his employer and it is now automatically deducted from his paycheck every month, first thing. If he ever does looses his job or whatever, DHS hunts him down, not me, he's in the system now, he can't get away LOL. It was so great one year, he was behind on child support, and his tax returns (with his new wife), got confiscated and redirected to ME LMAO, loved it!!
Also with me going through DHS for child support, all my payments get sent to a debit/mastercard. Or I can have the choice of direct deposit to my checking.

[tsquared]

Ummmmmm a right, left, right jab would be much more fun and relaxing ya know...................

[Licchl05]

well DreamWarrior, I hope you get an AWESOME order for more money on your child support, $90 just doesn't cut it these days.

In my situation for child support from ex husband, I live in OK. And I just got tired of him not paying me every month and getting behind, so I took my court order to DHS, gave them his info. where he worked, lived etc... and they did the hunting down for me, I didn't have to do anything. They got a hold of his employer and it is now automatically deducted from his paycheck every month, first thing. If he ever does looses his job or whatever, DHS hunts him down, not me, he's in the system now, he can't get away LOL. It was so great one year, he was behind on child support, and his tax returns (with his new wife), got confiscated and redirected to ME LMAO, loved it!!
Also with me going through DHS for child support, all my payments get sent to a debit/mastercard. Or I can have the choice of direct deposit to my checking.

Jasmine, I'm glad the system worked out for you! The system isn't so kind to everyone :(

Just curious; in your order, as well as anyone else who has one, did they give the father the right to claim the child on his taxes provided he doesn't owe arrears? AZ gave Chloe's dad that right, which is odd to me as he's never even seen this child.

[PreciousDarlin]

At the moment, I'm "receiving" $28/mo child support on my two children. My ex was told he was responsible for keeping insurance on the kids, but he said he couldn't afford it, so I've had to keep them on Medicaid. I recently had to go reapply and, because we have joint custody, they needed his income verification. He refused to give it to me! And, even though I've gone through the Child Support Unit and child support is supposed to be deducted from his check (he's drawing workman's comp at the present time) and deposited into my account, I have seen no more than $2.36 at a time so far. Before, he was also paying $22/mo (on top of the $278/mo in support) towards his past support. That, I also have not seen a dime of. AND, he gets to claim one child every year on his taxes, and next tax season, he gets to claim both. Can anyone explain to me how so many women get screwed so badly when it comes to ex's and child support?

[Licchl05]

At the moment, I'm "receiving" $28/mo child support on my two children. My ex was told he was responsible for keeping insurance on the kids, but he said he couldn't afford it, so I've had to keep them on Medicaid. I recently had to go reapply and, because we have joint custody, they needed his income verification. He refused to give it to me! And, even though I've gone through the Child Support Unit and child support is supposed to be deducted from his check (he's drawing workman's comp at the present time) and deposited into my account, I have seen no more than $2.36 at a time so far. Before, he was also paying $22/mo (on top of the $278/mo in support) towards his past support. That, I also have not seen a dime of. AND, he gets to claim one child every year on his taxes, and next tax season, he gets to claim both. Can anyone explain to me how so many women get screwed so badly when it comes to ex's and child support?

Sorry that you're going through this also! When he claims them on his taxes, does the govt send $ from it to you? I think they should be.

[PreciousDarlin]

Sorry that you're going through this also! When he claims them on his taxes, does the govt send $ from it to you? I think they should be.

This year, when we filed our taxes, I didn't see a penny of it. But, it was more than likely because we were still legally married at the end of last year. Next year, come tax time, it might be a different story and I might get what is still owed in back support. I'm not going to hold my breath though. If I held my breath over things with him and what SHOULD be done, I would have been dead last year when CPS didn't take my child seriously in terms of him.

[DreamWarrior]

Ummmmmm a right, left, right jab would be much more fun and relaxing ya know...................

yeah i know, but he is NOT worth sitting in jail over

[krisharry]

Wow, this pisses me off. Parents need to start stepping up and being accountable for the children they helped create. Society needs to do a better job of enforcing this, it is quite ridiculous.Why they continually allow deadbeat dads(and moms too) to get away w/it is beyond me. Esp. if the other parent is forced to turn to state aid to get the help they need when the other parent is in noncompliance. Good luck everyone w/getting these issues resolved.

[fleabones3]

My ex owes over $30K in child support. His payments are only $237 a month. When he did pay for like a year or so they added another $100 for past due. Well out of 15 yrs he only paid 1 yr . He is remarried with 2 more kids and a stepson. SHE works but he doesnt so I cant get any of the tax return. He lives in California and says the construction jobs are down 80% and he cant even get a job flipping burgers. Yet my mom works 3 jobs, my dad works, my brother works. Here in OK my DH and DS work as do a lot of people.

[Licchl05]

My ex owes over $30K in child support. His payments are only $237 a month. When he did pay for like a year or so they added another $100 for past due. Well out of 15 yrs he only paid 1 yr . He is remarried with 2 more kids and a stepson. SHE works but he doesnt so I cant get any of the tax return. He lives in California and says the construction jobs are down 80% and he cant even get a job flipping burgers. Yet my mom works 3 jobs, my dad works, my brother works. Here in OK my DH and DS work as do a lot of people.

My sisters husband's ex and kids live in OK(sis and hubby live in PA)...she just took him to court and he almost got thrown in jail for $1500, he's extremely sick and unable to work(my sis has 3 kids of her own getting no support from their dad and makes sure to file married jointly so the support is taken out of the taxes), currently fighting with SSD. I believe she did this with the help of the state of OK, maybe they could do something for you?

[ElleGee]

I just found out an hour ago my ex still owes me 125.00 bucks for our 18 year old. Apparently he had forgotten he had a lapse in between jobs. 125 bucks is 125 bucks :)

My other ex hasn't paid his child support since Feb 08.. I am not too worried about it because
A. he has to eventually pay all it and
B. he has been buying my son clothes and other necessities for my son..

I don't know why he just doesn't pay into what he owes so it's like extra support.. I am not sure if he realizes it but I don't care, it's not my job to remind him of his mounting debt when he is supporting his son other ways. He cannot find a job around here and I am not going to pester him into it if he is still helping out kwim?

Both of my ex's had a court order to have it garnished from their wages. I made sure of that.

[jasmine]

Jasmine, I'm glad the system worked out for you! The system isn't so kind to everyone :(

Just curious; in your order, as well as anyone else who has one, did they give the father the right to claim the child on his taxes provided he doesn't owe arrears? AZ gave Chloe's dad that right, which is odd to me as he's never even seen this child.

no, he has no right to taxes, or even health decisions or ANYTHING, I have custody, he is the non-custodial parent~ of course we would be civil discussing important issues that concerned our children.
But when you have custody, he has no rights, and it is illegal for him to file the kids on his taxes.
If you have joint custody, maybe there is a plan drawn out, sharing the kids on taxes, every other year????

[jasmine]

also before I started having the payments garnished from his work check, I bought a receipt book, every time he would give me money, he would get a receipt for it, even if it was just a mesely 5 bucks. And then when I went in to DHS to get child support tooken care of, I took that receipt book recording every penny that he had given to me up to that point, and then they figured out what he owed me in back support.
I had a woman shark for a lawyer though..... it was even written up in the decree that the kids could not even be at his home or place of residence if a member of the "opposite" sex was there~~ because at the time he was a repeated cheater that took my children to befriend his girlfriends while I was going to school at night at the time~~ which messed them up cause at the time they were so young.
anyway, the rest of you guys, you need to call DHS and tell them your story, and keep calling and keep calling and following up on it untill something is done!!

[Licchl05]

no, he has no right to taxes, or even health decisions or ANYTHING, I have custody, he is the non-custodial parent~ of course we would be civil discussing important issues that concerned our children.
But when you have custody, he has no rights, and it is illegal for him to file the kids on his taxes.
If you have joint custody, maybe there is a plan drawn out, sharing the kids on taxes, every other year????

See that's the weird thing...it was a child support only hearing, nothing for custody, but yet he has the right to claim her every other year on taxes provided he's not in arrears.

[jasmine]

See that's the weird thing...it was a child support only hearing, nothing for custody, but yet he has the right to claim her every other year on taxes provided he's not in arrears.

so, was there lawyers involved, did you file for divorce? Go to court for divorce? If so, then there is custody set up in your divorce decree papers. Is it in writing that he is allowed to do this? If you didn't file for divorce, then only child support was set up, you need to go to a lawyer and file, or have something more solid written up that you guys can follow for guide lines on the rules.... (financially etc.)

[Licchl05]

so, was there lawyers involved, did you file for divorce? Go to court for divorce? If so, then there is custody set up in your divorce decree papers. Is it in writing that he is allowed to do this? If you didn't file for divorce, then only child support was set up, you need to go to a lawyer and file, or have something more solid written up that you guys can follow for guide lines on the rules.... (financially etc.)

Chloe's dad and I were never married. I filed through the courts here in PA for support, and since he's in AZ they took jurisdiction for some stupid reason, and granted him the right to claim her on taxes.

[jasmine]

Chloe's dad and I were never married. I filed through the courts here in PA for support, and since he's in AZ they took jurisdiction for some stupid reason, and granted him the right to claim her on taxes.

well, depending on who has Chloe. If he has the child most or all of the time, he would have the right to file. Maybe you should consider to get a hold of who ever took care of your case and have them bring it back up and re-evaluate it. Also in SOME states they do recognize common law marriage.

[Licchl05]

well, depending on who has Chloe. If he has the child most or all of the time, he would have the right to file. Maybe you should consider to get a hold of who ever took care of your case and have them bring it back up and re-evaluate it. Also in SOME states they do recognize common law marriage.

He's never laid eyes on this child. We were together for about a year, so no common law marriage there. He thought partying and hanging with his friends was more important than coming to see his child. When I left Phoenix, due to stress of living in his parents house him and I sharing a small room with my son and him drinking his life away, he would then tell me that he loved me wanted to move to PA to be with me, all while denying Chloe was his to his family. His dad and step mom knew she was his, she looks sooooooooo much like him, but his mom is a juicebox and even told me that she wouldn't get involved in my "schemes" when I needed medical information when Chloe was 2 for an issue Chloe had and was being tested for. Needless to say that's when I decided to file for support and the DNA test to shove in his mothers face. Of course it came back that she's his, and AZ took the support back to the day she was born instead of to when I filed. I just think I seriously got hosed in the court order....I wasn't even notified they were having a hearing!

[jasmine]

yeah, you need to get you a lawyer, or call DHS and get a hold of legal aid and tell your story and get all of this straightened out. Wouldn't it be SAWEET if you got all the back taxes that he ever filed on Chloe also(which I would personally ask for also).

[DreamWarrior]

I called the child support enforcement place today. I asked them if I could have them re-evaluate my case since its been over 5 years since it has been opened, and they said all I have to do is write them a short letter stating that I want my case modified, sign it, date it and send it in. My ex is gonna get what he has coming!!! He has neglected his responsibility LONG ENOUGH!!!

I am so happy! *does happy dance*
Thank you guys for all the support and thanks for listening to me babble :) I love you all!

[Licchl05]

I called the child support enforcement place today. I asked them if I could have them re-evaluate my case since its been over 5 years since it has been opened, and they said all I have to do is write them a short letter stating that I want my case modified, sign it, date it and send it in. My ex is gonna get what he has coming!!! He has neglected his responsibility LONG ENOUGH!!!

I am so happy! *does happy dance*
Thank you guys for all the support and thanks for listening to me babble :) I love you all!

That is wonderful news!!!! Please let us know how it goes! I'll be thinking about you and the kiddos!!

[jasmine]

I called the child support enforcement place today. I asked them if I could have them re-evaluate my case since its been over 5 years since it has been opened, and they said all I have to do is write them a short letter stating that I want my case modified, sign it, date it and send it in. My ex is gonna get what he has coming!!! He has neglected his responsibility LONG ENOUGH!!!

I am so happy! *does happy dance*
Thank you guys for all the support and thanks for listening to me babble :) I love you all!

I am so happy for you! May you get what you deserve, and more!!