What do I have to do...(long)

[hblueeyes]

To get people to just leave me alone.

My brother got married last sunday. I did not go, partly because I am not a fan of my bro and my sis was gonna be there. For over 15 years, I ran errands for her, walked her stupid dogs, sometimes for 2 weeks while she was away. I took out her garbage, a must with every visit, used my van instead of her paying delivery charges on stuff and never got a nickle in gas. She is a hard person to get along with but she is 9 years older than me, extremely obese, and alone. She has had my boys wash her condo windows, she paid $5, and would have me put air in her tires because she could not. I had keys to her place and had to run to blow out candles, turn off the oven, let the maintainance man in etc. Never got nothing but I also never asked. Well, we had a falling out, (found in another post of mine on this board) and I told her. I was done with her.

It turns out at the wedding all she could do was talk about me and my family. I do not know what was said but it must have been pretty bad because my mons oldest sister tried calling her and we were not here. My Aunt then called my sis and my sis came to my house and was being ignorant, indignant and rude to hubby about where her mother was. It turns out, I pulled in the driveway while she was doing this. She made it seem as if we are abusing her and keeping her from people. WTH. I have asked my brother to take her for a weekend every couple of months. Has he? NO. Has my sis? NO. She needs other contact besides us. She needs a break from us and us from her. It would help her mentaly. The last time my sis called my mom besides after my aunt called her was in march or april. My bro calls only when he wants something. My aunt has called my mom 1 time in 31/2 years. Moms other sis and her talk a couple times a week.

The thing is, they all saw her 5 days earlier at the wedding. She looked like a million bucks and she got many compliments on how good and young she looks but mostly about her hair. My hubby did it. Hubby thinks I am making much ado about nothing but I say, multiply her attitude times 100 then by 3 (for the other siblings) and that is what we will have to deal with when something happens to her or its her time to meet her maker. I am concerned because what if she slips and falls? They will be accusing us of chit and if not me or hubby maybe one of my kids will get accused.

I told her that if she does not do something then we will have to leave. I do not need this added stress.

Plus my sis talks about everybody. I feel like calling the family and passing along all the crap she has said about them over the years. (They have no clue because they think she is wonderful and perfect.) The only way I could know is because of her since I do not go to family functions often unless it is a death or wedding. But I am usually not invited but I now know why.

Should I stoop to her level? I want to on the one hand but do not want to hurt peoples feelings on the other. I know from what she has said that repeating them would be very hurtful to them.

TIA

Me

[gmyers]

I wouldn't if I was you. It wouldn't do anything but turn them against you. Thats the problem I'm having with my sister she constantly calls me and tells me all the bad stuff people say about me. And its really made me resent her over the years. I wouldn't stoop to her level. People like that make me mad. They talk about people behind their backs and everybody thinks they wouldn't do that, you're making it all up. They'd probably think you're just trying to stir up trouble. At least thats what happened to me when I tried to tell people what she was doing to me. I really hope your situation gets better, sounds like you're under a lot of stress and no ones helping you.

[hblueeyes]

gmyers, you are right. I will not bring myself down to her level. I am not very good at gossip anyway. I am more of a listener who interjects when things dont make sense, add up or defend the people she is talking about.

She doesn't tell me what others say about me. She tells me about everyone else and tells them stories about me. It would be easy for them to believe me since I do not involve myself with the family and I do not gossip and such. But I also do not want to hurt their feeling either but rather try and teach her a lesson. The problem is, thinking back on it, she has been doing this her whole life so I have to assume she would have ways around it. (Though for some of the things I dont know how she could).

When she comes to get my Mom tomorrow, I will go to the car with my mom and tell her to stop or I will let the cat out of the bag, so to speak.

I will go to her job and talk with her boss. I will just introduce myself, say hello and mention that I am the one who called from the emergency room and that I have heard many things about her, without saying what they were. Chat about the beautiful weather and leave. From what I know of her boss, her boss will mention that she and I had spoken. This is enough to have her obsessing over what we talked about. I will guarantee that from 5:30 pm to after 10 pm on that day, my mom will not be able to get thru because my sis will be on the phone telling everyone that I spoke to her boss and all the things I could have said. But in actuality, I would have said nothing. Just thinking about how this will effect her puts a smile on my face. She is so anal.

Me

to add; They say what goes around comes around. Karma is a beatch. But sometimes Karma needs a kick in the but to get going.

[gmyers]

I agree karma sure does take its sweet time sometimes.lol

[Anniston]

People have to be miserable with their own lives (most of the time) to be gossips and pot-stirrers. Not sure what they get from it, but some folks really feed off it. DH's family is VERY much like that and thankfully, most of them are no longer part of our lives.

[Taterbo]

Do you really think outsiders believe her anyways??? Most folks who know folks like her silently pity her...Let her dig her own grave with her tall tales and nonesense..You keep your chin up and be proud of who you are and how you live your life..
It is sometimes not easy to sit back//but let her live in her tangled tale of life..

[krisharry]

Wow, Don't take this the wrong way bec. I don't mean to be evil but you really need to get a place w/out your mom and limit your exposure to toxic family members. It just isn't worth it, life is too short.
Good luck.

[pepperpot]

Good living is the best 'revenge'. I'm sure people see her for who she is...leave her to herself and go and be happy. Don't look to antagonize her, she's not worth your time.

[jerseybarb]

If people talk about you that means you're Important! lol

Avoid toxic people even if you are related to them.

[hblueeyes]

I spoke to my Aunt C and asked why she called my sis. She did not.My other Aunt did. However I learned wuite a bit from her. I can onlty imagine the horrible things that are being said. From our conversation, I do not let my mom out to see people. I screen and listen on her calls and will not let her get her own phone. She has magicjack because I could not afford to pay $60+ a month for her to have a landline and she would not pay for her own. My Aunt C said she called 3 times then called Aunt P who called my sis. Luckily Aunt P knows what the siyuation is and how my mom cries poor. After we got back from my Moms appointment she called her sis C back. Aunt C then called sis P and cried because she was so happy my mom called her back.

As a result of all this I have removed the extensions we had upstairs for my moms phone. The reason for the extension was because most of the time she does hear the phone ring. I would only anser it if she did not before it went to voice mail.

My mom and b!tch sis went to lunch yesterday. As I helped my mom to the car I told her to take her for her referral for her monday appointment. When they returned, I told her that moms next appointment was monday at 2 pm at the pain clinic. She said ok. Mom said I dont want her to take me. I said its ok. I will take you but I bet breakfast that she will call before then and say she cant do it. This was at 2 pm. at 3 pm she called to say she had to work. Hello. You knew that when you said ok because her schedule is posted a month at a time.

I asked my mom to talk to all my siblings and tell them to stop it. She will not. She has no problem telling me though. As a result I cannot rely on her to help me so I must take action on my own.

After much deliberating with myself. I have decided to move. My hubbies family treated us like crap and I allowed it. I will not put my kids at risk again.
I have not told my mother yet. But as soon as I find a place, I will. Her choices then will be to stay alone in a 7 bedroom house or go live with my sis or brother. Both of which my mom said she would not do. She could also buy herself a smaller place or a condo. Also ideas she has nixed in the past. I must say that I do not think the house would sell quickly. There are many homes by me with for sale and rent signs. Maybe after we move she will be forced to do something. After I am settled, if there is room she could come stay with us. This way if something were to happen I doubt much would come of it since she came to us. And she would also have to pay her share.

Thanks jerseybarb for your input. It made me cry. I have never felt important.

Thanks all for listening and the advice.

Me

[BeanieLuvR]

(((hblueeyes))) You have put up with more than most people would. How sad that your mom can't realize that you and your family are the ones who take care of her and do for her. She should give you the love and respect you deserve. Also your sibs need their butts kicked for not helping out. I hope good things for you in the future.

[krisharry]

Glad to hear you will be moving, I know it is rough and that you love your mom a lot but sometimes doing what's right for one person is doing the wrong thing for you, KWIM? I think you will be a lot happier and a lot less stressed away from the drama. Good luck to you.

[gmyers]

I'm glad you are moving too. It sounds like your mom and family are taking advantage of you. And you need some peace in your life.