Ned is an idiot

[cpbaby]

I swear, he is. He HAS to be. I am currently working 12 hour shifts, 4 days on, 4 days off. I am living in a house on my parents' property(with Sophie). My mom keeps Sophie, so I am not paying a babysitter, which is nice because I am fairly certain I couldnt afford one for the hours I work.

On my days off when there isnt shool, like today and tomorrow, I come to his house to buy groceries, straighten up and do laundry. Last Saturday when I left I told him allllll of the laundry was finished except one load of towels needed to be dried. Come to find out, even though he answered in the affirmative, he "forgot" and now I have a load of soured, mildewy towels that have been in the washer for 7 freaking days. :getyou


The more I think of it, the madder I get and the madder I get, the more I wonder wtf I am doing all of this for. Its not like he is doing anything for me other than whining because I am not here.

[DBackFan]

I must be an idiot too because I have done the same thing myself, leaving things in the washer for several days. Give him a break, thats not horrible in the grand scheme of things, :hug

[itsmetiggy]

sounds like the guy i'm with... i go through the SAME thing....if i dont do the laundry he will have NONE let alone remembering to put a load in the dryer..if i dont get the groceries he will eat junk food..if i leave dishes in the washer when i go they will still be there next week...if i dont cook dinner MAYBE around 9-9:30 he will decide it's time to make something..

he whines when i am here too much then whines when im not here, when i say something about it he acts hurt and asks me if him missing me is a bad thing...

it's a guy thing

[fleabones3]

I dont think thing its a " guy" thing.. I think its a excuse to be lazy and unappreciative. Its not like you asked them to wash 500 loads of laundry. as for itsmetiggy.. the way yours sounds, it seems like he likes having you around when you are doing things for him like cooking and cleaning, and when your done. its time for you to go home. Thats JMHO. These are grown men you are talking about, not children.

My husband cooked tonight.. he knows how to put clothes in the dryer, hell, he knows how to work the washer too, and the dishwasher.. you need to expect /demand more of them then let them walk all over you

[dv8grl]

Men don't care how they live., they'll live in filth & be fine with it.
Let him. He's a man, old enough to take care of himself.
Your not his mother.

[papaw_phil]

I know that most women will say what u guys are but I am 1 mkan that did laundry cooking and All OF IT FOR 16YRS AND NOIW MY WIFE FOUND SOMEBODY ON THE fREAKING DANMED INTERNET AND i HOPE SHE HAS SO DANM MUCH STUFF TO DO NOW SHE CAN'T AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

[cpbaby]

Bitter, much?


Seriously, I am sorry, but what does that have to do with my husband? I am ready for something to change. Mine does NOTHING during the week and saves it all for me on the weekends.

[justme23]

I'm pretty sure I'd be bitter too after 16 years. As for the drier... I've done it and I'm sure he really did forget... but I'd still be annoyed... it's another chore you shouldn't have to do twice.

[iluvmybaby]

The more I think of it, the madder I get and the madder I get, the more I wonder wtf I am doing all of this for. Its not like he is doing anything for me other than whining because I am not here.

Don't flame me, but he is doing it because he knows you will do it. Appearentily this is an on going thing. He is a grown man but he has you, a women he is not married to and does not even live with, doing all his housework for him, being his personal shopper ((buying him groceries)) and running his errands. He must either be rich or hot for you to put up with that stuff. It is better you found out now about his personal habits, you sound like me, a clean-a-holic I could not live in filth, my home is always immaculate and there is never clothes laying around etc. If you love him and want to be with him, you need to talk this out, because can you imagine living the rest of your life with someone who does not do anything for you? You are going to end up strangling him with a moldy sock he left in the dryer for 7 days.


PS you are working 12 hour shifts and he is whining and you are making his meals? he should be rubbing your feet and treating you like a princess

Edited to add: Ned is your husband but you are living with your mom and your child is too? I am sorry I dont udnerstand

[cpbaby]

No, no, we dont live with my mom. We live in a rental house. The job I have now pays ALOT(for here, anyways) and is alot less stressful than my former job. When I took this job, he was very gung ho and "supportive", as long as his routine didnt change. Now, obviously, it has and I am trying to keep all of these balls in the air. Before school started I would work my 4 days then we would come back to "his" house for the 4 days. Now that school has started, I am staying down there more so Sophie can go to school. We came home Friday afternoon and will be going back to the other house tomorrow so she can go to school and I can go to work on Monday.


When I took this job, he was going to move with us. Where this new house is makes up the third leg of a triangle. It is less than 5 miles more for him to drive to his current job than where he lives now. Now he refuses. Nope, not going to happen. But he also doesnt DO anything for himself. I buy food he can microwave because he wont "cook". If he is tired of "having to cook", he goes with fast food. Then complains because he has eaten it so often. I make sure the groceries are bought and the bills are paid. I have several money orders in my purse I have to drop off for various bills.


The left-for-a-week laundry wasnt the ONLY problem, by any means, but it just made me go "Hmmmmmmmmmmm..........."

[jasmine]

sounds like you got a lot on your plate to deal with yourself, let him do something for a change!! Don't do his laundry, shop or clean for a while, and see how he likes that!

[Shann]

Ugh I cannot stand guys who don't do anything. I dated a guy who was a little younger than 30 still living at home w/ his parents and didn't do anything for himself.. seriously his mom would buy everything for him. I don't know why I stayed w/ him for as long as I did but never again. I expect to be w/ a man that knows how to take care of them self. If we had kids and something happened to me I'd want to know he'd be able to take care of them properly. I would stop shopping for him, doing his laundry and making meals. I would sit down and have a nice long talk w/ him. Explain it, maybe draw him a picture of how much you work and that when you're not working you're not his personal maid/servant. If he doesn't get this than I'd be staying put in the house you're at while working on your days off. It sounds like you're going out of your way and deserve to have a little down time and he's acting like a big huge baby. He's a grown up and needs to put away his batman underwear and put on his big boy briefs.

[Quaker_Parrots]

I would skip this coming weekend and make him start coming to you. Sounds like you are the only one working on any sort of a relationship. He needs to step up to the plate and be a real husband and quit making you his hand maid.

[tngirl]

Kick him in the arse cp and then kick him again. You continued on with plans that were agreed to in the beginning and then he changed his mind. What are you suppose to do? Quit the new job and come home?

[cabby92]

As long as you continue to do everything for him he will just stay dependent. Draw a line and stick to it. If it's his choice to change the plans let him make the adjustments. Those hurts and resentments pile up and one day explode into something that makes the relationship unworkable.

[MsLynn]

not even thinking about the towels.....



When I took this job, he was very gung ho and "supportive", as long as his routine didnt change. .."


OK... that there should have been your first clue..... that says it all. I'm NOT changing, or being inconvienced for you....... nuff said.

however you work it out, i hope it makes YOU happy.

best of luck

[dinosmom]

Sounds like my first husband....he didnt know how to do anything and would even call me at work to ask me how he was supposed to know when canned SOUP was done cooking!!! I kid you NOT! After I left him, he would take is laundry to his mommy's house because he didnt know how to do it. This is why my son has been cooking and cleaning and doing his own laundry for YRS now.

Now I do have to admit that I have accidentally left a load of towels in the washer before. LOL

[krisharry]

You deserve sooo much better than him.

[whatever]

Yep my mil has waited on my fil hand and foot for years so last year when she broke her leg and couldn't do anything standing up (literally) he was pissed off because she would not do it for him. He is disabled but NOT freaking handicapped. And she vowed she we not do stuff for him again after WE (dh and I) got him picking up after himself etc. What do you think she is doing now. People train others how to treat them etc. Me I would not be doing his chores If I had a house full of my own!!!
You sould like you need a break and he could be helping you!

[Mini]

I agree with those who said you deserve better. Thats a bunch of bull that he suppose to be your husband and suppose to love you but sounds like he doesnt apprciate anything you do(since he cant do anything for himself and you do everything) and that he wont move to be with you. He should be happy that you got this job and be willing to move any where in the world just to be by your side.

Be firm and dont let him expect you to do these things for him any longer make him get off his arse and do something for an change(unless you like doing these things..)

Anyways best of luck to you!

[fleabones3]

I would NOT be cleaning and caring for 2 houses, plus working and YOU are still taking care of your daughter. SOrry, just would not happen. Either he can clean and care for the house he is in, or he could move in with you. as far as HIS routine not be changed... how old is he..2???? As long as you are willing to do it all for him, why should he cook or clean? If he wants to eat junk ..let him.. if he weighs 500 lbs by the end of it, thats his fault, not yours.
Like some one else said, people will treat them the way you let them. Nobody is going to stand up for you but YOU. Does he expect you to run his shower for him, spoon feed him and wipe his butt too??

[WendyLou75]

Hrm... the only thing I want to add here, which may get me flamed, is that she must of known this is how he is when she married him. People don't change that drastically overnight, and if he HAS then there is a much bigger problem that needs worked on.

I'm with everyone else... definitely not saying you deserve this, because you DO NOT, but damn... stop being tolerate of him taking advantage of YOU. You're his WIFE not his MAID.

There's so much more I could say but I think everyone has covered it... it just comes down to the token phrase: "You reap what you sow". If you continue to let him use you, well then you really can't complain about it. Maybe the laundry WAS the breaking point here, but if not, it SHOULD be.

[cpbaby]

Yeah, I know. I also know that I was raised to be this way.....My mom waited on my dad, cooked, cleaned, laundry, raised 4 kids, but she never worked outside the home. I started being this way when we first married because he drove a truck and I had TIME to do it then. I worked local and was home at 3:45 every day and he didt get home til 9-10 at night. 17 yrs later, things have changed, thats for sure.


Tonight I talked to him about various things and he told me he may be transferred at his work to a different factory 30 miles in the opposite direction. Thats fine. It makes a decision I dont have to.

[tngirl]

Interesting, makes you wonder. And cp, you know you can call me if you need to vent a bit. We can exchange "vents" and laugh about it together...see who can up the other.

[Quaker_Parrots]

I would wonder also why he is so hell bent on not moving to the new house if it was closer to his work. Is there a possibility there is someone else? and he is putting the blame on you so he doesnt look like the bad person?

[Willow]

I'm sorry you have to go through all of that. It sounds like you're trying to make things better for all of you and it's almost like he is going against you. One thing I can honestly say about Kevin is that he is very helpful around the house. He vacuums every morning. I don't even have to ask him. He just does it. He also unloads the dishwasher, washes floors, cleans the cat box and does other things. His ex didn't do housework. He would have to go home after working all day and clean the house. He said he had to clear a path just to walk through the door. I couldn't imagine living like that. I'm very anal about the way certain things are done and sometimes he won't do things exactly how I like it to be done and I will say something to him about it but I know that I shouldn't do that because a lot of guys don't do anything to help. I'm trying to get better about it.

[nedthenanite]

when i saw the title, i thought it was about me.....

sorry to hear your hubby isn't helping. hopefully talking about this issue with him will work it out. he does need to change his attitude, though.
i try to help out, because i want to. before living with donna, i did live in a mess. i tried to take care of as much as i could, but sometimes it was like fighting a tidal wave. sometimes, i remember those days and thank God for bringing her into my life. the least i can do is try to help out.

[cpbaby]

Right now I am just going with the flow......That sounds like Im not doing anything different, but I am. I didnt go to his house this weekend and when he whined about dirty clothes, I reminded him that #1. He doesnt have THAT many clothes to worry with and #2. There are instructions posted over the washing machine that TELLS how to do laundry. Im not issuing invitations to my house and when he asked why I hadnt, I told him because he didnt act like he likes it here and Im not living "there" anymore. I also told him there was no point to my buying his groceries when he knows what he will and wont eat and doesnt bother to tell me when he "gets tired" of something.




You know, I miss him, but I DONT miss him, either. Does that make sense? I come home, do what needs doing, warm up something for supper while I help Sophie with her homework and then play with her until bedtime. I like not having anyone but us to worry about. Im afraid that the longer we are apart, the more likely we are to actually split, but I dont see him doing anything to help. Im also afraid that if he moves down here then he will be hateful because he doesnt like it here and I dont want to deal with that.

[dangerousfem]

I would skip this coming weekend and make him start coming to you. Sounds like you are the only one working on any sort of a relationship. He needs to step up to the plate and be a real husband and quit making you his hand maid.


I completely agree with this...




You know, I miss him, but I DONT miss him, either. Does that make sense? I come home, do what needs doing, warm up something for supper while I help Sophie with her homework and then play with her until bedtime. I like not having anyone but us to worry about. Im afraid that the longer we are apart, the more likely we are to actually split, but I dont see him doing anything to help. Im also afraid that if he moves down here then he will be hateful because he doesnt like it here and I dont want to deal with that.

I'm sorry your having to deal with all that ... and I understand the damned if you do.. damn if you don't thing...

Doesnt he miss his daughter? How is she dealing with all of this separate house stuff?

[fleabones3]

Thats is your clue right there when you said you miss him but you dont. Sounds like you miss having someone to come home to, to talk with, but not really HIM himself. And you are right when you say the more you are apart , the more comfortable it becomes. Sounds like you already know what you want, just afraid of actually doing it. Hell , you guys arent even roommates anymore, just " friends with benefits". If he cant meet in the middle about this, how are you going to live the rest of your lives together.

[Shann]

:hug