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kidzpca
07-26-2009, 12:46 PM
I am tired of having to be the bad guy. But today after months of the teenage arguing over cleaning her room. And she is 18 btw... (You have to tell her specifically, exactly what to do...or it never gets done).

I have asked for over 3 days for her to get everything off the floor and put away. BTW getting her room clean and keeping it clean has "yes, it's true" been a 13 month project. Today it wasn't done so..... I took a broom to the room and swept the 10ft by 10ft room and you should have seen the pile in the living room when I was done.

At least 2 loads of laundry/dirty...2 loads of what I think was clean...; stuffed animals, collection up the wazu; at least 2 13 gallon bags of real trash etc.

I'm fed up.

But she's not gonna like it come August 'cause I'm charging rent for room and board since she has income and it is time to learn to pay the bills...aka "The Real World". And she still has her senior year in High School to go. Hmmmmmmm?

Should be fun....NOT!!!

gmyers
07-26-2009, 12:57 PM
I don't see anything wrong with her paying rent. If she was out on her own it would be a lot more than just rent. And getting teens to clean rooms is like pulling teeth. I saw someone once say anythinbg on the floor gets thrown away after they've been asked over and over again to clean. Maybe that will get her to do it if she doesn't want her stuff thrown away.

jasmine
07-26-2009, 01:08 PM
when ever I get fed up, I bag it all, and throw it on the porch, clothes, books, whatever and all. If they want it, they can go through it 1 bag at a time and put it where it goes.
I also knew a mom who was so frustrated, that she took a stapler and stapled all the clothes to the floor LMAO, needless to say, the teen was furious..... anyway.

I can see in your situation where you are beyond frustrated, and you prob. think that since she is 18, she could atleast be somewhat responsible, respectful, and clean.

If my kid is still in school (high school), then I won't charge rent, I think it would put too much stress on working, making money, keeping grades up in school, life in general. But, if she's out of school, and continues to live at home and DISRESPECTS me, then it would be rent time.

Good luck

LitWtch
07-26-2009, 01:27 PM
I'm split on the rent issue. I mean, if she were out of school and going to say, community college, living at home, and working, then I could see that. But she is in high school - unless you were charging her the "rent" and putting it in savings for her for college.

Now the room issue.... my oh my. BOTH of my girls would have lived like that had I let them! The oldest remembers more, but when they were younger, I would tell them I want hte room spotless for me to go in and clean (wipe/dust/vacuum..). If it was not done in a set amount of time, which was usually a day or two, then I would go and make it WORSE by dumping the drawers, closest, and bins in the middle of the room and proceed to do a massive cleaning by tossing anything I did not deem necessary for them to have or keep.

Yeah, didi that twice....


The oldest goes to college now, and when she comes home, she stays fairly clean. Teh youngest goes to boarding high school, and is STILL horrid when she comes home, but she knows what will happen before she leaves and when she leaves....

cathych
07-26-2009, 01:38 PM
I am tired of having to be the bad guy. But today after months of the teenage arguing over cleaning her room. And she is 18 btw... (You have to tell her specifically, exactly what to do...or it never gets done).

I have asked for over 3 days for her to get everything off the floor and put away. BTW getting her room clean and keeping it clean has "yes, it's true" been a 13 month project. Today it wasn't done so..... I took a broom to the room and swept the 10ft by 10ft room and you should have seen the pile in the living room when I was done.

At least 2 loads of laundry/dirty...2 loads of what I think was clean...; stuffed animals, collection up the wazu; at least 2 13 gallon bags of real trash etc.

I'm fed up.

But she's not gonna like it come August 'cause I'm charging rent for room and board since she has income and it is time to learn to pay the bills...aka "The Real World". And she still has her senior year in High School to go. Hmmmmmmm?

Should be fun....NOT!!!

why would you charge her rent while she is still in school. After all, a senior should not be making enough to earn a living wage, going to school is their job. I have never seen a teen who was neat and clean, btw.

Quaker_Parrots
07-26-2009, 02:34 PM
You reap what you sow...

shadowcats
07-26-2009, 02:52 PM
first make a sign
post on it basic rules for clean room or areas they use.
next what is an infraction of rules..... spescific cases
cost of infraction

and times of inspections, you also have to have times theyre allowed some mess
and be flexable


then on first infraction , collect item put in box ,,,,retrieval , they paid five dollars to get back
second infraction they pay ten,
third infraction ,,,,,,,,,the item goes to goodwill

now this will get complaints but its your home not theirs and rules are rules and all homes must have a basic cleanliness code

and as for trash items , this is under rules what is considered trash and cleanliness

first infrarction ,,,,, five dollars charge
second ten dollars
third ,,,,,,,,, lock on door and person sleeps on cot in garage...... lol this is hard on them and they dont get their clothes or things either they have to wear what they have on till its paid or the room changes. if they want to live like a dog then thats their choice ,

after my divorce this was abig issue , since my ex expected me to clean everything , and kids werent even allowed to help me ,
but after i was working and raising them on my own , i decided it was time to grow up to the real world , now they are grown they understand and keep their homes clean,
my daughter is doing the same to her three now ........
so in my case this worked

you have to decide what is important and be flexable on the rules for special cases , but you do have to stick by what rules that you set.
hope this gives you some ideas to work with.

cathych
07-26-2009, 03:20 PM
I think if she wants to live in a messy room; its her choice and you should not stress about it. Life is too short. After all, your teen could be involved in all kinds of stuff that would make you cry day and night, (been there, done that). A messy room is an insignifigant thing. Years from now you will laugh about it.

gmyers
07-26-2009, 03:32 PM
I believe theres nothing wrong with expecting a teen to be responsible. And I also see nothing wrong with them paying rent. It teaches responsibility.

speedygirl
07-26-2009, 03:43 PM
I don't have a problem with kids paying room and board after they graduate from school. When they're still in school, I felt that it was my responsibility to provide them with a roof over their heads and a stable home. After graduation if they didn't go to college and planned on staying here then they would have to pay for the roof over their head. The money they made while still in high school when working at a part time job was saved for college.
As far as the messy room goes, I used to fight with my DD over that. In the long run the more I griped the more she ignored it. After awhile I said screw it and picked my battles. She eventually grew out of being a slob and now as an adult has an immaculate place. In the scheme of life, a dirty room wasn't such a big deal and worth a strained relationship.
I hope she cleans up the mess. Good luck.

cathych
07-26-2009, 03:50 PM
I think that there is nothing wrong with teaching a teen to be responsbile, but I think that paying rent is a little too much. They are still teenagers living at home after all, and going to school. They should not have to worry about paying rent and such. Most jobs that teenagers get are just a pittance anyway, barely enough to go to the movies and such. I do think that they should use their job money to pay for thier own entertainment.

prcsanglas
07-26-2009, 04:25 PM
My father taught me about keeping my room clean as a teen like this: first gave me warning... which of course I didn't listen. He said fine then and opened my bedroom window out went everything and yes I mean everything.... bed, bed frame, clothes, books etc... lets just say after having to not only retrieve what I wanted and put my bed back together my room stayed neat.

WendyLou75
07-26-2009, 04:26 PM
You reap what you sow...

Amen. :D

DreamWarrior
07-26-2009, 05:09 PM
When my youngest daughter moved out (she is 17 and just moved in with daddy), my son and I spent 4 hours cleaning what is now his room and we took out 2 INDUSTRIAL size garbage bags (at least 55 gallon) FULL of trash out of the room. Neither one of us could lift them. My boyfriend had to take them out to the curb, they were so full they wouldnt even fit in the trash can.... so believe me.. I feel your pain

shadowcats
07-26-2009, 05:11 PM
My father taught me about keeping my room clean as a teen like this: first gave me warning... which of course I didn't listen. He said fine then and opened my bedroom window out went everything and yes I mean everything.... bed, bed frame, clothes, books etc... lets just say after having to not only retrieve what I wanted and put my bed back together my room stayed neat.

lol a little more drastic than mine but i d say the idea was a good one. lol would have loved to see your face when he did that , sorry but this image is stuck in my mind , hum wonder what the neighbors thought.........

fleabones3
07-26-2009, 05:20 PM
First off, she is 18, its not like she is 14 and charging rent. 2nd , its HIS house, and he has every right to choose rules , etc , and since it is his house, and he is paying all the bills, etc, he should decide how clean it should be. Its not HER room, its HIS, and if she wants it to be hers and keep it how she wants, then she should pay rent. Too many people nowdays baby the crap out of their kids and say " awww they 're just kids". Shes not 8 yrs old. she is 18, no longer a kid. When people baby their kids and do everything for them because they dont want to deal with the hassle are not doing the kids any favors. Those are the kids who grow up to be helpless adults who expect the world to provide them a living

kidzpca
07-26-2009, 07:26 PM
first make a sign
post on it basic rules for clean room or areas they use.
next what is an infraction of rules..... spescific cases
cost of infraction

and times of inspections, you also have to have times theyre allowed some mess
and be flexable


then on first infraction , collect item put in box ,,,,retrieval , they paid five dollars to get back
second infraction they pay ten,
third infraction ,,,,,,,,,the item goes to goodwill

now this will get complaints but its your home not theirs and rules are rules and all homes must have a basic cleanliness code

and as for trash items , this is under rules what is considered trash and cleanliness

first infrarction ,,,,, five dollars charge
second ten dollars
third ,,,,,,,,, lock on door and person sleeps on cot in garage...... lol this is hard on them and they dont get their clothes or things either they have to wear what they have on till its paid or the room changes. if they want to live like a dog then thats their choice ,

after my divorce this was abig issue , since my ex expected me to clean everything , and kids werent even allowed to help me ,
but after i was working and raising them on my own , i decided it was time to grow up to the real world , now they are grown they understand and keep their homes clean,
my daughter is doing the same to her three now ........
so in my case this worked

you have to decide what is important and be flexable on the rules for special cases , but you do have to stick by what rules that you set.
hope this gives you some ideas to work with.

Great advice...Thanks

kidzpca
07-26-2009, 07:42 PM
You reap what you sow...

I know you like to RAZ me but you really have no idea.

Both my kids know the house rules...Regardless of how they feel, I expect them to be followed. Especially the cleaning up after themselves and respecting others in this household...They are 18 and 15. Time to grow up and prepare for the real world...afterall they think they know it all at these ages...Don't they?

Keeping their rooms clean not only shows respect for their parents it shows they respect themselves. Besides if the teens want to bring friends over thier rooms better be clean 'cause if they don't if flies all through the school. And we all know how fast "crap" flies in high school.

It may be their room but...even if they rented an apartment, house, room or outhouse the landlord does expect a certain level of care to be done to the rented space. Not TRASH and such.

As for rent....regardless of her being in high school still it is time to teach her the things about the real world. Time to pay her bills...any thing she wants extra is her responsiblity...and yes that includes paying mom and dad rent...

I don't expect much but even HUD expects 30% of someone's income so she will pay 15%

Jenefer3
07-26-2009, 08:23 PM
I taught my kids to pick up after themselves and that they're responsible for taking care of their space when they were little. I have two teens now and their rooms do get cluttered but they still know to put garbage in the garbage can and empty it, put their dirty clothes in the hamper and do their own laundry if it gets full.

Personally, if my child is in high school, then I won't charge them rent when they turn 18. It's my responsibility to take care of my child through high school. It doesn't end the minute they turn 18.

Are you going to claim the amount of rent she pays? If she's paying rent, then she should be able to keep her room how she wants. If I rent a room from someone, they don't get to dictate to me how I can decorate or keep my room (if it's a health hazard, that's one thing).

belle5691
07-26-2009, 08:41 PM
I had heard before of someone charging rent to their kids who lived at home and worked, to teach them responsibility. They charged them a percentage, not a set fee, and then saved everything paid to them and gave it to the kids when they did move out to help with deposits, utilities, etc.

On the other hand, my dad charged my brother and I rent. And gave us nothing when we moved out. He also charged us the same amount when my brother made 5x the amount I did, by working for a family friend. It caused a lot of hurt feelings. If he had charged us the percentage, I think I would have dealt with it better.

cathych
07-26-2009, 08:52 PM
well, I guess to each his own, but I would not expect a family member of mine to pay rent, esp. my child. They didn't ask to be born.

gmyers
07-26-2009, 09:06 PM
well, I guess to each his own, but I would not expect a family member of mine to pay rent, esp. my child. They didn't ask to be born.

I don't see anything with that or having to work and save for their own vehicle either. My brother is the vice president of an oil company but he made his two daughters work and buy their own cars and pay their insurance. And they're very responsible too. They know if they want something to get out and earn the money for it. He does a lot for them but also believes in them working and getting things for themselves too. I see too many twenty something kids on doctor phil still living with their parents and expecting them to pay all their bills for them. They wont even get a job to help out.

cathych
07-26-2009, 09:33 PM
I agree totally, my kids both paid for their car insurance, and we did not buy them cars. even when they were little, they had a chore chart on the fridge, and if thier chores where not done at the end of the week, no allowance. I stick by my guns though, about the no rent thing. If they have good enough goods to be paying rent, they should not be at home in the first place.

DBackFan
07-26-2009, 10:44 PM
There is a huge difference between having your child work and save up for cars or their own spending money etc but making them pay rent while in high school just seems very wrong to me.
All 3 of my grown sons worked for their school clothes even except for the basics, THAT teached responsibility, having them pay rent while in school just seems a bit greedy to me.

cathych
07-26-2009, 10:49 PM
me too. It seems to me like being in high school is not the time for them to learn about paying bills and rent.

ahippiechic
07-26-2009, 11:12 PM
Both my children were taught to pick up after themselves and keep the room I let them use clean, lol! 1 time of throwing the stuff out worked with my son. My DD is 8 and that hasn't happened to her...yet. As for paying rent, I never asked my son for rent until after he was out of high school. After that, when he stayed at home, he always paid me. 18 or not, they are still in school and can't get a reg job.

And didn't you post awhile back about the same thing? Or maybe it was your son that time.

sandooch
07-26-2009, 11:39 PM
I agree with Jenefer3 wholeheartedly. If you expect your child to pay rent, then they should be able to keep their rooms however they please. Like she said...if you rent a room in your home to someone, you cannot tell them they have to keep it clean.

My daughter is 18 and she and her 15-year-old sister don't keep their room as spic and span as I would like it, but I do expect them to keep it half-way clean looking. They are also expected to do their own laundry, wash the dinner dishes, pull weeds in the garden when they see me out there doing it, take out trash, dust and vacuum weekly and clean out the litter box twice a day (we have 3 cats). They are pretty decent at remembering to do it all without me telling them to, but there are stlll days I have to ask more than a couple times.

I'm getting off track here though. My point is that as long as my kids are in school, high school or college, they don't have to pay rent. But once they start college, I do expect them to get a part-time job to help pay their tuition, books and any extras I don't deam necessary. They also have to save for their own car and insurance if that is what they want.

My oldest daughter starts college this year and my DH and I sat her down the other day and told her what we expected once she settled into college. She was okay with it.

I know not everyone will agree with how we raise our kids, but they are turning out to be respectful, responible people without the need to charge them rent. I don't see that charging them rent is the way to show them how it is in the real world. My parents didn't charge me, my sister, nor my brother rent until we left their home, and we all turned out to be responsible adults.

I hope you do find a solution with your daughter that works for you.

Willow
07-27-2009, 04:11 AM
After what your daughter has been through you should just be happy that she's healthy and not worry so much about how her room looks. One day she will be going off to college or she will get married and leave home so enjoy her while you can. Life is too short to worry about the small stuff. When my oldest was still at home she kept her room messy. I am a neat freak so it bothered me knowing that her room didn't look like the rest of the house but I made her keep the door closed so I wouldn't have to look at it. She wasn't allowed to bring food in her room so she didn't have dirty dishes in there or anything like that. It was just her "stuff".

DrGrin
07-27-2009, 01:31 PM
I wouldn't charge rent, however, I would charge a nice fee for the maid service I had to provide if they couldn't keep their own room moderately clean. There's a difference in having a cluttered room, and having a filthy room. If he drug out that many trash bags of stuff, it had gone way beyond being cluttered. JMHO. Cluttered rooms are the norm for teens. A cluttered room I can close the door on. Filthy rooms, well, that's a different ball of wax. I will not allow my kids to live in filth.

fleabones3
07-27-2009, 02:22 PM
My 18 yr old is still at home to finish out his last year of high school. We told him if he wanted to move out we cant stop him, but we want him to be here. I also told him that while I will buy his basics, cook his meals, and do his laundry, he will have to follow MY rules. And if I tell him to clean his room, then he better do it, and it wouldnt take 13 months either. If I had to end up cleaning her room, she would have had a hell of a lot less crap by the time I was done with it thats for sure. He knows that if he wants to be " grown" and live with us, we would charge rent.. if he still wanted to be a kid to us, then he will go by my rules.

kidzpca
07-27-2009, 06:26 PM
My 18 yr old is still at home to finish out his last year of high school. We told him if he wanted to move out we cant stop him, but we want him to be here. I also told him that while I will buy his basics, cook his meals, and do his laundry, he will have to follow MY rules. And if I tell him to clean his room, then he better do it, and it wouldnt take 13 months either. If I had to end up cleaning her room, she would have had a hell of a lot less crap by the time I was done with it thats for sure. He knows that if he wants to be " grown" and live with us, we would charge rent.. if he still wanted to be a kid to us, then he will go by my rules.

Couldn't have said it better myself. And exactly my point. As for rent...really 15% of her income is nothing...just our "maid" service and bare basics...Not to make her destitute...

But I also refuse to keep treating her and her brother like "China dolls". They weren't born with silver spoons in their mouths or "golden toilet paper" in the loo.

But then again I don't want to have a couple of 30 somethings still living in my house siphoning everything I have either.