I think I figured out why.....

[hblueeyes]

My mother does so much for my siblings and not me. She needs to buy them off in hopes they will give a rats behind.

July 15th was my B'Day. On July 13th my mom ws telling me how she paid off my sisters mortgage (5 years worth) for her 40th birthday. Because as she put it, 'Every woman should own her own home by the time she is 40." She bought my brother a brand new car. Hello I am older that that and I got a Happy B'Day and that was it. She gives them and gives them yet they are never around. My brother takes her out to lunch for Mothers Day and her B'Day. My sister called her for mothers day and sent a card for her b'day postmarked 3 days after the event of June 1st.

This has really hurt my feelings and I have been pissy to her since. But they never acknowledge anything she does for them and they do not call or visit. My Mom has lived here for over 3 years now and my sis has called or visited 5 times total. My brother a little more. So last night I had it. I told her we need to talk and when she is ready to let me know.

I am going to lay down the law or SHE can go live with one of them.

I cannot wait. I do not intend to be mean but I figured maybe she does not realize what she is doing and why.

By the way my B'Day was fabulous. My son bought me (and hubby for his upcoming B'day) a LCD 47" tv a PS3 because it is blue ray. My other son got me a new Urlacher jersey that says Mama Bear on the back, my other son bought us all dinner, dove bars a B'day cake, soda and my favorite snacks plus we are gonna go to the gun range. My other son has offered a day of slavery since he is not working. We had such a good time. Lots of love, fun and laughter. Just like the old days before the old woman moved back.

Me

[pepperpot]

Yup, sounds familiar. We (dh & I) took care of and looked out for my parents while my brothers all went and lived their lives.....not looking back too often. It wasn't the 'material' aspect of it all, but 'fondness', care, concern and how great they were, and how hard they worked, yada, yada for them anytime they were mentioned......what can you do?

I came to terms with it as 'this' is what I wanted to do for my parents with nothing to expect back from them. I have no regrets....as I'm sure my brothers do.

But it saddens me...as I went through my mother's things (cleaning out) I always hoped I'd find that one sign or special thing...just for me.

Any-who, I wouldn't change anything that I did....I loved them dearly...warts and all.

:hug

[Shancopp]

sounds like you should boot your mom out and tell her to go live in your sis's paid off house. If she can afford to pay off a mortgage for your sis why doesn't she live on her own? Sounds like your sis is doing ok if she only had 5 years left on a mortgage at age 39.

[iluvmybaby]

sounds like you should boot your mom out and tell her to go live in your sis's paid off house. If she can afford to pay off a mortgage for your sis why doesn't she live on her own? Sounds like your sis is doing ok if she only had 5 years left on a mortgage at age 39.

OUT she goes.

[msmom79]

oh my gosh i know how you feel-my mother has 7 kids and i am the only one who goes to her house,to take her to eat,chat with her take her to get her grocerys,i have went to all of hger surgerys,but this last one-none of my other siblings have went to any but one,the others are lucky to see her once a year-


Now the baby brother of the family lives here and uses mom as a sitter(mom has basically raised his son from the time he was born-he;s 8 now)my brother does no wrong in my moms eyes-he uses her takes her money-her time-just takes everything-the other five siblings might send her cards on special days-might-


I myself just recently gave up on my mom-i have done everything that i can do to win her love-i have bought her everything she wanted or needed-i have been to her surgerys,bought her meds-just spent time with her-
well my mother decided to smart off to me and tell me she will not call me agian-i said okay i'm done-



This has been hard for me,cause i have been the kid there for mom,since dad passed away 18 years ago-but i have decided to stick to my guns-i am done-mom has 7 kids not just me-so now it is the other 6 kids turn to do for her-maybe you need to do this too
i am so sorry this is happening to you-good luck sweety

[papadsgirls]

Hugs to you. I'm in the same boat it's just not the kids, it's grandkids. I make sure mamma goes to DR appointments has meds, bills are paid and that the money it there to pay them, and all i hear is how my mamma pays my bills, and how I'm taking from them. I pay my bills, and mamma gets half my check since she started the business. Mind you we buy for the greatgrand baby, but they don't do shi_ for her. She ownes a mobile home park and I have to do the maintance, not them even though they live in one of her rentals and don't help her with the farm or park. Lets get a check on this. So honey your not the only one with this problem, So either do for your mother make her sign power of attorney over to you, or send her to your siblings. Don't let her short change you over her stupidity. Take action and make it hurt. Yes I'm spitefull right now, Stand strong, speak your peace and show her you mean it. Don't let her run over you any more. If you need to talk hit me up. We got the same problem..........

[janelle]

I took care of my mother and she lived with me and my hubby for 7 years. My sister would help when she could but she lived out of town. My brothers were usless but they complained the most. No help from them either.

Just do what you can and forget the rest, that is all you can do.

From the other side. My friend has given her youngest boy more help and the oldest was upset. She told him she does that bacause the youngest always had a hard time in school and otherwise with his ADHD. The oldest seemed to get things so easily she never had to worry about him.

That may be the same with your mother. She worries about your siblings more than you. Seems like you have a great family and have it all together. Your siblings may look like they are struggling to her. Might not be true but she sees it that way. Just a thought.

[msginna]

Gosh me and my mom have gotten as just about as tight as you can get , and it wasn't always that way,and ya know what, we aren't that rich either. I haven't seen her in ages. I don't own anything to fancy. But I do talk to her and we tell each other we love each other. I wouldn't kick her out because she isn't spending thousands on me. Maybe she thinks she doesn't have to buy your love? isn't that a good thing???? Yeh she feels she has to with the others... NOT good indeed, But from what you are saying you want her to buy yur love too? That living with you isn't enough that she either needs to shell out the money or she is out the door. Gosh I just know that when my mom is gone, life will be lived, love will have always been there, and I will have learned...........Don't do something you will always regret, and over something so stupid as money, she will always be your mother

[fleabones3]

Its not that the mother is not buying her stuff , its that the mother is not showing ANY appreciation for all the OP has done and is doing for her, the sacrificing to make sure mom has all the care she needs. Probably feels used and unloved. Its not that mom isnt buying her love, although I think I would be a little ticked that my siblings are getting all sorts of crap and none of the responsibility

[kelblend]

To the OP:
My stepmom does everything for her 88 yr old mother. I mean absolutely everything. However, her mom talks about my stepmother's brother as if he is a saint. He rarely visits, if it at all. He lives 5 minutes away. When asked to help, it's always that he has to work or his wife can't fit his mother into her car. When my stepmom asked for them to switch cars the sister in law said, "Oh hell no! I'm not doing that!" THey sure as heck want the money when she passes though.

So, my stepmom really is only looking for approval and a little bit of appreciation. She doesn't get it at all. It's really sad.

Your post made me think of this and how I see it almost everyday. I hope that you do talk to your mother and that she understands where you are coming from. It's never too late to have a heartfelt talk. I hope it helps both of you.