want opinions

[Vanilla]

If someone says "my, my, there has been 25 years of water under the bridge. How are you and what have you been doing". Can this statement be construed as cold and uncaring? TIA

[Explorer 4x4'r]

depends on who said it

[pepperpot]

If they are asking how you are and what you've been doing....how is that how is that cold & uncaring? :shrug

If they said, "my, my, there has been 25 years of water under the bridge. I see you've gained some weight." Then....I'd say cold & uncaring....:lol I'd probably hit them too.

[Vanilla]

This statement was made my a former BF who broke my heart in a million pieces. I would have thought given our relationship, that he would have phrased it differently.

[tsquared]

My thoughts are no.............sounds like they are saying it has been 25 years since they have seen whoever it may be and are wanting to know how they- you are doing.
Regardless i wouldn't give the person the satisfaction of being mad at the way it was asked!!

[pepperpot]

Well, apparently either he didn't know how hard or difficult it was for you or he does/did and has moved on and is insensitive......or he assumed that you have moved on and have come to terms with it. :shrug and possibly (more than likely) made a 'better life'.

[Vanilla]

Tsquared thanks for the post (and everyone else). I was young and foolish to give someone my heart without question. I looked his arse up on facebook and figured he might be honest with me now that years have passed. I am beginning to think that I should leave the past in the past. A leopard never changes its spots.

[Vanilla]

Shot through the heart
and you're to blame
you give love a bad name. Send. LOL

[justme23]

Wow... 25 years is a long time to carry around such anger. Maybe you should find a way to let it go.

[Vanilla]

No anger Justme, just alot of unanswered questions. He was from another Country. I am not sure if he had another life.

[fairydana]

It doesnt really sound bad to me. Hugs to you!

[krisharry]

No anger Justme, just alot of unanswered questions. He was from another Country. I am not sure if he had another life.

Aw, hon 25 years is waaaay too long to be wondering about the what ifs and could have beens and why did hes. He has obviously moved on and so should you. You will probably never get the answers you are looking for. Move on and enjoy your life in the here and now.

[Anniston]

Sounds like he is not going to own up to anything, so let it all go. The only thing I would give him is the knowledge that you are waaayyyy better off without him!

[Quaker_Parrots]

He was from another Country.

What is his native tongue? If non English, maybe something got lost in the translation?

If it was an internet message, I wouldnt read a lot into it, it is hard sometimes to read what a person truely means by what they write without the body language and tone to back it up. If it bothers you so bad, I would just ask him what he meant by that comment.

[Freebeemom]

I would agree with all the above, but could reply with exactly what you said "A leopard never changes his spots"....and I have happily rowed my way back to the other side...or somethign like that. Or, why even respond? It wouldn't be worth it to relive all the bad memories. Why do that to yourself? What will be will be.

[Vanilla]

He comes from an English speaking country. If he is guilty of what I suspect he is, it would behoove him to not have his name (unusual one at that) and photo on a social network site like Facebook. I registered under a fake name to lure him in and he took the bait!

[Kelsey1224]

He comes from an English speaking country. If he is guilty of what I suspect he is, it would behoove him to not have his name (unusual one at that) and photo on a social network site like Facebook. I registered under a fake name to lure him in and he took the bait!

I understand that this person obviously hurt you very badly. You were definitely wronged.

But...to go through the effort of setting up a fake FB account just to "lure him in"...after 25 years...tells me that you still haven't moved on from this period in your life. This isn't a simply matter of unanswered questions but more the actions of someone still so very angry. That is so troubling on so many levels.

For your own piece of mind...don't give this person any more power over your life. That is what you are doing. He is controlling your actions without any knowledge on his part.

I'm so sorry but you deserve so much more than this.

[ElleGee]

All you're going to do is make yourself go crazy? And for what? Some crap that happened 25 years ago? I'd just leave him/it alone and go on with my life.. Life is way too short to be chasing someone that broke your heart 25 years ago.

[krisharry]

Do not waste one more precious second of your life on this. he is not worth it, you must let it go. If you can't let it go after all this time hon, it's time to get some help w/dealing w/it.

[speedygirl]

He comes from an English speaking country. If he is guilty of what I suspect he is, it would behoove him to not have his name (unusual one at that) and photo on a social network site like Facebook. I registered under a fake name to lure him in and he took the bait!

Not a good idea. That's not a very rational thing to do What's the real point and the final payoff? After 25 years you need to put it to bed. When someone tells me that something is water under the bridge, I take it as so many things have passed and changed over the years, it can't be controlled but it's time to forgive or forget and it's time for a clean slate. That's not a bad thing for a person to say. I hope you rethink the fake Facebook page because it doesn't reflect well upon you if you're caught.

[Vanilla]

I probably should clarify something. I had registered with Facebook with an alias because of my line of work. When I contact people I then identify who I am. A lot of people have personal info on Facebook but, its not something I feel comfortable doing on the internet. When he responded to my message he knew it was me because I referred to him by his pet name. I don't need "help" of any sort regarding this matter. My original intention was for some closure or an explanation after all these years. At the very least an apology. Even if he lived in this country I would have NOTHING to do with him. If it was'nt for the internet I never would have found him. I have remained friends with all my former BF's except for him. He just disappeared into thin air.

[speedygirl]

I probably should clarify something. I had registered with Facebook with an alias because of my line of work. When I contact people I then identify who I am. A lot of people have personal info on Facebook but, its not something I feel comfortable doing on the internet. When he responded to my message he knew it was me because I referred to him by his pet name. I don't need "help" of any sort regarding this matter. My original intention was for some closure or an explanation after all these years. At the very least an apology. Even if he lived in this country I would have NOTHING to do with him. If it was'nt for the internet I never would have found him. I have remained friends with all my former BF's except for him. He just disappeared into thin air.

Oh I must have misunderstood this statement then?


Thanks for the replies

He comes from an English speaking country. If he is guilty of what I suspect he is, it would behoove him to not have his name (unusual one at that) and photo on a social network site like Facebook. I registered under a fake name to lure him in and he took the bait!

[NasCat]

I probably should clarify something. Even if he lived in this country I would have NOTHING to do with him.

So, which is it?


He comes from an English speaking country. If he is guilty of what I suspect he is, it would behoove him to not have his name (unusual one at that) and photo on a social network site like Facebook. I registered under a fake name to lure him in and he took the bait!

[hotwheelstx]

I understand that this person obviously hurt you very badly. You were definitely wronged.

But...to go through the effort of setting up a fake FB account just to "lure him in"...after 25 years...tells me that you still haven't moved on from this period in your life. This isn't a simply matter of unanswered questions but more the actions of someone still so very angry. That is so troubling on so many levels.

For your own piece of mind...don't give this person any more power over your life. That is what you are doing. He is controlling your actions without any knowledge on his part.

I'm so sorry but you deserve so much more than this.

Kelsey is correct on all points. I'm on Facebook and have looked several people from the past. If they choose to ignore me, they do. If they don't, great. I don't live for yesterday. I think we've all been wronged at sometime or another in our lives. JMO-You're being just as "secretive" as this person is/was. Besides, if it's been 25 years and this person hasn't looked for you then they aren't interested. Also, if I'm embarrassed to give out true information on a website like Facebook I wouldn't sign up.

[Vanilla]

I am not embarrassed, just curious. I am a very private person. After doing some searches from people I knew in the 80's, I decided to look him up. He was an older man with possible shady business dealings. He left me a note one day and then just disappeared. Since many years have passed I thought I might get an explanation from him. I don't feel I need to justify myself. Thanks everyone for your posts.

[ElleGee]

If you are a private person then why for opinions on a public message board?

It sounds like you're stalking him when you have to use a fake Facebook name to 'lure him in' and then back peddle and say you use a fake alias for other stuff..
If I were you I'd find some non biased party to talk to but they would only say what we are saying anyway.

[Vanilla]

All I asked for in my original post was folks opinions on a statement. I never heard the "water under the bridge" expression using in that context. Mods please close this post.

[Kelsey1224]

Okay then...since you are only interested in people's opinion regarding his "water under the bridge" statement. It is typically used to mean...so much time has passed that anything from that long ago is not even worth bringing up. If that is how he used the phrase than it makes perfect sense to me...not rude at all.

Is it 'cold and uncaring'? Maybe. I would consider it more disinterested. There are some people from my past for whom I would have absolutely no interest in them if they contacted me. For others...I would be so thrilled. It sounds like you fall in the former category for this man.

[DBackFan]

All I asked for in my original post was folks opinions on a statement. I never heard the "water under the bridge" expression using in that context. Mods please close this post.

Isn't it funny how people keep asking for advice or comments and when they don't hear what they want to hear they ask a Mod to close the thread. LOL

[Vanilla]

LOL. Because the EDITED. won't stop . LOL

[pepperpot]

One thing about about hillbillies is.......they're honest....and on the ball most of the time. ;)

[hotwheelstx]

LOL. Because the EDITED won't stop . LOL

Sorry, I'm not one. BTW-There's nothing wrong w/being one if that's what you want to be....no slams please.

You asked for honest opinions and got them.

Also, my mother was a very, very private person. However she was on classmates, myspace under her real name. If you knew her and she wanted you to be her friend she'd accept. If not, she put you on ignore.

[ElleGee]

I'm not even sure we have hillbillies in RI.......

[Vanilla]

Calling me a "stalker" is not an honest opinion when you don't even know me or my situation. This comment will probably fuel the hillbilly fire. LOL. I let other things go, but when you get personal, I am a true New Yorker!

[Jenefer3]

Calling me a "stalker" is not an honest opinion when you don't even know me or my situation. This comment will probably fuel the hillbilly fire. LOL. I let other things go, but when you get personal, I am a true New Yorker!

You're complaining because people voiced their opinions and said that what you're doing is stalkerish, yet you call everyone who disagrees with you a hillbilly?

You asked for advice, you got it, you didn't like some of it so you resorted to name-calling and putting others down, then complain?

If that's what a true New Yorker is like, then I'll make sure to not go near New York.

[ElleGee]

Calling me a "stalker" is not an honest opinion when you don't even know me or my situation. This comment will probably fuel the hillbilly fire. LOL. I let other things go, but when you get personal, I am a true New Yorker!

No but when you put your life on a public internet board people will go with what info they are given.. And by the info given tells me that something with your whole situation isn't 'kosher'

You asked, didn't like the responses maybe that will learn ya :)

And that's twice you have name called. Have you not read the TOS? Or is something in your true New Yorker brain disconnected?

*By the way I did NOT call you a stalker. I said it sounds like you're stalking him

[krisharry]

Wow, how unkind. I only posted my opinion to be helpful.

****was referring to the op's hillibilly comment*****

[NasCat]

Well, golly, Aunt Bea...I think she's on to us....best go hide the still now.

[hesnothere]

*****DISCLAIMER*****

True New Yorkers do NOT resort to name calling when they hear something they are not in agreement with.

Maybe one of the boroughs, but not Manhattan.

[Ambrianna]

Just going by the statement, no, it doesn't sound cold and uncaring. Knowing he's from a different country might also shed some light. People from different countries might take offense at something we don't, and vice versa.

Knowing some of the rest of it, it could be he just never was that into you. You're bringing up this might show you're sensitive to him and the words he says, while it might not matter to him. He wasn't the one hurt, you were.

Seriously though, there's some good advice here. Let it go. 25 years is a LONG time to question something that wasn't much of anything. And in that I mean, not a long-term relationship, a marriage, a father-daughter type thing, etc.

[ahippiechic]

1. Name calling will get you banned.
2. The next time you want a post closed, try reading the rules and use the 'report this post' button or PM one of us. We don't read everything.
3. Don't ask for opinions if you don't want to hear them.