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sunflowers
05-10-2009, 10:20 AM
My husband calls his mom today for Mothers day and I heard him say your welcome...when he got off I asked him so what was your mom thanking you for...He said the card and the bracelet...A bracelet I had bought and sent up, and a special card and I personalized and mailed..said his dad even said in the background..he didnt even know it was sent probably..not hey tell Wendy thanks or tell Wendy Happy Mothers Day...

Nothing ever changes with them! They have never acknowledged me at any holiday or birthday, not even when we are there. All cards that come here are addressed to son only....

I don't even know why I bother going out of my way!


A simple thanks goes a long way!!

iluvmybaby
05-10-2009, 10:48 AM
I have a lot of admiration that you have tried so hard to have your relationship with your MIL to be a positive one. Does your husband ever thank you? If not, he should, that was a sweet mothers day present

whatever
05-10-2009, 10:52 AM
Sorry hon. I have a fairly good relationship with my MIL. It used to be alot closer to My dh's demon sister moved back home. And now its not nearly as close. And I get the same thing (just not the extremes) you are talking about. I am the one who shops for the gifts etc. I make sure he at least calls his mom (even tho we live right next door) to say HMD. And he is the one that gets the recognition even tho she KNOWS I am the one who bought it all etc.
I think part of them WISHES their own son would put the thought into it.

ttistin
05-10-2009, 10:58 AM
That is the way it is here also. I have to remind dh to call for birthdays and holidays. If it were up to him he prolly wouldn't call at all...but that is because of the way they treat him.

Taterbo
05-10-2009, 11:08 AM
Not sure why some peope have to be so rude..You are not asking for a lot ..a simple Thank you..costs nothing..Sorry...

My DH's mom passed away before we were married so I do not have to deal with these issues.

baragabrat
05-10-2009, 11:09 AM
I have a wonderful MIL who will be 91 this coming fall. I have been married to her son nearly 37 years. Each Mother's Day and birthday in the past several years I have sent her flowers. She LOVES flowers, which is why I send them. She is a very wonderful & sweet woman but when she calls to thank me she has a whiny, complaining tone of voice. She doesn't want us to spend the money. It's been various prices over the years, depending on what I buy of course. She just isn't capable of just saying 'thank you.'

Don't get me wrong, she appreciates the flowers and anything else I send her. I have been very clear and very frank with her on this subject, telling her she just needs to say 'thank you' and go on. I tell her that when she complains about the cost (you shouldn't have) that she takes away my joy. The other day I threatened to hang up on her (I didn't, it was an empty threat) but she just doesn't get it. She feels she doesn't deserve it. I don't know what she does with the rest of her kids, but I get this every year.

I am so grateful she is still around to gripe at for this. I know she doesn't have a whole lot of time left.

fleabones3
05-10-2009, 02:41 PM
Next year dont get her anything and then see what she says. Sorry, MIL or not, if they cant say thank you when you get them something, or at least say Happy bday or HMD to you too, then screw it. I may get flamed for this one but thats ok.
I firmly believe in trying your best, but after so many years, she can just get what HER SON gets her.. nothing.

sunflowers
05-10-2009, 04:02 PM
I have done that before and she will say to him..thanks assh!@#$..and he will say for what...and she will say for my birthday present and then he will turn to me while he is on the phone and say didnt you send her something and I will say um no!

Anniston
05-10-2009, 05:05 PM
Gosh, sorry you have to deal with that.

momfromTN
05-10-2009, 05:18 PM
My husband calls himsthe phone he didnt say anything ...so I said what was your mom thanking you for...He said the card and the bracelet...A bracelet I had bought and sent up, and a special card and I personalized and mailed..said his dad even said in the background..he didnt even know it was sent probably..not hey tell Wendy thanks or tell Wendy Happy Mothers Day...

Nothing ever changes with them! They have never acknowledged me at any holiday or birthday, not even when we are there. All cards that come here are addressed to son only....

I don't even know why I bother going out of my way!


A simple thanks goes a long way!!


You don't have an inlaw problem as much as a DH problem. If my family treated my husband like that, I would go ballistic.

Do nothing for them, ever again. If your DH doesn't like it, too bad.

momfromTN
05-10-2009, 05:23 PM
I have done that before and she will say to him..thanks assh!@#$..and he will say for what...and she will say for my birthday present and then he will turn to me while he is on the phone and say didnt you send her something and I will say um no!


Is his arm broken?

First of all, if my MIL acted like yours, I would tell her to take her "a@@holes" comment and shove it up her behind. Way up in there, twist it and sit on it.

Then, I would tell my darling husband that his mother is a b**** and she is to never contact me in any way, shape, or form, again. That it is not MY job to send an ungrateful wretch anything for her birthday, holiday, or otherwise.

sunflowers
05-10-2009, 06:15 PM
My husband calls himsthe phone he didnt say anything ...so I said what was your mom thanking you for...



That is really weird that is not what I had posted earlier, that doesnt even make sense...looks like my post was hijacked..hmmmm

oh well I fixed it now...

Vee030473
05-10-2009, 07:20 PM
My MIL is something like that too LOL. When he calls her,I dont want to even hear his end of the conversation. He picks out the gift and he sends it too. That way the thanks goes to him and rightly so.

hotwheelstx
05-12-2009, 03:23 AM
I too have the MIL from HELL. I tried for years to be nice to this woman after many comments she made about me, my family, my upbringing. This is Aggie's stepmother. Has been his stepmother 46 years...almost all his life. Bio. mom passed away in 58.

I tried very hard for Aggie's sake. She was married to his dad. I wanted Aggie to still have a relationship with his dad, brothers...all of which hasn't/didn't work.

I no longer send birthday, anniversary, Mother's Day, Christmas gifts or cards. I NEVER ONCE heard a thank you from her. Instead, credit went to Aggie. Hell, he didn't/doesn't even know when her birthday is....let alone his if he remembers.

When Aggie's dad passed away in November.....all that woman could talk about was how "weird" I was being from Texas, living in the city, wearing makeup, nails. Like she'd never seen it before.

Just seemed really odd to me that out of 6 sons and 1 daughter only 2 inlaws showed up. I and another sil. for the funeral.

That should tell you something right there.

KEEP YOUR SANITY AND STOP DOING ALL THE WORK. Let your husband do it. It's his mother. If it's important enough for him, he'll do it.

sheila_361
05-12-2009, 06:50 AM
IMO life is to short to hold grudges , what would y'all do if the MIL passes away, how will you feel then.. I am lucky enough to have great in-laws, but even if I did not, I would still send things to them without getting a thank you, they are my husbands parents..

pepperpot
05-12-2009, 06:55 AM
IMO life is to short to hold grudges , what would y'all do if the MIL passes away, how will you feel then.. I am lucky enough to have great in-laws, but even if I did not, I would still send things to them without getting a thank you, they are my husbands parents..

Maybe that's why you do have 'great in-laws'.....:agree

freeplease
05-12-2009, 01:49 PM
Can we also include ingrate SIL's? My DH's parents are both gone, but his evil sisters live on to cause us problems. I've slowly come to understand that I'm never going to be good enough for them. I've learned to embrace it. I also refuse to play their games.

I have a stack of birthday cards that my DH can choose from. I have birthdates in huge letters on the calendar. The rest is up to him. I cover my side of the family, he gets to "remember" them. Or not. His choice.

janelle
05-12-2009, 01:57 PM
I have done that before and she will say to him..thanks assh!@#$..and he will say for what...and she will say for my birthday present and then he will turn to me while he is on the phone and say didnt you send her something and I will say um no!

Seems like they have you between a rock and a hard place. If it were me from now on I would just remind your husband his mother's birthday or what ever is coming up, then step back. Don't let him quilt you in taking over for him. Tell him you are not his mother and you are not doing it for him anymore. It's his mother so he needs to handle it. THEN STICK TO IT.

The MIL may try to quilt you as well but don't buy into it. They won't change until you change. It may be for the worse but it can't be much worse than it is now.

CAMSmama
05-12-2009, 03:06 PM
I have a "great" MIL too, we have 4 kids, the YOUNGEST is 9 yrs old, the oldest ,21. she has NEVER sent any of these kids a birthday card, Christmas card, valentine card. EVER, not even a phone call on these or any holiday, but she gets p.o.'d if we don't do these things for her.( we used to, but don't anymore.) btw, she has STEPgrandchildren, that get anything and everything they ask for, even when thier parents say "no-way" she gets it for them anyway.