Am I wrong, Please reply (long) Sorry

[keoka3]

canceled for reasons

[gmyers]

I feel for you. Its sad when you have someone like that in your life. I hate it when someone comes into a family and tries to turn that person on their family. Could you show your son the text messages and let him see for himself what she's doing? But I know its hard it seems like when someone is involved with a person like that they can't or wont see how they really are. My sisters going through this with her son's wife. She can't call their house. She has to call him away from home. I really feel for you and what you're going through. I hope your son sees her for what she is and leaves her.

[buttrfli]

So what does your son say about this? I am sorry, but men who treat their parents with disrespect are the ones who are trash.

I don't have any advice, but I hate that you are having to go through all of this :hugs

My inner child would love to have a "face to face" with her though.

[ElleGee]

I f I drank one more cup of coffee maybe I can read that paragraph... It's making my eyes cross.. Sorry

[hotwheelstx]

I've been thru this twice with both an ex-sil and current sil. Mom, I and Aggie (dh) all tried talking to my brother about it. It didn't work. However, after the first divorce we see our niece constantly and so did my mother til she passed away.

The current wife has a beef with me and my mother. I hate to say it but it's up to your son to talk to his current (so) not you. It's the only way that he'll get a backbone....sorry to put it that way.

We haven't seen our youngest niece since 2006 and she'll be 4 in November. Haven't seen our nephew since then either. He'll be 7 next February.

Granted I don't have the greatest relationship with my brother but we do have a commen bond. We had the same mother, I'm aunt to all of his children and they all look amazingly like me....weird I know.

If you still have the proof of text messages I would tell/show your son. Like I said it's up to him to take care of the problem, not you.

I'm wishing you the best. I know it's really difficult. I know it is for me anyway. Sending birthday, Christmas gifts and never getting a reply. Getting hang up calls that I know are my sil.

Do what you can for your grandchildren and be there when they need/want you. You're still their grandmother NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS.

BTW: Like your son my brother was a "momma's boy" all his life til our mother passed away. He's growing into his own I guess now. I don't like it but I do everything I can to let the children know that "Aunt Melanie" will always be there for them NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

Best of luck. I truly mean that. I know how heartbreaking it is.

[2many]

Prayers that all this is resolved soon!

[CLARKS4]

:hug

[buglebe]

I feel so bad for you. Thankfully I have never had this problem but my mother and her daughter in law hated each other and I don't know which one I felt the sorriest for. I know which one I felt was wrong but that didn't enter the equation. But this caused problems for every single person in the family. My brother finally moved 1000 miles away to solve that problem.

Your first sentence points out part of the problem though, when you say
"My son is my life" and "I have no friends". At age 26, you should have let go of your son. I understand exactly where you are coming from because it is so hard to let go of our children , especially a son, but it is something you need to do. This doesn't mean you cut off ties with him but it does mean you develop other interest. And you need a friend. I don't know how old you are but as we age our friends do fall by the wayside. And friendships are not easy. They have to be worked on. If you have a friend or two and you have other interest, you will not sit and wait for your son to call or dwell on the short comings. Not only will your son be happy to have some of the pressure taken off him, to not be the center of your attention, but also you will be much happier too.

I know this advice is not what you wanted to hear. But it is my take on the subject. Maybe you should talk to some of these girls who hate their mother in laws and get their views on the subject of a mama's boy.

If I lived closer to you, I would be your friend. I only have basically two friends who are not family members. And just so you know that everything is not all hunky dory in my family, I do have problems sometimes with the opinions or choices of the spouses of my 2 married children but we don't have hard feelings over them and I don't always agree with my 3 children either but I do accept that they are grown and I try to remember how I felt at their age and I can tell you , at age 26, I certainly felt grown up and didn't need my parents or in laws making decisions for me. I did ask for advice sometimes and that is different because I was asking for their opinion at that time. My mother in law would cry when I spanked my children (with my hand) but she was never ugly to me about it. So she was working at the relationship too. So I guess you both have to want the relationship. Ok, myself, shut up.

[LitWtch]

I had a difficult time reading this as well, but hope it all gets resolved soon.

!. There is no reason that the children should be put up as pawns.. She is using his children to manipulate him and you.


2. He is paying the cell phone bill? Then he should either get her her own phone so she will stop taking his and interfering with his family. She has no right to demand he take the phone he gives to you... she probably wants that for herself.


3. You said you were with the DIL? His wife? Hey, she gets that point. Stay out of the relationship that is being severed. I know this first hand. Even if it is for the benefit of the children, stay out of it and she cannot complain about it.


4. The children... If they are going to the same place, then they should stay together because they live together, regardless if they are related or not. She needs to get a grip on reality, but you need to stop allowing the situation to continue. Insist to your son that if she is taking her child, then she can take them all to the same school - and pick them up. If she is going to school and it interferes with her schedule, then they should ALL go to the sitter or where ever together. Why not ask if you could either take them all one way and she do the other way, or work it out so the kids do not get treated differently. Sometimes you need to swallow your own pride to keep the peace, and this would be when to do so. Treat them all the same - regardless of who they "belong" to.

Again, I hope it all gets worked out.

[sunniekiss]

I had a difficult time reading it. I can not get through run-on paragraphs, sorry.

Ok the only advice I can give you is to not engage in dialog with her. You have no reason to speak to her PERIOD. She will most likely be out of your ds life before you know it. He, however, will always be your child.

You may not always agree with his choices or decisions but he is an adult & you can not tell him how to live, where to live or with whom. You can not tell him who he can & can not love.

You can be there for him & support him in his choices whether you like or dis-like them. My ds's are both adults. I have to accept who & what they do & where they do it. I was somewhat of a controling parent sinec I was the only one they had. One night I watched a rerun of Everyone Loves Raymond. I noticed so many of the traits that the Mother in that show protrayed in myself, wasn't quite "that" bad but close enough. I resolved to change. It was/is tough but I do it.

When my ds comes home from school for visits, I take a piece of paper & write down if/when he & his gf are having dinner at home with me, if we are going to spend mom & boy time, ect. Avoids hurt feelings. I have come to accept his g/f as my dot. They have to live their own lives with minimal input from me. My advive is given when & only when asked for it.

If you have to pick-up your gandkids do it when & only when your ds is there or meet him 1/2 way. Change your phone number & restrict who has it.
You can not control her or the situation. that is up to your ds.
If she broke into your ex-dil that it is up to her to report it to the police. That is called idenity theft.
If she is abusive to children they you, your ds or their mother need to report her to CPS.

Your ds is the only person alive who can make himself into a man. Again do not engage this woman in conversation, in person, Im, email or via text

[keoka3]

bad

[Jenefer3]

Well my son was my life now his kids are,

I raised them my gd for almost 6 yrs and then his son since he was born to 14 mths,

I talk to my son all the time, he is the one that calls me, but I don't tell him how to run his life, that is what is making me so mad she is telling him what he can do and can't and yells at him all the time the reason he got a divorce to start with from the ex,

I just tell him he don't have to put up with it, I did myself for a long time till I got pregant with him and I learned I didn't have to put up with any of it.

But I have never had any of his friends call me what she does, and I don't bother her she just starts sending me texts that I usually ignore till I take so much.

I am 52
My nerves can't handle this,
I just want him to find someone that is good to him
When his ex was around we always had good times, like the pictures this girl takes of her family all together with the kids,
I want to go places with him and the kids like we use to
and want someone around that likes the kids not hate them cause of their mom and me.

That part that I bolded is what you need to tell your son. Once you've done that, there's not much more you can do. Always be there for the grandchildren, even if it seems like it's only for "chauffering". Any time you can spend with them is better than none. If the gf sends you a text, just delete it or if you need to read it, remember the source and don't let it bother you.

Good luck :hug

[ElleGee]

^ what she said^

and thanks for restructuring your post :)

[msmom79]

oh my i know how you feel!! my youngest son is with a girl,who calls me"momma money bags" she thinks that i can take money outta my ass i guess.
i am glad there are no kids involved here(with my son)
you need to just let things rest-go pick the kids up,take them to school,and dont say anything to her,dont text her,call her,or talk to her when you see her.
sometimes when we just ignore people they find someone else to pick at!!
guess what i'm saying is-just let it be-your son will come around sooner or later.

[chib44]

I have three grown married daughters 37 36 35 5 grandkids 14-17 My girls and I always say men may come and go but mammas always always here thank God i get along with all my sil ,and the girls dont take any crap. How things work out for you.

[atprm]

there is not much you can do in regards to forcing your son to choose between you or his girlfriend...some things need to be learned on their own.

Regarding the texts -- perhaps you should contact your cell company and or the local police and file harassment charges against her... anything done over the phone or cell phone violates laws under the FCC and are punishable by prison. (Don't think for a minute that it can't get worse if you just let it go, because it can... and might escalate).

If she has already violated your ex-DIL and has already verbally abused your grandchildren, and is presently manipulating you through the cell phone, it sounds to me as if 1) she has a lot of growing up to do ... 2) she is an abuser... 3) she has anger management problems.

By ignoring the problem, you are enabling the problem. When she realizes that you are ignoring her, she is going to do something more drastic to get under your skin -- she is looking for reaction -- she thrives on it. It's destructive behavior, and the victims will end up being everyone except for her.

Keep your chin up, and take the right steps (ultimatums are not the proper steps though) to rectify the situation to the best of your ability and most of all Godspeed.

[Shann]

how can someone be w/ another person who hates their children? I could never be w/ someone who didn't like my dogs much less my kids. And the fact that she treats you with total disrespect is absolutely shocking... I cannot believe what you and your grandkids put up w/ but until your son opens his eyes and really sees what is going on, I don't think much is going to change. how very sad for your family :(

[LadyEm]

Goodness. She sounds like a winner. But there is always more than one side to the story, and you haven't mentioned anything that you've done. That makes me wonder if you're leaving things out to seem like the victim. I hope your son realizes what's going on soon!

[LitWtch]

Goodness. She sounds like a winner. But there is always more than one side to the story, and you haven't mentioned anything that you've done. That makes me wonder if you're leaving things out to seem like the victim. I hope your son realizes what's going on soon!



Sounds like someone is familiar with the situation...

[Quaker_Parrots]

If she is doing this to you and the grand kids, what is she doing to your son?

[hblueeyes]

The heart has reasons that reason does not know. Your son is getting something from his relationship or he would not stay with her. Seems to me you have maybe overstepped your bounds. I have 4 sons and only 3 times have I ever said anything regarding their relationships. I voiced my concerns and left it alone. I have NEVER been disrespectful to their girlfriends either. I told my boys a long time ago, that even if I did not like their girlfriends, they would never know because the words would never be uttered from my lips. maybe it is time to bury the hatchet. Have them over for pizza and work things out. It is always the kids who seem to suffer. Be a mon and grandma and keep your opinions to yorself. If she is really that bad, eventually he will tire of it.

Me

[pepperpot]

Just curious why your ex-DIL doesn't have custody of the kids.....they live with your son right?

[baragabrat]

I feel so bad for you. Thankfully I have never had this problem but my mother and her daughter in law hated each other and I don't know which one I felt the sorriest for. I know which one I felt was wrong but that didn't enter the equation. But this caused problems for every single person in the family. My brother finally moved 1000 miles away to solve that problem.

Your first sentence points out part of the problem though, when you say
"My son is my life" and "I have no friends". At age 26, you should have let go of your son. I understand exactly where you are coming from because it is so hard to let go of our children , especially a son, but it is something you need to do. This doesn't mean you cut off ties with him but it does mean you develop other interest. And you need a friend. I don't know how old you are but as we age our friends do fall by the wayside. And friendships are not easy. They have to be worked on. If you have a friend or two and you have other interest, you will not sit and wait for your son to call or dwell on the short comings. Not only will your son be happy to have some of the pressure taken off him, to not be the center of your attention, but also you will be much happier too.

I know this advice is not what you wanted to hear. But it is my take on the subject. Maybe you should talk to some of these girls who hate their mother in laws and get their views on the subject of a mama's boy.

If I lived closer to you, I would be your friend. I only have basically two friends who are not family members. And just so you know that everything is not all hunky dory in my family, I do have problems sometimes with the opinions or choices of the spouses of my 2 married children but we don't have hard feelings over them and I don't always agree with my 3 children either but I do accept that they are grown and I try to remember how I felt at their age and I can tell you , at age 26, I certainly felt grown up and didn't need my parents or in laws making decisions for me. I did ask for advice sometimes and that is different because I was asking for their opinion at that time. My mother in law would cry when I spanked my children (with my hand) but she was never ugly to me about it. So she was working at the relationship too. So I guess you both have to want the relationship. Ok, myself, shut up.

Nicely and thoughtfully said.

[jasmine]

also, if I am reading it right? Had a hard time also reading it.

You say that you are still friends with your ex DIL, you don't have to apologize for that. She is the mother of your grandchildren, and that will never change, you have to have some kind of contact with her. Does this bother your son? If so, then maybe you don't have to be "buddy buddy" with your ex DIL. I know that I still have contact with my ex MIL, but we don't go out and do things and be buddy buddy just for the fact that I am no longer a part of that family because of divorce, and now I have my new MIL, but yet I don't ignore her because she is still the grandmother of my children, and my children love her.

[keoka3]

bad

[LadyEm]

Need to make someone look bad

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My son is getting a divorce, this make the 2nd time he married her, they had a child in 2001, and he got the girl, 7 mts old, cause she had a boyfriend and was pregant with his child, but anyway now they have another child boy, 2 yrs old and girl now is 7. her other girl is 5, the girl 7 has lived with me, when they got back together and everything, now they are getting the kids once everyother week. She told him she would let him have the girl back, now she wants full custody of both kids, cause of child support. when they were married the first time she let her mom have the baby and her mom had papers drawed up for my son and her to sign to give her custody of the girl, the mom signed them, my son got a lawyer to get her back. we got her back in this state, but the judge give the mom the child to which she dropped off on someone else, finally she brought us the girl and said the people that was keeping her was staying drunk all the time. the child she had with her boyfriend she gave her to her mom when she was 2 mths old, but she didn't sign custody away to her till this child was around 1. but she went to court and got her back when she was 3.

so far she tryed to sign both kids away, or did sign one away. the lawyer is looking for the papers for the first one she signed, hopefully he will find them, but the question is we need to make her look bad, there is no way we can let her have custody of those kids. If she was a good mom sure, but she has nothing to do with them when she has them, they go to her mom's and she stays on the phone with her boyfriend who is in jail all the time and the kids go off outside on their own. my son started taping the phone calls and he was tallking to his daughter and in the background the mom and grandmother was cussing the whole time. the grandmother has a daughter that has been molesting the mom daughter the now 5 yr old, while my granddaughter watches. we have already been to human services, don't do any good. and the grandmother was keeping the kid doped up when she had her when she was a baby cause she couldn't handle her, not the kind of people we want my grandkids around.

Finally, a lunch break!!! My job always requires going below the surface, because things are seldom what they seem. This is what I turned up. I've copied and pasted a former thread of yours. It is the same dil, correct? This would explain why the son has custody. And if she's leaving and that's what he wants, why is your phone getting turned off? Regardless of personal opinions, it seems that everyone involved needs to take a step back and behave as adults. The most important thing in all of this are the children. If everyone would just consider what a tense familial environment is doing to them...

[atprm]

:( .

you created a username to dig up an old post??

[gmyers]

It sounds like this is someone involved in the situation

[jasmine]

:wow
It sounds like this is someone involved in the situation

yep, and I still don't understand a thing, it must be latin, or I must be that dense LOL

[krisharry]

Family can be so hard to deal with, sorry for your troubles, good thoughts to you, your son, and the kiddos.

[Quaker_Parrots]

Sour Grapes?


Need to make someone look bad

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My son is getting a divorce, this make the 2nd time he married her, they had a child in 2001, and he got the girl, 7 mts old, cause she had a boyfriend and was pregant with his child, but anyway now they have another child boy, 2 yrs old and girl now is 7. her other girl is 5, the girl 7 has lived with me, when they got back together and everything, now they are getting the kids once everyother week. She told him she would let him have the girl back, now she wants full custody of both kids, cause of child support. when they were married the first time she let her mom have the baby and her mom had papers drawed up for my son and her to sign to give her custody of the girl, the mom signed them, my son got a lawyer to get her back. we got her back in this state, but the judge give the mom the child to which she dropped off on someone else, finally she brought us the girl and said the people that was keeping her was staying drunk all the time. the child she had with her boyfriend she gave her to her mom when she was 2 mths old, but she didn't sign custody away to her till this child was around 1. but she went to court and got her back when she was 3.

so far she tryed to sign both kids away, or did sign one away. the lawyer is looking for the papers for the first one she signed, hopefully he will find them, but the question is we need to make her look bad, there is no way we can let her have custody of those kids. If she was a good mom sure, but she has nothing to do with them when she has them, they go to her mom's and she stays on the phone with her boyfriend who is in jail all the time and the kids go off outside on their own. my son started taping the phone calls and he was tallking to his daughter and in the background the mom and grandmother was cussing the whole time. the grandmother has a daughter that has been molesting the mom daughter the now 5 yr old, while my granddaughter watches. we have already been to human services, don't do any good. and the grandmother was keeping the kid doped up when she had her when she was a baby cause she couldn't handle her, not the kind of people we want my grandkids around.

Finally, a lunch break!!! My job always requires going below the surface, because things are seldom what they seem. This is what I turned up. I've copied and pasted a former thread of yours. It is the same dil, correct? This would explain why the son has custody. And if she's leaving and that's what he wants, why is your phone getting turned off? Regardless of personal opinions, it seems that everyone involved needs to take a step back and behave as adults. The most important thing in all of this are the children. If everyone would just consider what a tense familial environment is doing to them...

[keoka3]

bad

[Kelsey1224]

I am getting over it, if my son can just sit back and let her call me the names she has then he needs her not me, maybe it is time for him to grow up too

This is the first thing you have posted that makes sense to me. (Sorry to be harsh. But, like others, I have had a hard time following your posts. Punctuation...while it certainly doesn't need to be perfect...helps the reader.)

You son is a father. It was time for him to grow up several years ago. While I know you love and want to support him, you are not doing him any favors by keeping him a 'momma's boy'.

It is not something of which I would be proud.

[gmyers]

It doesn't sound like she's treating him as a momma's boy. It sounds like she's just having a lot of problems with his girlfriend and wishes he'd realize what the girlfriends doing and make her stop. People need to stop letting people treat their family like crap just because they're dating them. That relationship might not last then you've made hard feelings in your family by letting that person treat them bad.

[iluvmybaby]

Time to distance yourself from your son and get a life and friends.

[jasmine]

Time to distance yourself from your son and get a life and friends.

I can see that in a sense, but would also be very hard I would think cause her son is her "baby", and always will be, and those are her grandchildren, it is prob. tearing her up inside watching this woman as she says treating her son and grandchildren like total crap (the people she loves), I believe she did state in her first post that she doesn't really have friends......... I am glad she can come here and feel loved, and know she can just let it all out~:rolleyes:

sometimes people just need to get things out, to feel wanted and excepted, especially in this case when she doesn't.

[Kelsey1224]

sometimes people just need to get things out, to feel wanted and excepted, especially in this case when she doesn't.

Good point! We need to be reminded of that sometimes.

[pepperpot]

Yes, it's under vent and whine......:agree.....not "kick me in the ass and tell me I'm a schmuck" section ....:lol

[Kelsey1224]

Yes, it's under vent and whine......:agree.....not "kick me in the ass and tell me I'm a schmuck" section ....:lol


:rofl:

[iluvmybaby]

I can see that in a sense, but would also be very hard I would think cause her son is her "baby", and always will be, and those are her grandchildren, it is prob. tearing her up inside watching this woman as she says treating her son and grandchildren like total crap (the people she loves), I believe she did state in her first post that she doesn't really have friends......... I am glad she can come here and feel loved, and know she can just let it all out~:rolleyes:

sometimes people just need to get things out, to feel wanted and excepted, especially in this case when she doesn't.

I wasnt saying it to be sarcastic or mean. I understand it is her son, but there comes a time when you have to take a step back and just wash your hands of someone for the time. It sounds like she has isolated herself so much that she depends on her son for friendship/companionship exclusively, and that is unhealthy and dooming herself to disappointments.

[LitWtch]

Sounds like someone is familiar with the situation...



Guess I had her pegged right from her first post.... Looks like LadyEm is VERY familiar with this and stalking someone...

[prcsanglas]

1. People only see what they want to see.
2. If you are truly that concerned for your grandchild's welfare then maybe you should consider getting custody of them.
If she is treating the children that badly.
3. If this girlfriend cared at all for your son she would not care whether your grandchildren are related to her or not. (I'm a stepmom of 4 and I treat them all as if they were mine from the get go.)
4. May is a month away. Hopefully she will be gone or maybe your son and grandkiddos will move out.

I wish you luck. It's a long hard road. I know from being a stepmom and having the biologically mother trying to play mommy.
As for my mil we get along great.

[LadyEm]

Wow! Because I have a different opinion and had time to kill and looked at keoka's past posts, I a stalker? I guess it's considered wrong to have an open mind??? When someone completely presents as a victim, the whole story is being withheld...basic psych 101. My only point was for her to consider everyone's behavior in order to come up with a compromise that benefitted everyone.

As for keoka, most communities have websites for people that are moving to the area and provide information regarding getting out. When we first moved, I found other young mothers in the same situation (new to the area) as I was which lead to playdates and Monday night BUNCO. Everyone needs friends in their life, and I wish you luck in meeting some. Also, community volunteering is a great way to meet new people. I'm not sure how you feel about church, but alot of opportunities are available for creating new friends are there, too...some even have Ladies Night and/or Single Night.

Much luck to a quick resolution of the situation.