Can't Na-na take turns watching the kids? [Archive] - Big Big Forums

jasmine

04-16-2009, 12:59 PM

Quite frankly, I would be hurt by it. I would think they could give up one evening every other weekend to spend time with their other grandchild, your child. I guess I can feel your pain because my MIL has always put her other grandkids above mine. My daughter is graduating from college next month and knows they don't even care. I'm really sorry. Maybe you could find a sitter in the neighborhood to watch him for a few hours Saturday evening.

THANK YOU!!

That is what I feel, like I said they spend it with the other grandchild EVERY weekend NIGHT AND DAY, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. All I ask is just every other Saturday, in the evening. Something that they told me they would do for us so we could get out. I'ts not like we abandon them with the baby and not return till sunday night, we come back and stay the night in the spare bedroom so we can be there in the morning to take him off there hands.
It's not something that I EXPECT from them, they offered. And now yes, I guess I am just use to being able to go out every other weekend to get away, and that really crushes my expectations and getting to be able to do something. Selfish~~ ?????? maybe

mabby89

04-16-2009, 01:56 PM

Wish I had someone close to watch mine for an hour or two once every two or three months.

mosdata1

04-16-2009, 03:05 PM

Do you think that maybe it got to be too much for them, and they were not aware that it would be at the time they first offered?
They may not have known how to express that to you without hurting your feelings & thought this situation might be an easy 'out' for them.
Maybe you & your DH can ask them for 1 sat evening to see an early movie & then collect your little one & go home. That might be easier for your IL's to handle.

Kelsey1224

04-16-2009, 03:16 PM

I'm thinking that maybe going to the softball games is a lot of fun for them.

However, that being said. I am a grandma of 5 and hubby and I work hard to be fair to both sets of parents. We try to be available when either of my children need babysitting because we don't even want one set of grandchildren to feel favored over the other. And...your post is why. You are feeling a little hurt and you have absolutely every reason to come here and vent.

I do think your little boy would stay with someone else. I used to worry so much because my daughter would get hysterical when I left her with a sitter. I kept getting told that she calmed down once I left...and you know...she did. We once snuck back almost immediately after leaving and peaked through the window. The tears were on her cheeks but she was laughing and playing with the sitter. After that, I didn't worry as much.

LitWtch

04-16-2009, 03:20 PM

Personally I think it is unfair to expect a grandparent to choose one grandchild over another. Yes - it is expectation because now that it has changed, you are upset. If you were working and they were babysitting to help, then that is a different story, but you are expecting them to give up time with a grandchild so you can have "me/us" time. For that, pay a sitter. They were doing you a favor.

speedygirl

04-16-2009, 03:20 PM

When my kids were babies my parents offered to watch them almost anytime we needed. My mom warned us in advance that for the weekends in the summer they had plans to go to the Cape every weekend with their friends. I wasn't offended because after raising four kids for years, they earned their time alone and weren't obligated to babysit. My situation was similar in the fact that they had other plans for several months and we were told about it. I looked at it as I still have them the rest of the year if need be.
DH and I found a great babysitter to cover the summer. I know it's disappointing but at least you know in advance and they're not making any plans then cancelling with you at the last minute. Good luck. I hope you find someone good so that you and your DH can have your date nights.

Bliss

04-16-2009, 03:38 PM

You need to understand peoples plans change. They offered to watch your son 3/4 months ago every other weekend. It doesn't mean they can't have a life of their own & switch plans to spend time with their other grandchild. I honestly do not see anything wrong with the grandparents spending time with the other grandchild.

I don't understand why you'd be upset. I have a son - I never expected anyone to watch my son even if they said, "You can go out every other week & we'll watch your son." I didn't expect the person to give up their time/life to watch my son.

You need to find a decent person to watch your son & not rely on granny & grandpa to do it. If you mention what you have posted to your inlaws, chances of them ever watching your child again will probably be near zero. I wouldn't - I wouldn't want to deal with all the drama.

freeplease

04-16-2009, 03:59 PM

We were in the military the entire time my kids were small. My parents barely saw my kids, let alone babysat. Same with the inlaws. We found our own sitters, and stayed home a lot.

I think it's time to find a nice teenage girl to babysit. Go to the nearest high school and post a job at the guidance office. That's what they do here. The guidance office will steer you in the right direction. Or ask around, I'm sure your neighbors know somebody. My DD is high demand due to word of mouth. When you find a good one, pay her well. She'll be caring for your treasure.

tngirl

04-16-2009, 04:29 PM

I don't understand the need to have to have anyone watch your child so often in order for you to have time to yourself. I had my kids and they were a blessing and I never once resented the fact that I couldn't do things like I did before they were born. It was my responsibility.

I can understand that your feelings may be hurt, but I think it is a bit selfish on your part to even consider that they should change their lives in order for you to not have to.

jasmine

04-16-2009, 04:50 PM

tngirl I don't understand the need to have to have anyone watch your child so often in order for you to have time to yourself. I had my kids and they were a blessing and I never once resented the fact that I couldn't do things like I did before they were born. It was my responsibility.

I know my child is my responsibility!
Your right, everyone that has children deserves no time to themselves.
My husband was gone for 9 months, visited every other weekend during that time, he has been back for about a month and a half. It was nice being able to get to know him again also.

Bliss It doesn't mean they can't have a life of their own & switch plans to spend time with their other grandchild. I honestly do not see anything wrong with the grandparents spending time with the other grandchild.

well, they use to see there grandson (my son) but not anymore since they are gone every weekend Friday-Sunday.

LitWtch Personally I think it is unfair to expect a grandparent to choose one grandchild over another. Yes - it is expectation because now that it has changed, you are upset. If you were working and they were babysitting to help, then that is a different story, but you are expecting them to give up time with a grandchild so you can have "me/us" time. For that, pay a sitter. They were doing you a favor.
I'm not making them choose one over the other at all, infact they are the ones that spend all of there time with only one grandchild. Yes, I am upset about it all because it was expected. I am not expecting them to give up time with the other grandchild, infact I find that totally opposite to what is happening.
These softball games are crazy, they go immediatly after work on friday, stay till there done, which could be around midnight (they live an hour away from where the games are played), then go back saturday morning at 9, last weekend they didn't get home untill 1 in the morning, they were off last Sunday cause of easter, but usually they go back the next sunday at noon and stay out untill nine.
The time they watched our son~~ we dropped him off at 7:30, he goes to bed at 11:00 on the dot for them, we get back at midnight, the baby sleeps all through the night. We get him when he wakes in the morning. So that's only 3 1/2 hours they actually have to "watch" him. I just don't see why they can't come home on the usuall every other weekend saturday to watch him for a little bit in the evening if they are going to be gone all friday night and saturday and sunday every weekend with the other grandchild.

anyway, I just came here to vent and whine about it, and to let it out of my system.

cathych

04-16-2009, 04:59 PM

they spent years watching their kids grow up. I guess they feel they did their time. My parents live in another state, so do my dh's. We never got weekend breaks.

fleabones3

04-16-2009, 05:20 PM

I understand what the OP is saying. I dont think she is using the grandparents or trying to get out of the responisibility of him. She is saying that every other Saturday would not be too much to skip a afternoon of watching the other kid play softball, especially when they are doing it every weekend. Yes they did OFFER to watch her son, and yes plans change, but she is right, if they are going to give up watching him 1 nite every other week until softball is over, then her son is getting the short end of the stick to spend time with his grandparents.

vicky122

04-16-2009, 05:47 PM

Sounds like this is something they enjoy doing and it is nothing new. What about a couple hours during the week? Does it have to be on the week end? Could they keep him then?

Jenefer3

04-16-2009, 09:59 PM

Maybe the grandparents are wanting to do this while they can. At some point they may not be able to go to those softball games and watch their grandchild, whether it's a health issue or something else.

I'm sorry you feel that your son is getting the short end of the stick but there's not much that can be done. They're going to do what they want to do and it's up to you to decide whether or not you're going to allow that to be an issue between you and them.

Personally, I would have loved to have someone watch my kids twice a month so I could have "me" time, but it didn't happen. Even now I don't often have "me" time but I'm okay with that. I can wait until they're older and out of the house for "me" time and if it doesn't happen, well so be it.

I would just be glad that they're a part of my child's life and not worry if the amount of time spent with my child was the same as the other grandchild's. Quality would mean more to me than quantity.

LuvBigRip

04-16-2009, 10:24 PM

I get what the OP is saying, my ex MIL couldn't be bothered with my kids, even though we were two miles away, yet they would drive 20 miles to see the other grandkids. The difference is, I never counted on them to do things when they said they would, because they never followed through with my kids. I understand the hurt you feel at what you perceive as their abandonment of your son and you.

That being said, it is possible that maybe they didn't fell appreciated any more? That it was expected of them, and no longer felt like the gift they had been giving you? I don't know the situation, but did you and DH give them a GC to their favorite restuarant, or offer to do some chores for them (as i assume they are older) or just generally say thank you, we truly appreciate the time you have given us. Again, you may have, but I am just asking.

I know my Mom always offered to watch the kids when we lived closer, I took her up on it occasionally, but never assumed that rain or shine, every other week they would take my kids. My sister assumes Mom will do it for my neice. No matter that Mom has health issues, never says thanks, is always late, never does anything in return.

kelblend

04-16-2009, 11:09 PM

I bet they really get into the games. It can be really exciting. It could be considered
"their" time to a degree. They are enjoying themselves and aren't really babysitting anyone. I don't think they mind babysitting either child, but they enjoy this as well. I had a babysitter twice for the sole purpose of my husband and I going out. Any other time, it was a doctor's appt. or something else if I didn't take them myself. I guess I would feel extremely lucky to have been able to do it as much as you have. Try not to feel hurt. Your son may be into baseball or something later and they may choose to come to every single game because they simply get into the whole game experience.

Bliss

04-16-2009, 11:27 PM

well, they use to see there grandson (my son) but not anymore since they are gone every weekend Friday-Sunday.

They are allowed to do it. It's their grandchild & they can spend whatever amount of days attending softball if they want. Watching a child play softball is more important than babysitting so mom & dad can go out. A child should always come first - it's exactly what they are doing, placing the child before you and your husband. I think the problem is you expected the inlaws to be there every other week to watch your son no matter what. They should have never said, they'd watch the child every other weekend.

How do you think the grandchild would feel if grandma & grandpa weren't there to cheer him/her on (I'm assuming they have been attending the softball games since the child started playing.)? I'm sure the child would feel disappointed. Softball doesn't last very long - I'm sure you can find other things to do while grandma & grandpa spend time with the other grandchild.

Quaker_Parrots

04-17-2009, 01:22 AM

It sounds like to me they made the offer when their son was away and only coming home on weekends so you two could have some time. Now that he is home maybe they think because you see each other all the time, they need to offer anymore.

hotwheelstx

04-17-2009, 02:42 AM

I would ask around to see if there's someone else to watch your son. I don't think it's unfair of the grandparents at all. Like Kelsey said maybe they do really enjoy the games themselves. Maybe they consider it a "date night" for themselves. Seasons change, children get older, get into more activities.

I understand that the grandmother offered but your dh wasn't home then. Maybe she feels that now since he is it's time for "family time". I can understand that.

I wouldn't be upset. I'd call around, post notices, find someone else if it's that important to you.

The way I look at it the grandparents have raised their family. They are allowed to pick and choose what they want to do with every grandchild. If it means going to games, shopping, watching a movie, doing a puzzle.....that's their choice, not yours.

I truly wouldn't be upset over it. I would try to find someone else to watch your child.

momfromTN

04-17-2009, 05:34 AM

THANK YOU!!

That is what I feel, like I said they spend it with the other grandchild EVERY weekend NIGHT AND DAY, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. All I ask is just every other Saturday, in the evening. Something that they told me they would do for us so we could get out. I'ts not like we abandon them with the baby and not return till sunday night, we come back and stay the night in the spare bedroom so we can be there in the morning to take him off there hands.
It's not something that I EXPECT from them, they offered. And now yes, I guess I am just use to being able to go out every other weekend to get away, and that really crushes my expectations and getting to be able to do something. Selfish~~ ?????? maybe

I can understand your disappointment. My SIL once watched my youngest so I could go on a job interview and she charged me $10 for an hour and half! It sucks. And I will bet that when the ILS are older and need help, you will be expected to give it to them.

However, if they are not willing to give up a couple of evenings a month, there is not much you can do, except get another sitter. And, I don't mean to be harsh, but what do you mean that your child "won't" stay with anyone else. My children never had a say in who babysat them. Ever. They might have cried, but they got over it.

Believe me, I do know how you feel. We rarely get time by ourselves. Not many people are willing to watch 3 boys, one of whom has Autism.

momfromTN

04-17-2009, 05:37 AM

THANK YOU!!

That is what I feel, like I said they spend it with the other grandchild EVERY weekend NIGHT AND DAY, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. All I ask is just every other Saturday, in the evening. Something that they told me they would do for us so we could get out. I'ts not like we abandon them with the baby and not return till sunday night, we come back and stay the night in the spare bedroom so we can be there in the morning to take him off there hands.
It's not something that I EXPECT from them, they offered. And now yes, I guess I am just use to being able to go out every other weekend to get away, and that really crushes my expectations and getting to be able to do something. Selfish~~ ?????? maybe

I would ask around to see if there's someone else to watch your son. I don't think it's unfair of the grandparents at all. Like Kelsey said maybe they do really enjoy the games themselves. Maybe they consider it a "date night" for themselves. Seasons change, children get older, get into more activities.

I understand that the grandmother offered but your dh wasn't home then. Maybe she feels that now since he is it's time for "family time". I can understand that.

I wouldn't be upset. I'd call around, post notices, find someone else if it's that important to you.

The way I look at it the grandparents have raised their family. They are allowed to pick and choose what they want to do with every grandchild. If it means going to games, shopping, watching a movie, doing a puzzle.....that's their choice, not yours.

I truly wouldn't be upset over it. I would try to find someone else to watch your child.

Maybe they have raised their family. And certainly, there is no obligation to help their grown children. However, the time will come when they are elderly and need assistance. Family should help each other out. Should their grown kids be obligated to help them in their time of need? If my mother never lent a hand or at least moral support, I would not feel an obligation to her in her old age. I just wouldn't.

magenta

04-17-2009, 05:38 AM

It is softball season. Lives change and revolve around kids' sports teams. My cousin has played softball from the time she could pick up a ball. She is 17 and still playing. Her grandparents have never missed a game. Even out of state championship games.

My kids' sports take first seat over everything. I do not care what is going on, we are at that meet. There are so many grandparents at these. Every single weekend. Rain, cold or heat. The have their lawn chairs, with "proud grandparent of" on their sweatshirt. Understand that there are parents and grandparents too, alot of them, that totally breathe a child's sport.

I think you are taking it wrong. It is softball season. That only lasts so many weeks. Until you are a die hard sports parent/grandparent (if you ever are) you will never understand the need to be at every single game.

freeplease

04-17-2009, 05:44 AM

Maybe they've made some fun friends at these games, too. I can understand them going out and having some fun on the weekends. It's almost like an extended family after a while with sports parents/grandparents. They're out in the fresh air, enjoying themselves. I don't see how you have much of a choice here. Just be glad softball doesn't last 12 months out of the year.

LitWtch

04-17-2009, 06:04 AM

So, it was alright while they were choosing YOUR son, but not when the shoe is on the other foot?

Yes, I understand how you feel. I've been through that scenario - having to "make an appointment" so grandparents could spend "staged quality time" with grand daughters. We were a military family, so naturally the grandparents were closer to the children that lived close by.

But I also understand how advanced travel sports are important to the children and their future. My stepbrother's boys were both on teams that made the national playoffs. Can we say "Future"??? They receive scholarships and other benefits for their future.

If it upsets you that much, you should talk to your parents..... but don't be surprised when you get an answer you don't like, because you will. It does sound as if they enjoy watching their other grandchild play, and you should not even expect them to change that, as they apparently have and still do enjoy being with your son.

Hire a reliable older teen, or make friends with another young parent and trade sitting services to get a break and give a break.

galeane29

04-17-2009, 06:56 AM

Honestly you are lucky they are willing to watch the kid at all.
I've never lived close to family so I've never had the convienence of a baby sitter.
Everything I've done has been with my kids. I'm lucky now that my kids are old enough I can leave them home alone so me and their dad can have some time out but it was not always so easy.

Don't be upset about it, think of how lucky you truly are.

myspirit

04-17-2009, 07:03 AM

Us Grandparents have lives too. We love our grandchildren, but don't want to babysit sometimes. We don't need a reason or excuse. Pay a sitter if it is that important!!

hotwheelstx

04-17-2009, 07:07 AM

Maybe they have raised their family. And certainly, there is no obligation to help their grown children. However, the time will come when they are elderly and need assistance. Family should help each other out. Should their grown kids be obligated to help them in their time of need? If my mother never lent a hand or at least moral support, I would not feel an obligation to her in her old age. I just wouldn't.

JMO-my younger brother (16 years)when our mother became ill in 05 didn't lend a "helping hand" to help out at all when she was ill. That truly broke my mothers heart. To my mother family was family....you fought, disagreed, didn't care for spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends in general. However, when it came to family you were front and center at all times. Til the day my mother passed away she talked about why "C" had changed so much, that wasn't how he was raised, he knew better. I can also tell you from experience.....3 years later that my brother is in a deep depression over our mothers death. It may of taken 3 years but it's there. There is nothing I nor anyone else in the family can do to help him. He did it all on his own...knowing full well our mother probably wouldn't be here to much longer after she became ill. You make your choices and you live with them.

ahippiechic

04-17-2009, 07:08 AM

They babysat every other weekend, now it's softball season and they're doing that with the other grandchild. I don't really see that as unfair. Maybe when softball season is over they'll start babysitting for you again. Until then, like I said before, hire someone to watch him when you want to go out.

cabby92

04-17-2009, 07:31 AM

My granddaughter is the star pictcher for her softball team. My son (same age) is techie-nerd. When DGD has a softball game and DS has a science fair I guarantee my parents will be at the softball game. It's just more fun. That's life and no one gets their feelings hurt. Heck, I'd skip the science fairs if I could figure out how.

SLance68

04-17-2009, 08:13 AM

Do you think that your MIL "offered" to babysit may have not been voluntary? I would bet that your DH had something to do with that offer being extended and now that you two are back under the same roof that maybe she feels she has done her "fair share". I do understand your feeling slighted by her and feeling she is playing favorites, I was on the receiving end of a Grandmother who forgot that her first grandchild was a girl not a boy that was 2 years younger. How does your DH feel about his Mom backing out on the babysitting offer? I would start there before you have a huge rift between yourself and your MIL.

momfromTN

04-17-2009, 09:11 AM

JMO-my younger brother (16 years)when our mother became ill in 05 didn't lend a "helping hand" to help out at all when she was ill. That truly broke my mothers heart. To my mother family was family....you fought, disagreed, didn't care for spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends in general. However, when it came to family you were front and center at all times. Til the day my mother passed away she talked about why "C" had changed so much, that wasn't how he was raised, he knew better. I can also tell you from experience.....3 years later that my brother is in a deep depression over our mothers death. It may of taken 3 years but it's there. There is nothing I nor anyone else in the family can do to help him. He did it all on his own...knowing full well our mother probably wouldn't be here to much longer after she became ill. You make your choices and you live with them.

I am sorry for the loss of your mom.

I don't believe in blind allegiance to family. I do believe in helping each other in times of need, but in a situation where the parent never helped the adult child, not even being morally supportive at the very least, I don't feel that adult child has an obligation to help the parent.

My dad died in 2006. I didn't help him while he had cancer and before he died. For one, I lived 1000 miles away. For another, my dad threw me away, so to speak, years ago,when he married my stepmother, and accepted her kids as his own, while disowning me and my siblings. (they later divorced) My brother was there with him, and that is fine ~ it was my brother's decision. But, I don't feel a pang of guilt. I feel that it was my father's loss. He never got to know my boys, and he never cared enough to try to make up with me. I tried for years, until one day I just said, "enough".

I feel no guilt whatsoever.

jasmine

04-17-2009, 09:27 AM

thanks you guys.

I have calmed down a bit. I just tend to over react in the heat of the moment before I can sit down and think (sometimes)., and this was one of those times.
Well, she is on a advanced softball team (?), so they will be playing every weekend (tournaments) friday-sunday day and night untill october. As far as they know, they said there will prob. be some weekends here and there that they are off. Also they will have more games through out the week besides the weekend.
So that's about 6 months. I guess they can do that ever weekend.

mabby89

04-17-2009, 10:23 AM

the weekend.
So that's about 6 months. I guess they can do that ever weekend.

Of course they can do that every weekend. They have raised their children and are now enjoying their grandchildren. If they keep your child on weekends when softball season is over, thats 6 months also. Sounds like it equals out. Get a real babysitter and do not depend on relatives to be a full time babysitter. If you are worried about your child "forgetting" the grandparents, go visit them when they arent at a game. Better yet, go to a game.

freeplease

04-17-2009, 10:29 AM

I agree! Take the little guy to a game! It's so much fun to watch these kids give their all. Plus, sometimes the parents put on quite a show. lol

Bahet

04-17-2009, 10:55 AM

I know my child is my responsibility!
Your right, everyone that has children deserves no time to themselves.
My husband was gone for 9 months, visited every other weekend during that time, he has been back for about a month and a half. It was nice being able to get to know him again also.
My DH was gone to Iraq for 14 months from Mar '03 - May '04. I didn't get any time to myself during that time until a neighbor took it upon herself to offer t watch my boys for 2 hours once a week. I used that time to go grocery shopping. My ILs lived nearby but never once watched both boys for me. When DH came home I got one night with him while my ILs watched the kids. One night. After 14 months of not seeing him.

In Jan '06 DH went to Kuwait for 18 months until June '07. We had moved down here to AZ by then and we were 5 miles from my parents. They never once watched both boys so I could have a night alone. When DH came back they still never took the kids so we could have some alone time. In fact, since DS2 was born in May 2000 DH and I have had a grand total of 3 nights alone.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about that. I'm simply stating a fact. Frankly, we'd rather spend time together as a family and have our alone time after the kids go to bed. It would be nice and we wouldn't turn them down if the grandparents offered to watch the boys more often. But we don't expect it. We are the parents, not them. If we really want some alone time and the grandparents weren't willing or able to take the boys we'd get a sitter. We wouldn't complain that they didn't take the kids while whining that we have no time for ourselves. You want the time, make it.

well, they use to see there grandson (my son) but not anymore since they are gone every weekend Friday-Sunday.

I'm not making them choose one over the other at all, infact they are the ones that spend all of there time with only one grandchild. Yes, I am upset about it all because it was expected. I am not expecting them to give up time with the other grandchild, infact I find that totally opposite to what is happening.

You are contradicting yourself. You say you are upset because you expected them to spend the time watching your son then you say you are not expecting them to give up time with the other grandchild. If the only way they can watch your son is to give up time with the other child and you expect them to watch your son regularly then you are indeed expecting them to give up time with the other grandchild.

These softball games are crazy, they go immediately after work on friday, stay till there done, which could be around midnight (they live an hour away from where the games are played), then go back saturday morning at 9, last weekend they didn't get home untill 1 in the morning, they were off last Sunday cause of easter, but usually they go back the next sunday at noon and stay out untill nine.

So what? Are they only supposed to do things they enjoy if it works out for your schedule? Should they ask your permission to stay out late? Why is it any of your business what they do with their time?

The time they watched our son~~ we dropped him off at 7:30, he goes to bed at 11:00 on the dot for them, we get back at midnight, the baby sleeps all through the night. We get him when he wakes in the morning. So that's only 3 1/2 hours they actually have to "watch" him. I just don't see why they can't come home on the usuall every other weekend saturday to watch him for a little bit in the evening if they are going to be gone all friday night and saturday and sunday every weekend with the other grandchild.

anyway, I just came here to vent and whine about it, and to let it out of my system.

Because they don't want to. They watch your son regularly 6 months of the year and go to softball games the other 6 months. If you want your son to visit with them, go to the games. If it's not really about visiting with the grandparents but more about the lack of free babysitting then I guess that will have to wait until October.

I'm sorry if this post sounds harsh but your post here really got to me. You seem to have a real sense of entitlement and selfishness. Maybe I'm wrong and it just came out poorly. But you seem to be focusing far more on the lack of free babysitting for 6 months than the generosity of them to give you free babysitting for 6 months.

mabby89

04-17-2009, 11:01 AM

I'm sorry if this post sounds harsh but your post here really got to me. You seem to have a real sense of entitlement and selfishness. Maybe I'm wrong and it just came out poorly. But you seem to be focusing far more on the lack of free babysitting for 6 months than the generosity of them to give you free babysitting for 6 months.

:star::star:

jasmine

04-17-2009, 11:22 AM

Bahet
If the only way they can watch your son is to give up time with the other child and you expect them to watch your son regularly then you are indeed expecting them to give up time with the other grandchild.

well, that's not a problem anymore, since they havn't seen him in 2 months, because now they spend all there time with the other grandchild. And I did think it was fair, because~~ one weekend with one grandchild, one weekend with mine, rotate.
Now it is every weekend with the other, the way it was set up, WAS FAIR~

but hey, I came in here to ***** and vent, I thought that this is where I could do it, not get slapped around.

Can't I just ***** a little? I mean, it's not like I can do anything about it, they are going to do what they want and go every weekend, I can't stop that, I was just griping about it is all.

I'll remember not to "vent or whine" here anymore.

sheila_361

04-17-2009, 11:23 AM

My DH was gone to Iraq for 14 months from Mar '03 - May '04. I didn't get any time to myself during that time until a neighbor took it upon herself to offer t watch my boys for 2 hours once a week. I used that time to go grocery shopping. My ILs lived nearby but never once watched both boys for me. When DH came home I got one night with him while my ILs watched the kids. One night. After 14 months of not seeing him.

In Jan '06 DH went to Kuwait for 18 months until June '07. We had moved down here to AZ by then and we were 5 miles from my parents. They never once watched both boys so I could have a night alone. When DH came back they still never took the kids so we could have some alone time. In fact, since DS2 was born in May 2000 DH and I have had a grand total of 3 nights alone.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about that. I'm simply stating a fact. Frankly, we'd rather spend time together as a family and have our alone time after the kids go to bed. It would be nice and we wouldn't turn them down if the grandparents offered to watch the boys more often. But we don't expect it. We are the parents, not them. If we really want some alone time and the grandparents weren't willing or able to take the boys we'd get a sitter. We wouldn't complain that they didn't take the kids while whining that we have no time for ourselves. You want the time, make it.

You are contradicting yourself. You say you are upset because you expected them to spend the time watching your son then you say you are not expecting them to give up time with the other grandchild. If the only way they can watch your son is to give up time with the other child and you expect them to watch your son regularly then you are indeed expecting them to give up time with the other grandchild.

So what? Are they only supposed to do things they enjoy if it works out for your schedule? Should they ask your permission to stay out late? Why is it any of your business what they do with their time?

Because they don't want to. They watch your son regularly 6 months of the year and go to softball games the other 6 months. If you want your son to visit with them, go to the games. If it's not really about visiting with the grandparents but more about the lack of free babysitting then I guess that will have to wait until October.

I'm sorry if this post sounds harsh but your post here really got to me. You seem to have a real sense of entitlement and selfishness. Maybe I'm wrong and it just came out poorly. But you seem to be focusing far more on the lack of free babysitting for 6 months than the generosity of them to give you free babysitting for 6 months.

I wholeheartedly agree with this...

Shancopp

04-17-2009, 11:28 AM

So, between your kids and the ball playing grandkid, they never have a weekend to themselves???

ahippiechic

04-17-2009, 11:30 AM

Sure you can vent in here, you just did. But with almost 50,000 members, you're bound to get replies you don't like. That's just how it goes.

jasmine

04-17-2009, 11:31 AM

I guess they can have every weekend they want to themselves.

I know I'm bein a selfish little b!tch in my own ways. I'll just have to calm down and deal with it.

I just felt like venting is all, and then in the heat of my anger I felt everyone was attacking me for it.

jasmine

04-17-2009, 11:32 AM

Sure you can vent in here, you just did. But with almost 50,000 members, you're bound to get replies you don't like. That's just how it goes.

agree,

sorry

Bahet

04-17-2009, 11:32 AM

Go right ahead and vent. But don't expect sympathy about your caviar not being Beluga when most of the rest of us are unit pricing bologna.

jasmine

04-17-2009, 11:34 AM

whatever

Shancopp

04-17-2009, 11:38 AM

jasmine

04-17-2009, 11:40 AM

I wasn't trying to be mean, I was making a point I hadn't seen so far in the thread. I was wondering though, don't you feel that is a little selfish not letting them have a weekend to themselves every once in a while?

yes, I do agree. Every weekend that they have watched him, I do still always call and ask in advance to see if they would still be available and to see if they had other plans for themselves.

Shancopp

04-17-2009, 11:44 AM

that's nice of you to call, but maybe they don't feel like they can say no. How about just not calling and allowing them a free weekend?

jasmine

04-17-2009, 11:54 AM

yeah

Vee030473

04-17-2009, 12:27 PM

Vee030473

04-17-2009, 12:33 PM

Bahet,we have the same Tshirts in our closets as far as deployments and such. Not having any break for few months is a bigger fish,and years of deployments is a whale in itself!

Jenefer3

04-17-2009, 12:36 PM

Just be thankful they have grandparents,the only grandparent I had died when I was 14. I think about him every day still. My parents are in their late 70's and we live 18 hours away from them as well as my husband's parents. But his arent "participating" grandparents,they come to Maine once a year to visit family but we arent on the VIP list so I dont even ask about getting together after the 1st time I asked and they said they didnt have the time but took the time to take their other grandchild, that came to Maine with them,to the beach,to the Aquarium in Boston,to the Science Museum in Boston,among other places. I guess there wasnt room in their Suburban for at least one of my kids(their grandkids). My parents,on the other hand,call all the grandkids on Sunday. (Mine have 8 grandkids and 2 great grand kids .) His have 4 (including my 3).

Yep, we have that here too. My daughter's grandpa lives 7 streets away (we can be there within 2 minutes) but he doesn't have anything to do with her but he spends lots of time with his other grandkids. He even used "I'm a family man, I'm very involved with my family" as his campaign slogan while running for city council. (yes, he won). We have tried to maintain contact but my daughter, who is 14, just said it's not worth it. She's going to be having heart surgery and she's dealing with a possible brain tumor and he just doesn't care. He just said to call and let him know if there are complications. It's really sad, but it's his choice to make and he has to deal with that.

gmyers

04-17-2009, 12:37 PM

I hope it works out for you. Maybe after a while they'll get tired of the ball games and stay home. Or one of them might. Good luck.

mabby89

04-17-2009, 02:49 PM

Nevermind

mom_i_am

04-17-2009, 03:07 PM

In one of your other posts, you comment on your older kids. From what I can gather, one of them is 15? Can't your DD watch your son once in a while so you can go out?

jasmine

04-17-2009, 03:13 PM

In one of your other posts, you comment on your older kids. From what I can gather, one of them is 15? Can't your DD watch your son once in a while so you can go out?

not right now, I choose to go out when they are gone every other weekend at there dads house, when I do have them for my weekend it is usually full, and me and all 3 kids do alot together, we go out and get something to eat, go consignment shopping, rent a movie, play in the yard......

I would venture out and find someone else to watch the baby, but yes I am really picky. He is a mommas boy right now since I am a stay at home mom, I am all he is with, plus the grandparents. He just throws a fit if I even attempt to leave the room if someone else is here. I'm sure he'll get better, he's just at that attatched to me stage right now. He is 19 months.

LitWtch

04-17-2009, 04:26 PM

Make friends your age and swap babysitting. That's what most military wives do. It works.

If you choose not to find someone you trust, then you are choosing not to have that time anyhow, so why should grandma provide it? So far there have been some very good suggestions, yet you make an excuse for each and every suggestion.

Urban Cowgirl

04-17-2009, 04:30 PM

I have to say that I can understand not having a sitter. I have a few select relatives that I would allow to watch my kids and also a couple of very close friends. But I will leave my 5yo more than I will the baby.

That being said I am very lucky and have very involved relatives...however none of my family will take a dime to watch my kids and there have been times when I planned on someone watching them and that person had stuff come up..they let me know that they can no longer watch them. OK Dh and I either don't go out or we take the kids no big deal....when someone is doing you a favor you have to appreciate it...if something comes up you say , ok Thank you...another time maybe. we have very little alone time, DH works nights...but hey we had our alone time before we had kids

cathych

04-17-2009, 06:27 PM

OK

I am divorced, so my 2 girls go to there dads house every other weekend. And then DH's mom and dad watch the baby for us on saturday nights so can go out and have time, and also for my sanity.
Well, they have another grandchild. Her softball season is starting up, she is in an advanced team, playing tournaments. So EVERY weekend, friday night, all day saturday, saturday night, and then back again on sundays they are with her at the field. They say, "sorry", softball season is here and we have to go watch her play. I'm Like, ALL OF THE GAMES?? COME ON! Your there every weekend, friday, saturday, sunday, can't you just give us every other weekend saturday evenings? I mean you can still go and watch her games friday night, all day saturday and then back again sunday. I think it's unfair.

I think that what a lot of us are saying, is that you chose to have your kids. It is not anyones responsibility to watch them so you can have a day off. And it seems like you are trying to put a guilt trip on the grandparents because they want to do something else.

msmom79

04-17-2009, 06:47 PM

you all are probally gonna flame me for this one-but reading through these post-i find that you op are jealous of this child-this is a kid who is playing baseball,and the grandparents want to be there for this child-get over it-make other plans to do your dates,on another day-its really simple-if you and hubby need time together,wait till your child is in bed for the night
then watch a movie-bathe together-make out-whatever you want to do-but dont blame this other child he/she is innocent
here;s a situation that i had about a year ago-my oldest son married a girl who has 2 sons,ages 3 and 9,this girl tells me i can have here kids any weekend i want them ,cause i'm grandma-now-these are not my grandkids-not my blood-nothing-i told her to take them to her mom and dad,cause they are the granparents-not me-and i have raised my kids-if i feel like watching her boys i will-but if i dont want to-then i wont-and i have no guilt-
you see we all see this differently- my dad,bless his heart if he was still living would tell you-you had that child-you take care of it!!!! flame away

gmyers

04-17-2009, 06:54 PM

I've been reading this and what I was wondering. Did the grandparents tell you they would watch your son but only till the other ones baseball season started. If they told you that then no problem. But if they didn't and just changed what they said they would do for you then I'd have a problem with it too. They had to know when the ball games were unless this is the first year that the other grandchild has played ball.

jasmine

04-17-2009, 06:59 PM

I know he is my child, and I do take care of him~~ each and every day in and out. I really don't see what the problem is.... I am in no way jealous of the other grandchild, that would be stupid to be jealous of a child.
I think that maybe some are upset because they don't have a babysitter and can't get out~~ flame away.

And what's wrong with getting out 1 or two times a month, just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to be locked up in your home 24/7 and never get out and do anything and have a life of your own apart from the home?
BTW, this is her legit blood grandson.
He is my child, I do take care of him. I don't work, so he's not in a daycare 8 hours a day, to where I only get to see him a few hours a day. (nothing against those that do work ,honestly, I use to work outside the home also).

And no, they didn't tell me that plans were changing, that they could no longer watch him like they said they could.

jasmine

04-17-2009, 07:00 PM

But, I am ok with it now

gmyers

04-17-2009, 07:22 PM

Then I agree I'd be upset too.

tngirl

04-17-2009, 07:55 PM

OMG!! Give it a break already! The grandparents are NOT the ones that had the child and in no form, shape or fashion is it their responsibility to watch the child at any time. They had their kids and raised them, now it is their life to do with the time that that want without having to worry about babysitting for someone else's child, even if it is their grandchild.

Just because at some point the grandparents said they would watch the kid doesn't mean they signed in blood saying that they would ALWAYS be available. Lord forbid if they should be doing something that THEY enjoy doing.

tammy77

04-17-2009, 08:02 PM

I was just wondering.Did the grandparents watch your son one weekend and the other child the other before baseball started?
I understand how you feel.Even though a parent chose to have thier child and loves them more then anything else,they still do need some time away from thier child.There is nothing wrong with having me time wether its by yourself or with your dh.I think it makes you a better parent,lets you reconnect with your dh so you both together can be loving with each other around your children.Which in the end lets your children know how a marriage should be.

jasmine

04-17-2009, 08:15 PM

I was just wondering.Did the grandparents watch your son one weekend and the other child the other before baseball started?

yes, rotation

BTW, this is one of there weekends free, and you know what, I kid you not, they just called like 3 min. ago asking if they could watch the boy!! I didn't ask at all..........

tammy77

04-17-2009, 08:48 PM

Ok now I know why you are so upset and I hope everyone else now knows why.Up until this point they took turns watching each grandchild and now that baseball season has started all thier time is now with the other child.IMO they should have kept up with that schedule to make it fair.Its not just about being able to go out its about your son being able to spend time with them.He probably does miss them and is wondering why he hasnt seen them.Kids arent as stupid as people think.
Its nice that they offered to watch him but it sucks that its to late for you and your dh to be able to do anything.
Im very blessed that my parents watch my son while Im at work.They offered before I even went back.

gmyers

04-17-2009, 09:12 PM

yes, rotation

BTW, this is one of there weekends free, and you know what, I kid you not, they just called like 3 min. ago asking if they could watch the boy!! I didn't ask at all..........

I'm glad. I hope ya'll get to do something. I don't see anything wrong with leaving kids with someone else so you two can have time for yourselves. It makes the parents less stressed and I think it makes them more patient with their kids.

Jackie_Blu

04-18-2009, 07:37 AM

I don't see anything wrong with leaving kids with someone else so you two can have time for yourselves.

I don't either. But if your "free" babysitter, can't watch them, then you "pay" a babysitter. Oddly enough "free" babysitters have a life, too, and like to do things for themselves also. If you cant afford to pay a babysitter, its likely you can't afford to go out either.

LitWtch

04-18-2009, 03:25 PM

I think that maybe some are upset because they don't have a babysitter and can't get out~~ flame away.

Personally, even when I lived in Germany and England, I had a few babysitters I could trust if I needed or wanted to get out. I don't need a sitter now that the girls are 21 and 17. People are more focused on the fact that you feel entitled to consume the grandparents' time just so you can go play.

You're military, right? Hello?!?!? There is a daycare center on every base and they run a program called "Give Parents a Break" - free child care and the providers are certified through the military, CPR?AED certified, AND it is on camera so no mistaking what goes on.

Like I said, you have made every excuse not to find someone else ... what happens, God forbid, if the grandparents have medical issues unexpectedly? Do for yourself before expecting others to do for you.

ahippiechic

04-18-2009, 04:49 PM

Nope, no jealousy here, my DD goes to her dad's every weekend, unless we have plans for a family thing. So I have a free sitter; every week. But should he decided to go out some of those nights and I still wanted to go somewhere, I'm sure I could find someone to sit her for me and be glad he was getting a night out to himself.

Bahet

04-18-2009, 04:55 PM

Not jealous here either. My parents watch the boys often enough for us to go out occassionally. Maybe 2 - 3 times/year. Mostly we'd rather spend time as a family. Maybe you are the jealous one because we don't have the sort of family dynamic where we feel we can't wait to be rid of the kids. We're just as happy taking the kids out with us. We have a strong marriage as well and don't feel that we are going to suffer as a couple if we can't be alone regularly.

galeane29

04-18-2009, 05:02 PM

I am jealous of no one. I think you are just pissy because you cant have your way.

mabby89

04-18-2009, 05:10 PM

yes, rotation

BTW, this is one of there weekends free, and you know what, I kid you not, they just called like 3 min. ago asking if they could watch the boy!! I didn't ask at all..........

I also am not jealous. You just need to get a grip that your inlaws have a life, rather than just watching the boy. I am sure they love your son, but damn, don't lay the blame on them because they have more than one grandchild, and are happy to spend time with both.

ETA: Why are you calling him "the boy" and not your son?

msmom79

04-18-2009, 08:43 PM

gmyers

04-18-2009, 09:20 PM

i for sure am not jealous-my sons are raised they are 27 and 29-as far as i know i only have a possible granddaughter she is 2- i would love to have her for a few hours and the mother wont allow it-my oldest son pays his child support,never miss's a payment,but even he is not allowed to see her-sometimes life hands you a lemon-and you cant have your way-so just suck it up and go on-its not the end of the world!!! if you need that time to go out-pay a sitter already

Has your son took her to court? If he hasn't missed paying his support he has every right to see his daughter. That terrible for both of you. She'll pay for it when the girl gets old enough to question your son and finds out her dad wasn't in her life because of her pettiness. Take her to court and ask the judge to give ya'll visitation.

Quaker_Parrots

04-19-2009, 02:59 AM

Has your son took her to court? If he hasn't missed paying his support he has every right to see his daughter. That terrible for both of you. She'll pay for it when the girl gets old enough to question your son and finds out her dad wasn't in her life because of her pettiness. Take her to court and ask the judge to give ya'll visitation.

Even if he has missed payments, he has every right to see his child. Is visitation set up through the court? If yes, he needs to go back to court and get her for not following the order.

vicky122

04-19-2009, 04:15 AM

Yes it is nice if you can go out some time but nobody including grand parents owe you that. That is what happens when you have kids. If you are not willing to line up a babysitter then thats on you. I do see they did call for your son and that is great. But get yourself a baby sitter.

dv8grl

04-19-2009, 06:22 AM

No jealousy here.
No kids.
No problems.

:rolling

sheila_361

04-19-2009, 06:40 AM

No jealousy here.
No kids. Mine are grown and own their own
No problems.

:rolling

:yeah

keoka3

04-19-2009, 07:40 AM

Make no mistake I love my grandkids, and I was watching them every weekend and thru the week, thinking to my self I guess I will have my life back when they are big enough to take care of themselves, my son has them one weekend and he was working weekends and then his ex had them the other and she would call me too wanting me to keep them the only time she had them on every other weekend, but now my son is not working weekends and he is keeping them and doing things with them. So I now have time to my self but when my son was little I took him everywhere I went but to work with me I had one job I even took him to work with me I wanted to spend all the time I could with him to watch him grow, when he got bigger to 10 I worked long hrs during the week but we would go somewhere every weekend, but I was a single mom and this was my only child

Urban Cowgirl

04-19-2009, 11:26 AM

No jealousy here.
No kids.
No problems.

:rolling

LMAO I knew that was coming!

ElleGee

04-19-2009, 11:37 AM

Far from jealous here.. I have a live-in babysitter :)

sunniekiss

04-19-2009, 12:40 PM

For me babysitting was a privlidge & not a right. You & your hubby will survive just fine without a babysitter.

Your in-laws enjoy seeing their other grandchild play softball & I can understand that. They have finished raising children. It is their choice when & who to babysit. IMHO

Mini

04-19-2009, 02:11 PM

Wow I read this whole thread and..I dont know what to say.

I can see both sides of the fence here. If you have sex and have a baby YES it is your responsibility to take care of that baby BUT that doesnt mean you dont want time to yourself once in awhile and thats understandable.

I think if its important to you to have that time then you need to let your baby grow up and stay with someone else. You say hes a mommas boy and thats fine most little boys are I think but hes gonna have to learn to leave you at some point you cant keep him on your hip forever as badly as you want to. If you only gone a few hours then its not that big of a deal to pay someone.

But I do understand you being upset to some degree.

WendyLou75

04-19-2009, 02:41 PM

The only thing I can say here is that I agree 100% with Mini on this. I can see both sides, but I also want to say like someone else said earlier:

"No Jealousy
No Kids
No Problems" ;-)

Wow I read this whole thread and..I dont know what to say.

I can see both sides of the fence here. If you have sex and have a baby YES it is your responsibility to take care of that baby BUT that doesnt mean you dont want time to yourself once in awhile and thats understandable.

I think if its important to you to have that time then you need to let your baby grow up and stay with someone else. You say hes a mommas boy and thats fine most little boys are I think but hes gonna have to learn to leave you at some point you cant keep him on your hip forever as badly as you want to. If you only gone a few hours then its not that big of a deal to pay someone.

But I do understand you being upset to some degree.

hotwheelstx

04-19-2009, 03:05 PM

The only thing I can say here is that I agree 100% with Mini on this. I can see both sides, but I also want to say like someone else said earlier:

"No Jealousy
No Kids
No Problems" ;-)

Probably why I chose (voluntarily) not to have any children.....good point. Thanks.

WendyLou75

04-19-2009, 03:11 PM

That's not to say that I don't want at least 1 with John, but you know... I'm not in a hurry to get pregnant any time soon. :) I've never been the kind that had to be a mommy...either way is fine with me.

lassss

04-19-2009, 04:31 PM

Why not change YOUR night to go out to a monday or tuesday...let them watch the kids while the two of you go out to a nice dinner.

jasmine

04-19-2009, 09:18 PM

wow, I did'nt think this thread would continue on.....

anyway, I forget who, but no, we are not military, he was gone on job out of state for that long.
My DH works night shift , he works night from 8 at night till 8 in the morning.

I do love my children, with all my heart and everything withen me, just like all the fellow mothers here do also..... I am here for them day and night, and we do everything together as a family.
Me and the MIL had a talk today, and I asked if it bothered her to still continue to watch my son every other weekend. She said, no, that her and my FIL enjoyed the time together, like I mentioned before we are only gone about 4-5 hours, then come back, she doesn't watch him all night, even though he does stay all night because we come back to stay the night there also. It's just always been that way I guess since they have a spare bedroom and were not dragging him out in the middle of the night. And then in the morning, we leave.
It didn't mean anything that I referred to my son as "the boy", infact that term is used here often, people call and say, "how are the girls doing", or, "how's the boy doing". There's really no issue there, I do know my sons name.
Anyway, we had a nice time, just went out to dinner, played a little bowling.
My MIL and FIL do enjoy eachother and do things, she is blessed she never has to cook LOL, he takes her out to dinner practicaly every night of the week, and then when they don't have softball, they go out on Friday nights, and then the go out some Saturdays during the day for a movie or something. They are always on the move. My FIL retires in June and I'm happy for him, he will get to sit and rest and tinker around the house...
Any way, just thought I'd pop in here and say that I am not the evil woman some may think I am. I do enjoy my family, everyday and love and take care of them.

Bliss

04-20-2009, 05:04 PM

April78945

04-21-2009, 12:47 PM

I think that maybe some are upset because they don't have a babysitter and can't get out~~ flame away.

Isn't that you?

ahippiechic

04-21-2009, 12:53 PM

A parent isn't a babysitter, it's his responsibility as a parent to watch his child.

Yes, it is his responsiblity.

Njean31

04-21-2009, 04:08 PM

i can understand your point op...to a point. i believe that young couples NEED an outlet every now and then to keep their sanity and i was like you when i was younger and had children that needed babysitting. i did not want anyone but family watching my kids due to all the crazy perv's and such. i'm now at grandmother age and don't have one yet but i will gladly babysit when i get one. but, i won't be abused either. good luck

jasmine

04-21-2009, 04:48 PM

Isn't that you?

nope, I have a babysitter LOL

April78945

04-22-2009, 08:25 AM

Oh well, I thought the whole point of your vent was that your babysitter bailed and you were pissed that you had to actually spend time with your kid on the weekends. My bad.

NasCat

04-22-2009, 09:56 AM

That was the impression I got too.....oh, well....

galeane29

04-22-2009, 11:06 AM

Is someone off their meds today? People forgetting wtf their original post was about and all...sheesh

jasmine

04-22-2009, 12:49 PM

Oh well, I thought the whole point of your vent was that your babysitter bailed and you were pissed that you had to actually spend time with your kid on the weekends. My bad.

yeah, I guess I actually have to spend time with my kids. You know, I am the evil mother and all. :rolleyes: That is you know what I was saying in all of my posts in this thread......
At the beginning of this post I was just letting out a lot of vent and whine, but now I'm feeling better. The post was not in any way that I was implying I was wanting to "get away" from my children.

NasCat

04-22-2009, 01:04 PM

But it did "imply" you had no babysitter. Better get your stories straight.

jasmine

04-22-2009, 01:12 PM

But it did "imply" you had no babysitter. Better get your stories straight.

yes, it did imply that I had no babysitter for that particular weekend in my first post, but it DID NOT imply sarcastically that I was pissed that I had to actually spend time with my kid on the weekends.
Thats bull, I love to spend time with my children. Just because I would like to go out every now and then and have a life with my husband and actually have friends outside of the home doesn't mean that I don't care or anything.

fairydana

04-22-2009, 08:18 PM

Lmao!

gmyers

04-22-2009, 08:53 PM

Hope its worked out for you and things are better.

msmom79

04-22-2009, 10:43 PM

Oh well, I thought the whole point of your vent was that your babysitter bailed and you were pissed that you had to actually spend time with your kid on the weekends. My bad.

basically this is what she said-she said she needed time with her hubby and the grandparents,decided to go to the baseball games and couldnt watch her son-and she was upset about it-well about not taking turns with the grandkids-ita with ya april-unless i misunderstood the op too-and i dont think i did.

buglebe

04-22-2009, 11:01 PM

JMO-my younger brother (16 years)when our mother became ill in 05 didn't lend a "helping hand" to help out at all when she was ill. That truly broke my mothers heart. To my mother family was family....you fought, disagreed, didn't care for spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends in general. However, when it came to family you were front and center at all times. Til the day my mother passed away she talked about why "C" had changed so much, that wasn't how he was raised, he knew better. I can also tell you from experience.....3 years later that my brother is in a deep depression over our mothers death. It may of taken 3 years but it's there. There is nothing I nor anyone else in the family can do to help him. He did it all on his own...knowing full well our mother probably wouldn't be here to much longer after she became ill. You make your choices and you live with them.

This is so sad to me. I can certainly understand where your mom was coming from but do you realize where your 16 yr old brother was coming from?
It sounds like you blame your brother too and feel he is getting what he deserves. At 16 kids are pulling away from their parents, and trying to be men or women and some don't understand the seriousness of things or how to express themselves. I feel very sorry for your brother. Your mom wanted the family to pull together so it's time to pull for your brother. Maybe I am misunderstanding this situation and if so forgive me for saying this.

As for the OP's situation, I think the grandparents are enjoying the games on all levels and they are not babysitting. Though it doesn't appear so to parents, it is very hard on grandparents to babysit depending on their age, health and the activity of the children. I love my grandchildren dearly but keeping them for a week end wears me and my husband out.

cabby92

04-23-2009, 02:01 AM

This is so sad to me. I can certainly understand where your mom was coming from but do you realize where your 16 yr old brother was coming from?
It sounds like you blame your brother too and feel he is getting what he deserves. At 16 kids are pulling away from their parents, and trying to be men or women and some don't understand the seriousness of things or how to express themselves. I feel very sorry for your brother. Your mom wanted the family to pull together so it's time to pull for your brother. Maybe I am misunderstanding this situation and if so forgive me for saying this.

As for the OP's situation, I think the grandparents are enjoying the games on all levels and they are not babysitting. Though it doesn't appear so to parents, it is very hard on grandparents to babysit depending on their age, health and the activity of the children. I love my grandchildren dearly but keeping them for a week end wears me and my husband out.

I think her brother is 16 years younger than her but was a grown man during her mom's illness.

Back to OP - If the grandparents are spending that much time at the games it's obviously something they enjoy. Think of it as their Nascar and find a trusted babysitter. Try checking out a game or two, you might enjoy it also.

jasmine

04-23-2009, 06:31 AM

I think her brother is 16 years younger than her but was a grown man during her mom's illness.

Back to OP - If the grandparents are spending that much time at the games it's obviously something they enjoy. Think of it as their Nascar and find a trusted babysitter. Try checking out a game or two, you might enjoy it also.

yeah, I plan on going to a game this weekend because it will be nice. Believe me, I have spent many years on the field with my 2 girls and softball, sometimes from sun-up till sun-down. Sometimes wishing they would loose so we could go home from being so exhasted LOL (just teasing), but those that have been on the field all day and night get to the point of just wanting to go home LOL. My DD's were just not interested in playing anymore, don't know if it's cause they got older or what? Anyway.

hotwheelstx

04-23-2009, 06:35 AM

This is so sad to me. I can certainly understand where your mom was coming from but do you realize where your 16 yr old brother was coming from?
It sounds like you blame your brother too and feel he is getting what he deserves. At 16 kids are pulling away from their parents, and trying to be men or women and some don't understand the seriousness of things or how to express themselves. I feel very sorry for your brother. Your mom wanted the family to pull together so it's time to pull for your brother. Maybe I am misunderstanding this situation and if so forgive me for saying this.

As for the OP's situation, I think the grandparents are enjoying the games on all levels and they are not babysitting. Though it doesn't appear so to parents, it is very hard on grandparents to babysit depending on their age, health and the activity of the children. I love my grandchildren dearly but keeping them for a week end wears me and my husband out.

Sorry, I didn't make myself clear. My brother at the time of mom's death 27. He's turning 30 this year.

Memedav

04-24-2009, 04:25 AM

momfromTN

04-24-2009, 12:49 PM

Well I can relate to that, my parents have never had our kids overnight...or even for a day! As a matter of fact when I was in the hospital having Scarlett, my husband had to work and he would bring Fiona to the hospital and she had to stay there all day with me until the work day was over. I'm used to the differences they show my kids by now, but would LOVE LOVE to just be able to go out every now and then with just my husband for dinner/movie. I guess I will have to wait until they are adults...by then I probably won't want to go out with him LOL So sorry about your situation, I hope it gets better!

If it were me, when the day comes that your parents need help with something, I would refuse. Absolutely refuse.

I had a SIL who kept my children while I had #3. I was grateful. I had to have surgery before I left the hospital, and she agreed, again, to watch them so my husband could be with me. Well, she decided not to watch them because she wanted to go to church. The thing is, we went to the SAME church. The kids would have been in either the nursery or young kid's program, as they always had been on Wed. nights. So, I had to face surgery alone, since they didn't get to my surgery until 6 pm. I will never forgive her for that and God help her if she ever needs my help.

While I was thankful she watched our children so Dh could attend the birth of our third, she actually didn't have them all that long. They were at school during the days. So, it would not have killed her to allow me to have my husband with me, the way she had her husband with her when she had surgery the year before. I was petrified.