My brother's tacky wedding invitation!

[sandooch]

My brother is getting married on March 21st. I received the invitation from my mother today, with whom my 47-year-old brother lives with.

First of all, you should know that I do love my brother, but he can be the tackiest, greediest person sometimes and it really irritates and embarrasses me and my sister. He seems to be getting worse with each passing year.

Anyway, my brother and his fiance made their invites on the computer. No problem there, except for grammatical errors and not placing her name above his. The thing that irritates me most is on the reception card. On the bottom it says, "Monetary Gifts Appreciated." Is that not the tackiest thing ever to put on a wedding invitation? They didn't even put a return stamp on the reception card envelope, which is customary.

Oh, and they have informed us that at the restaurant where they will be having the reception everyone will have to pay for themselves because they can't afford it (not even mentioned on the reception card, so I guess they plan to spring it on everyone when their bills arrive).

What the Hell? My brother works; lives with my mom and dad rent, grocery, and utility bill free; does not have a car payment; no kids to take care of, and between him and his working fiance cannot come up with $200-$300 for a meal (they are only inviting immediate family).

The whole thing is beyond tacky to me, from asking for money as a gift and then asking people to pay for their own food at the reception.

I will be calling him tomorrow to let him know that we cannot afford to pay for our dinner, so we won't be able to attend the reception, which is not a lie because we have a new huge mortgage payment and do not go out to eat any more or do a lot of extras because of it. My sister is in the same boat.

I feel that if you cannot afford to have a reception, make a cake and invite people over for cake and punch, or just elope. People, especially family, will understand that you cannot afford a big ol' wedding, just don't embarrass your whole family by looking like cheap, money-grubbing asses while doing it.

Sorry to go into a rant, but I am just livid about this whole thing. :getyou

[dv8grl]

Ewwww!!! That is horribly tacky!
Are they going to live with your folks after the wedding?

[pepperpot]

Wow......unbelievable.....:lol

[tunisia]

I am to assume that the fiance has no tact either, and is a bit cheap? I chose not to have a big wedding because I could not afford it, didn't want it, and would have rather used the money to make the move from my home state of NY to OH. We had a simple wedding with a few friends and it was the most enjoyable day.

Our family was once invited to a dish to pass reception(yes, it was on the invitation) but we knew that the family could not afford a big wedding. It turned out to be a really fun reception with an overabundance of delicious food.

I guess your brother will have a big wake up call when he starts paying rent and utilities, and goodness forbid, they start a family. It sounds like the only reason they are having any kind of reception in the first place is to receive their 'monetary gifts'. I'd suggest to them that they elope.

[1luckylady]

That is so tacky. What the heck is he thinking? What do your parents have to say? There are cheap ways to have a reception if you just look into it. And monetary gifts on the card? I've heard it all now.

[pepperpot]

Thinking more about it....it's more than tacky....it's downright rude....:agree

[4diego]

My dh & I were married three years ago. It was his first wedding and my second but my first was at the courthouse. It was important to him to have a bigger wedding so we did it and it cost (all included, even the honeymoon) less than $4000. We did it all ourselves, even down to making our own confetti to spread on the tables. I had an actual dress because my parents got it for me at the $99 Davids Bridal sale. A friend made our cake and my dh family made our flowers, etc... We did a buffet style reception, bought all the food on sale at places like Aldies. We had a DJ and rented out the local Disabled American Veterans hall for less than $300. We had 12 people stand up with us and all our family & friends there and it was the best money we ever spent. We saved for over a year and used our tax refunds too! We even got the dresses off of Pennys website, on clearance, for under $30 each. Family did the pictures w/digital camera's, etc... and then we printed them off at Wal-Mart. No one would believe how little it cost to have such a big wedding/reception but it can be done and done tastefully. I can't imagine inviting guests to the reception and then charging them for their meal and requesting $ as a gift. That is rude & lazy if you ask me!! Hope you can make him "see the error or his ways" by not attending. What is a reception if you aren't surrounded by family and friends?

[Urban Cowgirl]

Our family was once invited to a dish to pass reception(yes, it was on the invitation.

What is this?

[mosdata1]

I believe it's a 'covered dish' reception - something like a pot-luck meal, where everyone brings a dish so all can share.

[iluvmybaby]

My brother is getting married on March 21st. I received the invitation from my mother today, with whom my 47-year-old brother lives with.

First of all, you should know that I do love my brother, but he can be the tackiest, greediest person sometimes and it really irritates and embarrasses me and my sister. He seems to be getting worse with each passing year.

Anyway, my brother and his fiance made their invites on the computer. No problem there, except for grammatical errors and not placing her name above his. The thing that irritates me most is on the reception card. On the bottom it says, "Monetary Gifts Appreciated." Is that not the tackiest thing ever to put on a wedding invitation? They didn't even put a return stamp on the reception card envelope, which is customary.

Oh, and they have informed us that at the restaurant where they will be having the reception everyone will have to pay for themselves because they can't afford it (not even mentioned on the reception card, so I guess they plan to spring it on everyone when their bills arrive).

What the Hell? My brother works; lives with my mom and dad rent, grocery, and utility bill free; does not have a car payment; no kids to take care of, and between him and his working fiance cannot come up with $200-$300 for a meal (they are only inviting immediate family).

The whole thing is beyond tacky to me, from asking for money as a gift and then asking people to pay for their own food at the reception.

I will be calling him tomorrow to let him know that we cannot afford to pay for our dinner, so we won't be able to attend the reception, which is not a lie because we have a new huge mortgage payment and do not go out to eat any more or do a lot of extras because of it. My sister is in the same boat.

I feel that if you cannot afford to have a reception, make a cake and invite people over for cake and punch, or just elope. People, especially family, will understand that you cannot afford a big ol' wedding, just don't embarrass your whole family by looking like cheap, money-grubbing asses while doing it.

Sorry to go into a rant, but I am just livid about this whole thing. :getyou
Why dont you and your sister go together and split the cost of the entree and drink water, that way it would only be $5 a piece

[gmyers]

Or go and just to scare him order your dinners and tell the waiter he's paying.lol.

[sandooch]

I'm glad to see you are all in agreement that this invite is so tacky and rude.

dv8grl, no, they most certainly won't be living with my parents afterwards (thank God). His fiance has two kids, a 19-year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter, who are both drug users and in gangs. They both can't stand my brother and the boy has even threatened his life (yet another reason we don't want this marriage to take place). The boy has even stolen a $600 camera from my sister's house, probably to sell for drug money. Needless to say, that's another reason we don't want to attend the reception, no one wants to see that juvenile delinquent. I mean the list goes on and on why this relationship is a time bomb ready to explode.

tunisia, yes, his fiance does not have much tact either. She does have a great job with great pay, but blows it all on my greedy brother, buying him stupid, useless things. In the 2 years she's been with him she must have blown at least $20,000 on him if not more. But her biggest problem, aside from buying my brother's love, is she is a control freak. She has to know where he is every minute of the day, calling him constantly until he picks up the phone, even when she knows he is visiting his family she will call him and he'll stay on the phone for an hour or more.

1luckylady, as for what my parents think, my dad is fed up and would kick him out in an instant if it were not for my mother. No, she isn't happy about my brother not having his life together. She and my father spent thousands of dollars putting him through college for a career in medical billing only for him to just drop out after years of starting and stopping. Money down the toilet. My dad constantly tells me and my sister that he is ashamed of my brother. My mom seems to think that she is helping him by letting him live with them rent free and doing all his cooking, cleaning and laundry, but she is only hurting him. My brother has just come to expect these things from her now and has no problem asking her for money when he has car problems. It is pathetic! My sister and I try to make my mom see that my brother is taking advantage of her generosity and she has turned him into a mama's boy, but she will not change her ways.

4diego, I'm with you. When my husband and I got married we paid for it all. I made the centerpieces, asked a family member to take pictures and another to do the video, made our own dance mix tape, put together our own floral arrangements from flowers from the garden, etc... There are so many ways to save money for weddings and receptions.

It really hurts me that my own flesh and blood is taking advantage of my mom. And that he is being so tacky and rude with this whole wedding. It serves him right not to have people show up to his reception because they are expecting people to pay for their food and to bring money gifts. Heck, I'm even going to tell him that money is so tight for us that we won't be able to afford a wedding gift either (again, not a lie).

I hope one day he will see the error of his ways. I want my old brother back; the one who would give you the shirt off his back. Now a days, it seems like he'd take the shirt off your back. It's so sad.

[tunisia]

wow Sandooch, the above post really puts things into perspective. Now more than ever, totally understandable why you don't want any part of this whole 'shindig'. Sounds like this is a trainwreck waiting to happen for sure.

I so agree that weddings can be done on a small budget and be so tasteful. I too bought my dress off the rack @David's Bridal for $99. The one thing I wanted was professional studio portraits. They were incredible and my friend said that you'd never guess we didn't have a big wedding.

I know I'm going off on a tangent but while we're on the subject of weddings, I think it is just ridiculous to pay all that money for just one day. What some cough up for a wedding is more than plenty to put a good down payment on a home. I sometimes watch "Who's wedding is it anyway?" and I get sick to the stomach at the extremes that some go to in order to make a show of things.

We had a traditional Tunisian dinner, I made all the food and appetizers, got married at the courthouse, I think my cake was under $150 and was beautiful, the photo session was $300 but so well worth it to me. Didn't take our honeymoon until a year later and it was to Tunisia to visit hubby's family.

Oh, and his family got to see everyone at the 'reception'. after we got married, we turned on the webcam as they all gathered at my brother in law's house in Tunis, so they got to take part, in a way.

I have to wonder why your brother isn't already living w/his soon-to-be wife? Is it because he is afraid of her son's threats? what is he going to do when he gets married?

[sandooch]

His fiance's son doesn't live with the mother. He lives with his girlfriend and their newborn son. Get this...they don't live together because they are Christian and don't believe in premarital sex. Yeah right! Even though most of his stuff is at my mom's house, there are several nights he doesn't come home. No sex my aunt fanny! lol

I do agree with you that big weddings are such a waste of money. I always regreted going that route with my first wedding. Even in 1987 it cost us $20,000. Can you believe it? Your right; we could have put a nice downpayment on a house with that kind of money.

I have two daughters and always tell them that I'm not the kind of mother that needs to show off to people by throwing my girls a huge wedding. I'd be perfectly happy if they wanted something small. There is no reason for anyone to go into debt for a one-day event. Of course, if your rich and have the money to blow, go for it.

[BeanieLuvR]

Thinking more about it....it's more than tacky....it's downright rude....:agree

ITA!! I have never heard of such a thing as expecting guests to pay for their own meal and asking for money. What is this world coming too?

[sandooch]

Yep! All I can help feeling reading that monetary-gift-appreciated line is that they care more about the gift than the guest coming to share their day. I swear, my brother acts like a greedy, spoiled little child.

[ElleGee]

Good luck with this whole wedding fiasco.. Sounds like you're going to need it!

[Kelsey1224]

Totally tacky. I would send them an etiquette book.

[tunisia]

I hate to even think what the 'thank you' notes will be like lol

Oh yes, and while I'm still on my wedding rant tangent...nothing angers me more than to attend a wedding, get something on someone's registry list, and never receive a thank you note. I never expect to receive one right away, as I know that many couples are so busy trying to settle into a household together, etc. but I think after a month or so, they should start tackling them.

[shadowcats]

maybe you should send this to dr phil and see if he could help that knucklehead see the errors of his way , and maybe shake a little sence in to your moms ,,,,,,,,, i raised two boys and a girl of my own and two fosters one boy one girl and believe me , i made sure they knew they needed to stand on their own , if they wanted to succeed ,,,,,,,,,i was allways there to back them , but hell , if they didnt do their own laundry and stuff , they were going to get alfull dirty ,,,,,,,,,,, hold nose and gag.............. lol they got the picture,,,,,,,,,,, i think your mom has issues you need to get her a book on dependancey and tell her you understand ,,,,,and your there for her but shes setting herself up for heartbreak and shes making her son a dependant junky ,,,,,,,,,, which is why hes marrying this woman who controls him,
well thats just my opinion ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

sharon:doh:hmmmm2::argh::headshake:argue:springer: soapbox

[gmyers]

It sounds like what happened on Bridezillas. The couple didn't ask they demanded people give them money at the reception and pay for their food too. She stood up at the reception and asked for money.

[sandooch]

It sounds like what happened on Bridezillas. The couple didn't ask they demanded people give them money at the reception and pay for their food too. She stood up at the reception and asked for money.

Maybe my brother and his fiance watched that episode. lol

[sandooch]

maybe you should send this to dr phil and see if he could help that knucklehead see the errors of his way , and maybe shake a little sence in to your moms ,,,,,,,,, i raised two boys and a girl of my own and two fosters one boy one girl and believe me , i made sure they knew they needed to stand on their own , if they wanted to succeed ,,,,,,,,,i was allways there to back them , but hell , if they didnt do their own laundry and stuff , they were going to get alfull dirty ,,,,,,,,,,, hold nose and gag.............. lol they got the picture,,,,,,,,,,, i think your mom has issues you need to get her a book on dependancey and tell her you understand ,,,,,and your there for her but shes setting herself up for heartbreak and shes making her son a dependant junky ,,,,,,,,,, which is why hes marrying this woman who controls him,
well thats just my opinion ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

sharon:doh:hmmmm2::argh::headshake:argue:springer: soapbox

You know, the funny thing is, she watches Dr. Phil all the time and has even made comments about those shows he has about people who smother and take care of their children at the expense of losing their nest egg and/or health over them. I honestly feel that she does not put herself in the same category as these other parents. She doesn't think she is crippling him by doing all these things. No matter what we say she thinks what she does helps him to become a better person. :shrug

[atprm]

well, hopefully you didn't have to hire an investigator to find out out if he was married or not (per one other previous post).

Are they (and would ascertain not) registered somewhere.. like at Target or Big Lots or Dollar Tree? (sorry couldn't resist the last 2 stores) LOL

I wondered if they were moving in with your parents... but you already answered that.

If you wanted to be a "b*tch" you could give them monopoly money in an envelope OR... go to your airport and get a conversion -- say in Rubles or Yen. (lol)... and then head over to big lots and find a really tacky basket with generic soaps and stuff in it (highest quality from China) for their "first bath as a married couple" (try not to gag LOL).

I certainly would not invest anything of value into the new marriage -- it will be sold off by the kids...

you can "write" off the currency by saying "oh I thought that I heard you were going to xxxx country (whichever currency you get) for your honeymoon".

oh to be the fly on the wall!!

you might want to send them one of the youtube videos of ppl getting married at White Castle or Waffle House or McDonald's... that way, if you have to pay your own meal, at least you might get a toy from the happy meal!

I know you are mad, but ... from the outside, it's funny.

[Steelerfan]

OMG!! They are beyond tacky!!

[Jackie_Blu]

I agree, tacky, rude, etc.,etc. You should let all the guests know for anyone planning to give them a monetary gift, the couple would appreciate the money being presented to your parents to help pay off the indebtness to them. Of course hopefully the couple will receive an empty card from each guest commending them on their thoughtfulness to your parents lol Think it would work? haha

[freeplease]

Wow. Just wow. I am speechless.

Making "guests" pay for their own dinner, and the WORST, requesting gifts of money on the invitation??? Miss Manners would poke them both to death with a shrimp fork.

Makes my DD's wedding last summer look like a royal wedding...

[krisharry]

Definitely tacky, wouldn't wanna be anywhere near that wedding or the fiasco of a marriage.

[whatever]

OMG that almost sounds like something my sil would pull!! IF she ever met someone LOL. She is greedy as well. She lives with and off my dh's parents too! And I fully can see why you would be livid. I would comment also. Although I'm sure it won't change anything people live the way people let them and so he figures he can get away with it etc. If I get the invitation like that you bet your bippy I would show up empty handed. Because if you are having a reception just to get gifts it shows you have no class!

[fairydana]

Thank you Jesus that none of my sisters did this!

Girl, I am with you it is rude and tacky. They sound like they are very selfish to me.
I am sorry your brothers being a bonehead!
:hug

[magickay]

Skip the reception, put a dollar in a card, and them them to buy a clue...

[sandooch]

You guys are a riot! Thanks for the laughs and the gag gift ideas. I especially love the monopoly money one. I am almost tempted to do that. LMAO

[chib44]

tacky yes take a lot of gull my hubby and i were married by a jp for 10.00 its laster 42 years

[jedmatters]

Married 13 years this Saturday... no bridal shower, no wedding party:
and the entire wedding: $198.
That includes the license fee and officiate fee: my dress (my mom made out of hunter green coton and country cotton lace), bird seed, white Christams lights and ribbons for the trees. Garden wedding at a friends beautiful garden.
We asked for NO GIFTS. As we both had places of our own, and had to combine and divide already. Just join us as we start our marriage.

TACKY is not even close to what your brother is doing. I vote you print out a card (do not buy one) place a penny in it, and wish them the best...
Then sit back and enjoy the floor show of a marriage they will have.

[pepperpot]

You really are stuck in a hard place in all seriousness.... even though he's being 'tacky' to say the least....if you tweak it with play money or not show up, etc. they sound like the type that would blame their 'failed' marriage on you because you did not 'support' them.....:rolleyes:

I'd go to the church ceremony and hand them an envelope with a gift included and wish them well. Tell them you cannot afford the dinner for your entire family as times are tight right now, you didn't want to 'put them out' but wanted to give them a gift (okay, white lie there....) and wish them much happiness in thier future.

If you do anything else, it really opens you up for criticism and you need to think for the long run. She may be gone in a few years (months, weeks,days, hours, :shuffle) but he'll always be your brother :slap....warts, greediness, poor judgment and all.....:agree

[Jenefer3]

definitely tacky and rude....I'd buy them a cheap salt n pepper set or a whisk (something practical), wrap it up, and wish them the best. Why spend money or give money when they won't really appreciate any of it?

[atprm]

Skip the reception, put a dollar in a card, and them them to buy a clue...


You guys are a riot! Thanks for the laughs and the gag gift ideas. I especially love the monopoly money one. I am almost tempted to do that. LMAO



you could always print this out (I made it awhile ago) and trim the paper and insert it in their wedding card :D :rolling :


http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa99/lorynia/cvs.jpg

[sandooch]

You really are stuck in a hard place in all seriousness.... even though he's being 'tacky' to say the least....if you tweak it with play money or not show up, etc. they sound like the type that would blame their 'failed' marriage on you because you did not 'support' them.....:rolleyes:

I'd go to the church ceremony and hand them an envelope with a gift included and wish them well. Tell them you cannot afford the dinner for your entire family as times are tight right now, you didn't want to 'put them out' but wanted to give them a gift (okay, white lie there....) and wish them much happiness in thier future.

If you do anything else, it really opens you up for criticism and you need to think for the long run. She may be gone in a few years (months, weeks,days, hours, :shuffle) but he'll always be your brother :slap....warts, greediness, poor judgment and all.....:agree

I see your point, pepper, and like I said, I do love my brother, but there is no way ever he could blame this marriage failing (and the writing is on the wall that it will) on anyone in our family, whether we go to the reception or not. We all have told him time and time again to get out of this doomed relationship, but he keeps saying he can't help it, he loves her (translation: she buys me cool things like an expensive camera, bluetooth, clothes and even a car).

We also just found out today that only he and his fiance will be at the ceremony since the chapel charges extra if you invite anyone. WTH! Have you ever heard such nonsense?

And I did mean it when I said we can't afford either the dinner nor the gift at this time. The part-time job I have pays once a month and it's late, so we are struggling to stay above water ourselves. Dinners out and gifts are the least of our concerns right now. If my brother can't understand that, tough tatas.

Of course I want my brother to be happy. I just can't see it happening with this woman. What happens when she runs out of money to buy him stuff? How long can he put up with her constant overbearing ways? How long can he tolerate her drugged up thug kids? I'm sorry to say that I don't even give it a year before he admits he made the biggest mistake of his life. And my sister and I have already agreed that when (not if) that happens, we will not be saying, "We told you so." We just hope he wakes up and gets his head on straight.

[tunisia]

any way you could suggest to him that they skip the restaurant and just have a reception at your parent's house with cake and punch?

[sandooch]

any way you could suggest to him that they skip the restaurant and just have a reception at your parent's house with cake and punch?

Absolutely not! My dad will not allow my brother's fiance's son in his house since he stole my sister's camera. Actually, we made it very clear to my brother that her children are never allowed to come over to any of our houses. The first time my oldest daughter met her daughter (her daughter was 14 at the time) she came to me terrified saying, "That girl is a wacko. All she kept talking about was getting drunk or high and telling me that we should ditch this place and go find a party to get high at. She also told me that she could show me how to dress sexy so that I could meet older guys." That was all I needed to hear to know that girl would never hang around my girls ever.

[pepperpot]

:faint:

[mosdata1]

Absolutely not! My dad will not allow my brother's fiance's son in his house since he stole my sister's camera. Actually, we made it very clear to my brother that her children are never allowed to come over to any of our houses. The first time my oldest daughter met her daughter (her daughter was 14 at the time) she came to me terrified saying, "That girl is a wacko. All she kept talking about was getting drunk or high and telling me that we should ditch this place and go find a party to get high at. She also told me that she could show me how to dress sexy so that I could meet older guys." That was all I needed to hear to know that girl would never hang around my girls ever.

Wow!

Just let your brother know, that should he ever come to his senses again, you are there for him.
For support (not like your mom is doing KWIM?)

[sandooch]

Wow!

Just let your brother know, that should he ever come to his senses again, you are there for him.
For support (not like your mom is doing KWIM?)

Oh, of course. We are and always will be a close family, even though I hardly see my brother very much. Even though I don't agree with his way of life, he knows we will always be there for him.

Okay, I left a message on his cell (he hardly ever answers his phone) saying that money is too tight for us to be able to go to his reception and that I hope he understood. I was kinda hoping I'd be able to leave a message and not talk to him on the phone, because I am still extremely disappointed in him marrying her and how they are going about this whole wedding and invitation; I think it would have been hard for me not to say anything to him about that had he actual answered his cell.