I am just having a pity party for myself care to join me

[ma4angels]

I am just sitting here at work trying to stay awake. I have learned to appreciate my job because I am blessed to even have one with the way the economy is. I have posted about my job before but all the problems I was having have worked out. One of the problems no longers works here. And nicer new ones are here now. Well yes this is a selfish moment I just wish things were back the way they use to be when I was a SAHM. I enjoyed taking care of the house and the kids. I feel that they are suffering because I am at work and when I am at home I am tired because of work. I feel that it was ok for me to go back to work because my DH needed me to at the time. It was suppose to be temporary. But then of the ecomony went south and my DH business dropped off. Now that I am staying put because we need the money he doesn't appreciate me working. I feel unappreciated alot. Of course my house is a complete mess. I work thirds so when I am home I am asleep. No one seems to want to help me keep it clean. Then I get smart comments about it not being clean when he sits there and watches the kids mess it up. And I know that his pride is involved here but sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what you have to do. I just wish I could figure away to work thirds and still take care of my house. And also get enough sleep. I am just not wonder woman. Plus I think because if not getting enough sleep , my immune system is out of wack. I have been sicker this year then I ever have been. I have every cold that my children brings in and ones I get from being at work. I think I got maybe three hours sleep today and that is it Anyway it will be better tomorrow I have a couple of days off. I am hoping Thursday I can get my house in order for at least a couple of days. Sorry I am now finished my pity party . On to happier thoughts. Thanks for listening:itsme:

[evrita]

If he aint working then he can do the friggen work. My hubby is laid off and let me tell ya my house is clean when I come home from work. He might not have some of the things done. He makes sure when I work third that I get to come home sleep and not get disturbed.

Your kids will understand and if anything you are teaching them that you can work and be a mom too. Kids are smarter then what you give them credit for sometimes. Chin up I know lack of sleep is hard. As far as your DH goes he gives you crap about a non clean house show him a broom and show him how it works.

[mosdata1]

I remember once, about 1 1/2 years into my marriage, I had just gone back to work after having DS and of course, I stopped doing all the housework.

I figured we would go back to splitting the chores since I was once again working outside the home. DH (during a few moments of insanity) thought that I would continue to do all the housework.
After my complaints fell on deaf ears, I finally stopped doing anything.

About4 days into this, DH complained & said "I guess you want us to get roaches in here". I looked at him & said "Yeah, just like you do". He asked me what I meant & I told him that my complaining about him not doing anything & asking him to help wasn't working, so I would let him live in his mess.
Although I have to tell you, if I had seen roaches (or any other creepy crawlies) - I would have caved in 2 seconds flat!

That night, he cleaned the entire apt & we went back to splitting the chores.

Can you stand to ignore the mess for a couple of days? If you did, would your DH finally chip in & help? I know mine would because he's a neat freak.

GL & cheer up. You are doing an awesome job in making sure your family is provided for. I know many men feel somehow that they are less 'manly' when they aren't able to take care of the family on their own, but hey, it's a different day & age, and we all chip in to make our families work.

[ma4angels]

He works some but not the hours I do. I know I need to put the broom in his hand but after tonight I can think of another place to tell hime put that broom. That was ugly but oh well. I will have words tomorrow the comment was made on the phone when I was on the way to work so he ruined my night. But of course I will make him feel worse tomorrow. I am going to give him the ultimate silent treatment. Which he can't stand Don't get me wrong he is a great guy for the most part but then that male thing comes in and makes me want to smack him. Thank you what you said about my kids I feel like they are getting neglected and of course lack of sleep doesn't help. I just have a real hard time sleeping during the day. You would think after a year of doing this I would have gotten use to it but I haven't. I have been looking for day work but it is hard to come by here. Thanks for listening I feel better just talking about it and like I said tomorrrow will be a better day

[ElleGee]

:hug I really have no advice

[gmyers]

You're not neglecting your kids you're doing what you have to to make ends meet. I believe your husband will realize that and help more. They do have too much pride sometimes. Think of yourself too if you get sick from not getting enough sleep that wont help. I wish you the best. Talk to him he'll understand. It may take a while but he'll get it.

[hotwheelstx]

Go on strike and do NOTHING. That's what I did with Aggie (dh). After about a week or so of not having his "favorite shirt, slacks, ties to the cleaners) he figured it all out. I even went as far as not to do the dishes, either.....that really got to Aggie.

From the day Aggie starting cooking, vacuuming, laundry.....I've never heard another word out of him. I truly haven't. I haven't heard any praise either but that's alright....at least he got my point.

I went as far as to put signs all over the house on what needed to be done....down to feeding the pets, cleaning out the fish tank, feeding the fish, cleaning the litter box.

I still do a lot of the housework....but what doesn't get done if I ask Aggie now to do it....there's no talking, questioning me about it.

I wouldn't do what you can live without....dishes in dishwasher, dusting, vacuuming. Let your hubby stew in it for awhile see what happens.

I did come home from work one day to find Aggie had hired a maid to come in do the the housework. I put an end to that....told him that I'd clean the entire house myself if he'd pay me what he was taking out of our checking acct. to pay her. That didn't go over well either....all I heard was he didn't know how to clean......HOGWASH.

In the end....HE GOT THE POINT.

[shadowcats]

you married to share life not take care of him, sorry , but thats life , and if he cant share the housework and child care , then you ll quit work and he ll have to take a second job to BE A MAN, AND PAY THE BILLS, lol that should shut him up, in this day and age , he should understand machoism is as they say is GONE WITH THE WIND, and you have as much right to a clean home as he does and if he lets the kids make a mess he has no right to complain to you about it. i think he needs a wake up call , if he says i dont know how to clean , get heloise's house hold hints book or one of the books at the library on cleaning and let him read ,,,,,,,,,,,HE DOES READ im asumming , lol , theres no excuse for you to make yourself sick trying to do 3 jobs on your own, housekeeping, caring for kids and working outside of the home,,,,,,,, shesh you need time for yourself , or youll end up in the hospital , he has what he needs , two hands and time , make a schedule of your time and what you do and how you do it, then make another schedule of his time and activiites , then show him how unfair he making you feel,,,,,,,,,and stand your ground , if you give in now , youll be making yourself sick with overwork and then where will you both be, your controbutions are just as valuable as his, and show it on the schedules , if he has any deciencey he ll understand and help you more.
try and rest when you can , dont overwork yourself, if he doent shape up then let the house go to pot......... hell if he cant live with it then he ll have to clean it up ,,,,,,,,lol,
sharon
been there done that ,
53years and my birthday was sunday,,,, raised 3 kids two fosters and homeschooled them all, and worked has a domestic engineer for 20 years (outside my home)
an all my kids are selfsufficient and doing good as can be ;in this economy ,my oldest works in computers and has a wife , he shares housework , and chores , and my daughter has 3 kids and is a minister and her husband is a minister , and they both share the chores,,,, if you start out one way then they ll always follow,,,,,,,, if you change from min to min then the whole world is out of wack...... so stand your ground girl friend and insist on your rights , share and share alike ,,,,,,,
good luck to you,,
sharon
my youngest died in 2002 in a freak car accident and even he did laundry and housework i raised them all with the understanding if you both work you share,,,,,,,, thats a given , no contest and in our house the rules were , we all share we all work even the kids, i was mom not the housekeeper .

[ma4angels]

Thanks I actually have been ignoring alot of stuff lately like his laundry and some other stuff. He actually helped me clean the den one day about two months ago I thought wow he gets it. I praised him and thanked him for the help. That was the end so I have really slacked on the laundry. The boy doesn't have a clue. Maybe if I start forgetting to do other things it might work. I decided to make a list of stuff the kids are going to be responsible for . Then I am going to try to talk to him about it. Anyway I am going to inform him I am not his Mama. Thanks again

[Kelsey1224]

Quit trying to hint what you need. Men do not get hints! You need to tell him flat out that since you are now working, that all at home jobs need to be split and that he has to pull his weight at home as well.

[tunisia]

I know nights are hard. I've worked them for 21 years and I always say that our bodies just were not meant to sleep during the day. How old are your children? If old enough to do some light housework, this would be a perfect opportunity to begin teaching them the importance of teamwork, and everyone pitching in. They need to be held accountable too (if they are old enough); after all, the contribute to the mess.

[nightrider127]

You are not having a pity party. You have a reason to complain. My hubby tried that same stunt on me and trust me, he learned a hard lesson.

OMG, our house was a mess. Anything a person can imagine, he messed up. I was working in a caferteria and he would stop by and I would send his and Randys dinner home on paper plates. I would get in that night and there would be the paper plates beside the bed where him and Randy had ate while watching cartoons. Then I would have to listen to my Mom tell me how cute hubby looked carrying Randy on his shoulders as they headed back to our place.

Well I got tired of cleaning every weekend that I was off. I thoroughly cleaned the place one weekend and then told him that he was going to have to help keep it that way. Well the very next week, the house started looking crappy again. This time, I did nothing. I told him that he was going to have to clean it up because I wasn't. He cleaned it up but not before he went to my Mom and Dad whining that I had went on strike on him. He must have sounded pretty bad because my Dad ended up coming down and helping him clean the mess up. After that, I never had a problem with him helping me out.