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meltodd69
02-19-2009, 06:31 AM
Should I listen to DH?

I went to the store two days ago. The "bagboy" needed a ride home. We have known this guy for over ten years. I thought no problem. He only lives around the corner from the store. And I know how it is, just getting off work and tired. So I said yes.
I pulled up to the front of his apartment building, because I was in a hurry to get home. He said I could pull out back. Nope I'm in a hurry! Well this SOB grabbed me and tried to kiss me! I was like WTF!!! I yelled get out of my car NOW! He got out saying let me explain. Ahhh NO! I raced straight home.
I wasn't going to say anything to DH. He is the very protective. Then I thought this guy knows where I live and work. He has been to our house many times. Well, I told DH. He about went through the roof. Yesterday DH went to Kroger's and got into this guys face. Of course he said let me explain. That made DH more mad. DH told him to never look at me again. If I am in the store, he is to go the other way. DH told him if he even looks at me DH will beat him!
This guy is challenged. But I think he knew what he was doing. DH agree's.
Well DH wants me to file a report with the PD. He feels like it was assault. I don't want to get this guy into trouble, we've known him for years. He has never tried anything like this before. But DH feels like if someone doesn't do something, WHO will be next? What if he tries this with someone else or worse someone's little girl? I couldn't live with myself if that happened.
DH is upset with me. I know it's the right thing to do, by reporting it. Maybe this guy needs mental help? But I am having a hard time bringing myself to reporting it. He stopped, but what if he doesn't the next time?
What should I do? Am I right by keeping my mouth shut? Or is DH right, I should report it? Any advice?

pepperpot
02-19-2009, 06:39 AM
I would report it. Not to get him 'punished' for this occurrence but to document his behavior.

He has never tried anything like this before.
How do you know?

I'd also go to Krogers and speak with the manager.....not to get him fired, but he should know about this so this challenged person is not given a task to compromise all parties.

Obviously this person is challenged and needs help with his social skills/barriers....he needs help to understand. :agree

Good luck. And just because he is 'challenged', it doesn't mean he's 'harmless'.....it means he has issues with judgment and self control......be careful.

tarasdream
02-19-2009, 06:40 AM
i would report it even though they are mentally challenged there body grows like a regular adult. he still has the urges that a regular grown man does. i would be afraid he will force his self on someone. but i would follow it up and see that he gets the care he needs instead of him being railroaded. does he have parents that you could go to and force them into getting him help instead of reporting it?

galeane29
02-19-2009, 06:40 AM
I believe he knew what he was doing. Challenged or not, he needs to know it was WRONG! If it was ME, I'd not go back into that store if you are not going to file charges against him. I'd at least file a report.

ssgjeg
02-19-2009, 07:01 AM
I'm in agreement with the others. If for nothing else than to get it documented.

Mom2-3boys
02-19-2009, 08:59 AM
Absolutely report it, get it documented! Like tarasdream said even though he is challenged he still has adult urges, and with a child like mind they don't always realize their own strength. You know him and a familiar voice may have been the only thing that struck him to stop what he was doing....should it ever happen again it may not be the same result.

hotwheelstx
02-19-2009, 10:13 AM
I would at least file a report with the store mgr. You don't know if others have been in the same situation and not reported it. I'm not trying to scare anyone...but he could go further with someone else. It only takes one person to report a wrong doing......Hopefully they'll listen.

My aunt works at a Kroger's in the pharmacy dept. A while ago there was a guy just hanging out in front. No one did anything about it. He tried to kidnap a woman in the parking lot a few days later......Turned out he was "mentally disturbed" and had just been released from the hospital w/out meds. Everyone thought he was a happy go lucky down on your luck man. Turns out things were very different.

I would w/out hesitation say something to someone....store mgr., police.

baragabrat
02-19-2009, 10:34 AM
Report it. Assaulting you is a crime. Whether anything comes of it or not, documenting it (as ssgjeg suggested) just in case it happens again (God forbid) or happens to someone else is the right thing to do.

lucimPI
02-19-2009, 10:51 AM
I would for sure report it and tell the manager. A similar situation happened to a friend, she was out for a walk and this "mentally challenged" man, that she also knew for a long time, got the "urge" and in the middle of the afternoon, jumped on her and with clothes on tried doing the "naughty" to her. Even had her down on the ground, good thing the guy in the house it was happening in front of heard her yelling, he called the cops and went out and pulled him off her. He just kept saying, but I like her.

janelle
02-19-2009, 11:28 AM
In any event, the guy needs help. Someone needs to teach him what was wrong with what he did. He is like a child with a man's body. He can hurt someone and not know it. Sad but he still needs help. Not saying anything is not helping him. His caretakers need to know if no one else, then they need to get him the right kind of help, not ignore it.

tsquared
02-19-2009, 11:31 AM
Why would one report it to the manager of the store? It didnt happen at the store.........It should be reported to the police and the police should do their job, but nothing happened on the stores premises so nothing needs to be reported there unless the police go there doing their job.

Quaker_Parrots
02-19-2009, 02:21 PM
The part I highlighted make me think he knew exactly what he was doing, challenged or not. What would have happened if you had pulled around back and out of sight? I wouldnt put it past him to have planned on more than just kissing you.

I am with your DH, you need to report him for the safety of others not as strong as you.

So what was his "explanation" or did either of you listen to it?



I pulled up to the front of his apartment building, because I was in a hurry to get home. He said I could pull out back. Nope I'm in a hurry! Well this SOB grabbed me and tried to kiss me! I was like WTF!!! I yelled get out of my car NOW! He got out saying let me explain. Ahhh NO! I raced straight home.

xsweetestx
02-19-2009, 04:54 PM
Please report it before he decides to go after alittle one....

gmyers
02-19-2009, 04:58 PM
The thing that I would worry about is if you tell his job and he gets fired he might not be able to get another job if they ask him why he was fired, And then how will he live? I'd say something to the police and I think they can talk to him and maybe tell him you can't do that and it might scare him enough to stop.

Mary Jo
02-19-2009, 05:38 PM
I agree with gmyers.
It didn't happen at the store so why tell the store manager?

meltodd69
02-19-2009, 05:44 PM
Thanks so much everyone. I knew I should report it, but I also was trying to convince myself he won't do that again.
Funny it's so hard to go and say something to the police. I don't ever want to be his friend again but he needs help. If you knew DH you'd think he was insane.
I thought about saying something to Kroger's, but like other's said it didn't happen at kroger's. I will leave that up to the police. They will know what to do. I just know I will feel better if I tell. What if he tries this crap with someone else? DH says he probably has already.
I still have a creepy feeling. Thank God he snapped to, and stopped.
I'll let you know what the police say. I just got home from work, and had to check in.
Now if there is a policeman with half a brain on duty LOL.

cpbaby
02-19-2009, 05:47 PM
I agree with gmyers.
It didn't happen at the store so why tell the store manager?


Because he might do it to a customer while he was on the clock and then the store might be held liable.

shadowcats
02-19-2009, 09:20 PM
since you know this gentleman is mentally challanged you are the one who must do something , i know its a scary thing to do but , the others are right you do need to report this incident , but you need to do it in the proper way.
just because hes challanged , doesnt mean he knows what hes doing , sometimes they are ignorant when it comes to knowing what is proper between strangers , he mite have been told to do what he did by idiot friends who work with him and his backround raising mite not equipt him to understand the proper way to tell him how to act under certain situations.
and not knowing his personal backround and friends ,it is best that someone set him down and talk to him, you dont need to do this but make sure someone else does and find out what he really ment by his actions, and the best way to do this , is go to your nearest social services dept and get a counciler to go with you to talk to his manager , they usually have a proper counciler who gets them their jobs , and sets them up with life skills, and they need to be made aware of this situation. my own nephew was raised by my mother (the ultimate abuser) LONG STORY THERE, but she let him do what he wanted and didnt expain things to him,,,,,,,,, he thought it was ok to grab women and kiss them , the school he went to , even encouraged him he was their mascot for their football team,,,,,,,, ; but when he was given a job at the local market the other stockboys would egg him on to kiss the girls and even told him that was the way to get him self a girlfriend , he didnt know any better , he believed what they told him ; needless to say he did almost the same thing to a customer who was nice to him , and believe me it was a mess to straighten out, but his manager and his counciler set him down and explained proper behavior and (certain other things men should tell one another in a way he could understand )and now he is (educated in relationship behavior) if you knew him personally maybe you would understand his motives. but being in this situation out of the blue of course it was scary for you, but please dont judge until your sure. if you cant get a counciler , get your pastor or priest and go to his manager and get him help , stat, hes probley confused and now hes scared , you husbands response is understandable but you really should go together and get this young man the help he needs .
if no one talks to him and his only council is idiots ( you wount believe what those other bagboys told him about sex) he could make this same mistake again and get himself or someone else hurt,,,,,,,,,
and don't feel ;guilty , its just a natural response to your situation and dont feel ashamed , he probley DIDNT mean to scare you , and felt his response was approiate and if someone doenst explain it to him or have his behavior evaluated he could end up in a worse situation,

sharon

my nephew is now 24 years old , his evaluation of his age and social skills rates him at nine years old , he ll never grow older in a sence just older in age and must be watched and counciled about his behavior the rest of his life. he is working at a store in miss, and does have a girl friend now, who knows his limitations,

Anniston
02-20-2009, 10:47 AM
I hope it went well for you when you contacted the police. And I hope they do the right thing in getting a social worker involved.

I think that a social worker getting involved is volumes more important that charges filed against him. Chances are, he would not fully understand the legal ramifications of what he did and someone needs to step up and teach him the social ramifications of his actions.

Like Sharon said, it is hard to say what his co-workers may have egged him on to try. My best friend's twin is challenged. And at 33, he is really just getting into his "teen" thought process, and that gets him into heaps of trouble when idiots in their 20's egg him to do things. It is so sad.

ma4angels
02-20-2009, 06:34 PM
I use to live in an apartment complex that had one apartment under us that an organization sponsored to men to live there that were mentally challenged. The first on was named Robert and my roommate is the sweetest person so she always took this man to church. She wasn't the only one in the car there were other people who carpooled to church. So this went on for awhile were he was ok and the one day out of the blue he started telling everyone that she was he girlfriend. She patiently told him that she wasn't and that she had a boyfriend. This guy just didn't get it. He took an act of kindness the wrong way. He ended up being place somewhere else near us to make room for another guy. Robert still called everynight at 7.00 for awhile and showed up at our door until her boyfriend and I went over to his apartment and told him to stop calling her and coming over. I mean it was getting really bad. He told Robert that he was going to have to speak to his sponsor or Social Service if he didn't stop. He didn't call after that everyday, he would do it everyonce in a while. He just didn't understand what he was doing. Anyway the other guy was younger and had been born a normal guy went to high school played football straight A student . Was in car wreck and had severe brain damage. We were really wary about talking to him because of Robert. Well he just started coming up to our apartment as soon as he heard our footsteps. He knew us because of Robert. THey were in the same group. I was always home first and she came home an hour later. I always had to try to get in the apartment in a running pace because if I didn't he would try to step in my front door. I finally had to tell him that it wasn't polite to walk into someone's home univited. He got upset and cried. I then felt sorry for him but still didn't let him in. I wasn't rude I was nice but to the point. Well one day he wanted to talk to my roommate about a ride to church.(he had been talking to Robert in group.) I told him she didn't get home until 7:00. I made the mistake of taking the chain off the door. Well I told him to come back then or just call. I started to shut the door and this guy started to push the door open and force is way in there. I had it shut just enough and liked to shut his head in it. He was saying nasty words and everything. It scared the mess out of me because he was beating on my door and cussing. The man across the hall that usually isn't home was and told him to leave or he was going to call the police. I realized that with his brain injury was right but he scared me bad. I reported it to the manager of the apartment complex and he talked to the supervisor over these men. Well that guy was moved back to a supervised home and others moved in that we had no trouble with. I never wanted to hurt these people and neither did my roommate. But with the guys someone hit on that they feel the same feels a normal man would feel but has absolutely no idea what is right or wrong about how to handle it. I think you did the right thing reporting it . I would have gone to your Social Service office first to find out who his case worker was and let them talk to him . Then If you weren't satisfied after that then go to the police. Anyway I am sorry that you were scared like that because I know where you are coming from.

atprm
02-20-2009, 07:15 PM
I wouldn't tell the store manager -- because it did not happen on store property.

I would, however, file a police report -- if nothing else but to get it documented.

You really don't know if this has happened before to other people -- but I would imagine that it has...or he would not have been so "brazen" with you...

:(

pepperpot
02-20-2009, 07:55 PM
I wouldn't tell the store manager -- because it did not happen on store property.


:(

See, my cousin's kid has 'issues' and he too was a 'bag boy'. He loved it. My cousin was so grateful that they would hire him, she pleaded with the manager and it was a 'win / win' situation.

Knowing my cousin's son, he'd never hurt a flea...but with someone else's influence....you just never know. The mentally challenged are sometimes easily persuaded and/or influenced by 'not-so-nice' people.

If this had been my cousin's son.....
I know, the manager, if alerted, would've called my cousin in a heartbeat and her son would've gotten the help and advice he needed.

So no, it didn't happen on 'the store property'...but sometimes it does take a village, to 'raise' a child. We need to look out for each other.

Programs that help the mentally challenged be productive are essential. I'd hate to see them stop because of a potential incident and possibly a liability issue. Even though it wasn't on their property, they may discontinue the program because of it. But....I'd also alert the police as well for documentation purposes.