To care...or not to care...that is the ?????

[lovefree]

I need some advice....so, here goes...I married my hubby 6 yrs ago...i am 37 and he is 49...he has 2 grown children.... a son 21 and a daughter 23...i was never really accepted by the daughter because after my hubbys 2nd wife died from a brain tumor (his daughter wanted her mom) his 1st wife to get back with him...OH well..didnt happen...i met my hubby a week after his wife passed away..and we married 5 months later...he cared for his sick wife 3 years, so he was ready for a relationship...nevertheless, the daughter quit talking to her dad because im not what she wanted for him...they had not talked for years until here recently (2months ago) to be exact..they went to lunch and she realizes daddy didnt change on her, it was her that changed on him...
Well, to get to the point (finally) yesterday 1/07/09) she had his 2nd grandchild...and today..he wants me to go to the hospital with him to visit with her...
my question is this...
i love to dress young...i wear snow boots, Ed hardey tennis shoes, Wallabees, chuck taylors, etc...and i look damn good being a size 8
i love all the hip clothes and thats how i carry myself....yayyy for me...
but....
since im already not accepted...should I..dress more mature to visit the daughter and grandbaby..or say Fu*% it and be myself....
may not be a big deal to most...but i love my hubby..and i dont want to mess up anything for him and the relationship he has rebuilt with his child...
i dont wanna be the center of attention with my tight jeans and snow boots...HELP...because i do have a professional look if need be...
signed..confused and wanna be a respected step mom:confused:

[stresseater]

You have to be you. I think if she's going to"accept" you it would be better if she knows the real you. Congrats on the birth . :)

[ElleGee]

Eff it, be yourself.. She doesn't accept you anyway so why should you or she care how you dress. If you're trying to get her to care it wouldn't matter one way or another what you wear.

If you can't be you in front of her then I wouldn't go kwim?

[lisarae]

I would probably ask your husband what he thinks, if he dont care, then I would go in the middle of the two you described. Dont dress in anything that you wouldn't normally wear and put up a front. But I wouldnt dress in anything that would draw attention either. It seems she may be coming around and figuring out you aren't going anywhere. Just dont give her anything to complain about.

[BrightEyes]

I have to say I am not the best one to give advice as I have never been there, but I think you should always be yourself. You are not going to get her to accept you by pretending to be someone you are not :)

Either way you decide, good luck and enjoy that new grandbaby! Mine has changed my life!

[baragabrat]

I would probably ask your husband what he thinks, if he dont care, then I would go in the middle of the two you described. Dont dress in anything that you wouldn't normally wear and put up a front. But I wouldnt dress in anything that would draw attention either. It seems she may be coming around and figuring out you aren't going anywhere. Just dont give her anything to complain about.

I totally agree. If the two of you ever have a decent relationship, then is the time to be who you are, dress how you like, etc. In the meantime, out of respect for them both, a little compromise can't hurt. Life is made up of little compromises and they never kill us.

And yay Size 8!!! (I wish I was a size 8. But, I understand that in order to be that size, work is required. Hmmmm...not sure if I want to commit to work!)

[BeanieLuvR]

You have to be yourself. Don't worry about being the center of attention because the new mom and baby will be. If you want to make a good impression on the daughter fuss over the baby which should be very easy to do. :) If you go and are warm and friendly that will help things a lot. My motto is treat people the way that you want to be treated. I'm sure things will go fine.

[YankeeMary]

Well from reading your post, it seems to me she doesn't like you just because. She doesn't like you because what you wear or don't wear, kwim? I think it would be silly to dress professionally to go to such a joyous occassion as a grandchilds birth. Its real simple, she is either gonna like you or not regardless of what you chose to wear. Seems to me she is a tad spoiled and I wouldn't change who I am to get her to like me. It soooo isn't worth it. In the morning you have to look at yourself in the mirror. Are you able to look at you knowing you "fronted' for someone that doesn't even care if you exist? KWIM? Wear what you want and be you. Then come back here and post pics of that baby. We all LOVE babies...congrats!!!

[sdb_ngc]

Lovefree be yourself. If she can't accept you for who you are then her loss.

[buttrfli]

Be yourself! Is that you in your avatar pic?? You look young girl!!!

I don't necessarily think that the clothes you described are a "young" look, but they are a "trendy" look and if you look good, then go for it! :)

[fleabones3]

Wear what you want. I wouldn't make it anything too flashy, kwim? But dress how you normally do. Tell her her baby is the prettiest you've seen, how nice she looks, etc. All new mothers want to hear that, be polite and friendly. If she likes you great if not... at least it wasnt cuz you were rude or tacky. Good luck

[lovefree]

You ladies are so right....thanks so much..because i can honestly say (jus mintues ago) i was so confused...now, I have the answers I need...i meet my hubby in about 1 hour...and i am confident now more than ever...i have to be myself....i like me...and i cant worry about my haterz....once again THANKS
i really needed to hear all of that....
i knew I came to the right place...
and yes..that is me in the avatar....signed...im going jus the way i am....:dancing:

[Kimberly61]

Good for you! No one and I mean NO ONE should change how they are or how they dress for ANYONE!

congrats on the new addition to the family:)

[CLARKS4]

First off, you are beautiful! Let us know how things went and we wanna see that baby.

[mosdata1]

I hope the visit went well.

[Kelsey1224]

Be yourself.

[iluvmybaby]

I need some advice....so, here goes...I married my hubby 6 yrs ago...i am 37 and he is 49...he has 2 grown children.... a son 21 and a daughter 23...i was never really accepted by the daughter because after my hubbys 2nd wife died from a brain tumor (his daughter wanted her mom) his 1st wife to get back with him...OH well..didnt happen...i met my hubby a week after his wife passed away..and we married 5 months later...he cared for his sick wife 3 years, so he was ready for a relationship...nevertheless, the daughter quit talking to her dad because im not what she wanted for him...they had not talked for years until here recently (2months ago) to be exact..they went to lunch and she realizes daddy didnt change on her, it was her that changed on him...
Well, to get to the point (finally) yesterday 1/07/09) she had his 2nd grandchild...and today..he wants me to go to the hospital with him to visit with her...
my question is this...
i love to dress young...i wear snow boots, Ed hardey tennis shoes, Wallabees, chuck taylors, etc...and i look damn good being a size 8
i love all the hip clothes and thats how i carry myself....yayyy for me...
but....
since im already not accepted...should I..dress more mature to visit the daughter and grandbaby..or say Fu*% it and be myself....
may not be a big deal to most...but i love my hubby..and i dont want to mess up anything for him and the relationship he has rebuilt with his child...
i dont wanna be the center of attention with my tight jeans and snow boots...HELP...because i do have a professional look if need be...
signed..confused and wanna be a respected step mom:confused:

If that is your picture as your avatar you dont look like your 37. I think that as long as your clothes are clean and respectable ((not showing tits and ass crack)) it is more then approperiate to wear jeans.

[vicky122]

First off is that your picture? You are very pretty and not old at all to dress in them clothes hey if you look good wear them. I wouldn't change to be something you are not.

[Jackie_Blu]

My DH's daughter from his 2nd marriage doesnt like me either...never has taken the time to get to know me, just doesnt like me. It used to bother me but then I realized she was an immature spoiled snit. Never crossed my mind to be any way other than I am and I would be dam*ed if I would change anything for her benefit. lol Anyway you need to be true to yourself, hon. Your DH married you for who you are, and you are married to him, not her.
Let us know how it goes:)

[Shann]

I'm glad you decided to be yourself. That is the only way anyone should be. I know for me personally if I'm not being myself it's very uncomfortable for me and it's hard for me to be me and relaxed in situations, does that make sense? anyways good for you for being you! :D and if that is you in your avie, you look dayum good and don't let anyone tell you who to be and how to dress :D

[atprm]

I would wear something appropriate for a hospital visit -- not too glamourous or gussied up, kwim?

But I am sure you have clothing that would be understated and still make you look good. :)

She doesn't like you because you are YOU ... not because of what you wear though, so clothing won't impress her.

I guess my reply is a little different than everyone else's reply --

it's a combination of both sides.

hth's

[Njean31]

i also would wear something appropriate for a hospital visit. you can wear namebrand hip clothes in a respectable way even if you are 37.

[1luckylady]

How did the visit go? Well, I hope. Maybe this will bring you all together into a 'workable' relationship. Thepeople on this board always give the best advice. It's so nice to have such as caring group that you can turn to.

[LunaChick]

Always be yourself! Trying to be something you're not....well...it doesn't work out, lol. :)

[hblueeyes]

Be what you is. If you be what you aint then you aint what you is.

So just be you.

Me

[lassss]

Be yourself and change for nobody!! I went through a similar experience. I met a wonderful man who has 2 girls. Their mother passed away from cancer 7 years ago. Then never really accepted me. I reassured them I am NOT trying to take their mother's place but they just wanted daddy all to themselves. It got to a point the oldest one had such an attitude that I backed her up against the wall and put her in her place (she was 19 at the time) and I almost took a swing at her. I think at that moment she finally grew up. We get along well now

You go and be beside your DH as that is YOUR place now and wear what makes your happy. You can be respectful without taking any of her crap. Perhaps since she has seen the light that the 2 of you can rebuild a relationship. Good luck!

[andreame70]

I agree with everyone else, you have to be you, anything else just isn't.

I can also tell you a few things I got from your post:

1) You are a self confident and beautiful woman, which is awesome!

2) You are thoughtful and caring of other people feelings, which shows because of your struggle to decide what to wear.

3) You love your husband and family because you wanted to make sure that his opportunity regain a relationship with his daughter was not compromised.

Seems to me that your step-daughter would benefit greatly by getting to know you and allowing you into her life. I would be honored if had a step-parent who cared so much. So smile, you are on the right track. I hope things went well at the hospital.

[WtPlover]

If you got it flaunt it I say screw the rest of the world
http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii188/Poohlover92499/winnie_the_pooh_009.gif

[gravittr]

step kids are so hard to get along with no matter how old they are. i was the 2 wife. now i have been single for almost 6 yrs now. and have trouble with my daughter.accepting someone in my life.besides her and her brother.she doesnt want a step dad. not really looking. but yeah ur step daughter will come around