You never know

[Starr_79]

I read a post over in off topic that got me thinking, not for the first time, about how people judge what others can and cannot afford. I deal with this constantly in RL, and online I am always seeing "if you can afford the internet, you can afford ..." It really drives me crazy. I am a cosmotologist, so my hair and nails are always done. I do my own nails, and I trade services for my hair. It probably costs me $10.00 a month, max. Since this is my business, having these things done is part of my job, and I am a walking advertisment. How many peope can say they advertise their business 24/7 for $10.00 a month?

Anyway, I am working hard to build my client base, but my husband is on disability, and because of that we also get foodstamps. Often, when I use the food stamp card, I get very "interesting" looks at my hair and especially my nails. Looks that scream, oh, you can afford that, but you get foodstamps? They have no idea that that is what I do for a living! Trust me, it is very humbling to have to use foodstamps, and as soon as I can afford not to, I won't. But in the meantime, it sure would be nice if people would just worry about themselves, and not me.

Due to his disability, my husband can barely even leave the house. Internet is alot cheaper than cable/satelite. So yeah, I am going to sacrifice things for me so that my mostly homebound husband can have something to do all day. I figure out how to afford the internet, and if that makes someone think less of me, oh well, but please keep it to yourself!

Ah, I feel better now! :)

[baragabrat]

Judge not lest ye be judged. ;)

[gmyers]

People are way too quick to judge others without knowing their situation. I say wait and get to know someones situation first before you make judgements.

[iluvmybaby]

I read a post over in off topic that got me thinking, not for the first time, about how people judge what others can and cannot afford. I deal with this constantly in RL, and online I am always seeing "if you can afford the internet, you can afford ..." It really drives me crazy. I am a cosmotologist, so my hair and nails are always done. I do my own nails, and I trade services for my hair. It probably costs me $10.00 a month, max. Since this is my business, having these things done is part of my job, and I am a walking advertisment. How many peope can say they advertise their business 24/7 for $10.00 a month?

Anyway, I am working hard to build my client base, but my husband is on disability, and because of that we also get foodstamps. Often, when I use the food stamp card, I get very "interesting" looks at my hair and especially my nails. Looks that scream, oh, you can afford that, but you get foodstamps? They have no idea that that is what I do for a living! Trust me, it is very humbling to have to use foodstamps, and as soon as I can afford not to, I won't. But in the meantime, it sure would be nice if people would just worry about themselves, and not me.

Due to his disability, my husband can barely even leave the house. Internet is alot cheaper than cable/satelite. So yeah, I am going to sacrifice things for me so that my mostly homebound husband can have something to do all day. I figure out how to afford the internet, and if that makes someone think less of me, oh well, but please keep it to yourself!

Ah, I feel better now! :)

I guess that it goes to say, you can't judge someone until you have walked in their shoes. I have VERY tight finances, I have internet which costs me $30 a month, but I don't have cable and I for entertainment I surf the web and get movies free from our two libraries, city and county etc. I think I can say I have been judgemental in the past, I go to a low income clinic because I dont have health insurance. I see people coming to get WIC and low income health services driving new cars. I think from now on, I will be less likely to threow stones. I sincerily hope that things start to look up financially for you. A suggestion for you, try to hook up with a photographer in your area, a lot of them offer glamor shots where they will do hair/nails. Of course it wouldnt be a full time income, but maybe you can find one that would be flexible with your hours. I worked for a glamor photographer as an assistant, I helped style hair and helped dress and such, it was only 2 hours here and 2 hours there, but I got paid in cash. Word of mouth travels fast, that job turned out to lead to others, like weddings/prom etc.

P.S. My hair always looks nice too because I get it cut once a month for $8, and I go to a beauty salon to buy the stuff to do it at home, so for around $12 a month I have nice,neat colored hair. I gave myself mani and pedis, etc .

[Kimberly61]

as unfortunate as it is, more then half the world thinks that way.....I for one do not judge others by looks alone, EVERYONE has a story.

My advice to you is, screw em! Let them think what they want lol Seriously! More then likely they are just jealous cuz they cant have what you have.

[Starr_79]

Thanks for all your kind replys, it's nice to know there are people who get it. :)

[Anniston]

You say it is nice to know there are people who get it. Well, your post was equally valuable to those who did not get it, until hearing your perspective/situation. I confess, that I would have been one that may have raised an eyebrow. And I am very sorry. I try not to be judgemental, but that is one of my biggest flaws.

[Army-Mom]

(((hugs)))

[ssgjeg]

I don't go so much on the looks of a person but I did have to raise an eyebrow one time when a lady in front of me spent 1- minutes trying to use her EBT card to buy a 33 cent pack of m&m's. Kinda pissed me off because I had to scrounge for change that night to have enough to buy things for a decent dinner for my kids and here she was all dressed up and raising a fuss because her card wasn't working. Candy should not be allowed with food stamps.

I don't think so much about the clothes but I do have to wonder where some get the money for all the make up. Not everyone is like you and trying to get their business going. With the clothes, I've realised that some people fall on hard times and the clothes and jewelry could have been things that they already had.

[Kelsey1224]

Thank you for taking the time to post this. I confess that I have been rather judgemental myself. Hearing your story will help me to remind myself that I don't know all that is going on with a person and that I should keep off the 'judgement bench' and mind my own business!

[pepperpot]

It also works the other way......I've known people who 'appear' to have fallen on rough times/struggling and they are pretty well off.....they just want whatever they can get for free and keep their cash in the bank.......I guess they don't feel guilty for the people who feel sorry for them and give...and believe me...they take :agree.....:shrug

[ahippiechic]

While I agree with the OP to an extent, we form our opinions about people here from what they post. And if they are having a hard time paying their basic bills, and then paying 90.00 a month for cable/phone/internet, then yep, they need to turn it off.

[whatever]

While I agree with the OP to an extent, we form our opinions about people here from what they post. And if they are having a hard time paying their basic bills, and then paying 90.00 a month for cable/phone/internet, then yep, they need to turn it off.

I also agree with OP and you hippie.
I see my own family saying they can't pay their bills. But they can pay for sat.
a $300 cell phone and internet. And we see some posters every know and again say they can't pay their bills but have cable/sat. and internet.
Now I got the free cell phone that came with my plan (but that's because I'm a cheapskate, LOL) ANd we don't have cable/sat. We don't got out. ANd out internet is only $20 per month.
But NOT everyone is judgemental on here and IRL. I Do think part of it can be paranoia. JMHO.
Flame me if you want.

[ahippiechic]

My cable/phone/internet is 110 a month. And I have a 300.00 cell phone that's 65 a month. But if I had trouble paying my bills, I would turn them off. Rent/food/utilities etc come 1st. And I also run a business online. There are a few free dial up programs people can use or at least get a cheap basic dial up plan until the money woes are over.

[LunaChick]

I totally get what you are saying OP. I have done that myself in the past and have learned that not all is how it seems.

I'm on a medical leave at the moment. The eating out, shopping etc has stopped. I get 60 % of my paycheck and looks like it's going to be this way for a while. I'm sitting here looking at my cell phone. My contract is up in February. While I got two cheap $49 flip phones ( I don't have a land line) I still have to pay 90 bucks a month. I think next month I'm getting rid of the cell phones and going back to a land line. I'll probably add the Comcast phone since I have their other services. It may be cheaper to go that way.

I don't want to give up my phone but will do it in a heartbeat since it's not a necessity to have a cell phone. And depending on how other things go, well, other non-necessities will go bye bye as well.

[keoka3]

I pay 50.00 a month for internet and basic cable tv, that is just for 13 stations but I usually just watch the main networks like CBS. I watch alot of tv online, and movies, I just watch 7 pounds online and it was so great, my cell phone my son pays so he can get in touch with me. I have been layed off for 3 weeks now and still haven't received a unemployment check and it may be another 2-3 weeks before I get one, I keep my survey money in paypal or get it from my surveys when I need it to pay my bills, I bought a bunch of tv dinners before I got layed off, and my aunt lives next door she usually fixes enough for both of us for supper.

[meltodd69]

Dang I wish you lived near me. I could really use a haircut! I have a cousin that does hair. But she thinks everyone has hundreds of dollars. She use to be one of the big wigs at the walmart hair places. This is how stupid she is....
She could have retired before she was 40, they sent her to Africa (all expenses paid plus shopping money), she went to Spain (all expenses plus shopping). She quit!!!!!
You would think she would give me a haircut, but NO!!! That's OK though, she will need help someday, and I have a memory like an elephant LOL.
A tip for you... When we had to use foodstamps I always used the self-checkout. I was to embarrassed too.

[Starr_79]

Again I want to say thank you to everyone who has responded, and I also wanted to clear up a few things.

I am not saying that everyone is judgemental, I know there are plenty of people who aren't. And it wouldn't surprise me in the least to learn that some of the times I feel like I am being judged, that I am just being paranoid, but trust me, there are plenty of people who are judging me.

Also, I did not mean to imply that I couldn't pay my basic bills. I pay my bills, and I make sure we have internet service. The post that got me started on this was about buying glasses. I can pay my bills, and I can stop doing things like going out to eat, buying new clothes, etc. to be sure that I can pay for internet, but I still can't afford to buy myself glasses right now. This is not a poor me thing, it's just a fact. Yes, I could stop the internet, and have that much more money to put toward glasses - but since I'm not blind without glasses, I choose to keep buying internet service, and save more slowly for the glasses. Life is alot of choises, and as far as I am concerned, as long as I am taking care of the basics, what I do with what little money is left over is a choise, and it is mine to make.

To all of you who are also living on a really tight budget, or who are really struggling - my thoughts are with you. Keep your chin up, we will all figure it out and come out on top at the other end! :wavey:

[ahippiechic]

Again I want to say thank you to everyone who has responded, and I also wanted to clear up a few things.

I am not saying that everyone is judgemental, I know there are plenty of people who aren't. And it wouldn't surprise me in the least to learn that some of the times I feel like I am being judged, that I am just being paranoid, but trust me, there are plenty of people who are judging me.

Also, I did not mean to imply that I couldn't pay my basic bills. I pay my bills, and I make sure we have internet service. The post that got me started on this was about buying glasses. I can pay my bills, and I can stop doing things like going out to eat, buying new clothes, etc. to be sure that I can pay for internet, but I still can't afford to buy myself glasses right now. This is not a poor me thing, it's just a fact. Yes, I could stop the internet, and have that much more money to put toward glasses - but since I'm not blind without glasses, I choose to keep buying internet service, and save more slowly for the glasses. Life is alot of choises, and as far as I am concerned, as long as I am taking care of the basics, what I do with what little money is left over is a choise, and it is mine to make.

To all of you who are also living on a really tight budget, or who are really struggling - my thoughts are with you. Keep your chin up, we will all figure it out and come out on top at the other end! :wavey:

I agree that post you're referring to was rude. But there have also been a lot of posts here like my example above too, wanting people to feel sorry for them etc. I do try not to judge people but on a msg board, all you have to go by is how someone posts, so we all kinda make assumptions about members.

[Starr_79]

Ahippiechic,
I totally agree with you about making assumptions when there is little to go on. And I think on message boards especially, things can get out of hand easy, because a written post doesn't always come across the way it was meant.
I was never trying to say, please feel sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for me, and I don't want anyone else to either. I was just annoyed in general about the subject, because honestly, we have no idea about the person in line in front of us, or on the bus next to us, what their story is.
That is really the only point I was trying to make, and I am sorry if I upset anyone. I was only venting a bit.

[ahippiechic]

Ahippiechic,
I totally agree with you about making assumptions when there is little to go on. And I think on message boards especially, things can get out of hand easy, because a written post doesn't always come across the way it was meant.
I was never trying to say, please feel sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for me, and I don't want anyone else to either. I was just annoyed in general about the subject, because honestly, we have no idea about the person in line in front of us, or on the bus next to us, what their story is.
That is really the only point I was trying to make, and I am sorry if I upset anyone. I was only venting a bit.

I don't think you upset anyone. I understood your point and agree with it to an extent. You can vent all ya want.

[whatever]

I agree that post you're referring to was rude. But there have also been a lot of posts here like my example above too, wanting people to feel sorry for them etc. I do try not to judge people but on a msg board, all you have to go by is how someone posts, so we all kinda make assumptions about members.
If you meant mine was the rude post. I guess I will clue you in by what I meant by paranoia. I was mostly meaning myself. When we go the the stores, whether it be grocery or supercenter, gas stations etc. We ALWAYS use CC. And I sometimes think people probably think we live off of credit. Which we don't. I pay them off every month. But you try to read peoples minds.


Ahippiechic,
I totally agree with you about making assumptions when there is little to go on. And I think on message boards especially, things can get out of hand easy, because a written post doesn't always come across the way it was meant.
I was never trying to say, please feel sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for me, and I don't want anyone else to either. I was just annoyed in general about the subject, because honestly, we have no idea about the person in line in front of us, or on the bus next to us, what their story is.
That is really the only point I was trying to make, and I am sorry if I upset anyone. I was only venting a bit.
And I never meant to say you could not pay your bills because NO you did not post that. If YOU thought my post was rude, I'm sorry.
I just think sometimes sometimes we think people might be judging us when maybe they arent. But yes most of the time in your case they may be. I can't speak for you.

[ahippiechic]

If you meant mine was the rude post. I guess I will clue you in by what I meant by paranoia. I was mostly meaning myself. When we go the the stores, whether it be grocery or supercenter, gas stations etc. We ALWAYS use CC. And I sometimes think people probably think we live off of credit. Which we don't. I pay them off every month. But you try to read peoples minds.


And I never meant to say you could not pay your bills because NO you did not post that. If YOU thought my post was rude, I'm sorry.
I just think sometimes sometimes we think people might be judging us when maybe they arent. But yes most of the time in your case they may be. I can't speak for you.

No need to clue me in, but thanx for the offer.....I was referring to the same rude post as the OP was.....the one that prompted this post to begin with.

[BeanieLuvR]

(((Starr_79))) I hope things get better for you. I don't blame you for keeping internet for your husband. We all have to make choices that are right for us and it really isn't anyone elses business. I really try not to judge people. Years ago I had to use foodstamps too. There is nothing wrong with getting help when you need it. I hope that you get your business built up. :)

[baragabrat]

I had to use food stamps in 1970 and if I had to use them again today, I would NOT be embarrassed to do so. What the heck, we've paid alot of taxes over the years.

[msmom79]

I had to use food stamps in 1970 and if I had to use them again today, I would NOT be embarrassed to do so. What the heck, we've paid alot of taxes over the years.

I ALSO HAD FOOD STAMPS IN THE 80'S TIMES WERE TOUGH THEN,AND I HAD 2 SONS TO FEED-WAS I EMBARRASSED? HELL YES I WAS-BUT THEN MY KIDS GOT TO EAT,SO TO HELL WITH WHAT EVERYONE THOUGHT,WAS MY MOTTO-NOW I HAVE NOT BEEN ON ANY HELP OF ANY KIND FOR 25+ YEARS,BUT IF I NEEDED FOOD STAMPS AGIAN-YOU DAMN RIGHT I WOULD APPLY FOR THEM.I HAVE PAYED TAXES FOR THEM FOR YEARS,SO IF I WAS IN NEED OF THEM I WOULD GET THEM----AS FOR YOUR SITUATION-I AM NOT YOU-BUT SOMETHING JUST TELLS ME,YOU DONT LIKE THE SITUATION YOUR IN,AND WHEN THINGS GET BETTER FOR YA,YOU WONT NEED THAT HELP AND YOU WILL GIVE IT UP-UNTIL THEN-DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK,CAUSE IF THE TRUTH WAS KNOWN,THEY PROBALLY GET SOME KIND OF HELP THEIRSELF.HUGS TO YOU OP THAT THINGS GET BETTER FOR YOU SOON.

[fleabones3]

While I agree with the OP to an extent, we form our opinions about people here from what they post. And if they are having a hard time paying their basic bills, and then paying 90.00 a month for cable/phone/internet, then yep, they need to turn it off.

I dont agree with that at all. We didnt have cable for years, let alone a house phone, cell phone or even a computer. we got them 1 at a time over years. Nowadays, especially with children you HAVE to have it. I dont know how many times in the past 12 yrs my kids were supposed to watch something on cable and write a report. ( news or history channel,) not to mention to find out if we have school when its icy or snowy we have to watch the " school channe" which is on guess what? cable.
Also .. kids have to write reports and most times the teachers expect it to be typed and or printed ( off the puter) and also to look up assignments. Phones are also a neccessity -- emergencies, dr appts, etc etc.
These days, techers expect ALL kids to have access to the internet, they dont understand that not everybody can afford it. Trust me, me and several teachers went round and round about that. Said i can go to the library for the puters.. yeah, you got to wait and wait cuc the library only has 4 puters and there are already 30 kids waiting to use them

[ahippiechic]

If it comes down to paying my rent or feeding my family (which is what I meant by basic bills) then yes, I would turn off my cable/internet/phone.

Or if it came to begging for crap on a freebie board, I would turn them off 1st in a heart beat.

[April78945]

I get it too. People think I have money because my hair is always done and I have nice clothes. My mother owns a hair salon and does my hair for free and I also get lots of skin care stuff from her too. My bff has a sister who's weight is always different so I get her hand me downs.

Just because I am on welfare doesn't mean I have to walk around in dirty sweats with no make up on.

[WtPlover]

well I will give my two cents also I have judged alot of people by how they are dressed and their clothes because I was standing in line at the welfare office with out a job and had a baby to take care of that started out in trouble however I didn't wear name brand clothes or nike on my feet but some of the others were dressed to the nines and driving expensive cars or trucks and "living" on welfare I have since got to where I don't depend on the system but if I needed too I would and the fact remains "You can't judge a book by its cover" Not me or anyone else is in your shoes and until we are you can do what you can do Hugs to those who are down on their luck and having a hard time You deserve better keep those chins up and your face to the sunshine
http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii188/Poohlover92499/Pooh-97.gif

[Urban Cowgirl]

Dang I wish you lived near me. I could really use a haircut! I have a cousin that does hair. But she thinks everyone has hundreds of dollars. She use to be one of the big wigs at the walmart hair places. This is how stupid she is....
She could have retired before she was 40, they sent her to Africa (all expenses paid plus shopping money), she went to Spain (all expenses plus shopping). She quit!!!!!
You would think she would give me a haircut, but NO!!! That's OK though, she will need help someday, and I have a memory like an elephant LOL.
A tip for you... When we had to use foodstamps I always used the self-checkout. I was to embarrassed too.

No wonder they charge so damn much...I took dd there for a bang trim and they charge me $25...I thought they were kidding. I was informed nope a cut is a cut no matter if its just bangs or what. The first and last time I will use them. I about chit myself!

[Starr_79]

No wonder they charge so damn much...I took dd there for a bang trim and they charge me $25...I thought they were kidding. I was informed nope a cut is a cut no matter if its just bangs or what. The first and last time I will use them. I about chit myself!

OMG! That is absurd! I have never heard of anyone charging more than $5.00 for a bang trim!

[pepperpot]

No wonder they charge so damn much...I took dd there for a bang trim and they charge me $25...I thought they were kidding. I was informed nope a cut is a cut no matter if its just bangs or what. The first and last time I will use them. I about chit myself!

Long ago I figured out, "If they can do it, so can I"...so when my kids were young, I invested in an 'at home buzzer/hair cutter'...for many years I gave my sons haircuts...they never went to a barber until the past 2 years.....I still cut the girls bangs and backs.......my ex-sil even complimented me on their cuts, especially since they are blonde where 'mistakes' show up more prevalently, she never knew until I told her.....I even cut the front of my own hair (bangs)....