Should have not given...

[Anniston]

I was so mad today. Save you all the long, sorted story, I am no longer friendly with an ex-best friend that I loved for many years. She was introduced (by me) to a great guy (also a great family friend of ours) and she proceeded to become an arrogant jerk upon getting with him, as she never had a guy who treated her right.

Confidence equated to arrogance with her, and ultimately destroyed our bond. I had a long while to deal with it, but since the guy friend is still actively an important part of our life, it comes up, and hurts like a bad break up.

Well, before the holiday, he (her bf, our close friend) wanted to stop by and I thought he was bringing gifts and so, had a gift for him and put cookies in a nice jar for her, and a toy for her son. I thought that she may show up with him and wanted to not be embarrassed if she brought something.

He showed alone, and plans to give us our gifts this Saturday. So we sent with him (they live together) their gifts.

Well, today she called me. She only ever calls when she gets a "neener neener" on her ex. (her son's father). I thought she would thank me for the gift to her and the toy sent for her son.

But she did not.

So, I said, "Did Ron give you the gifts?" She replied, "Yeah, ugh, cookies." Like I had given her a broken dollar store ornament.

I am so mad that I am grinding my teeth as I type this!! So, Saturday I will see her as she is coming here since her boyfriend is invited for a special event. What should I say? (yeah...gotta say something...)

First of all, she had not intention of a thank you for her gift of cookies, or her son's toy. So, I plan to say, "After talking to you the other day, I see that you did not like the cookies, or the jar they were in. Sorry about that. But did Jordan like his toy?"

Does someone else have something better?

[fleabones3]

I think that about covers it, and she is definately rude for not saying thank you, whether she liked the cookies or jar or not. I didnt get crap for Xmas, except for my stepdaughter who came to visit this weekend. She bought me a carton of cigs. We gave her 50 bucks, plus bought for the 3 grandsons. She bought her daddy his own carton too so he will stay outta mine lol. I would have loved to get a jar of cookies from a friend. Even if they were a kind I didnt like, I would have been thankful

[atprm]

well if she is heavy and you want to be rude right back you could tell her to give you the jar from the cookies back and you would be happy to sign her up for a free weight loss class or something.

I know that's rude, but that would piss me off too.

editing to add:

if she is not the prettiest thing you could tell her to give the jar from the cookies back and you will get a free makeover.

if she is too thin, you could tell her to give you that jar back and you will get her some ensure. LOL

I am mean, huh?

[Anniston]

Atprm...are you in the market for a best friend, as I am in need and rather adore you!!!!!!!

She is in between...she is not awful heavy. But her arrogance carries a lot of weight.

flea, thanks as well. I just dislike that I have to deal with her, but will have to due to my "awesome" match making skills, in matching her with a close (awesome) friend. Damn me...the one time it works out right, it screws me over for life...top 40 country song, anyone???

[baragabrat]

In my own recent experience, I find that it's useless to try to point out what someone has said or done/neglected to say or do because they won't change. They won't say what you need to hear. They care only about themselves.

[Anniston]

Bar, you speak the truth. I have told her my point. And it went to deaf ears. But since her BF is a big part of our life, she is "here" and I can't handle it. As stated, it is a long story...suffice it to say, her BF is recently her fiancee, and DH is in the wedding. I am in between attending the nuptials and going to a sporting event....

[Jenefer3]

Personally, I don't think you should sink to a low level and make fun of her; she's obviously got enough issues, including her lack of class and courtesy, her rudeness, and arrogance demonstrated by not thanking you for the gifts.

I agree with Baragabrat about it being useless to point it out to her. I would just say to her, even in front of the guy, that you're sorry she didn't like your gift, but you hope that her son liked his and just leave it at that. No need to cause more drama and add more stress.

[azwup05]

Next year, get her a book on manners and etiquette.:itsme:

[baragabrat]

In some instances, the best action for me to take is no action at all. This is to keep me as stress-free as possible.

[iluvmybaby]

So, I said, "Did Ron give you the gifts?" She replied, "Yeah, ugh, cookies." Like I had given her a broken dollar store ornament.



Send me the cookies next time, I love cookies!

[cinnamonch]

Why waste the time and energy trying to come up with something so say? Acknowledge her when she comes in and leave it at that.

[Anniston]

Thank you for the good thoughts and ideas. I will tell her that I am sorry she did not like the cookies, and ask if her son liked his gift. And leave it at that.

[lucimPI]

Thank you for the good thoughts and ideas. I will tell her that I am sorry she did not like the cookies, and ask if her son liked his gift. And leave it at that.

Yes, that is the way I would go. I think it would make you feel better by saying something - without any type of confrontation. You will be the bigger person.

[BeanieLuvR]

I am sorry she was rude to you but agree with others taking the high road is the way to go. It is a shame hooking up with your friend changed her. :(

[ElleGee]

What a jerk she is... I wouldn't even waste my energy on someone so a-holish :hug

[Anniston]

Elle, you are right. I am very ashamed of how fixated I was on the situation for the first months of it. It hurt so bad because her hurtfulness extended to my child as well, and with her still around, it was so hard to just "get over it". Because just when I was starting to reach indifference, there she would be to p**s on my parade time after time.

It has taken a long time for me to get to the point that she just annoys me and does not hurt me. So, that is good. But here I am rambling on about her, so I guess I am still investing too much energy on her! Darn me.

[atprm]

maybe it's just me, but I would NEVER ever miss an opportunity to be a "justified b*tch"...

confrontational? Only if you are a guest in THEIR home...if they are a guest in MY home, well that's not confrontational -- that's opportunist.

If there is no love lost now, being nicey-nicey won't improve the situation...but being a smartass will get noticed. :)

[tsquared]

I would say this...........I found the coolest toy for your son for Christmas.....I sure hope he liked it! and that is it.............no matter what else is said my thoughts would be this...........her son got a gift from me that i thought he would enjoy and i did my part to let him know i was thinking of him at this special time of year. Next year if there is a next year get a gift for her son and your guy friend and call it good.

[meltodd69]

I would bake some more of the same cookies and offer them as the refreshment. Opps Sorry About That LOL!

I'm with Atprm. Seize the opportunity!

[andreame70]

I agree with atprm on this one. You have tried telling her your point and making her see how much she has changed in a bad way, but I bet it was probably done in private and with a very caring and concerned tone. Which is most likely why it fell on deaf ears with her.

I think at the special event I would have to make a statement loud enough for a few people to be able to hear it, including her. Something like "I propose a toast... this New Year, I wish everyone peace and happiness. I also wish that_________ would quit acting like a maniacal, thoughtless ***** and realize that the world does not revolve solely around her." Then I would politely say, "Cheers, I think I need another drink!"

Hey, maybe it will work, maybe it won't. But, I bet it will get her attention. You can always blame it on having a little too much to drink, if you need to. Doesn't sound like there is much love lost there now anyway. Good luck.

[Anniston]

Oh, my! I am so showing DH this post later when he comes in! Awesome, and.

[fairydana]

There is really a lot of great advice in all these posts!
Atprm has kept me laughing throughout this post!

Some people just dont get it and they never will. Sometimes its best to just let things go.
When I get worked up and am just about ready to show my A** then I think of my dad telling me he raised me better than that.

Good luck! I am sorry your friend turned out to be such a RUDE and tactless Dummy!

[speedygirl]

What an ungrateful jacka$$! I prefer to ignore people like that. If I expend any energy b!tching them out, it shows that i care on some level and I prefer not to give them that. Shunning works for me. I have no need for asshattery at this point in my life.

[swan0002]

Bar, you speak the truth. I have told her my point. And it went to deaf ears. But since her BF is a big part of our life, she is "here" and I can't handle it. As stated, it is a long story...suffice it to say, her BF is recently her fiancee, and DH is in the wedding. I am in between attending the nuptials and going to a sporting event....

I know exactly how you feel and it's sooo hard. My best advice would be to deal w/ it as best ya can and let the rest go. If you want this guy to continue being in your life, you'll have to make some sacrifices (as unfair as it is). Chances are they won't be together forever from what you say about her. Try to grin and bear it, BUT... don't take TOO much schit! Best of luck to you.

[buglebe]

Some people honestly don't know when they are being rude. And that is the truth. We drove 12 hrs to visit our sister in law one time and she had something planned for the day into the night we were to get there. Her son also drove about an hr to come over to have dinner with us also. She called and said she was on the way home and would be there in the next hour. Well after 2 hours of waiting we decided to go on and eat without her because the restaurants were closing. Her 36 yr old son took a book and read at the table. Honest! And he didn't know he was being rude because his mom does stuff like that. We left before she showed up and we found out the next day she went to eat with the girls she had been with all day. She made up some other story but her son told us. No you wouldn't think anyone would not know it would be ugly to say ugg to a gift but who would think someone wouldn't know it was rude to read a book at the dinner table while out eating?

[nightrider127]

Take the easy way out. Invite ATPRM to your house. She'll take care of the situation, I am sure.

Sorry she said that about the gift you gave her. Myself, I would be really grateful to get something homemade. Homemade gifts are priceless because they carry a piece of your heart with them.

[atprm]

but it wouldn't be my house -- which is the key to be OPPORTUNISTIC.

LOL

[nightrider127]

but it wouldn't be my house -- which is the key to be OPPORTUNISTIC.

LOL

Oh but I am sure you would find a way to correct the problem.

Now am I right or not?

[myspirit]

next year make her chocolate chip cookies with exlax, Or sugar free with manitol, same effect!