Betrayed Confidences

[belle5691]

Its been a really frustrating month, and doesnt seem to look any better any time soon. One of the most recent is: its not any secret on the forums or anywhere else, that my marriage is far from perfect...and it will never be perfect....and not sure about halfway good either. Anyway, because of this, my 14 year old son chose to confide in a Sunday School teacher and made the comment that he wished a friend of mine was his dad instead of his real dad who I am married to still. This teacher chose to come to his dad and tell him that our son said that. My husband is disabled, severe health problems, and depression that he sometimes admits, sometimes doesnt. DH chose to keep it to himself and stew about it, had a TIA in the meantime, then let loose about it 2 days ago, and moods have been hell around my house since then.

In other news....DH has a best friend---who is his cousin. His cousin has cancer, they have done so many experimental treatments, and he is now going to Boston MA next month for the final one. Its really affecting everyone here...His cousin is only 46 years old...and they have been close since they were kids. His story is on www.wentworthlivery.com .

Im being selfish in this next statement, but I am so drained I have no idea how Im going to keep going anymore with the 11 pm to 7 am job, taking care of a husband who doesnt care to take care of himself anymore....and then the emotional news about Craig now.

Im afraid to hope, but I do hope it gets better sometime

[ilovecats]

:sob :hug I'm sorry you are dealing with all this.

[pepperpot]

Belle.....are you seeking help for yourself? It seems like you are the glue holding this crew together......and it's a rough job......you need to take care of yourself. Seek help if you aren't and take care of you so you can take care of them....those who you love and who love you.....:hug

[mosdata1]

I cannot believe that the Sunday School Teacher betrayed your son's confidence like that. I would be having a meeting with the SS teacher & the pastor together. I would let them know how disappointed I was in them - telling a man, who is not in the best of health such 'bad news'.
What an idiot! If he felt he needed to run it past a parent, he should have spoken to you first, and then left it to you to either speak to your DH or son. Did he not realize what kind of confusion that could cause in your household? Oh my gosh, once again my only thought is What an idiot!!!!

[gmyers]

I think I'd have a talk with the Sunday school teacher too. What he told didn't do your husband or son any good. He should have thought before he spoke. I bet your son wont talk to him again. Thats sad. I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I know it doesn't seem like things will ever get better but they will. I'm speaking from experience I felt the way you're feeling right now. Like it would never get better but hang in there it took a while for me but it does get better and it will for you too. Hang in there and keep believing it does help.

[lucimPI]

:surrender I know you must really feel like throwing in the towel but things will get better. :grouphug :bouquet A big group hug and some flowers for you. I will be thinking and saying a prayer for you and your family.

[belle5691]

I am really angry at the Youth pastor. It would have been different---and Ive told my kids both from early ages....its fine for them to tell that they have been abused---if it's true...and we, as parents know that it will be reported....but Im really angry that this was not a case of abuse. It was a case of my dad is always in a bad mood....True...and I wish I had a dad that still wanted to do stuff....(depression--doesnt want to do things)...am still stewing over how to exactly confront people involved over this.

I do have insurance through work, and know that I desperately need counseling...and think its best to get both boys in too.

I thank everyone for the hugs and best wishes. I reallly really do.

[BeanieLuvR]

I am sorry that you are having to go through this. It was not right for your son's confidence to have been betrayed. I hope that you can all get into counseling. :hug

[Freebeemom]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I really hope you are taking time for yourself without feeling selfish. Sounds like you need to take some time out for you and your son, too. I know there are only so many hours in the day, but maybe it will help you with your son's relationship...and yours too.

Hang in there. You are doing a great job and even though you probably don't hear it, they appreceiate what you are doing for them (working nights taking care of your dh etc...).

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

Hugs to you. Keep your chin up, things will get better.

[dv8grl]

:hug :grouphug :hug

[tracyb]

Sorry that your son had to go through this...I hope your husband isnt taking it out on his son.....I would go right to the youth minister and let him know just how you feel.

[ElleGee]

:hug

[luvcub]

this is a sad thing,people in the church prob know your hands are full,and I would think the man would have came to you 1st,just so you could defuse the situation somewhat before hand,what a mess,I feel for you! Your poor son,he was letting a little of his feelings out and then the guy ratted him out to the person he was talking about,I bet his little heart is breaking.Id go to the pastor. Id also let the son know its ok to share your feelings,but sometimes people have big chops and cant keep quiet.
Hugs,huge ones going out to your son and you!

[dangerousfem]

Please don't be angry at your son... that is exactly what he is suppose to do when something is bothering him.. not just in cases of abuse... when teens keep in these hurt feelings is when bad things happen.... the one to be angry at is the youth pastor.. who should have known better. The whole point in being there for the kids from a youth pastor point is for them to have someone to confide in.. to trust. he blew that. You seriously need to go to the youth pastor and head pastor and have a meeting. He needs to know what he did was wrong.. the next time it might be something really serious.. but the kids won't seek help.. because they can't trust him.. also .. the youth pastor needs to apologize to your son.. so that your son knows it was a mistake.. and he can trust adults...

[sheila_361]

:hug's

[belle5691]

Please don't be angry at your son... that is exactly what he is suppose to do when something is bothering him.. not just in cases of abuse... when teens keep in these hurt feelings is when bad things happen.... the one to be angry at is the youth pastor.. who should have known better. The whole point in being there for the kids from a youth pastor point is for them to have someone to confide in.. to trust. he blew that. You seriously need to go to the youth pastor and head pastor and have a meeting. He needs to know what he did was wrong.. the next time it might be something really serious.. but the kids won't seek help.. because they can't trust him.. also .. the youth pastor needs to apologize to your son.. so that your son knows it was a mistake.. and he can trust adults...


I agree completely. Im angry at the youth pastor and myself....Me for telling my son, that was a person he could confide in if he ever felt he couldnt talk to his dad or I....and the youth pastor for the lack of thought.

[iluvmybaby]

nt. DH chose to keep it to himself and stew about it, had a TIA in the meantime, then let loose about it 2 days ago, and moods have been hell around my house since then.


Im being selfish in this next statement, but I am so drained I have no idea how Im going to keep going anymore with the 11 pm to 7 am job, taking care of a husband who doesnt care to take care of himself anymore....and then the emotional news about Craig now.


Here is what you do, ditch the hubby and your son for one day, and do something entirely for yourself. If you are a budget, then do it on the cheap. Take yourself out to eat at your favorite restaurant, if you cant afford an entree order an appetizer. Go get your hair cut, once again if you are on a budget, check and see if there is a local beauty school, you can literally get a manicure, a pedicure, a hair cut and a style for about $50 bucks if there is a special. Or, if you cant afford $50, maybe just $18 for a manicure and a pedicure. For one day, or even for just a couple of hours, turn your cell phone off. It isnt about your DH or your son, just relax and enjoy yourself, no moody husbands or upset sons or issues. Believe it or not, taking an entire day, or just a couple of hours for yourself will rest and recharge you like nowbodys bussiness.
Now to address the issue with the pastor who blabbed, call him or her and ream him a new arsehole, in olden times a person could claim sanctuary or could confess ANYTHING and the clergy could not repeat a single world. That was a violation of trust, and I can not blame you or your son for never going back to the church.
Now on to DH. Now is the time to say, you need to take the bull by the horns, go talk to a Dr and get counseling and/or medication, and TAKE IT or I am gone. Tell him that it is bull you work all day and have to come home to tip toe on eggshells. Mental illness is a real disease, but it can be treated and helped, so there is no excuse for him NOT to. If you do not have medical insurance there are sliding fee scaled clinics that offer counseling and medication for pennies on the dollar. The one near us charges $10 for a visit and $20 for a visit with the Dr, and gives the medication away for free as part of the Drs visit. ((A friend of mine goes there for depression, and I asked her how much she paid to get you an idea.))