Long story...

[fleabones3]

I have 5 kids.. 4 boys, 1 girl, ages 10 thru 17. I have also raised 3 stepkids, ages 18-25 so I am not a newbie to kids, or boys.

My 14 yr old son has been having severe behavior issues since the 4th grade. ( he just started 8th this yr) I have tried like hello to get him in a behavior center for yrs and they always told me he wasnt bad enough. Being suspened every 2 wks, fighting in school, etc was not bad enough. Well this February, he took a knife to his 15 yr old brother. My 17 yr old varsity wrestler took him down and held him til the cops got there. NOW the only reason the cops took him to a behavior center was cuz I had a friend there and she witnessed it, otherwise they would have just said boys being boys etc. Well he ended up being at this behavior center for 4 freaking months and was diagnosed with ADHD, Intermittent Eplosive Anger Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Depressive Disorder, and Temporal Lope Epilepsy with rage. Meaning he doesnt have a seizure like falling on floor , but he gets so mad he cant control what he is doing.
Ok, he is on a buttload of pills. and has been home since June. He has done pretty well for the most part. and then....

Last weekend he beat up the preachers son at church. Then Saturday I came home from a friends and him and his 15 yr old brother ( they cant stand each other) are fighting and I couldnt get him to stop ( I am only 5'2) so I called a friend. Both of us could barely hold him so we called her dh ( mine is out on the road) and he held him. By then my son was so out of it he was hyperventilating and coughing things up. We called 911. the hospital said to give him a extra depakote that nite cuz his level was low. Wellll... the next day, I let him go to this place called simmons center.. they can swim, play basketball, etc etc... his friend calls me and tells me I need to get there cuz my son is trying to beat up another kid. I get halfway there and call his friend to tell my son to be outside.. he says its too late, he beat that kid up and and hit a member of the staff and cops on their way. I get there ,3 grown men are holding him down, the cops show up and automatically cuff him. He was a automatic admit to the behavior center . Soooo they call me 2 days later and are talking about a long term treatment ( at least 1 yr stay).
I just dont know what to do. I know if he is going to continue to be violent I cant keep him here. If he cant or wont function in society he is a danger. But I am not sure what he CAN control and what part he CANT. He is normally the sweetest, funniest awesome kid. He LOVES animals. If a dog was biting him and you hit the dog to get him to let go, he would say dont hit the dog its not his fault. He loves babies and babies love him. same with old people. He has the worlds biggest heart, but when he gets mad....
My heart is breaking because I do know what I should do.. I just dont want to.

[ilovecats]

Sorry to hear that.It must be very rough on you.Clearly he needs the long term care and needs to be away from your other kids.I know how bad that would make me feel,but it doesn't seem you have much choice you have to do the right thing.

[ahippiechic]

I have no advice for you, but will keep you both in my thoughts. Sometimes it really hurts to do what you need to do.

[G'maDebbie]

I am wondering if he has been misdiagnosed and is possibly bi-polar and not ADHD. The symptoms are so closely related that a lot of times it is overlooked, especially in young teen males. I know, my stepson was diagnosed as bi-polar at 16 after years of being labeled ADHD...and the actions that you are telling us were exactly the way he was acting....loves animals, babies, etc...that's because they aren't threatened by them. I truly believe that no matter how much your heart bleeds for him, you HAVE to let the professionals help him, to keep him safe as well as others.
My heart and prayers go out to you.

[sunniekiss]

WOW!!! I have no advice to offer, all I can do is think good thoughts for you.

It does sound though like he may need more serious help that you can give him at this point before this ends up with a tradgey.

[Freebeemom]

If you can, go to another place. Does he see a counselor? Do you? Perhaps you need to go with him so you can find a place for him. I don't know what state you live in, but there are progams that will accept him. It is expensive, but perhaps a private treatment center with schooling for kids. Is there an alternative school he can go to?

What about martial arts? I know it probably sounds funny...but the discipline may help him out..

I can understand how helpless you feel....

[fleabones3]

Well, they dont want to label him as bi polar just yet because of his age, but he is already on the meds for it. He started puberty at age 10, he has more body hair than most grown men and they said he is hormonally driven to rage. The place he is at is a hospital/behavior center. He has psychiatrists there, counselor ( which we both see ..family counseling) plus doctors. When he is home, we have a home based counselor that we see weekly. I am just afraid that if he goes to long term.. i wont be able to hardly see him because most of them are 3 hours or more away and I get lost in a paper sack. Plus. I am afraid that it will be like a juvie place--learn more bad behavior and things than he would out.

[Unicornmom77]

Oh sweetie! My heart hurts for you, I wish I knew some words to comfort your obviously aching heart. I cannot imagine how you must feel!

We will pray for your son and your family, and for you.

Try and hang in there, Like Hippie says
Sometimes it really hurts to do what you need to do.

I do hope you can find peace in this situation and your son is healed and healthy again!

[ElleGee]

Yikes! :hug

If he started puberty early could it be possible that he has a testosterone disorder? I mean that could explain his rage and stuff as well.. But I am not a doctor and I don't play one on tv. It sucks when your kid has issues and you don't know what to do :hug

[fleabones3]

What really sucks is most of the family physicians in my town wont see him BECAUSE of all his issues , plus the EEG coming back abnormal ( due to the epilepsy)..our town is so lame. He hates the middle school, so I could put him in the alternative, but, then he wont get to play any sports, which he has wrestled and played football since age 7. He needs those sports to get his energy and frustrations out. Not to mention they dummy down the work, plus there are other " bad" kids, who like to fight and run their mouth, so I believe it will be more of a rough situation to control himself in.. See.. my mind is constantly running. I see the good and the bad things in each situation. I just dont know WHICH one is the right one, and at this point,.. if any of them is the right one. Tomorrow I do the family counseling thing and see what the new therapist thinks. Thanks all for the warm thoughts, prayers, hugs, and advice.

[BeanieLuvR]

Your son, you, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. :hug

[jbbarn]

I think ElleGee could be right..A hormonal disorder could cause all sorts of problems. I might ask a doctor about it.Above all,don't feel guilty and blame yourself! We moms are great at that. Hang in there and use your instincts as a mother!:love:

[sunie]

:hug Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to try this place, they might be able to help him, and the doctors have experience to help him deal and cope with this. With them able to watch him close they might find out it's something else than what the doctors are saying right now, and be able to find the right combination of medicines to help him.:hug

[fleabones3]

We had counseling today, and I think he felt attacked by us because me, his counselor and the shrink all basically told him that he is going to end up being sent off to the place called Aragon Academy ( basically a school/home for boys with conduct disorder, or someplace worse. He ended up shutting down, emotionally and physically. He wouldnt respond to us and when we kept at him for a response it was a shrug and i dont care. It broke my heart, but I had to make him understand that if he continues with his actions he is taking the choice away from me. Sooo, they are going to release him Sept. 2 if all goes well. We will see what happens from there

[tngirl]

My brother had some emotional issues growing up. It is no telling what sets them off and if there is a physiological reason behind it, it just worsens the situation.

I have no advice. You as his mother will know what is best for your son. I just pray that you don't make excuses for him until he goes a step too far and someone really gets hurt. And I REALLY REALLY do not mean that in a bad way. As mothers, it is easy to make an excuse for our child.

I know whatever decision you make it isn't going to be an easy one, to send him off or to keep him home. Maybe in the next couple of weeks they can come to a better understanding of what is really wrong with him.

Mother to mother, I send you my best wishes and hope everything works out for the best interest of you son.

[wobblypops]

Wow, I am so sorry you are in this situation. I honestly don't know how I would react to it but please know that my thoughts are with you & your son.

Is there a way to speak with him alone so he won't feel like he is being attacked from every angle? Let him see how this is killing you but do not allow him to see any guilt, he could end up thriving from that & making things worse you the two of you.

[fleabones3]

I have talked to him about it several times, before he went in the first time, while he was there, afterwards.
Like I said before.. most days he is fine, then boom. Its like I told him, I know he has problems and he isnt going to be a angel and he is going to get mad and have hollering cussing throwin fits. i can deal with those on a occasional basis, but not the physical violence.