Sick of paying ALL the costs for raising our son!

[DezaRay24]

Okay I just have to vent to someone anyone!

I'm just fed up with my son's dad thinking that because I have custody of our son that, it makes me responsible to pay for everything and he will just pitch in as he feels like it! Which is never!

Yesterday was the last straw! I have paid over $450 for my son’s school clothes, shoes, supplies, registration, shots & fall baseball by myself on my own with my single parent income!! Any time I say anything to him about paying any of this he thinks I’m snapping at him and he hangs up on me. He told me today that he will be going in to debt just to pay for the school registration fees. Ummm, hello and you don’t think I’m not going in to debt too!! He flat out refused to pay for his baseball and hasn’t ever offered to pay for school clothes and hasn’t since kindergarten. He even had issues pay 1/2 the daycare costs when our son went. I used to have to pay the full amount and then fight with him to get it back since I didn't want to loose our sitter.

I get $200 child support from him and because its not thru the ORS/State he can cut that off at any time or any time he feels like he don’t want to pay for it. If I go back thru ORS/State then I only get $29.00 a month Ya, you read that right $29.00 bucks!!! In his words is being Nice that he gives me more that is on our divorce papers. At one point they even had to garnish his wages because he wasn’t even paying the $29.00. Wonderful to get checks for $4.29 a month after fees...I would have to take him back to court and I can’t afford the lawyer or the fees right now.

He is on his 3rd marriage and this one came with a 4yr old daughter (& a 12yr old son she lost custody to & now lives with her parents). They also just bought a house and get this he got a 2 bedroom house so that means the 4yr old gets her own room and my son gets the sofa! I think he should have got a 3 bedroom house that way my son and her son when he does visit her could share a bedroom and just have separate sides to decorate. (At least that would have been the smart choice)

The 4yr old gets what she wants when she wants it and since they are married that is both of there money paying for her. Her daughter got an Easter basket my son didn’t get anything he didn’t even call him on Easter to wish him a Happy Easter he sent him a text about 9:00PM that night!

I can’t wait till I can get some extra cash to take his butt back to court. I was gonna play nice and only go for a increase in support going forward but I’m ready to fight for the difference in back pay too!


Okay that was my Vent & I feel somewhat better now LOL :)

[dinosmom]

Vent away!!!! I am in the same boat! My ex has not paid one dime!

[ElleGee]

My ex hasn't paid any support since the second of Feb. And that was only 20 bucks..You don't need a lawyer to take him back to court. However it does cost to file and have him served. And it takes some time to get a court date. I don't remember how much that was here to do that. It was quite a few years ago. The paperwork is not as difficult as I thought it would be.. All I had to do is fill out an income/expense sheet and they compare it to his income/expenses...


:hug some exes are just jerks

[gmyers]

Ya'll ll have a right to vent. There are way too many deadbeat parents out there. I hope ya'll win and get more money. It's ridiculous what ya'll are getting. I don't know why some parents divorce their kids too. And do nothing for them after that.

[dangerousfem]

sorry you have to go thru this..

can you have the dept of child support handle it? They will collect it for you.. send it to you.. no fee's (at least in my state).. also they will do a yearly review.. and if court is needed they provide the lawyer..

I have always used them since my divorce years ago.. they were great.. with out them I would have never gotten a thing from my deadbeat ex.. even now.. my son is 20.. they are still collecting the arrears for me..

I looked it up for your state.. they will do a review for you.. so you can get more $

http://www.ors.utah.gov/faq_mod_esc.htm

[nightrider127]

These kinds of post just make me roaring mad. How dare these deadbeat parents not care enough about their kids to help support them. That goes for a so called dad or so called mom.

OMG, I would be in jail for contempt of court because had my marriage fell apart and hubby would not pay, I would have with held visitation. That's not the right thing to do and I know it but I would have done it anyway.


I hope you ladies take these jerks back to court and get all of what you need.

The nightrider goes stomping out of the room muttering about deadbeat parents.

[DezaRay24]

sorry you have to go thru this..

can you have the dept of child support handle it? They will collect it for you.. send it to you.. no fee's (at least in my state).. also they will do a yearly review.. and if court is needed they provide the lawyer..

I have always used them since my divorce years ago.. they were great.. with out them I would have never gotten a thing from my deadbeat ex.. even now.. my son is 20.. they are still collecting the arrears for me..

I looked it up for your state.. they will do a review for you.. so you can get more $

http://www.ors.utah.gov/faq_mod_esc.htm

Sadly, Utah's dept of child support can't help because we have a divorce decree & the decree takes over the states help so I have to go back to court. :( The state played that fill out this paper game with me for 3 years before we figure that out. :(

[dangerousfem]

ahh i'm sorry...sounds like you had a crappy worker....

I don't understand that.. because their site says if you have a divorce decree and its over 3 yrs old they will help you get an review.. but they have to be handling your case first

do you think it would help taking to a different worker? I know the first one I had was crappy.. was suppose to run ex's ss number every month to look for income.. never did.. I finally got a worker who does her job great...

I wish you the best...

[Jenefer3]

Aww I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

I know how you feel though. My 13 year old daughter's dad never pays anything. I think over the years he's paid a whopping $200 and that was only cuz they garnished it. He just bought a house, drives a nice new car, has plenty of money to do everything BUT pay child support. He never calls for holidays or her birthday, never has any part of her life. He'll see her uptown and give her his cell phone number but then if she calls it, he'll talk to her for 5 minutes and then next time she tries to call, it's been disconnected. He lives just a few streets from us now and tells her that if she's ever in the neighborhood that she can just swing by. Child support office does nothing for us, just keeps issuing more and more warrants and tells me that if I see him in Clark County (we live in Cowlitz) to notify the sheriff. They'll suspend his license but he calls them up and says "oh I'll pay on this day if you reinstate it" so they do but he never pays. UGH HE"S SUCH A LOSER!

I hate all deadbeat parents...I don't care what issues there are between the parents or what's going on in their new lives, if they create a child they should help support the child!

[ssgjeg]

I may have a lot of issues with my step dad but I will say this he always paid his child support. I can't believe what you guys get in support. Back in the 1970's and 1980's he paid $350 a month in support for 2 kids. He got behind until he met my mom. She helped him find out where they were living, get his support caught up, and get visitation. After that the only time he missed was when he was out of work and even then he sent something in, if not the full payment. And my mom always called the office first to let them know they weren't getting the full payment.

I'm sorry some of you guys have to deal with these losers. I hope things get better for you before your children find out about their parent and what they really mean to them.

[YankeeMary]

I feel for you really I do. And to make you feel a little bit better about your situation and child support amount, I will share with you what I get. Now remember, I have 2 sons. I get.................almost $24.00 a week for them both...LOL. Crazy eh??? And he had trouble paying that...haha. See I told you, you would feel a bit better. He always has been and always will be a totally worthless father. It really hard not saying bad things about him to the boys. Now that my oldest is older, he has seen the light and knows that his dad is worthless. My youngest just said the other day that he "thinks" his dad has his priorities messed up...yah think? LOL. I imagine he will see his dad's true color the older he is, and I don't even have to say anything about him. Kids eventually see it and then are angry that their father (or mother, depending on the case) didn't support them emotionally or financially. I hope you get things worked out. HUGS!!!

[Shann]

that really sucks you're going through that. I cannot believe if you go through the courts it will only be $29 a month!!!! A kid eats more in food than what $29 will provide and that's not including everything else that goes w/ raising a child. I have never understood how people can be deadbeat parents and think it's OK. Posts like this really make me mad and thankful that I don't have any kids, I don't know how you single parents do it, but my hats of to you...

[ma4angels]

Child support enforcement should handle this for you. In my state it goes by income. What he makes and what you make. The sad part is that they will also figure in the two children in there home and what child support is going out. Sometimes it hurts you worse. But you can save all of your receipts and if it is in your divorce papers for him to pay half of everything, go to court show the judge what you paid and he or she will make him pay half of all expenses

[jansday23]

It's just wrong. What about dad just caring for his son and wanting the best? Why not asking mom for some of the receipts and pay half? Or asking son if he needs/wants anything special? I don't get it.

Hugs and prayers to all the single moms out there in this crazy world and to the kids too. You all deserve better.

Come on dads, help with YOUR kids. It's the right thing to do! Put yourselves in your kid's positions. What would it be like if YOU had YOU for a non caring parent????? Think about it and help those kids out. Not what you legally HAVE to do. Do more. Just for the kids. Be a role model in your kid's lives.

(Dads, can also mean moms. Custodial parents should be placed where it says dads. Thank you)

[Willow]

I haven't gotten a dime of child support for my two kids in over 10 years. In my state they won't take child support from anyone who is on disability. My oldest is 20 now but you would think he would be made to pay back support but since he's getting disability he doesn't have to pay. I don't think it's right but that's how they do things around here.

[Freebeemom]

Can't you get him to pay the lawyer's fees?

You know, people don't understand that the kids WILL eventually find out....what an *&& he is! That will be payback enough!

[DezaRay24]

ahh i'm sorry...sounds like you had a crappy worker....

I don't understand that.. because their site says if you have a divorce decree and its over 3 yrs old they will help you get an review.. but they have to be handling your case first

do you think it would help taking to a different worker? I know the first one I had was crappy.. was suppose to run ex's ss number every month to look for income.. never did.. I finally got a worker who does her job great...

I wish you the best...


I can check with them again but even talking to lawyers you have to serve them with papers and take it thru the court system. THe state dept usually only handles the cases were the parents are not married.

[DezaRay24]

Can't you get him to pay the lawyer's fees?

You know, people don't understand that the kids WILL eventually find out....what an *&& he is! That will be payback enough!

I'm not 100% sure on them paying the fees or not.

I totally agree one day my son will figure out what a butthead his dad is and a cheap ass too!

[cinnamonch]

Have you considered gettting prepaid legal? Not sure how they work but I think you only pay a certain amount a month and they help you find an attorney for what ever your situation is.

You also should be able to go through your child welfare department and go after him for the child support. This way, you have documentation of payment plus if he does default, they will put an attachment to his income tax and take any back pay from that.

[PrincessArky]

I am so sick of dads like this mine does pay his child support AFTER I go the state and took him to court.....he pays $492 a month and $310 of that goes on OUR debt together that he walked out on......leaves me less than $200 a month to raise 2 kids on.......if the kids ever ask him for anything he tells them that he pays me for them every damn check

I would call the child support ppl here it is handled by the state and any court proceedings are paid by parent that is supposed to pay support....they tack it on to his child support bill. When my ex's went up he didnt want to go to court just went into the office and they charged him $140 to UP his support payment I LOVED IT :)

[DezaRay24]

Have you considered gettting prepaid legal? Not sure how they work but I think you only pay a certain amount a month and they help you find an attorney for what ever your situation is.

You also should be able to go through your child welfare department and go after him for the child support. This way, you have documentation of payment plus if he does default, they will put an attachment to his income tax and take any back pay from that.

Oh our legal aide here is a joke! I seriously don't think they really help people I was on a waiting list for over a year and never heard nothing and when you call they just ask if your on the list. Bunch of BS

[ElleGee]

So do the paperwork yourself..It's not hard at all. All you have to do is pay the filing and sherrifs fees to serve him.. You can take him back every 3 years until he is 18 or I think it's 22 while he's in college. The longer you wait the harder it will get :hug

[fleabones3]

My ex hasnt paid in a long time too, and now my dh's ex is FINALLY starting to pay, ( after 14 yrs ) . We went and erased all the interest off and knocked her payments down to $50 so there would be no excuse. Well since the kids are aged out. she has to pay 164 ( for 2 kids) and is complaining about that and now my dh is PAYING her the difference!!! Which I complain about being as she has a $600 a month car payment so its not our fault she cant afford to move out of her mamas and its stupid to pay someone back the child support she hasnt paid in years. But its not my ex and not my say so..

[cinnamonch]

My ex hasnt paid in a long time too, and now my dh's ex is FINALLY starting to pay, ( after 14 yrs ) . We went and erased all the interest off and knocked her payments down to $50 so there would be no excuse. Well since the kids are aged out. she has to pay 164 ( for 2 kids) and is complaining about that and now my dh is PAYING her the difference!!! Which I complain about being as she has a $600 a month car payment so its not our fault she cant afford to move out of her mamas and its stupid to pay someone back the child support she hasnt paid in years. But its not my ex and not my say so..

I'm confused here. Why is he paying her anything?

[Him2Live]

I have custody of both of my sons nd I pay for everything. I just spent 1,000 on school stuff.
I don't ask for money from their dad and I cancelled child support because he can't afford it. I have no problem paying for everything. I am just glad I have my sons.

[PrincessArky]

I have custody of both of my sons nd I pay for everything. I just spent 1,000 on school stuff.
I don't ask for money from their dad and I cancelled child support because he can't afford it. I have no problem paying for everything. I am just glad I have my sons.

wow thats great that you can afford to do it on your own

[ahippiechic]

It doesn't matter to me if the mom can do it on her own. The father should help support his child. Period. My DS's dad still owes me support and I agreed to 30 pr week. My son is 28 and his dad owes me around 11,000.

My DD's dad, however, doesn't pay a set amount of support, there is no support order, but he gives me money for her all the time, keeps ins on her and pays 1/2 of everything the ins doesn't pay. He asks how much I need when it comes to school clothes etc and then hands it over. He pays 1/2 of her tuition and would pay it all if I needed him to. He also takes her shopping and buys clothes, shoes etc. he's a great dad.

[PrincessArky]

My DD's dad, however, doesn't pay a set amount of support, there is no support order, but he gives me money for her all the time, keeps ins on her and pays 1/2 of everything the ins doesn't pay. He asks how much I need when it comes to school clothes etc and then hands it over. He pays 1/2 of her tuition and would pay it all if I needed him to. He also takes her shopping and buys clothes, shoes etc. he's a great dad.

wow thats great.......my brother is the same way

[DezaRay24]

WELL........ I guess all my B*@$%'n did something he called today and asked how much I spent in clothing and what the school registration was going to be. I gave him a total and he put 1/2 that in my bank account!! SHOCK OF MY LIFE!!!!! (yes, I checked my acct to make sure it was true LOL)

You could tell he wasn't at all happy to be doing this!! LOL

I really do just need to figure out how to just take him back to court so I don't have to deal with all the drama!
:dancing:

[DezaRay24]

It doesn't matter to me if the mom can do it on her own. The father should help support his child. Period.


I 110% agree!!!!!

[friend6040]

Ok Im Gonna Put My 2 Cents Iin For Whats Its Worth


Everyones Talking About Deadbeat Fathers What About Deadbeat Mothers Some Women I Know Make More Then Their Hubby Or Ex And The Fathers Have The Custody .

[ahippiechic]

It's deadbeat parents...father or mother either one. Anyone who will not accept responsiblity and help keep up their child is lower than dirt.

[ElleGee]

Ok Im Gonna Put My 2 Cents Iin For Whats Its Worth


Everyones Talking About Deadbeat Fathers What About Deadbeat Mothers Some Women I Know Make More Then Their Hubby Or Ex And The Fathers Have The Custody .

Sometimes mothers, like my self have issues such as depression and Fibromyalgia and generalized anxiety disorder, IBS, PTSD and 4 other things that is nobody's business but me and my doc that makes it IMPOSSIBLE to work and impossible to get SSI, SSDI or any type of help with out a court battle. I know I have whined about me not able to work when I would love to be able to work. Even though:

I have a physics (a BA) degree from Providence College. I worked for GTech for 5 years in the calculations dept. After that I had a 5 figure salary at the job I had for 2 years after I left GTech and before I got sick..I did get student loans paid off when I had my job.. I could not afford to pay child support for my daughter after I lost my job due to heath issues and mounting hospital bills before the state remembered I worked for them and according to my contract HAVE to give me and my family insurance 10 years after I left. That's how good I got it with medical and that's all...


I am going to be fighting for custody of my daughter with NO money.. Her father has tried to get me for child support in the past and was refused because I make 1/2 the money he makes as of right now. Including savings and investments (which are *poof*) and according to my doc I *am* disabled

I am NOT a deadbeat mother... not by a long shot or by the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations just because I couldn't pay child support

[ahippiechic]

I am sure if your DD needed something you would get it for her. You are trying to get custody of her. That shows responsiblity.

[shellysms]

AND then..if you get remarried..DANG...the ex shouldn't have to still pay anything extra for HIS kid should he?? When I remarried...when something big came up..I would ask my ex if he would pay half..HE always says..You are married again..have your husband help.. DUH..Your the dad.. GRRRR
I never say anything in front of haley..but it really gripes me. When haley wanted to do guitar lessons..I asked her dad if he would go half. For the last 10 years all I have heard is.. I pay child support..use that ... GRRRR

[Brandya]

I went back to court because of my ex snapping on my 9 year old. He pays child support on his terms and doesnt pay half of the medical bills either. The judge just looked at him and said you have to pay your child support. That cost me $1,500. He took a small amount of visits away for snapping at my son. He told my boy that he was done with him because he wont play sports. My ex will pay for it one day. My son already sees some of his bad ways. He also smokes around him and it is court ordered not to. My son has very bad allergies and he sounds like Darth Vader when he gets back. I do good to get my ex to give him the allergy meds that I pack.