My cousin is taking advantage of my Mom!!!!!

[dinosmom]

My Mom watched my cousins DD 5 days a week when she went back to work after the baby was born. My cousin never paid her a DIME for all of this. This went on until the child was about 2 and my Mom finally talked her into putting her into daycare that was provided by my cousins workplace because she not only was getting out of hand, but also needed contact with other children! My cousin still calls my Mom some mornings and says that her DD doesnt want to go to daycare or is sick or something brings her DD to my Moms. She also has to work every other weekend and her DH is so darn lazy and doesnt want to watch the child so they bring her to my Moms. This usually means my Mom has to adjust her schedule. Now this child is a total BRAT! My cousin has really done a number on this child-the stories I could tell. But anyway!!!!! My cousin is such a selfish biouch-she always has been and expects everyone to jump for her. My Mom has said that she cannot watch the child so much but my cousin puts such a guilt trip on her. Today she called my Mom at 7am and said the daycare didnt have any power-could she bring her child to my Moms. My Mom had plans but my cousin cried and laid a guilt trip on my Mom, so my Mom said okay. Well my cousin lied-the daycare is open!

My DS is 10 and likes to spend time with my Mom (why I have no idea LOL) but now my Mom is saying that because she has my cousins DD a lot, she doesnt think she can have my DS over this summer. This of course is making my DS feel bad because Grandma doesnt want him over there.

[buglebe]

Your mom is offering to keep another child (how is this child related to your mom) instead of your child. I know you said it is your cousin's child so your mom is this child's great aunt? But your mom feels closer to this child because she kept him for 2 yrs? Do you have sisters? First if you do get your sister's support. If you don't have brothers or sisters then first go to your mom and explain how you feel, that your son comes first. Second go to your cousin and tell her in a nice way how you feel, that your son comes first and that she is taking advantage of your mom. Where is this girl's mom, the baby's grandmother? I know you cousin isn't going to take this nice but start out nice and get the support of the family members you can because this is going to cause a family rift. Tell your mom how your son feels. Then go ahead and be ugly if neccessary. Good luck!

(why I have no idea LOL) To answer this part of your message-- don't you love your mom?, maybe that is why she keeps the other child and the reason your son likes to go there is because she is his grandmother and he loves her whether you do or not.

[jedmatters]

..... first go to your mom and explain how you feel, that your son comes first. Second go to your cousin and tell her in a nice way how you feel, that your son comes first and that she is taking advantage of your mom.



I selected this part because it is the part I want to comment on.

I disagree with telling someone that your child comes first over someone else's. Yes, it is her grandson, but she has to build her own priorities and boundaries. You can not set them for someone and expect good reactions.



Dinosmom: you may have to accept the situation. Your mom is setting her own rules and life. You can not change that. Explain to your son that this summer may be different. And that is really all he needs to know.

[dinosmom]

Buglebe-I was joking about the "why I have no idea" comment hence the LOL.

I am an only child. This cousin is my Moms sisters daughter. My Aunt refuses to watch the child because she just doesnt behave AND she is very busy. She basically got tired of being taken advantage of and told her daughter to stop. My cousin also uses this as a way to lay the guilt on my Mom.

I will NEVER tell my Mom that MY child comes first. I am not that selfish. My Mom can spend time with whomever she wants. I just am getting perterbed that my cousin is using my Mom and laying the guilt trip on her every day.

[buglebe]

I'm sorry. I guess I thought you wanted different opinions and I gave mine. If it were my mother and she was doing that , I would have told her. But those were yrs ago. And so I don't have that kind of problem anymore. To both of you who didn't like how I would have handled the problem, sorry, but yes I would have told my mom my child was more impt. I'll try to keep my opinions to myself next time.

[jedmatters]

buglebe: everyone has opinions, and none match anyone else's.
I said I disagree with the option.
No one knows how to handle someone else's situation.

[cathych]

apparently this is what your mom wants to do, even if you see it as her being taken advantage of.

[nightrider127]

apparently this is what your mom wants to do, even if you see it as her being taken advantage of.

I agree with this.

I will say this though. Had my Mom chosen a great niece or nephew over my son, my feelings would have been very much hurt.

Edited to add that in the end, your Mom will pay a dear price for what she is doing to your son. One day, he will grow up and she will grow very old and want her only child and her child (or children) to come around her and it just might not happen. My husbands Mom and Dad never paid any attention to our Randy. They, especially my husbands Dad really paid the price for what they did/didn't do. I almost felt sad when I heard hubbys Dad say that the one grandchild he knew he didn't have to worry about making something of himself because he already had was our Randy. Sadly, he had been long written off by our son.

[dinosmom]

Thanks everyone for your opinions. It really helps me see other sides.

Buglebe-I didnt mean to sound like I was jumping on you. I appreciate your opinion.

Cathych and Nightrider127-you are right. My Mom does what she wants and I cant change that.

Thanks again. It really helped.

[buglebe]

The loser here is your son. And as a grandmother I can't stand the thoughts of a grandchild feeling slighted. My grandparents divorced and the 4 kids took sides. I had an aunt who didn't have anything to do with me or my sister until we were grown. At that time she told me she was sorry that she had been so wrong about my sister and I. But the hurt had already been done. I hope your mom reconsiders this.

[ssgjeg]

Unfortunately not everyone makes a good grandparent. I understand how you feel. My own mother chooses her step grandchildren over her own grandchildren all the time. And yes, the grandchildren are the victims in this.

[nightrider127]

The loser here is your son
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Sorry buglebe, I just don't agree. A child will try to get someones attention for a while, but in the end, they will move on. Our son lacks nothing because of the negative treatment he got from his grand parents on his dads side.

I will always believe, that in the end, it is the parents, grandparents etc who pay the price for not paying attention to a child as he/she grows up.

[jedmatters]

The way I see it: The Brady Bunch, the Partridge Family and Father Knows Best were just tv shows. No family is that perfect.
No one could live like that in reality!

[nightrider127]

The way I see it: The Brady Bunch, the Partridge Family and Father Knows Best were just tv shows. No family is that perfect.
No one could live like that in reality!


You know, you are right. All that perfection would drive me nuttier.