Question about DH adopting my DS

[dinosmom]

My DH (that sounds weird-we got married over the weekend and I still cant get use to saying "husband" LOL) wants to adopt my DS. My DS is 10 and his birth father hasnt had little or no contact with him in yrs. He has never paid a cent in child support. My DS actually has called my DH "Dad" for quite some time. However, I just dont know if my DH can adopt him without any issues. I dont want my DS to get his hopes up only to have them squashed, much like what is birth father did to him.

Does the birth father have to give up his parental rights before my DH can adopt my DS? (if so, I know he would never do that-he is just too selfish)
What do I have to do to get the ball rolling? We have a meeting with a lawyer in 3 wks but I just dont want to get our hopes up if this has to involve my ex at all. He is spiteful and selfish and if he got word that this is what we wanted to do, he would make our lives a living hell! Trust me, he is that evil!!!!!
Does anyone have any advice?

[poggles3]

Aww hun best of luck with this, for your sons sake I hope it goes smoothly. Laws on this vary from state to state so I cant offer more than prayers.

[dangerousfem]

I'm not sure what the laws are in your area.. your son may be old enough now to tell the judge that he wants the adoption.. and you may not need the ex to give up his rights.... but if for some reason he does put a stop to it... you can always change your sons name so that it is the same as yours and hubbys. You don't need the ex's permission for that.
good luck..:hug

btw.. CONGRATS on your marriage!

[YankeeMary]

If he hasn't had any contact or paid any support in a year then more than likely the judge will award custody. I wish you the best.

[dcut4]

If he(bio father) does not agree you will have to go though the process of getting his parental rights terminated.

Found this:

Q:The biological father has been out of my child's life for years. Since he has never paid any child support and never known my child, would it be possible for my new husband to adopt even without the consent of the biological father?

A:Yes. Illinois provides for grounds for adoption which include unfitness. Grounds are set forth in 750 ILCS 50/1 of the Adoption Act. Some of the more common grounds for unfitness include:

a) Abandonment of the child.

b) Failure to maintain a reasonable degree of interest, concern or responsibility as to the child's welfare.

c) Desertion of the child for more than 3 months next preceding the commencement of the Adoption proceeding.

d) Substantial neglect of the child if continuous or repeated.

...

g) Failure to protect the child from conditions within his environment injurious to the child's welfare.

...

l) Failure to demonstrate a reasonable degree of interest, concern or responsibility as to the welfare of a new born child during the first 30 days after its birth.

...

n) Evidence of intent to forgo his or her parental rights, whether or not the child is a ward of the court,

(1) as manifested by his or her failure for a period of 12 months:
(i) to visit the child,
(ii) to communicate with the child or agency, although able to do so and not prevented from doing so by an agency or by court order, or
(iii) to maintain contact with or plan for the future of the child, although physically able to do so, or

(2) as manifested by the father's failure, where he and the mother of the child were unmarried to each other at the time of the child's birth,
(i) to commence legal proceedings to establish his paternity under [the applicable law] within 30 days of being informed, pursuant to Section 12a of this Act, that he is the father or the likely father of the child or, after being so informed where the child is not yet born, within 30 days of the child's birth, or
(ii) to make a good faith effort to pay a reasonable amount of the expenses related to the birth of the child and to provide a reasonable amount for the financial support of the child, the court to consider in its determination all relevant circumstances, including the financial condition of both parents; provided that the ground for termination provided in this subparagraph (n)(2)(ii) shall only be available where the petition is brought by the mother or the husband of the mother.

o) Repeated or continuous failure by the parents, although physically and financially able, to provide the child with adequate food, clothing, or shelter.

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[April78945]

You can always say you can't find him and he abandoned you..
That's what my mom did when her husband wanted to adpot me. Of course I was 25 and married at the time she got remarried but still the same. I have a daddy now :)

[Willow]

I had inquired about this. My son's father has not been in his life since he was 10 months old due to domestic abuse. I told them that he moved away and didn't know how to find him and they said that they would put some type of a notice in the newspaper. He probably wouldn't show up at court anyway if he did happen to see the notice.

[galeane29]

I'm going through the exact process right now as we speak except their birth father is deceased.

Yes, even if he has NEVER paid child support he has to sign papers saying he gives his consent.Hopefully he will not be an ass. Just because there has never been money exchange hands does not mean the judge will rule in your favor. There is a process and it can take months. As easy as mine will be it will take at least 3 months and about $3500.

[galeane29]

I had inquired about this. My son's father has not been in his life since he was 10 months old due to domestic abuse. I told them that he moved away and didn't know how to find him and they said that they would put some type of a notice in the newspaper. He probably wouldn't show up at court anyway if he did happen to see the notice.


True, if they cannot find the father, a public notice has to go out.

[cabby92]

There are ways around those public notices. I lived in a very small Texas town (less than 1,800 people). The local newspaper had a thriving business going publishing those notices. People were required to post them, but it didn't say where they had to post them. I worked with a guy that was adopting and he used that town's newspaper even though the man in question had never been within 400 miles of the place.

[dinosmom]

Thanks everyone. The info puts me a bit more at ease. The bio father lives in Missouri. He moved there about 2 yrs ago and that was the last time we had any contact with him.

[flute]

I know my uncle was NEVER able to see his kids -long story - anyway to get new daddy to adopt the kids he would have to be contacted - I looked it up online just to see - cus I know new daddy wanted to adopt the kids but mom didn't want that probably when she found out her child support would be relinquished when the adoption went through. Plus since uncle WAS paying child support he would have went to court & fought it - it wasn't his fault he couldn't see the kids.

UGH

[YankeeMary]

When we adopted Gracie, her biological parents needed to sign the forms. If they signed them it would make it alot easier on the process. If they didn't sign them, then we would still go to court and they would have the right to be there and state their side. Then the Judge would decide. If they chose to fight it we would have had to hire attorneys for them, not one attorney but one for each of them, as well as the other additonal costs. Our attorney told us regardless of what they stated, that the Judge would rule in our favor since they didn't have contact with her for a year and didn't support her for a year. The adoption was granted due to abandoment.

[dangerousfem]

wow.. you would have had to hire a lawyer for each of them? that would have been crappy... glad it worked out for ya'll.