Not a vent or whine..but a dilemma

[April78945]

Some of you may know I am in the process of a divorce and my abusive husband has moved out. We live in an apartment and I am planning on moving and he is going to move back in here (I hate this place, too many memories and I want a fresh start). The utilities are in my name, but I am a stay at home mother so I don't work. Because he knows I am planning on moving and he wants to toally mess with me, he hasn't paid the gas bill in 4 months. They came to shut us off last week and gave me a bill for $1300! After I called him crying and he said "Try leaving me now"..I figured he did it on purpose knowing I would have to get that paid before I can switch the service to a new place. So, I called and they said they would take half and turn it back on and then do a payment plan. So. ANYWAY...yesterday I got the mail and there is a refund check from his college for $750. It is "found" money as far as I am concerned, he doesn't know it's coming.

My question is...would it be morally wrong for me to cash the check and send it to the gas company?? I SO want to, but I don't know. He will probably never know he got the check..he graduated already and won't be going back.

Thoughts??

[ahippiechic]

Ethical or not, I've had to do somethings get me & my son by, that I wouldn't have normally done. BUT morals aside, it is illegal for you to cash it.

[ElleGee]

Morally no... Illegally maybe

[cabby92]

If it was a joint account I'd deposit that puppy in a heartbeat.

[Lild]

I personally would deposit it, but it is illegal like everybody said...

[galeane29]

Your not divorced yet, and his sorry ass didn't pay that bill, I saw deposit it and pay your bill.

[freeby4me]

Well first off, how "in the process" are you? Just talking? Started paperwork? If you're still married then Im not sure if it would be illegal or not. You certainly cannot forge his name to the back of it. But since you are on the bank account, can you just go and deposit it?

If all that isnt a problem, im still slightly torn BUT this was a household bill that he is partly responsible for.
My gut says do it but i'd still be hesitant. Sorry, not much of a help I guess.

[galeane29]

I sign my husbands paychecks all the time and deposit them. They never have told me that its illegal to do so. So, if you had a joint account put that puppy in the bank.

[freeby4me]

I sign my husbands paychecks all the time and deposit them. They never have told me that its illegal to do so. So, if you had a joint account put that puppy in the bank.

Sign your name to the back or sign his name? It is illegal to forge anyones name, spouse or not. (you would only get in trouble if he raised a stink about it of course, like what could happen in this situation)

This is one of the questions I had though, can she sign her name to the check and deposit it.

[galeane29]

I sign my name but yes, I fill out paperwork all the time with both of our names with HIS permission, he hates filling things out. Plus he is not home a whole lot and things need to be done.

[cabby92]

I sign hubby's checks "for deposit only" and put them in our joint account all the time.

[vicky122]

As far as I am concern you are his wife he knows you are a sahm and he has to pay bills. I would pay they bills with it and not give it a second thought. I sign my d/h check all the time he never does. Sign it put it in the account and pay your bill.

[Pepsi4me]

Illegal if it's in his name then you would have to forge his name on it.


Not a good idea to forge someones name on a check.

[galeane29]

If the check is going to be deposited into a JOINT account you do not need to forge his name. You can sign your own name. Now, If you were to try to cash it, you would have to have his signature on it.

[msginna]

I cash my hubbys checks. They just deposite it and I take it out all in the same transaction. If the bank will let you then I would say do it and pay that bill. Ya know your son needs the gas to be on is what I would say if he finds out. At least you aren't spending it on shopping or at a casino, you are paying the gas bill that he should have been paying. You have a child together sheesh. I would do it and not even think about it.

[vicky122]

I cash my hubbys checks. They just deposite it and I take it out all in the same transaction. If the bank will let you then I would say do it and pay that bill. Ya know your son needs the gas to be on is what I would say if he finds out. At least you aren't spending it on shopping or at a casino, you are paying the gas bill that he should have been paying. You have a child together sheesh. I would do it and not even think about it.

This is what I do. If I want cash back I sigh both our names fill out my slip and get cash back. If not I deposit it and I don't sign my name.

[Willow]

It's illegal to sign someone else's name. If you can deposit it without signing your husbands name that might be different but I would never sign anyone's name but my own.

[atprm]

if you have not signed the divorce paperwork yet and you have a joint bank account, then you CAN sign his name to the check and on the back write the following words (sans the quotes) "For Deposit Only".

and then deposit it. I have signed my dh's name since the day we married 10 years ago, and never had any grief about it...course then again, the bank knows both of us. Likewise, DH signs my checks for me when I am out of town or sick or whatever and he gets no grief for it either.

However, if you do NOT have a joint bank account, do not sign his name or attempt to cash it.

[lassss]

hmmm I have a loophole then. We both have power of attorneys saying we can act on the other's behalf if they can't mentally make the decision. Do you by chance have a POA for each other? Who's to say he isn't mentally competent?? :whistle

If you have a joint checking account, you can deposit that check and write on it - deposit only and then wait for it to clear and withdraw it

[msginna]

I don't sign his name I sign my own name or for deposite only then I just take it right out. There is no need to sign his name.

[JustDoIt]

Wow, this is a sticky situation.

First, I imagine that you both share an account. I would deposit it, but how do you plan on transferring that large an amount to the gas company, especially without your husband finding out about it? If he is already abusive, I dread to think what he would do if he found out you deposited a check in his name to pay for the gas bill, snce he seems so hell bent on you being stuck there.

I know it would be hard, but I sugges you leave the appartment without further delay. Stay at a friend's or family member's.Call a shelter. This seems like very cruel behaviour of him, and it can only get worse. Get a court to issue a restraining order. Then go to the welfre office, and see if they can help you. But you really need to get out, and as son as possible. Do not depend on this jerk to pay the necessities, because he has now proven he is vindictive and vengeful.

You are not alone. A lot of women on this board alone have gone through something similar, but they got out. And they are now better for it. have faith you can do it to.

And believe me, your son will respect you for it.

Good luck.

[LitWtch]

Personally I would contact your lawyer and explain the situation - he has bills left unpaid. Bills for necessary items that you children need. He is "morally" choosing to deny proper care for his children., thus, he is negligent.

[April78945]

Ok I just talked to my mom and she is going to give me the money.
I was nervous about cashing the check because I would have to CASH it. I don't have access to any ATM cards or the checkbook and he took my name off the accout a few months ago so I would have had to go to a shady check cashing place and forge his name.
I was on the fence and you guys just solidified it for me. The last thing I need is to go to jail over this crap. Thanks to you all :)

[freeby4me]

That does sound best then. Good luck to you!!

[sunniekiss]

Ok I just talked to my mom and she is going to give me the money.
I was nervous about cashing the check because I would have to CASH it. I don't have access to any ATM cards or the checkbook and he took my name off the accout a few months ago so I would have had to go to a shady check cashing place and forge his name.
I was on the fence and you guys just solidified it for me. The last thing I need is to go to jail over this crap. Thanks to you all :)

You just made a very wise decision. If you signed his name he has you on forgery charges. I would bet he knows this check is coming & was waiting for you to try & cash it.
Question...how are you planning on living if you leave him & are a SAHM?

[Quaker_Parrots]

I would hold onto that check until a couple of days after he cant cash it anymore and then give it to him. If he wants to play dirty, you can too.


Ok I just talked to my mom and she is going to give me the money.
I was nervous about cashing the check because I would have to CASH it. I don't have access to any ATM cards or the checkbook and he took my name off the accout a few months ago so I would have had to go to a shady check cashing place and forge his name.
I was on the fence and you guys just solidified it for me. The last thing I need is to go to jail over this crap. Thanks to you all :)

[LitWtch]

I still think you should contact your lawyer about it and the fact he is deliberately making you and your children do without proper necessary items. That is another report of abuse, and the lawyer and put a hold on the check to force his to pay the bills with that money.

[sunniekiss]

I still think you should contact your lawyer about it and the fact he is deliberately making you and your children do without proper necessary items. That is another report of abuse, and the lawyer and put a hold on the check to force his to pay the bills with that money.

An attorney can not force him to do anything. That can only come from a judge or a mediator.

[LitWtch]

An attorney can not force him to do anything. That can only come from a judge or a mediator.

Right - the attorney can go to the judge and tell him that he is not taking care of his family's needs and deliberately causing a financial burden.

[freeby4me]

Not saying you cant of course, but alot of people just cant go the Lawyer route, way too expensive.

[SLance68]

I would hold onto that check until a couple of days after he cant cash it anymore and then give it to him. If he wants to play dirty, you can too.

Good idea but a business check is good for 1 year from the date of issue - unless it is specified for a shorter term directly on the front of the check. However, if it just happen to of fell into the shredder then there isn't much you can do about it.

Signing the spouses name is illegal on any check made out to the spouse. You can however, put "for deposit only" on it with NO signature and most banks will accept them. I do this all the time at work for guys in the field that are out of town and I need to put money in their personal accounts for per diem and other expenses.

[Vee030473]

I sign my husband's name all the time,from checks received,getting a loan,signing for housing,clearing housing,signing bills of lading from the moving companies,transporting household goods in and outbound, to buying a car. But I have an extended Power of Attorney,being a military wife it is a necessity.

[Pepsi4me]

Ok I just talked to my mom and she is going to give me the money.
I was nervous about cashing the check because I would have to CASH it. I don't have access to any ATM cards or the checkbook and he took my name off the accout a few months ago so I would have had to go to a shady check cashing place and forge his name.
I was on the fence and you guys just solidified it for me. The last thing I need is to go to jail over this crap. Thanks to you all :)


Good for you. I'm glad your mom can help you out.


:hug

[April78945]

Question...how are you planning on living if you leave him & are a SAHM?


For the immediate future, and I HATE this, I am going to have to be on some sort of aid. Obviously being a stay at home mother isn't in the cards and I plan on going back to work. My mom will help me with paying for school (I have always wanted to be a nurse or something like that in healthcare) and I am going to have to be on housing and put the kids in daycare while I am either at school or working. Either way, I know it's only for a short while and I AM going to be independant and work my ass off for my kids.

[LitWtch]

You can qualify for some sort of program for schooling on public assistance. Being a SAHM is waht the majority of us would do if we could - so you mustn't feel bad about having to go to school or work! Depending on the state you live in, you may just be able to get alimony or tuition assistance ordered from the courts so that you can provide for the children.

[April78945]

Being a SAHM is waht the majority of us would do if we could - so you mustn't feel bad about having to go to school or work!

No no, that isn't what I feel bad about. I feel bad that I have to be on assistance for a while. Just makes me feel like a loser, but I suppose that is what it is there for. I just never in a million years saw myself in this type of situation...but really, who would?

[Mary Jo]

All's fair in love and war.
Been there and done that.
If it's a join account deposit it and then immediately get a bank or cashier's check for that amount made out to utility company. Shouldn't be a problem as long as you're far away and in a safe place when he finds out. I'm sure others have done the same in a similar situation.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless!

[dc613353]

is it a federal check for like student loan....then NO dont cash

[THEpouty1]

No no, that isn't what I feel bad about. I feel bad that I have to be on assistance for a while. Just makes me feel like a loser, but I suppose that is what it is there for. I just never in a million years saw myself in this type of situation...but really, who would?You are not a loser. You are doing what is best for you and your kids. If that's what it takes to feed and house your kids, you are doing the right thing.

[LitWtch]

You mustn't feel like a loser when you are trying to better yourself and the lifestyle for your children! When we get married, we all imagine it is for life - period. We cannot forsee our futures, unfortunately! You did not expect that it would turn out like this - otherwise I highly doubt you would have chosen it.

[sunniekiss]

For the immediate future, and I HATE this, I am going to have to be on some sort of aid. Obviously being a stay at home mother isn't in the cards and I plan on going back to work. My mom will help me with paying for school (I have always wanted to be a nurse or something like that in healthcare) and I am going to have to be on housing and put the kids in daycare while I am either at school or working. Either way, I know it's only for a short while and I AM going to be independant and work my ass off for my kids.

Trust me you are NOT a loser & you have to do what you have to do for your children & yourself. I was a SAHM for 25+ years until I kicked my cheating abusive jerk to the curb. Trust me it will take a very long time until you will feel safe & be able to trust again.

The one way you will be able to "get even" with him is to live your life to its fullest. Success is the best revenge.

BTW...you "MAY" be entitled to 1/2 that check if he started school while you were married & used marital funds to be able to attend school. Then that becomes marital property. I would advise you take it to your attorney & discuss it with him but please do not attempt to cash it.

Also do you have a legal separation agreement?