Motherless Daughters -- question

[atprm]

For those of us who have lost our Mothers in death...

Do you ever have that feeling that you are alone in a room full of people?

My mom passed in 1999... it's been a huge void ever since for me... it's like I have been trying to fill this void and that's impossible to do.

I also, (not so much anymore, as with each passing year it decreases), feel that I could be surrounded by people that love me, and STILL feel alone.

I am wondering if this is the case with other Motherless Daughters.

[Lild]

My mom hasn't passed, but she isn't here... you see she has MS and it has progressed so bad that she isn't aware of a lot anymore... she can't remember my name half the time and she kinda lives in a fantasy world...
BUT, I do miss her, horribly, I would give anything to have her aware, I understand what you mean exactly... she just isn't my "mommy" in the head anymore, even tho she is physically here

[Njean31]

yes, i fee like that. my mom just passed away last sept and i just don't see myself ever being right again. there is nothing like a mother's love and when it's gone, your changed forever. well, that is for those who had to begin with. i do understand some have never had that and that is truly sad.

[Jackie_Blu]

I know exactly what you mean. I miss my Mother so very much. She passed in 1993, the pain has gone but the emptiness and loneliness for her is still here and probably always will be.

The feeling alone in a room full of people is something I have felt for a very long time. I mentioned it to a friend once, who couldn't understand the concept. So I didnt metion it again. Im glad there a friends here who understand:)

[sheila_361]

I miss my mom horribly still... I am jealous of people who still have their moms around.

[G'maDebbie]

well, that is for those who had to begin with. i do understand some have never had that and that is truly sad.

This describes me completely. My mother has done things to me all of my life, things that are so bad I can't even mention them. I put her out of my home in 1999 and have not allowed her back and I have no intentions of ever having a relationship with her. Don't get me wrong, I miss the thought of what having a mother would be like, but I don't miss her.
I envy those that have a close relationship with their parents. My father is an alcoholic who remarried 20 some years ago and I have seen him a handful of times since.
I have 3 children myself and 2 stepchildren as well as 4 grandbabies and I could never imagine doing things to them that she did to me.
How people can be so self-centered, mean, rotten and nasty to their children is beyond me.

[atprm]

I, too, have mentioned it to others, and they just don't get it. *sad*

It's nice to know that it's not in my head...and that others feel the same thing.

I think it is worst (for me anyway) on her birthday, at Christmas (which for me has pretty much lost my interest, and that's truly sad because I feel like I am depriving my children) and when I hear certain songs on the radio.

If I had to describe it, it feels like a black hole... I used to try to fill that hole up with things like activities, friends, my husband and kids...but it doesn't do any good.

For about the first 3 years I couldn't go into a grocery store with coupons without someone being with me because I would have an anxiety attack and leave the store in tears... the last thing my Mom sent to me was a receipt from Meijers and at the top she wrote "can you beat this??"
(it was her last shopping trip before having an aneurism and she got triple coupons on the receipt). I lived in Virginia at the time, and received that receipt 2 days before she was supposed to come down for a visit....she never made it.

If I sit and think about it, I get very sad... and notice now when I have questions about something (like how to make something she used to make, what would she do in this situation, what do I do now, etc), I just sit and try to recall and *maybe* hear an answer from her beyond the clouds...

(I know that last paragraph sounds a bit psycho, but I am trying to convey so you guys can visualize it).


I am glad though, that what I have described is not just me...

[G'maDebbie]

I, too, have mentioned it to others, and they just don't get it. *sad*

It's nice to know that it's not in my head...and that others feel the same thing.

I think it is worst (for me anyway) on her birthday, at Christmas (which for me has pretty much lost my interest, and that's truly sad because I feel like I am depriving my children) and when I hear certain songs on the radio.

If I had to describe it, it feels like a black hole... I used to try to fill that hole up with things like activities, friends, my husband and kids...but it doesn't do any good.

For about the first 3 years I couldn't go into a grocery store with coupons without someone being with me because I would have an anxiety attack and leave the store in tears... the last thing my Mom sent to me was a receipt from Meijers and at the top she wrote "can you beat this??"
(it was her last shopping trip before having an aneurism and she got triple coupons on the receipt). I lived in Virginia at the time, and received that receipt 2 days before she was supposed to come down for a visit....she never made it.

If I sit and think about it, I get very sad... and notice now when I have questions about something (like how to make something she used to make, what would she do in this situation, what do I do now, etc), I just sit and try to recall and *maybe* hear an answer from her beyond the clouds...

(I know that last paragraph sounds a bit psycho, but I am trying to convey so you guys can visualize it).


I am glad though, that what I have described is not just me...

I dont think that last paragraph is at all psycho, I think it is from someone who was lucky enough to have had a mother who loved her as much as she loved her mother.
It's very sad to me that when my mother does eventually pass, I don't know how I will react. A lot of people don't or won't understand that comment, but after all I have been thru, I'm not sure if I will be sad or if it will just be another day. Please don't flame me for that comment, no-one has any idea what that woman has done to me and those that had loving mothers would never understand.

[Lild]

I dont think that last paragraph is at all psycho, I think it is from someone who was lucky enough to have had a mother who loved her as much as she loved her mother.
It's very sad to me that when my mother does eventually pass, I don't know how I will react. A lot of people don't or won't understand that comment, but after all I have been thru, I'm not sure if I will be sad or if it will just be another day. Please don't flame me for that comment, no-one has any idea what that woman has done to me and those that had loving mothers would never understand.

I feel that way about my dad... I'm not sure how I will feel .... I love him, but he is pretty screwed up, I am really bitter towards him

[Pepsi4me]

My mom passed in 1999 & I kinda feel like that. My Dad died 16 yrs ago & my only 2 syblings/my sisters live in SC. It's hard on holidays when we go to Hubbys parents & the whole family is there. I sometimes feel very alone.

[Wimzik]

My mom passed away 18 years ago, she was my best friend and I still feel that emptiness, that void. Holidays are the hardest for me, there is just always something missing. I have noticed that now as my daughter is getting older and we have become very close the emptiness seems a little less, I enjoy doing things with her that I used to do with my mom and that helps to fill the void.

[MistyWolf]

Do you ever have that feeling that you are alone in a room full of people?



No, I don't at all. My mom passed 8 years ago and I missed her a lot, but I don't feel alone. I don't know, maybe it's cause I'm a mom myself or maybe it's cause I know my mom is always with me, but I don't feel alone. Maybe it's cause I still have my dad .. maybe that is when I'll feel alone after both my parents are gone ??? But really, I don't think I'll ever feel alone cause I know my mom wouldn't want me to feel like that. Death is a part of life and I will see her again someday.

[buglebe]

My dad has been gone 4 yrs and I still miss him so much. I used to always call him every night just to check and see that he was ok. I have actually picked up the phone since he died to call him. He was my advisor, counselor, everything when I needed advice I went to him. Since my husband has problems since being sick with meningitis I would always go to Daddy about car trouble and advice etc. The hurt isn't as strong but I still miss him terribly.

[catssass]

My Mom passed away in Oct. of 2004 and I miss her everyday, she was my best friend. Its getting better, I like to talk about memories of her, remembering things keeps her close to me. I hate being sick because she always made me feel better. My DD and I are sad on our birthdays because she had a song for each of us and I still wait for the phone to ring and have her singing on the other end. I know I'll never be the same as when she was here but I am trying to be like her for my kids... I feel your sadness...
We never get over losing our Mothers...

Pam

[ttistin]

I dont think that last paragraph is at all psycho, I think it is from someone who was lucky enough to have had a mother who loved her as much as she loved her mother.
It's very sad to me that when my mother does eventually pass, I don't know how I will react. A lot of people don't or won't understand that comment, but after all I have been thru, I'm not sure if I will be sad or if it will just be another day. Please don't flame me for that comment, no-one has any idea what that woman has done to me and those that had loving mothers would never understand.


Unfortunately I do understand what you mean. I felt the same way for many years about my mom. With the things I had to go through because of her and the things she did, I just didn't think I would ever let her into my life again or care when she passed.

But she made it a point to try and "fix" things with me and my older brother. We were never close like her and my younger sister but we talked and things started to get better. The week before she died we sat out in the garage while my baby girl played and picked flowers and she told me how proud she was of me and that my dh was a good man and I was lucky to find someone like him. (dh and her never got along so this was major for her to say that) But I never actually forgave her till after she died. less then a year later my grammy passed. She raised me after my mom dropped me off at her house. We were very close, she was my best friend. Between the two of them I do feel alone, All the time.

So I understand what you are both saying. :hug

[Kelsey1224]

I absolutely understand what the OP is saying. My mother passed away in 2001 and I miss her so much. She had dementia prior to her passing and, at first, it felt like such a blessing. Her final years were so filled with confusion and fear that I was so glad she no longer was in that place.

But...a year or so after she died, I suddenly started grieving for the mother I had before she got the dementia. There is so much that has happened in my life since then that I wish I could share with her. There is a void which will never be filled.

Last year my best friend since high school passed away at age 56. We had stayed best friends all these years. How do you start over getting a best friend at my age? I will never have a friend like that again. And that makes me feel lonely too. I am kind of hoping that these two very important women in my life are in heaven watching down on me.

Goodness knows, I talk to both of them all the time.

But...with all that being said...I have a wonderful husband who is also my dearest friend and wonderful children and grandchildren. So, I am not really alone...I just sometimes miss these women very much.

[Jenefer3]

I never had a mom. She left when I was 18 months old and never looked back. My dad raised my brother and me with help from my grandma (on my dad's side). I never really felt alone, until back in 2004 when my dad passed away...that's when I started to feel all alone. He was my last adult family member and it was just so weird to not be able to pick up the phone and hear his voice. Knowing that the kids, especially my son who was 5 when dad passed away, won't get to do any of their special things with Poppa made me feel really lonely...like we were on a deserted island or something. It's really hard knowing that it's just me and the kids...we have some relatives on the other side of the country but we've never met them and only talk with them through email and the occasional phone call.

[justme23]

My mother passed away 20 years ago this december. It gets better... but it never goes away. That feeling is always there. Just recently I have adopted some cousins as mother and sister figures. We were talking about how they would be there for all the big milestones in the future and how comforting that would be to finally have *someone* there... and then I broke down and cried (as I am about to do now) knowing that my "mommy" would never "be there" again. She said she is always there. She doesn't understand what it is like to want to just touch her. I would give anything to be a little girl cuddled in my mothers arms again. Just feeling her. She doesn't have to talk to me, I just want to feel her.

Ok, I can't sit here and cry anymore... I skipped through the replies, so maybe my post was pointless, I don't know... but if you ever want to talk, feel free to pm me.

[moe265]

I don't know how I will feel when my mom passes either. I am an only child and have never felt like my mom "loved" me. She has always been such an unhappy person and I have never known why and I know that she won't tell me even if I ask. So we have never been close. My father was a truck driver so he wasn't around alot while I was growing up but I am closer to him then I will ever be to my mom. It will tear me apart when my Dad goes because he is the one person that I know I can always go to.

[tngirl]

My mother moved on in May of 2006. This past Monday was her birthday and I think it was either Saturday or Sunday night that she came to "visit" me but this visit left me feeling sad. Monday I was feeling kind of lonely all day on Monday. I guess it will get easier, don't know though because I know my mother missed her mother until the day she died.

[lymi]

It's good to know other people feel like I do. My mom died in 2000. Dad died in 1995. I have said many times that I feel so alone. I have a great family and friends that love me. But my parents are the reason I am here. Yes, I do feel very alone without them. You can only understand when you are there. You just can't describe it. It has to be felt.