SAHM vs Working Mothers vs Single Parents

[tngirl]

I bring this here because after stating a matter of my opinion some chose to take matters "personally". So I decided to turn this into a VENT.

So when it comes to EIC and now the stimulus package this year someone stated that they deserved something because of how hard they worked being a SAHM. I just thought that idea was rather silly because we are talking about INCOME TAXES here. I have always thought that EIC was a rather stupid idea. Have I "earned" EIC before, a couple of times and did I file for it as HOH? Hell yeah, if the government was dishing money out for free there was no reason that I shouldn't. Doesn't mean that I have to agree with the idea. I don't agree with this stimulus thing anymore than I agreed with the last "rebates" that were given out, which I did not receive.

So, about the SAHM vs Working Mothers (whether single or married). Hey, if you can afford to be a SAHM more power to you. When I was married I did not have that luxury, I was a working mother. As a matter of fact, my son was 2 wks old (born by c-section) when I went back to work. When I mentioned the fact that for the most of my children's upbringing I was a single mom I was told that was my choice to be a single mom. The hell you say. When I married I believed it was forever, you know the "until death" thing? I don't know about anyone else but I meant my vows when I said them. So when such a wonderful thing turned into a NIGHTMARE maybe it was a choice but it was one I was FORCED into.

Being a working mother I worked full time and part of that time I was going to school, trying to work to support my children and make something better of our lives. A working mother may not be in the home all day but when we come home at the end of the day we have to deal with all the same issues but in a shorter period of time. You have to MAKE time to share quality time with the kids and hubby and then still get all the other "mom" stuff done. We still have to cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, help with homework, etc, etc. It is just that working mothers have less time to do this.

Now, lets get into being a single parent (I am including the men out there also). You have all the above plus you have to play "DADDY" now. There isn't anyone there to support you when those tough decisions have to be made...it is ALL up to you. And when one of the kids get sick, who has to deal with the doctors and missed work? You guessed it. You are then not dealing with the loss of just a days work out of the paycheck of one of the bread winners, you are dealing with the loss of a days work out the paycheck out of the ONLY bread winner. And I know there are a lot of single parents out there that are or have raised the kids on NO child support or a RIDICULOUSLY low child support check. For the most part this is not even a qualifying factor.

I am NOT knocking SAHM's or "jumping" on them, far from it because I wish I could have been one. When I insisted that my daughter go to college she asked me, "but what if I want to be a housewife?". I told her, "more power to you, but you need an education to fall back on so you don't end up like me." It just rather irks me when I hear SAHM's talking about how "bad" they have it and how hard they work. Are SAHM'S some type of mytrs? I know there are those out there that think SAHM's have it made because they don't have to work and get to spend time with their kids, but I know it is still a job in itself. But, it would be nice of the SAHM's to appreciate that a bit more and to take into consideration just how hard working mother's have it.

Like someone said, there are some women out there that CHOOSE to be a single parent and there are some women that CHOOSE to be a working mother. I personally wasn't one of them and I didn't expect any special consideration because I wasn't.

[ahippiechic]

Being a SAHM is hard work, BUT a working mother has it harder IMO. I've been both.

[Shann]

I peeked my head in the thread, just the last few pages and couldn't believe that someone said you chose to be a single working mother, so when a marriage goes bad or is abusive the woman chooses to be a single working mother? I don't think so! (yes, there are some women who chose this and go to a sperm bank to become a mother) I also agree that working mothers have it harder, my mom raised me and my brother by herself. She ended up working two jobs so we could have what we did and we barely got to see her and that included taking care of the house and us and all the other day to day stuff. I'm not saying being a SAHM isn't hard, but at least you get the luxury to see your kids a big chunk of time. That's just my two cents.

The stimulus package is only good to those who made $3000 or MORE so if you earned NO income, don't expect any extra money...

[babydoll_jen]

I believe when you have kids, then you will be able to have an opinion.

[Shann]

I believe when you have kids, then you will be able to have an opinion.

is that remark pointed towards me? Just b/c I don't have kids does NOT mean I don't get an opinion on something that affected my life as much as it affects anyone elses.

Plus there's this wonderful thing called freedom of speach and it's my right to use it :dancing:

[jayhawkfan]

This thread is because os my comment. And Im not afraid to say it. The comment that was made BEFORE I made mine stated something pretty damn rude about how SAHM's "pop out 4 or 5 kids just to get EIC" And that "hard working moms deserved more" That pissed me plum off. Do not lump everyone that stays home with their kids into one category. Let me tell you my story.

My DH and I have busted our asses for the last 15 years for me to be able to chose to stay home. I was a SAHM for 9 years before I decided to go back to work last year. I went to work full time. Put my kid in daycare, while the other 2 went to school. I worked a varried schedule. Sometimes it was 8-5 sometimes it was 1-10. Most of the time it was every other day alternating. So I would get my kids up for school, go to work at 1, get home at 10 way after they were in bed, and then get up and get them ready for school and go to work...you get the picture. Now I know that the moms that work outside the home get it. I was never seeing the kids. They started suffering in school, started acting up at home. It became a very big issue. I worked for a year that way. Then thankfully my DH was offered a very very good job and I was able to quit. I made 12000 last year. If I hadnt made money well no I wouldnt expect to get more.

The point is we as mothers have to do what is best for our families and our kids. The bashing of each other just pisses me off. I think that some of the comments were out of line and since Im someone that speaks my mind....I did. I do not think any better of myself than any other mother who works or who doesnt, and I never said I did.

[jayhawkfan]

is that remark pointed towards me? Just b/c I don't have kids does NOT mean I don't get an opinion on something that affected my life as much as it affects anyone elses.

Plus there's this wonderful thing called freedom of speach and it's my right to use it :dancing:

I agree. It shouldnt matter if you have kids or not.

[tngirl]

I NEVER said that working mothers "deserved" more and I am NOT bashing anyone. I can tell that you have NOT read everything I have said or you choose not to understand what I am saying. And I am NOT the one that made the comment about women popping out babies for the EIC. That is a stupid statement anyways because you can only claim a certain number of children on the EIC. The statement rates right up there with the stupid statements about women popping out babies for welfare considering most states have a limit on the number of children they will pay for.

When I was married we varied our shifts so we wouldn't have to have a babysitter because that would have eaten up whatever my paycheck would have been. If I am not mistaken I do believe that I said "more power" to those that have the priveledge of being a SAHM.

Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I am not "afraid" to say what I think/believe either.

[tngirl]

I believe when you have kids, then you will be able to have an opinion.
And I don't think a person needs to have children in order to have an opinion on this subject and I think Shanny's comments are totally relevant.

[Bahet]

If you are a married couple the total household income has to be over $3000 to qualify for the rebate and both the husband and wife will count regardless of who made the money. IOW, if Sue is a SAHM and her DH makes $50,000 they will get the full $600 each for a total of $1200. They will also get an additional $300 for each child.


how SAHM's "pop out 4 or 5 kids just to get EIC"
I know this isn't jayhawk's opinn but it needs to be corrected anyhow. When it comes to the EIC only the 1st 2 kids count. If you qualify for a $2000 EIC then have another baby, the following year (assuming income remains constant) you will still get a $2000 EIC. The 3rd child does not increase that amount.

[Shann]

And I don't think a person needs to have children in order to have an opinion on this subject and I think Shanny's comments are totally relevant.

thank you :hug :)

[jayhawkfan]

I wasnt referring to you tn. But the tread in question was fine until I opened my mouth. I KNOW who said it. I was taking the blame for it going off track....ant I wasnt afraid to take it. I read and understood everything you wrote....maybe you should re read mine, I was agreeing with you that there are lots of differences.

[Bahet]

I believe when you have kids, then you will be able to have an opinion.

I have never understood this comment but I have heard it a lot in varying circumstances. Since I've never been in politics do I not have the right to an opinion on what sort of job Bush is doing? Since I've never been to war do I not have the right to an opinion on Iraq? Since I've never had an abortion do I not have the right to an opinon on that subject?

[Tasha405]

Oh and just to throw this out there... I am a full time sahm, have 3 kids, married and we don't qualify for EIC. So just because some families get it doesn't mean we all do.

ETA: Maybe I should POP OUT a few more kids to get the EIC?? :lol

[Unicornmom77]

It doesn't matter what the circumstances you choose to have a child and if you have to work to support it that to is your choice. You could choose to sit at home on welfare, you could work from home, there are other options...

You chose to have children. It was a choice, no matter the outcome. That is what I meant.

I felt like you were saying "Oh I didn't choose to be **** on by my abusive husband so I have to work" Well I am saying thats a cop out, there are/were other options. No one forced you to take the path you took, so own up and say "Yeah I chose this so now I live with it"

[Unicornmom77]

I peeked my head in the thread, just the last few pages and couldn't believe that someone said you chose to be a single working mother, so when a marriage goes bad or is abusive the woman chooses to be a single working mother? I don't think so! (yes, there are some women who chose this and go to a sperm bank to become a mother)

It was me :evil:

But you are taking it at a different angle. I am saying we choose to have kids. Not that anyone choose to be married to someone who is abusive. I am saying you had the kid/s and you have to care for them, its not like you can just blame it all on someone else like they forced you to go work two jobs and not be able to stay at home. Oh its not any of my fault becuase I wasn't the abusive one. Well you choose to marry and have kids. Thats what I am saying...

[ahippiechic]

You have a choice in everything. I stayed with an abusive man. And although my other choices weren't really feasible at the time, I DID have choice.

Everyone has a choice whether or not to have children also.

[Shann]

It was me :evil:

But you are taking it at a different angle. I am saying we choose to have kids. Not that anyone choose to be married to someone who is abusive. I am saying you had the kid/s and you have to care for them, its not like you can just blame it all on someone else like they forced you to go work two jobs and not be able to stay at home. Oh its not any of my fault becuase I wasn't the abusive one. Well you choose to marry and have kids. Thats what I am saying...

yes but when you marry and choose to have kids generally MOST ppl don't think that they are going to get divorced that their relationship is going to go sour or they will end up in an abusive relationship. I have more respect for single parents who end up working two jobs (and they do that to take care of their kids) than sit on their butts and collect welfare so they can stay home, seriously does welfare even pay enough for ppl to be able to pay their bills and live off of? I have no idea, never been on it. Like I said I didn't read the whole thread, but I don't believe for example tngirl chose to be a single working mother, she did what she had to do. I'm sure she (and my mother) would have prefered to stay married and have two incomes and two people raising the kids w/in a loving relationship. And it sounds like working mothers are taking care of their kids, hence why they're working and yes for some it does mean working two jobs so they can stay afloat so they don't end up on the streets or in a homeless shelter w/ their kids begging and/or worrying about food and clothing and the basic necessities. I know this has gotten a little off course, but what about the people who didn't plan to have kids? who were on bc and it failed them? Sometimes what happens in life isn't always things that we choose.

[Unicornmom77]

I have belonged over the years to several "mom" boards and I tell you these two groups always had differences. Its one of those things I guess...

I so wasn't trying to jump on ya Tngirl, I was simply trying to point out that everyone chooses the path they are on. We have to take responsibility for that and be proud we did what it took.

I have been on all sides. I have worked a lot, I have stayed at home some. Now I stay home and work. I love it this way, and I do feel I have it easier than going out and punching a time clock, becuase I am better as my own boss. But I think that is true becuase I love this. Maybe you would hate staying home vs. working. There was a time in my life when I was single with my kids and I had to work to prove myself and support my kids. I understand, honest I do!

:hug

[Unicornmom77]

Sometimes what happens in life isn't always things that we choose.

Maybe, but then again one could say they chose to have sex, therefor chose to have an unplanned pregnancy.

I don't know why I feel so strongly about the everything is a choice thing. But I believe we choose our paths.

When I do argue a point, which isn't often, I always just want for people to see it from my perspective, to understand what I am saying. I know we all have our own opinions and that each of them matters. I am not trying to make anyone agree with me, only to get people to see my point.

[Shann]

Maybe, but then again one could say they chose to have sex, therefor chose to have an unplanned pregnancy.

I don't know why I feel so strongly about the everything is a choice thing. But I believe we choose our paths.

When I do argue a point, which isn't often, I always just want for people to see it from my perspective, to understand what I am saying. I know we all have our own opinions and that each of them matters. I am not trying to make anyone agree with me, only to get people to see my point.

I believe we choose our paths as well, but what about those who are raped and chose to keep the baby? They chose not to have sex, had it forced on them. Don't get me wrong, I feel your opinion is as valid as anyone else's but I just don't think everything is always black and white.

[PrincessArky]

wow I guess the working mom vs sahm mom fight will always go on throughout the history of time.........I just think it is really sad

[Willow]

I am married and a stay at home mom but I have also been a single working mother. I have done both. Yes, it was harder when I worked outside of the home but I didn't think I was any more important or any better than the moms that didn't work outside of the home.

[Memedav]

wow I guess the working mom vs sahm mom fight will always go on throughout the history of time.........I just think it is really sad

ITA, can't women just unite as Mom's whether they have the same opinion or not? I've been on both sides and parenting is a 24/7 job whether your a working mom or a SAHM. When I was working I thought it was tougher because I had to work 10 hours, then comes home and clean/laundry/wipe noses and all that other good stuff. Then when I became a SAHM it was a different type of hard...like being mentally fizzled out after waking at 6 am, hearing crying/arguments and no other adults around to communicate with. It will be 2 pm and then I realize that I forgot to shower and my 8 year old will point out that I need to shave my armpits lol (true story!) Plus it seems now that I am constantly cleaning,sweeping,scrubbing something (yep, I'm mean on clean! lol) It's a whole different ballpark but either way, they are both tough jobs but it's what I signed up for and at the end of the day I feel blessed when I look at my little girls sleeping with their flashlights. I really don't think any one single group deserves more than the other because to me they are both hard work (speaking of Working moms & SAHM's).

[Out2Lunch]

I did not read this entire thread, so please forgive me if I repeat anything....

I am a stay at home mom to 3 and a full-time student. Yes, it is difficult. But, I honestly take my hat off to working mothers. My sister has 4 children. She is a full-time student and she works. Not full-time, but I dont know how she does it. The role of being a mother in itself is a very difficult job. Some think it will be so much fun to 'play' mom, but it is one of the hardest jobs out there. Now, add on an outside job and it gets even harder.

Everyone has a different situation that they are in and how can one judge another for the decision to stay home with the kids vs. working outside the home? In my opinion, all mothers should support each other. Working inside or out of the home. We all deal with similar situations. And just because I stay at home with my kids does not mean that I sit on my butt and eat bon bons all day. I dont watch soaps, I'm not lazy. It is just what works for our family dynamic.

[LuvBigRip]

I think the fight will always go on, because there are always bad apples in each group. I have been a SAHM, WAHM and WOHM. Each has its benefits, each has it's downfalls.

That being said, there are SAHM's who feel that what they do is better than a WOHM and are very snarky about it, and feel the need to tell you what harm daycares are doing to your poor neglected child.

There are WOHM's who think that being a SAHM is a waste of your brain, and that your children suffer because they don't have all the opportunities to meet other kids.

There are WAHM's who think that they are far smarter than either the WOHM or SAHM because they have a service or good that they can provide while taking care of their kids.

It is these bad apples who we come across that make us feel guilty over what we as Moms had to do. What was right and necessary for our own family. I was fortunate that I had a skill that allowed me to make enough money to work, pay the bills and put my kids into daycare. It was tight, but I managed. If I would have made less, I would have been better off to stay home and have the government help me. It is stupid that some people are forced into that choice. ****Disclaimer: If I had done that I can guarantee you I would have had no more kids while on assistance, if you can't afford the ones you have, DO NOT HAVE MORE (But that's a whole nother thread).

There are families who are able to have the Mom stay home, and she chooses to do so, there are families who can afford it, and the Mom choses not to do so. There are women who are forced out into the office or field because of divorce that wasn't their fault. There are women who find that they can do something great out of their home. That is what is best for them, not you.

What we, as women need to do is to ignore the bad apples who think that one way is better than the other. We have enough guilt. I figure that most people who are sanctimonious enough to think that their way is better, and to tell me that, don't deserve my attention anyways. I know each and every Mom has been told by some idiot that they are doing it all wrong. Well, ladies, put on the big Barbie panties and deal. No choice you ever make, no choice you have forced on you will make everyone happy. Mom's have it rough when they stay home (I begged adults to call me by my name) or work outside the home (I hated missing classroom parties, I cried) or work inside the home (deadlines still need to be met, even when 2am is the only time to get it done).

Walk away from the idiot who thinks they are right, because no matter what you do, how you do it, when your kid is talking to his/her therapist it will still be Mom's fault.

[PrincessArky]

I think the fight will always go on, because there are always bad apples in each group. I have been a SAHM, WAHM and WOHM. Each has its benefits, each has it's downfalls.

That being said, there are SAHM's who feel that what they do is better than a WOHM and are very snarky about it, and feel the need to tell you what harm daycares are doing to your poor neglected child.

There are WOHM's who think that being a SAHM is a waste of your brain, and that your children suffer because they don't have all the opportunities to meet other kids.

There are WAHM's who think that they are far smarter than either the WOHM or SAHM because they have a service or good that they can provide while taking care of their kids.

It is these bad apples who we come across that make us feel guilty over what we as Moms had to do. What was right and necessary for our own family. I was fortunate that I had a skill that allowed me to make enough money to work, pay the bills and put my kids into daycare. It was tight, but I managed. If I would have made less, I would have been better off to stay home and have the government help me. It is stupid that some people are forced into that choice. ****Disclaimer: If I had done that I can guarantee you I would have had no more kids while on assistance, if you can't afford the ones you have, DO NOT HAVE MORE (But that's a whole nother thread).

There are families who are able to have the Mom stay home, and she chooses to do so, there are families who can afford it, and the Mom choses not to do so. There are women who are forced out into the office or field because of divorce that wasn't their fault. There are women who find that they can do something great out of their home. That is what is best for them, not you.

What we, as women need to do is to ignore the bad apples who think that one way is better than the other. We have enough guilt. I figure that most people who are sanctimonious enough to think that their way is better, and to tell me that, don't deserve my attention anyways. I know each and every Mom has been told by some idiot that they are doing it all wrong. Well, ladies, put on the big Barbie panties and deal. No choice you ever make, no choice you have forced on you will make everyone happy. Mom's have it rough when they stay home (I begged adults to call me by my name) or work outside the home (I hated missing classroom parties, I cried) or work inside the home (deadlines still need to be met, even when 2am is the only time to get it done).

Walk away from the idiot who thinks they are right, because no matter what you do, how you do it, when your kid is talking to his/her therapist it will still be Mom's fault.

:clapping

very well said

[tigger4]

Very well said Luv.

I have been both also. For my family it just works better when I am at home. I am not better than a work out of the home mom, but I am a damn better mom than my husband is. ;)

I think both SAHM and WOHM work very hard. I think that the whole rivalry thing is bullcrap.

[vicky122]

I am married and a stay at home mom but I have also been a single working mother. I have done both. Yes, it was harder when I worked outside of the home but I didn't think I was any more important or any better than the moms that didn't work outside of the home.

I feel the same way.

[tngirl]

I wasnt referring to you tn. But the tread in question was fine until I opened my mouth. I KNOW who said it. I was taking the blame for it going off track....ant I wasnt afraid to take it. I read and understood everything you wrote....maybe you should re read mine, I was agreeing with you that there are lots of differences.
Sorry about that, maybe since I was in a pissy mood I just read you wrong. I am just now getting back online. Right after I started this thread my internet went out....grrrrr!!

[earnhardt1]

ok been busy trying to do some remoding stuff today and just read some of this and i have been on both sides i have shared working and have been the main worker while hubby was a stay at home dad which let me tell you they dont know how hard until they do it, but that is another thread is one better no am i less woman because i dont work outside the home no. my children are my number 1 concern and will always be so on that note i will be a sahm aslong as i can be

[tngirl]

I am not begrudging anyone that is a SAHM. I am just *****ing about the ones that cry all the time about how hard it is. In their position they do have a choice. You always hear the excuse about childcare would take up most of the paycheck if the mom went to work. Well I say, if you are so miserable at home then get a job. So what if it takes the paycheck to pay the childcare? If you are that miserable being a SAHM then don't you think maybe that rubs off on the family as a whole? What is the difference in staying home and not bringing in an income and working to feel better about yourself and not bringing in much of an income?

As for someone in my position, maybe I had a choice but it was a choice that was FORCED upon me, not one that I had the option of having to make.

I always loved spending time with my children because they have always been wonderful people, even when they were young. When my daughter was sick I had to take off work for almost a year and when I went back to work I truly missed the time that I had at home.

[stresseater]

So, about the SAHM vs Working Mothers (whether single or married). Hey, if you can afford to be a SAHM more power to you. When I was married I did not have that luxury,
Ok this may be a bit OT but this is the statement that trips my trigger. Being a SAHM isn't always a luxury. We exist on $16,000 a year. It is a sacrifice not a luxury for us. I stay at home so that I can be there for my children and their many extra curricular activities. Boy plays basketball and football, girl plays softball,basketball, is in band and the G/T program. I am at every practice, game, field trip and work the concession stands for a lot of different things. Usually it is the same three SAHMs who do these things. I know of no WAHM or WOHMs who do these things (with the exception of the ones who actually work at the school). Usually they will either drop their kids off and show up when the event is over or they will suck a SAHM into taking their kids to and from these things for them. In my spare bon bon eating time I am rebuilding the shack we have, trying to make an actual house out of it. It's not always a matter of working to pay the day care, if I were to go back to work I would have to hire out to contractors to do the plumbing, electrical, roofing, drywall, window installation etc that I have done . I would not even break even we'd be further in the hole than we are now. Would I change it... no way I am raising my kids and that's my job. I do take offense when people say SAHMs have it easier because that is an ignorant fallacy. Some may but most do not have it easier. Ok I'll get off the soapbox now. :tomato: :tomato:

[pepperpot]

Grass is always greener on the other side, for everyone.

There are plusses and drawbacks to each scenario.

My complaint, if you will, is that a 'mother's work is never done'. Whether it be working inside or outside, it is never done. Neither one of us can come home, have dinner made, kick off our shoes and relax after a 'full day of work'.....unless of course you are fortunate enough to have hired help in the home, but even then....our job is never done. We do not have a 'quitting time'.

As a SAHM, not only am I responsible for the kids, home, etc....I am also "on call" when my spouse comes home....after a hard day's work....to have dinner ready, serve, clean and ....you get the idea. On occassion, I work outside the home as well.

Single Moms are somewhat the same with the exclusion of 'pampering the king of the castle'....but if it's not one thing, it's another. There are trade offs, I don't think anyone has it easy. (without being extremely wealthy)

I think everyone should call off the 'pissing contest', nobody gets out alive and just enjoy the gifts that were bestowed upon us.

[Bliss]

I have nothing against SAHM - I never understood why SAHM lable themselves as SAHM. I've never described myself as a "Single working outside the home mother." when someone asked about me.

Anyway, I don't have someone to take care of me. I work to take care of my son & myself. It's the reason why I work, I figured long ago if I want to eat, I'll work. If I want a house - I'll work. If I want anything in the world, I'll work. No one is going to hand it to me. I'm not going to depend on a man to take care of me.

[tngirl]

I have nothing against SAHM - I never understood why SAHM lable themselves as SAHM. I've never described myself as a "Single working outside the home mother." when someone asked about me.

Anyway, I don't have someone to take care of me. I work to take care of my son & myself. It's the reason why I work, I figured long ago if I want to eat, I'll work. If I want a house - I'll work. If I want anything in the world, I'll work. No one is going to hand it to me. I'm not going to depend on a man to take care of me.
Amen sister! One of the reasons that I never remarried until recently and the only reason that I married is because I know this one is dependable, but I am not depending on him to take care of me.

[evrita]

Ok this may be a bit OT but this is the statement that trips my trigger. Being a SAHM isn't always a luxury. We exist on $16,000 a year. It is a sacrifice not a luxury for us. I stay at home so that I can be there for my children and their many extra curricular activities. Boy plays basketball and football, girl plays softball,basketball, is in band and the G/T program. I am at every practice, game, field trip and work the concession stands for a lot of different things. Usually it is the same three SAHMs who do these things. I know of no WAHM or WOHMs who do these things (with the exception of the ones who actually work at the school). Usually they will either drop their kids off and show up when the event is over or they will suck a SAHM into taking their kids to and from these things for them. In my spare bon bon eating time I am rebuilding the shack we have, trying to make an actual house out of it. It's not always a matter of working to pay the day care, if I were to go back to work I would have to hire out to contractors to do the plumbing, electrical, roofing, drywall, window installation etc that I have done . I would not even break even we'd be further in the hole than we are now. Would I change it... no way I am raising my kids and that's my job. I do take offense when people say SAHMs have it easier because that is an ignorant fallacy. Some may but most do not have it easier. Ok I'll get off the soapbox now. :tomato: :tomato:


See I have treid to stay out of it until this comment I work 48 hours a week and I do a swing shift that means I work 2nd shift 1st shift and 3rd shift all in one week so I can be at home with my DD everynight I can make it to those afterschool events I can bake those cookies I dont just drop her off and pick her up I go to everything I do everything that you SAHM do plus I work I bake the cookies and I get stuff for the events and yes I get the last minute emials from the school of we need this for the basketball game tommorow night and off to the store I go. I do the sleepover the dr appts the late night trips to the ER oh and everynight my family gets a home cooked meal and no it isnt hamburger helper either. I am here to tuck my DD in at night help her with her homework and I am here for her. Plus I work TYVM:covereyes

[PrincessArky]

See I have treid to stay out of it until this comment I work 48 hours a week and I do a swing shift that means I work 2nd shift 1st shift and 3rd shift all in one week so I can be at home with my DD everynight I can make it to those afterschool events I can bake those cookies I dont just drop her off and pick her up I go to everything I do everything that you SAHM do plus I work I bake the cookies and I get stuff for the events and yes I get the last minute emials from the school of we need this for the basketball game tommorow night and off to the store I go. I do the sleepover the dr appts the late night trips to the ER oh and everynight my family gets a home cooked meal and no it isnt hamburger helper either. I am here to tuck my DD in at night help her with her homework and I am here for her. Plus I work TYVM:covereyes

gosh girl I dont know how you do it all......you must not sleep much....my hat is off to you....having read many of your posts I know that your family is the most important thing to you and it really shows :)

[vicky122]

You know we have the parents that work and do just drop off thier kids. Then we have the parents that work and still manage to be a part of thier chid live. Then we have the stay at home parents that do just that stay at home and not involed. Then there are th sahm that do everything. But just because you work or stay at home there is not one person that is better then the other. Some people might get upset because they can't stay at home and they have to work. But that is not the sahm fault. And some might want to work but can't.

[YankeeMary]

I have nothing against SAHM - I never understood why SAHM lable themselves as SAHM. I've never described myself as a "Single working outside the home mother." when someone asked about me.

Anyway, I don't have someone to take care of me. I work to take care of my son & myself. It's the reason why I work, I figured long ago if I want to eat, I'll work. If I want a house - I'll work. If I want anything in the world, I'll work. No one is going to hand it to me. I'm not going to depend on a man to take care of me.

Just for the record, no one hands me anything either. I don't work outside the home and my DH does take care of me and ours. I work hard regardless if I am a SAHM or working out of the home. My dh works from day light to dark so that I am home for the children. He never has to make his own meals, wash his own clothes, clean the bathroom, or etc...There is nothing wrong with having a man work and woman take care of the family.
Just the way you posted sounded like you were downing it and I had to reply. I think it is a shame that more men aren't able to make more money so their wives can stay home with the kids if they want to. Its horrible and wrong that a single mom has to go out and bust a hump in order to eat and feed her babies.

[tngirl]

Just for the record, no one hands me anything either. I don't work outside the home and my DH does take care of me and ours. I work hard regardless if I am a SAHM or working out of the home. My dh works from day light to dark so that I am home for the children. He never has to make his own meals, wash his own clothes, clean the bathroom, or etc...There is nothing wrong with having a man work and woman take care of the family.
Just the way you posted sounded like you were downing it and I had to reply. I think it is a shame that more men aren't able to make more money so their wives can stay home with the kids if they want to. Its horrible and wrong that a single mom has to go out and bust a hump in order to eat and feed her babies.
I don't think that is how she meant it exactly, not sure...never know about Bliss...lol. I took it as her meaning in her own case. I "amen'd" her because I agree with the fact that you can't wait around for someone else to take care of you, gotta do that for yourself. In no way do I mean that is what SAHM's do.

I also do not understand the comment that keeps getting made about working/single moms. No where has it even been implied that we are better than SAHM's. As far as my comments have gone, I have actually been supportive of SAHM's. So, if SAHM's take my comments so personally I would say they are being a bit oversensitive because in no way have I degraded them. I have only said that it pisses me off when I hear a SAHM whining about how hard they have it. Raising kids and taking care of a family is not easy whether you are a SAHM or a working parent.

[YankeeMary]

I don't think that is how she meant it exactly, not sure...never know about Bliss...lol. I took it as her meaning in her own case. I "amen'd" her because I agree with the fact that you can't wait around for someone else to take care of you, gotta do that for yourself. In no way do I mean that is what SAHM's do.

I also do not understand the comment that keeps getting made about working/single moms. No where has it even been implied that we are better than SAHM's. As far as my comments have gone, I have actually been supportive of SAHM's. So, if SAHM's take my comments so personally I would say they are being a bit oversensitive because in no way have I degraded them. I have only said that it pisses me off when I hear a SAHM whining about how hard they have it. Raising kids and taking care of a family is not easy whether you are a SAHM or a working parent.

I have done both. I am always telling the boys, that I am going to go back to work so I can get a break...lol. Being a SAHM does leave one being open to constant running, it wears one down. But since my oldest drives, it has made it easier. But I don't think being a mom is easy regardless of working in or out of the home. It is never ending, it is a forever job. We like to think once they turn 18 our worries are over but nope its just a different set of worries. Mom never get enough credit for anything, but they are the first to blame when the kids do wrong. So unfair.

[tngirl]

I have done both. I am always telling the boys, that I am going to go back to work so I can get a break...lol. Being a SAHM does leave one being open to constant running, it wears one down. But since my oldest drives, it has made it easier. But I don't think being a mom is easy regardless of working in or out of the home. It is never ending, it is a forever job. We like to think once they turn 18 our worries are over but nope its just a different set of worries. Mom never get enough credit for anything, but they are the first to blame when the kids do wrong. So unfair.
Ain't that the truth about the mom being the first to blame.

[galeane29]

I am one of the fortunate ones to be a SAHM, homemaker, housewife or what ever anyone wants to call it. I am proud of the fact that my husband makes good money and I am able to stay home and take care of the house and kids.
My husband comes home every single day and has his dinner ready for him so he can relax. He never has to wash dishes, laundry or pick up a thing. I was raised that a woman that stays home should take care of her family.
I have an aunt who is as sorry as they come. She sits on her fat ass all day and when her husband gets home she orders him around to make dinner, vaccum, wash and put away laundry and anything else that needs done. She makes me sick and so does her husband who puts up with her.
Amen and praise to those mothers that work, its hard and I know it because I have been there before. You do what you have to do and I applaude them.
Nobody's situation is the same so I dont know why people have to judge or make snide remarks. If we were all the same this world sure would be boring. :)

[Unicornmom77]

I also do not understand the comment that keeps getting made about working/single moms. No where has it even been implied that we are better than SAHM's. As far as my comments have gone, I have actually been supportive of SAHM's. So, if SAHM's take my comments so personally I would say they are being a bit oversensitive because in no way have I degraded them. I have only said that it pisses me off when I hear a SAHM whining about how hard they have it. Raising kids and taking care of a family is not easy whether you are a SAHM or a working parent.

Yeah I didn't get this whole thing being made into an argument between the two groups either...

I didn't think what you originally posted was against SAHM's at all.

I think it matters for the person, I love being at home working, but some people can't do it. I am always afraid the daycare kid's mom's will figure out how awesome it is to stay at home and take care of other people's kids and quit bringing their kids and stay at home and do daycare themselves. But it takes one heckofa person to do this job, I know it and I am proud to admit it. I told one of my favorite moms that and she said "HECK NO, I couldn't do it! The first time someone's kid pinched me (one of hers was a pincher) I would pinch them right back."

So I think we all have to make sacrifices for the best. Be it ourselves or our kids. Its a juggling act. Just like when your at the store and both you and your child need shoes and you have only money for one pair. You work so you need shoes to provide the basics for your child, but they need them also. Its all about choosing which one fits at the time.

It takes all of us to make up this country. We need SAHM's, WOHM's, and all the other Moms!

[tngirl]

galeane, you might actually be suprised to know that I am actually old fashioned and believe how you do. I am NOT saying that a woman's place is in the home, but that is the best place for her. I realize that some women cannot stand to be stuck at home.

My kids are grown now and my "job" has not ended. But, I am happy about that. It would be a sad thing to feel that my children didn't still need their mommy because I still need them. They have always made my life complete and I thank God on a regular basis for blessing me with 2 such wonderful people and giving me the wisdom to raise them well.

[ma4angels]

You know we have the parents that work and do just drop off thier kids. Then we have the parents that work and still manage to be a part of thier chid live. Then we have the stay at home parents that do just that stay at home and not involed. Then there are th sahm that do everything. But just because you work or stay at home there is not one person that is better then the other. Some people might get upset because they can't stay at home and they have to work. But that is not the sahm fault. And some might want to work but can't.

Amen.

[earnhardt1]

you know just because a mom works and can take care of her family really doesnt make her any better than the mom that stays home and does it. it is that mom that seems to think she is better and that is what pisses me off. I bust my ass all day cleaning cooking, teaching my child,washing clothes,drs appts,and anything my son needs. when i worked i still did the same things my husband works from 8 am till 8 pm wed- sunday rain or shine except the end of nov and dec and he always has lunch and hot dinner!!thats my job
so no one group isnt better than the other

[azwup05]

Have to agree with earnhardt1 on this. Been on both sides of the coin, and there were times that we just could not do a daycare either because the cost was not workable with our finances or I was not comfortable with what I could afford. I once went into a daycare when I was looking for my oldes who is 23 now. And the first thing the operator showed me was the kitchen. And there in the corner was a toddler eating out of a dog food bowl. This was my first born, and my husband and I had been laid off in the same week when I was about 6 months pregnant. Nobody hires pregnant women and my husband had to take a job just above minimum wage, and I roamed around applying for jobs just so I could keep getting the unemployment. Don't forget there was no longer any insurance. People make the best choices for themselves regarding whatever the cicumstances they are under or not. There are good daycares and there are those that still need to be shut down. I have worked in 2 daycares. I have learned that some are not as good as I thought. My kids clued me in later! I think that all mothers and fathers of children under 18 should get this credit.

[MsLynn]

the only thing that bothers me about the whole deal, is the SAHM's who think i work because i dont' wanna spend time with my kids. I feel bad that my kids miss out on some extra curricular activities because of the hrs i have to work, but luckily for the most part they understand. I HAVE ABSOUTELY NO HELP, and would never dream of asking someone else to take care of my kids, but like i said, the only problem i have are the SAHM's who think i don't care because i work and can't be at every ballgame/extracurricular activity.

the short time during my first marriage when i was able to stay home and take care of my stepchildren, I LOVED IT... but my boys now, insist on eating and living indoors, so its off to work i go.

[okie]

I've been a SAHM, WAHM and WOHM. None of these are easy. Personally, I think that working moms do have it harder, especially if they are single. They have to do everything a SAHM does plus work.

I am currently a SAHM who also goes to college full time. I decided to stay home because the daycare that I paid ate up all of my check. I still look for jobs and when I find one that will pay for daycare and leave some leftover then I will work. I also do auctions and whatever else to help bring in what little money I can.

We all do what is best for our families and what is best for one family may be different for another.

[Bliss]

Just for the record, no one hands me anything either. I don't work outside the home and my DH does take care of me and ours. I work hard regardless if I am a SAHM or working out of the home. My dh works from day light to dark so that I am home for the children. He never has to make his own meals, wash his own clothes, clean the bathroom, or etc...There is nothing wrong with having a man work and woman take care of the family.
Just the way you posted sounded like you were downing it and I had to reply. I think it is a shame that more men aren't able to make more money so their wives can stay home with the kids if they want to. Its horrible and wrong that a single mom has to go out and bust a hump in order to eat and feed her babies.

You read something that wasn't even there, Yankeemary. My post wasn't down grading anyone. I was talking about MYSLF and MYSELF only.

I am NOT married never have been, I do NOT have a man living in my house, never have. It has ONLY been ME. I do NOT rely on a MAN to take care of ME. I am talking about MYSELF not anyone else, just MYSELF. I am sorry you took my post about MYSELF and turned it into something about YOU and everyone else. Now, If my post would have been directed at anyone besides MYSELF, I would have said it. Again, I was talking about MYSELF.

[YankeeMary]

You read something that wasn't even there, Yankeemary. My post wasn't down grading anyone. I was talking about MYSLF and MYSELF only.

I am NOT married never have been, I do NOT have a man living in my house, never have. It has ONLY been ME. I do NOT rely on a MAN to take care of ME. I am talking about MYSELF not anyone else, just MYSELF. I am sorry you took my post about MYSELF and turned it into something about YOU and everyone else. Now, If my post would have been directed at anyone besides MYSELF, I would have said it. Again, I was talking about MYSELF.

You are always so snotty, you'd think you'd get tired of being mean all the time?! If you would have read my post you would have seen why I quoted you, I explained it right there.

[Bliss]

I read your post... You seem to ALWAYS think my posts are about others. I am not snotty nor am I mean. You just take everything I post and turn it into whatever you want it to say. Hell, I can't even post about MYSELF without you claiming I am being mean. Who the hell am I being mean to, myself? Get a life woman and stop thinking everything someone posts online is about YOU or others.

[YankeeMary]

I read your post... You seem to ALWAYS think my posts are about others. I am not snotty nor am I mean. You just take everything I post and turn it into whatever you want it to say. Hell, I can't even post about MYSELF without you claiming I am being mean. Who the hell am I being mean to, myself? Get a life woman and stop thinking everything someone posts online is about YOU or others.

Stretching a bit? Always? Hmmm...I do believe this is my first post to you about your being ugly. If not, my apologies. Save it for someone else as I am not interested in your advice.

[Bliss]

Save your empty apology for someone else. Hell, Go apoligize to your husband for making him work from dusk til dawn and have no life.

Quote me when you actually UNDERSTAND what I have stated, otherwise skip over my posts. I can give two ****s less what you have to say.

[YankeeMary]

Save your empty apology for someone else. Hell, Go apoligize to your husband for making him work from dusk til dawn and have no life.

Quote me when you actually UNDERSTAND what I have stated, otherwise skip over my posts. I can give two ****s less what you have to say.

No need to apologize to my husband, but thanks for considering him. You are totally clueless how a marriage works. LOL. I do find it quite funny. I am really proud that my dh works from daylight to dark for his wife and children.

[Wimzik]

I've been both I was a SAHM for a long time, my husband made good money and I didn't have to work, now i'm a single working mom, both are hard but in different ways. The biggest difference to me is that being a working mom I have alot less time for myself and to do things I enjoy like crafts, cooking, being on the computer, spending time with friends, taking naps lol Now I'm on the go from the time I get up until I go to bed at night but I wouldn't change a thing, I love working, I'm very involved in my kids lives, I'm not the mom that just drops the kids off and leaves, luckily my job is somewhat flexible so I can be involved. I do have a boyfriend that I live with, but he does not take care of me, I don't want a man to take care of me.


I think it is a shame that more men aren't able to make more money so their wives can stay home with the kids if they want to. Its horrible and wrong that a single mom has to go out and bust a hump in order to eat and feed her babies.

It's horrible and wrong for a single mom to bust her ass to feed her family but it's okay for a married man to have to do it so his wife can stay home?

[Unicornmom77]

I am not snotty nor am I mean.

Yeah you really are both... sorry but its true. If you are anything like your posts here I do not see how anyone could even like you. I actually feel sorry for you. Something must be really wrong for you to always be so hateful and unhappy.

Flame away y'all, I don't care... its the truth in my opinion.

[twinkiesmom]

Before I had kids, I was the bread winner between my dh n I. I worked for a few years after the kids were born, then due to medical issues, I took some time off. DH got a great job, so for 5 yrs, I was a SAHM and worked 1hr a day at the kids' school as the lunch lady. When that school closed, I decided to go back to work. (Dh n I were having marital probs and I figured I better go back to work if we were to divorce) I've been back to work for 15mos. and even tho dh n I are still together, I am glad I work. It is my choice. Because the only kudos I get is from work and seeing the $$ come in for the Home Care Agency I work for. (I'm a medical biller) As a SAHM, I never got kudos. I still dont here at home. So I work to get the satisfaction of knowing I'm doing a good job. I still lug the kids to boyscouts, girlscouts, basketball and volleyball practices, and little league is coming up, suppers need to be made, etc. I like being on the go.

I do know that SAHM's dont get the credit they deserve. That's why I went back to work. To get that credit. Most of my check goes into the college funds for the kids too, so that's a plus.

[Bliss]

Yeah you really are both... sorry but its true. If you are anything like your posts here I do not see how anyone could even like you. I actually feel sorry for you. Something must be really wrong for you to always be so hateful and unhappy.

Flame away y'all, I don't care... its the truth in my opinion.

LMFAO - Really? :rofl: Lets flame Bliss - although she hasn't said sh*t to me.

Thank you for telling me what type of person I am.... I have always wondered, it took a fruitcake online to tell me.

Let me add you to my ignore list...

[YankeeMary]

It's horrible and wrong for a single mom to bust her ass to feed her family but it's okay for a married man to have to do it so his wife can stay home?

Yes it is horrible and wrong that a single mom has to bust her hump to feed her family. If there was more child support being paid out to her then she wouldn't have to work so hard.
Just so everyone knows since this seems to be a problem. My dh works at home. He does VO (virtual office). He is fortunate to have found this job. Even though he is "working" he doesn't miss out on to much here at home. So much better then having to drive into the office everyday. I worked outside the house until Gracie was born and then I quit my job so I could be home with her all day.

[PrincessArky]

Most of my check goes into the college funds for the kids too, so that's a plus.

wow that is great :)

[jayhawkfan]

Yes it is horrible and wrong that a single mom has to bust her hump to feed her family. If there was more child support being paid out to her then she wouldn't have to work so hard.
Just so everyone knows since this seems to be a problem. My dh works at home. He does VO (virtual office). He is fortunate to have found this job. Even though he is "working" he doesn't miss out on to much here at home. So much better then having to drive into the office everyday. I worked outside the house until Gracie was born and then I quit my job so I could be home with her all day.

Its ok YankeeMary. My husband busts his ass so I can stay home too. He feels the same way I do, my being home is the best thing for our family dynamics. He would much rather work long hours than have me working. In the end I really couldnt care less what others think about our (my family) situation. No one knows better than us what is the right thing to do is.

[PrincessArky]

Its ok YankeeMary. My husband busts his ass so I can stay home too. He feels the same way I do, my being home is the best thing for our family dynamics. He would much rather work long hours than have me working. In the end I really couldnt care less what others think about our (my family) situation. No one knows better than us what is the right thing to do is.

dont forget you bust your hump being home too so it goes both ways :)

My hubby does the whole work out of home thing but I do everything else from the kids to the house to the farm work.....the only thing he does at home is of course we are working together on the addition to our home other than that I do it because I personally feel that is how our life works......I know that spilit the work load at home but I just feel my job is at home and his isn't.......now at the same time when he first came here he had to wait on his green card meaning he couldnt work out of the home and I did all that but he did all the housework and the kids.......boy was that nice :)

[jayhawkfan]

See I think so too...I feel like its my job to be here, to keep the house clean, kids fed, laundry done, etc. He works hard, so why should he have to come home and cook and clean and do laundry? I have always said that I was born in the wrong time. I should have been born much earlier, cause I think my place is in the home... a la June Cleaver LOL

[PrincessArky]

See I think so too...I feel like its my job to be here, to keep the house clean, kids fed, laundry done, etc. He works hard, so why should he have to come home and cook and clean and do laundry? I have always said that I was born in the wrong time. I should have been born much earlier, cause I think my place is in the home... a la June Cleaver LOL

yep I completely understand.....I like to joke that hubby doesnt do anything around the house but at the same time I just dont expect him to.......would feel much different I think if we were both working outside of the home lol

[Willow]

See I think so too...I feel like its my job to be here, to keep the house clean, kids fed, laundry done, etc. He works hard, so why should he have to come home and cook and clean and do laundry? I have always said that I was born in the wrong time. I should have been born much earlier, cause I think my place is in the home... a la June Cleaver LOL

I am the same way. I was brought up very old fashioned I guess because I was always taught that a woman's place is in the home and that a man's job is to take care of his family. Nowadays a lot of women have to work outside the home either because they aren't married or because they are married and they can't live off of what the husband makes and their family needs that second income. I think the women's lib crap ruined a lot of things for those of us that were brought up this way.

[ahippiechic]

When I was with my ex, we both worked at 1st, then he stayed home and I worked and he did most of the housework.

But when I 1st got together with my DH, I didn't work at all due to health issues and it was just so weird to me that a man was taking care of me and my kid. That had never happened before, lol! But was proud to take care of his family. It also let me home school my DD, a big plus.

I'm a WAHM now and it takes some getting used too. I do most of the housework, not because I'm a woman and I think I should, but because I get my work done and I'm here to do it and DH is at work. Just makes sense to me. He does help with things and he loves to cook, so he does that a lot on the weekends.

Everyone is different and needs to make the choice based on what works for your family.

[YankeeMary]

When I was with my ex, we both worked at 1st, then he stayed home and I worked and he did most of the housework.

But when I 1st got together with my DH, I didn't work at all due to health issues and it was just so weird to me that a man was taking care of me and my kid.I was divorced for 10 years before I remarried and had done it alone. I felt horrible at first staying home and him paying the bills etc. I had a hard time spending $$$ without talking to him about it. I would go to the grocery store, get all the groceries then call him when they gave me a total...lol. Sick eh? It was just something I wasn't use to. Trust me, I got over it quick...lol. That had never happened before, lol! But was proud to take care of his family. It also let me home school my DD, a big plus.

I'm a WAHM now and it takes some getting used too. I do most of the housework, not because I'm a woman and I think I should, but because I get my work done and I'm here to do it and DH is at work. Just makes sense to me. He does help with things and he loves to cook, so he does that a lot on the weekends.

Everyone is different and needs to make the choice based on what works for your family.

I do most of the house work because 1.) I am a woman. 2.) I choose to. 3.) I want to and most importantly 4.) No one else will do it...haha.

[YankeeMary]

See I think so too...I feel like its my job to be here, to keep the house clean, kids fed, laundry done, etc. He works hard, so why should he have to come home and cook and clean and do laundry? I have always said that I was born in the wrong time. I should have been born much earlier, cause I think my place is in the home... a la June Cleaver LOL

Thats funny I said the same thing, I was born in the wrong era. I like a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. I understand that in most situations that isn't possible. It is sad that everyone that wants it that way are able to have it that way. I have lived both married and single and I would pick married (with a good husband) in a heartbeat. Its more than hard being the single mom.

[YankeeMary]

dont forget you bust your hump being home too so it goes both ways :)

My hubby does the whole work out of home thing but I do everything else from the kids to the house to the farm work.....the only thing he does at home is of course we are working together on the addition to our home other than that I do it because I personally feel that is how our life works......I know that spilit the work load at home but I just feel my job is at home and his isn't.......now at the same time when he first came here he had to wait on his green card meaning he couldnt work out of the home and I did all that but he did all the housework and the kids.......boy was that nice :)
It isn't always easy being a SAHM, I agree. Its nice though to have someone that shares the responsiblity of home, such as your dh working and you doing the home stuff, cleaning, kids, etc...it takes a huge burden off having someone to work with as a partner. Doing it alone is very hard.



I am the same way. I was brought up very old fashioned I guess because I was always taught that a woman's place is in the home and that a man's job is to take care of his family. Nowadays a lot of women have to work outside the home either because they aren't married or because they are married and they can't live off of what the husband makes and their family needs that second income. I think the women's lib crap ruined a lot of things for those of us that were brought up this way.

I agree Donna. There was good that came out of women's lib, but a bunch more was lost. I am an able bodied woman and can support my family. I know how to repair alot of things, I can rough house and romp in the dirt with the kids and taught them how to catch and play ball. But I don't like that I had to. Again, I will say I like a man that is a man and a woman that is a woman. I like a man to open a door for me, even a stranger. I like a man (even a stranger) showing me respect for the simple fact I am a woman. I feel accomplishment and am pleased when my family is eating a homecooked meal around our table and when everyone is finished eating, I am thanked for dinner. I appreciate the little things men use to do for women. I like when I go to lift the case of water from the grocery cart and my dh says no let me get it. I can do it myself, but appreciate that he wants to do it for me.


This is the first time I have ever been able to double quote...woo hoo.

[ahippiechic]

I was a single mom for awhile with my son and it was hard as hell, trying to raise him, work and go to school too. One of the hardest things I've done.

And about asking for money, I was the same way with my Dh at 1st, I hated to ask him for anything if it wasn't something we needed for the house etc. I'm pretty much over it now tho, lol!

My ex stayed home with our DD for about 18 months and it was cool not to have to worry about the laundry or picking up, coming home to a clean house, etc. And he really loved the time he spent with his DD, it meant a lot to him and her both.

[PrincessArky]

It isn't always easy being a SAHM, I agree. Its nice though to have someone that shares the responsiblity of home, such as your dh working and you doing the home stuff, cleaning, kids, etc...it takes a huge burden off having someone to work with as a partner. Doing it alone is very hard.


Yeah for most ppl it is but for me well I am more than a bit anal about how things are done in my house lol Being OCD everything has to be done MY way or not at all lol so it just works out great for us. I think having been a single mom for a few yrs and doing everything in the home, working, and going to school I just got in a bit of a routine that combined with the fact that I hate to ask for help lol

[ahippiechic]

Again, I will say I like a man that is a man and a woman that is a woman. I like a man to open a door for me, even a stranger. I like a man (even a stranger) showing me respect for the simple fact I am a woman. I feel accomplishment and am pleased when my family is eating a homecooked meal around our table and when everyone is finished eating, I am thanked for dinner. I appreciate the little things men use to do for women. I like when I go to lift the case of water from the grocery cart and my dh says no let me get it. I can do it myself, but appreciate that he wants to do it for me.


This is the first time I have ever been able to double quote...woo hoo.

DH always opens doors, pulls out chairs etc. THAT was hard to get used to! I'm just the opposite of your thinking tho. I think I should be appreciated because of what I do & who I am, not because I'm a woman. I want DH to treat me the way he does, not just because I'm a woman but because I have earned it and he loves me.

I don't like it when strange guys open doors for me, just because I'm female. I've opened doors for guys before and they look at me like I'm nuts, lmao!

[PrincessArky]

DH always opens doors, pulls out chairs etc. THAT was hard to get used to! I'm just the opposite of your thinking tho. I think I should be appreciated because of what I do & who I am, not because I'm a woman. I want DH to treat me the way he does, not just because I'm a woman but because I have earned it and he loves me.

I don't like it when strange guys open doors for me, just because I'm female. I've opened doors for guys before and they look at me like I'm nuts, lmao!

I had an older man open the door for me a while back and he actually apologized in the middle of it lol said he wasnt sure if I would have been offended.......I said nope actually I am flattered :)

[ahippiechic]

I had an older man open the door for me a while back and he actually apologized in the middle of it lol said he wasnt sure if I would have been offended.......I said nope actually I am flattered :)

It doesn't really offend me, I don't guess, and I just say thanks and go on in.

Dh laughs at me because when we go gro shopping and come home, I always start carrying the bags in and he doesn't want me to help. I mean, I eat that stuff too, why shouldn't I help carry it in??

[Willow]

Kevin always opens doors for me. It did seem kind of strange at first because it's something I wasn't used to but I like that he does it.

[PrincessArky]

It doesn't really offend me, I don't guess, and I just say thanks and go on in.

Dh laughs at me because when we go gro shopping and come home, I always start carrying the bags in and he doesn't want me to help. I mean, I eat that stuff too, why shouldn't I help carry it in??

yeah I sort of figures whoever gets to the door first can hold it open whether male or female just a respect sort of thing :)

well cant say anyone here helps me carry in groceries or anything but boy that would be nice to have them offer :)

[YankeeMary]

dont forget you bust your hump being home too so it goes both ways :)

My hubby does the whole work out of home thing but I do everything else from the kids to the house to the farm work.....the only thing he does at home is of course we are working together on the addition to our home other than that I do it because I personally feel that is how our life works......I know that spilit the work load at home but I just feel my job is at home and his isn't.......now at the same time when he first came here he had to wait on his green card meaning he couldnt work out of the home and I did all that but he did all the housework and the kids.......boy was that nice :)


DH always opens doors, pulls out chairs etc. THAT was hard to get used to! I'm just the opposite of your thinking tho. I think I should be appreciated because of what I do & who I am, not because I'm a woman. I think it starts with because I am a woman, then it turned into because of who I am. Understand? Its hard to explain it here.I want DH to treat me the way he does, not just because I'm a woman but because I have earned it and he loves me. We are in agreement, just doesn't seem to be coming out that way, KWIM?

I don't like it when strange guys open doors for me, just because I'm female. Now I do, I think it shows respect and care. I appreciate any type of kindness.I've opened doors for guys before and they look at me like I'm nuts, lmao!

I love being at home but would also kinda like a flexible job here at home that paid really really good money...lol.

[PrincessArky]

I love being at home but would also kinda like a flexible job here at home that paid really really good money...lol.

hey when you find that one put in a good word for me too :)

[YankeeMary]

yeah I sort of figures whoever gets to the door first can hold it open whether male or female just a respect sort of thing :)

well cant say anyone here helps me carry in groceries or anything but boy that would be nice to have them offer :)

See I plan my grocery trip just right. I go to the store around 2:30, take my time and enjoy and return home around 3:45 or so. Just as I pull into the driveway, I have enough time to get out of the van, walk around to Gracie's side and volia, the boys pull in from school...lol. I grab my purse and pop and walk in to the house. They grab Gracie and the groceries...lol. I figure, we pay for them, I cook them, and put them away, they can carry them in. They don't seem to really mind alot, as they try to use it as a form of payment...lol (not going to happen, but is fun to try to watch.).

[YankeeMary]

hey when you find that one put in a good word for me too :)

Count on it. If I could find something like that, I would definately share with all my BBSers.

[YankeeMary]

Kevin always opens doors for me. It did seem kind of strange at first because it's something I wasn't used to but I like that he does it.

Manners and an accent, gotta love that man...hehe.

[ahippiechic]

I love being at home but would also kinda like a flexible job here at home that paid really really good money...lol.

You're getting good at the double quote thing Mary!

I wasn't trying to argue with you.. I'm glad we all have different opinions on things, makes it less boring here! Some of us can disagree without being an ass about it or thinking we're better because we do things differently.

[YankeeMary]

You're getting good at the double quote thing Mary!

I wasn't trying to argue with you.. I'm glad we all have different opinions on things, makes it less boring here! Some of us can disagree without being an ass about it or thinking we're better because we do things differently.

No no no, I didn't think for a second you were arguing. I guess when I bold and use red it looks like I am trying to...lol. I just want to make sure people know what I am saying and know what the op is saying...lol. I even thought we were thinking along the same lines. Without tones and facial expressions its easy to misunderstand.

[MsLynn]

hell i'd be happy with a little help once in a while i didn't have to pay for.

[LuvBigRip]

hell i'd be happy with a little help once in a while i didn't have to pay for.

Amen to that.

[tracyb]

I am sooo glad that I can stay home and raise my babies the way I wanted to raise them...hubby provides for the 4 of us and love being home...I am a homebody....since my girls are in school I do think that I should do everything in the house...I am here all day so why not get it done....drag my butt off the computer and get it done..lol...well I should say I do it before I get on the computer because I know me...lol....I do have his supper on the table ready and waiting for him when he gets home... now just getting him to tell me sometimes what he would like for supper besides what ever you wnat to fix....lol...ideas here please...get tired of making supper every night so tell me what you want every now and then....lol......Yes I even put away his laundry too.....he takes care of all the outside work when he gets home...I use to mow the lawn til I kept mowing over snakes and I said forget that you can do it.....lol....

I dont know why there always have to be a comparison between the 2...we all try to do the best we can for our own household..what ever that is....working sometimes is not the answer and staying home is not all it is cracked up to be sometimes...do what you want and make the best of it til the Lord comes back.

[MsLynn]

I dont know why there always have to be a comparison between the 2...we all try to do the best we can for our own household..what ever that is....working sometimes is not the answer and staying home is not all it is cracked up to be sometimes...do what you want and make the best of it til the Lord comes back.

Thats right, like i said before, the only problem I have is when the SAHM's act like i don't love my kids cause i work and can't be at every thing they do. hell even my own mom tells me i shouldn't have had kids because i work too much.. grrrr, well when i had them i was married and didn't HAVE to work so much..

[PrincessArky]

Thats right, like i said before, the only problem I have is when the SAHM's act like i don't love my kids cause i work and can't be at every thing they do. hell even my own mom tells me i shouldn't have had kids because i work too much.. grrrr, well when i had them i was married and didn't HAVE to work so much..

WTH??? they want you to stay home and get welfare or something? girl after reading so many of your posts I can tell them a thing or two.....like you are one hard working momma and you deserve the respect that you have EARNED.....I know you have mine :)

[MsLynn]

why thank you, that really means alot to me

[PrincessArky]

why thank you, that really means alot to me

:hug

[klutzie56]

This has been going on since I raised my son in the 50s. Back then if you worked you were a bad Mom. In the 80s I would hear young Mom's critizing their friends for staying home and not getting out to work. They would say how lazy their friends were. I don't know why women are so hard on each other, I never heard a man voice one way or another about their wives either working or staying at home. It's up to the individual family. JMTW.

[cabby92]

Every mom has to sacrifice something. WOH moms sacrifice time, sleep and time with the kids. SAH moms sacrifice adult company, money and often times pieces of their sanity. I've done both and each is both rewarding and difficult in their own way.

Klutzie's right, I don't think guys get looked down on anymore because "your wife WORKS!!!" like in the 50's. Women need to get over overit and quit being so defensive.

[tntsmom]

I've been all three. Each one is difficult in it's own respect. I just wish that every mom could not judge so harshly another. Just being a mother is tough. We need to come together and support one another thru our hardships. I am currently a SAHM who is disabled, the only reason I'm not working. I have severe Epilepsy & BiPolar, which makes me unable to drive. I could sit here and say that I have it worse off then most SAHM's but I don't. All of us working or not just need to be proud that we are mother's who love are children so much that we get our feather's ruffled so easily.

Let's stand together and be proud for who we are!! No matter what we do!!
We are Strong, Independent Women and we kick serious ASS!!!!