I feel that its my fault...

[A0305]

A few days or so ago I posted that my son's girlfriend was pregrant. I also posted that I was not excited about it.

Well today, she miscarried and I feel that it was my fault. You see, I believe that something happen to the baby because I did not care about it and could not get excited about it.

I have been crying all evening and Right now I have so much guilt on my shoulders that I dont know what I am going to do. My friend who is staying with me has hidden my car keys so that I will not go out and do something stupid. I feel so bad and so guilty.

Thanks for letting me vent!!!!

[Unicornmom77]

Oh hun! I can understand how you would feel that way, but you cannot blame yourself! Everything happens for a reason and maybe right now that seems harsh and if it does I am sorry. You have to know there was nothing you could do to prevent it hun!

Prayers for your and her and all involved being said!

[earnhardt1]

awwww dont feel guilty .. its not your fault

[bpl76]

Trust me, the girl feels that it is HER fault. In reality, it is no ones fault. When I miscarried I was devastated even though the Dr said it was a"misconception" and absolutely no ones fault. Don't blalme yourself because you weren't excited about it. Instead, maybe you could try and help the girl through this sad time. Perhaps that would make you feel better and her also. Just an idea.

[Shann]

It is not your fault nor is it her fault. I agreew/ bpl. :hug

[gmyers]

You know what I think maybe you had a premonition this would happen and thats why you couldn't seem to get excited. Maybe this was the way that you were protecting yourself from being really hurt. Its not your or her fault something must have been wrong with the babies developement. I know it hurts but don't beat yourself up you would have loved the baby in time.

[cabby92]

You would have loved the baby even if you couldn't get excited about the situation. It's not your fault and maybe they'll straighten things out and have another baby for all of you to love.

[myspirit]

Not your fault, at all. ~~hugs~~

[YankeeMary]

You know what I think maybe you had a premonition this would happen and thats why you couldn't seem to get excited. Maybe this was the way that you were protecting yourself from being really hurt. Its not your or her fault something must have been wrong with the babies developement. I know it hurts but don't beat yourself up you would have loved the baby in time.

I agree with this. Sometimes we just KNOW??? I am so sorry for their loss. Try not to blame anyone in this sad time. HUGS!!!

[BeanieLuvR]

Big Hugs. It is not your fault or hers. Praying for comfort for all of you. I had a miscarriage when I was young and it is hard to go through. Be there for her and your son.

[A0305]

Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. I have finally stopped crying but I am unable to face her. I did talk to her on the phone and she and my son are doing ok. They both have told me that it is no one's fault but I still have a guilt that I hope will disapper with time.

Again, Thank you all for caring.

[lassss]

It's not your fault....it's not anyone's fault.

[janelle]

Bad thoughts have never caused a miscarriage. It is strictly a medical problem. Wish you would stop thinking that. Think of all the miscarriages that would happen if bad thoughts caused it. Not possible.

Huggs and hope you start to feel better soon.

[YankeeMary]

I hope I can put this into words properly. Years ago before my brother died, he and I had a fight. I told him, I hate you and wish you were dead (Trust me I know it was the most horrible thing to say to anyone. And its the only thing in my life that I totally regret.) Anyways, he died 3 weeks later. Talk about feeling guilty. I was devastated. I can't even describe how I felt. I didn't know how to deal with it. Then one day my mom said to me..."What makes you think you have so much power that you could wish someone dead and they would die?" Well, I got to giggling and giggling, knowing she was right. Who did I think I was? Thank God for my Mom. I know I didn't "kill" my brother. I know it was terrible to even think such a thing, let alone say it.
So I ask you, "What makes you think you have so much power that you aren't excited about an unborn and cause a miscarriage?"

[DBackFan]

Wow Mary I had the exact same thing happen to me when I was 16 and my brother was 12. I threw a shoe at him and said I hope I never see you again and then he got in an accident with my Dad and was killed. I wish my Mom was as wise as yours was at that time. I still suffer with those final words to him.

[PrincessArky]

It is no way your fault

My thoughts and prayers are with your family now

[bpl76]

I hope I can put this into words properly. Years ago before my brother died, he and I had a fight. I told him, I hate you and wish you were dead (Trust me I know it was the most horrible thing to say to anyone. And its the only thing in my life that I totally regret.) Anyways, he died 3 weeks later. Talk about feeling guilty. I was devastated. I can't even describe how I felt. I didn't know how to deal with it. Then one day my mom said to me..."What makes you think you have so much power that you could wish someone dead and they would die?" Well, I got to giggling and giggling, knowing she was right. Who did I think I was? Thank God for my Mom. I know I didn't "kill" my brother. I know it was terrible to even think such a thing, let alone say it.
So I ask you, "What makes you think you have so much power that you aren't excited about an unborn and cause a miscarriage?"

THANK YOU!!!!!! I could not think of a way to put this without sounding totally unfeeling. You did it beautifully!!!!! I totally agree.

[YankeeMary]

Wow Mary I had the exact same thing happen to me when I was 16 and my brother was 12. I threw a shoe at him and said I hope I never see you again and then he got in an accident with my Dad and was killed. I wish my Mom was as wise as yours was at that time. I still suffer with those final words to him.

HUGS!!! I know how you feel. But as Mommy said..."What make you think you are so powerful to wish such a thing and it happen?" A little late but it still applies. Don't get me wrong its still horrible that I said it and it still bothers me but i know it wasn't my fault now. I think its his death that eats at me, not what I said. We sometimes tend to focus on the death of a person instead of the fact that they lived. KWIM?

[YankeeMary]

THANK YOU!!!!!! I could not think of a way to put this without sounding totally unfeeling. You did it beautifully!!!!! I totally agree.

Thank you very much. I appreciate your words.

[ma4angels]

A few days or so ago I posted that my son's girlfriend was pregrant. I also posted that I was not excited about it.

Well today, she miscarried and I feel that it was my fault. You see, I believe that something happen to the baby because I did not care about it and could not get excited about it.

I have been crying all evening and Right now I have so much guilt on my shoulders that I dont know what I am going to do. My friend who is staying with me has hidden my car keys so that I will not go out and do something stupid. I feel so bad and so guilty.

Thanks for letting me vent!!!!

Honey I am so sorry but it isn't your fault. I send my prayers to you and your family. It was nature happening plain and simple, not something you did. I know that it doesn't make it easier but will get better.

[kimp67]

You have nothing to feel guilty about. I hope you can soon let this go. (((((((hugs))))))

[Freebeemom]

Oh, I can totally understand why you feel like that, but really, this wasn't meant to be. Things happen for a reason, and althouhg it may not be clear why, it will be soon. But, this is definatly not your fault.
You were only expressing your true feelings. How often do people do that anyhow?
Hugs...

[jackie227]

I know how you feel, several years ago,my daughter got pregnant, her fisrt time, her husband was a royal POS, would not work, she had 2 jobs. When she told me she was pregnant, I was so angry, I felt that was the last thing they needed. He also was one of those men that like to beat on women. I threw a fit, a big one. He actaully got a job and went out fo town for a a cpl weeks, so she came to stay with me, and she lost the baby.
I felt so guilty. Could not sleep for days. My daughter was the one that helped me, even tho she was the one in pain. She told me that she had enough faith in God's judgement, that they're was a reason for him to take her baby. After she said that, I knew she did not blame me, so I no longer needed to blame myself either. Several months later she got pregnant again, and gave birth to my wonderful grandaughter, and while pg, she left her husband and never looked back. So it ended very well.

[ladybugva]

:hug you are not to be blamed! Things happen. and just b/c you had concerns and weren't over whelmed w/ joy doesn't mean you are to blame. You didn't/wouldn't do any thing to hurt her and cause this to happen.

[christianw27]

Its not your fault...there are so many things that can go wrong during pregnancy.....

Please don't beat yourself up over it.