Why can't she understand I don't want to believe it.

[gmyers]

I'm sorry but I just need to vent. I just got hung up on and told leave me alone by my sister because I wont believe everything she tells me. She can't understand that I don't want to believe that all my family does is run me and my husband down. All she does is tell me all the time really negative stuff they say but when they ralk to me they're nice. She tells me sure they do, then they call me up and run you down. I can't even say somnebody called me without her telling me mean stuff they say to her after talking to me. Why does she want me to believe they all dislike me and my husband so bad that she gets mad at me and wont talk to me when I say thats not how they talk to me. Why is it so important to her that I believe they all don't like me. I don't understand it. Its like I don't want to talk to you if you wont believe what I say. She doesn't seem to get it that I don't want to believe all the stuff that she's telling me. I've heard so much stuff from her that I don't know who to trust anymore. What she don't understand is all that stuff has messed me up inside. Why can't she see that its hurtful. Her reply is all families tell each other what people are saying. But good grief is there anything thats bad enough that she wont tell me. I don't think so. She can't understand why we don't get along anymore its because I'm tired of hearing they said this about you or they said that about your husband. Thats why.

[YankeeMary]

I am sorry you are going through this with your sister. I wish everyone had a sister (WVCindy) like mine. She loves me and the rest doesn't matter. My family is disfunctional like the everyone elses but we know we all love each other and no way would we ever intentionally hurt one another. HUGS to you.

[SLance68]

It sounds like she wants to cut you off from the rest of the family. It seems to be a power play on her part. I would just quit answering her calls for a while. Maybe then she will get the hint and move on to another person she can destroy.

[gmyers]

People in the family can't understand why we get in fights and can't get along. But I'm really tired of her telling me all this stuff. Its like she doesn't want to talk to me unless its about negative stuff she says people are saying. I've tried to tell her I don't want to know if people are saying anything bad about us. Keep it down there and leave me out of it, if its happening. I can't make her understand its not that I don't like talking to her because I do but not about stuff like that all the time. I just wonder how she really feels about me if she can tell me this stuff and not think maybe I shouldn't tell her that it'll hurt her feelings. Most of this stuff is really hurtful but she just tells me anyway and doesn't seem to understand I live away from everybody else and I don't want to believe thats how people really feel about us.

[Kelsey1224]

You have got to make a choice. Your sister has made it clear that she only wants to talk to you if you go along with her game. You can decide to play with her or not. You are in control of the situation. So...take control.

[ahippiechic]

You have got to make a choice. Your sister has made it clear that she only wants to talk to you if you go along with her game. You can decide to play with her or not. You are in control of the situation. So...take control.

Yep. If it hurts to hear what she tells you, then tell her to stop and talk about something else. If she won't, then stop talking to her. Maybe then she'll get it. Just because someone is family doesn't mean you have to let them get away with making you feel bad.

[atprm]

wow... do we have the same sister??

sure sounds like it to me!!


I quit talking to mine just because of this reason -- it's almost as if we are in a silent race against one another or something, and she wants to be the "winner" of that race -- no matter whose feelings she tramples in the process.

I cut her out of my life -- it's hard to do, but so less stressful in my life now.
You might have to do the same thing. I know how you feel -- I have been in your shoes.

hugz and peace.


I'm sorry but I just need to vent. I just got hung up on and told leave me alone by my sister because I wont believe everything she tells me. She can't understand that I don't want to believe that all my family does is run me and my husband down. All she does is tell me all the time really negative stuff they say but when they ralk to me they're nice. She tells me sure they do, then they call me up and run you down. I can't even say somnebody called me without her telling me mean stuff they say to her after talking to me. Why does she want me to believe they all dislike me and my husband so bad that she gets mad at me and wont talk to me when I say thats not how they talk to me. Why is it so important to her that I believe they all don't like me. I don't understand it. Its like I don't want to talk to you if you wont believe what I say. She doesn't seem to get it that I don't want to believe all the stuff that she's telling me. I've heard so much stuff from her that I don't know who to trust anymore. What she don't understand is all that stuff has messed me up inside. Why can't she see that its hurtful. Her reply is all families tell each other what people are saying. But good grief is there anything thats bad enough that she wont tell me. I don't think so. She can't understand why we don't get along anymore its because I'm tired of hearing they said this about you or they said that about your husband. Thats why.

[gmyers]

What I don't understand is she gets really mad at me for not believing everything she says. Says shes tired of me not believing her and saying shes lieing. All I know is how people are when I talk to them. I can't help it if they talk to her differently. She keeps telling me of course they're friendly when they talk to you but thats not how they are when they talk to me about ya'll. And shes always telling me it wont do any good to ask them about it they'll just deny they did it.

[ahippiechic]

Well, if I told my sister something and it was the truth and she didn't believe me, it would piss me off too.

Even if they don't talk that way around you, doesn't mean she's lying.

[atprm]

honestly, it kind of sounds like she is lying...and she is hoping you won't call her bluff by asking them directly (because she already told you what they will probably say).

It's a power game, and unless you stop the game, you are an unwitting participant.

It's up to you to stop the game.

hugz

[gmyers]

All I know is if its true or not. Why the need to tell me every negative thing and then say you might as well forget about it theres nothing you can do about it anyway. If thats the case then why tell me in the first place. Good grief she told me one sister said she hopes my husband loses his job and when he was sick she hopes he dies. Its just unnecessary to tell someone something like that even if they said it. She knows I love my husband more than anything and I was really worried about him when he was so sick. To me its just cruel to say something like that and its also cruel for her to tell me. I would never call her up and tell her someone said something like that about her husband.

[freeplease]

I agree that sister is lying her pants off. You should bring up all the stuff she says in front of ALL the accused. Who knows what she's saying YOU say to the rest of the family.

[ilovecats]

Lying or not,it is extremely cruel.I don't understand why she would continue saying it.

[ahippiechic]

I agree that sister is lying her pants off. You should bring up all the stuff she says in front of ALL the accused. Who knows what she's saying YOU say to the rest of the family.

This is what I would do...and have done in the past. I can't that backstabbing shit.

[Jackie_Blu]

I agree that sister is lying her pants off. You should bring up all the stuff she says in front of ALL the accused. Who knows what she's saying YOU say to the rest of the family.

I so agree with this. I have a sister who for years pitted each of our family members against each other, do the "they said this about you" thing....really hateful, mean things. I wrote her off for about 7 years one time, which really upset my mother, my sister convinced her she was dying of some damn disease (cant remember what) but she had played that card b4 when she got caught in her lies and wanted sympathy. I reconciled with her to try to keep peace and for my mother's sake, and moved 750 miles away. My mother has since passed away, my sister started her stuff again with the rest of us...she called me 2 years ago around Christmas and I told her to go f*ck herself & I didnt want to hear from her again. Done.....over.......life is too short to put up with negative, nasty people. Sounds to me your sister is miserable and wants you to be,too, and most likely she IS running to the others saying you said things also. I wouldnt believe her for one minute. If you have the chance I would confront her in front of the whole family, and ask them if they said those things. put her in the hot seat. THEN tell her goodbye. you dont need it,hon.:hug

[gmyers]

I've wanted to ask people for a long time but she tells me they think I'm a trouble maker and fighter and that I was trying to turn people on each other. Or if it comes to believing me or the other person they'd believe the other person. I don't want people thinking that about me. I did tell my oldest sister what she was doing once. She told me my oldest sister told her not to worry she didn't believe me and she wasn't even listening to what I said. So needless to say that discouraged me from saying anything again.

[tracey74]

are our families giving lessons to one another?
wow sounds like my one sister shes still trying to start crap with me . saw her the other day at the drugstore and she couldnt even look at me and practically ran past me. she couldnt get out of there fast enough. her lies has cost our family a lot of problems.and she still continues to lie and spread stuff about me and my other sister. we decided to disown her. shes another one who thinks shes in a race or competition(like the OP stated) and she is always trying to outdo us funny thing is we are happy with what we have and our lives and shes not. she thinks we ought to be jealous of her which were not. and she keeps trying to get to us and expects us to fight back with her so she can be the victim well we wont fight back or talk to her and she doesnt like it. Ive quit believing anything she said long ago and she will lie to your face too which I hate.so I just basically told her to drop dead.some may bash me and say shes your sister you should forgive her. Ive done that too many times in my life and she just shits on me so I think disowning her was the best thing I could have ever done and without her I dont have all the BS and drama and I just ignore her and go on my merry way.

[mosdata1]

Do you have an answering machine (not voice mail)? If so, let the machine pick up & start recording, then you pick up & start speaking to her. (This way she is on notice that the conversation was being taped, since she started to record her message) Then I would confront her, in front of the rest of the family. If she denied it, I would then play the tape. People could believe what they wanted, but I would then consider it over. I would let her know that I would no longer accept her calls if she had nothing good to say. If the family still took her side, I would move on. Let them know that your door is always open if she (they) will change their ways, but until then you can't continue like this. Who needs that sort of negativity in their lives? I know I don't.
I know this sounds harsh, but you don't need to let her bring you down & make you miserable.

[ilovecats]

Do you have an answering machine (not voice mail)? If so, let the machine pick up & start recording, then you pick up & start speaking to her. (This way she is on notice that the conversation was being taped, since she started to record her message) Then I would confront her, in front of the rest of the family. If she denied it, I would then play the tape. People could believe what they wanted, but I would then consider it over. I would let her know that I would no longer accept her calls if she had nothing good to say. If the family still took her side, I would move on. Let them know that your door is always open if she (they) will change their ways, but until then you can't continue like this. Who needs that sort of negativity in their lives? I know I don't.
I know this sounds harsh, but you don't need to let her bring you down & make you miserable.

I think this is A great idea!We no longer deal with one of my sil's because of things she has done.

[gmyers]

I really don't think theres any hope anymore for me and her. Its gone too far. I know I've said things I shouldn't have but I'm tired of this telling negative stuff all the time. She makes it sound like all people do is run me and my husband down. She tells me all the time they don't like my husband. I don't say bad things about her or anyone elses husbands and I'm tired of hearing bad stuff about mine. My husband is good guy if they would just stop and get to lnow him. But every bad thing that I've heard they've supposedly said about him has come from her. No one else in the family has said anything bad about him to me.

[Jenefer3]

I think it's just time to tell her that you don't want to hear all of this negative stuff anymore and if she can't handle talking to you about more important things, than you don't want her to call anymore and you won't take any of her calls anymore. Then say the choice is up to her, if she chooses to not talk to you then so be it, you're better off without that stress in your life.

[PrincessArky]

Do you have an answering machine (not voice mail)? If so, let the machine pick up & start recording, then you pick up & start speaking to her. (This way she is on notice that the conversation was being taped, since she started to record her message) Then I would confront her, in front of the rest of the family. If she denied it, I would then play the tape. People could believe what they wanted, but I would then consider it over. I would let her know that I would no longer accept her calls if she had nothing good to say. If the family still took her side, I would move on. Let them know that your door is always open if she (they) will change their ways, but until then you can't continue like this. Who needs that sort of negativity in their lives? I know I don't.
I know this sounds harsh, but you don't need to let her bring you down & make you miserable.

ditto........who knows she might be telling everyone else in the family that you are saying things about them too

[Freebeemom]

just because you are sisters does NOT mean you have to be friends. I found this out a LONG time ago with mine. It is sad, awful, really confusing at times, but sometimes it is better this way. Sometimes, it is better to walk knowing you are on top. This way you don't have to bang your head against the wall.

[freeplease]

Genetics is not a life sentence. Live your life the best you can, and try not to worry about the insanity this woman spews. Living well is the best revenge. It'll make her crazy(er). :twitch

[Kelsey1224]

What I don't understand is she gets really mad at me for not believing everything she says. Says shes tired of me not believing her and saying shes lieing. All I know is how people are when I talk to them. I can't help it if they talk to her differently. She keeps telling me of course they're friendly when they talk to you but thats not how they are when they talk to me about ya'll. And shes always telling me it wont do any good to ask them about it they'll just deny they did it.


Why don't you understand that she is playing a game with you? You aren't playing along and that makes her mad.

[Debbie]

I would start recording her,then call her out,to really see whats up,the truth
or not,I try to avoid negative people,I lost my youngest sis few years ago,
we were buds,so don't let this come between you two,best of luck,

[gmyers]

We just can't get along anymore and the reason is I resent her for telling me all this stuff she says everybody says. I believe if she liked me at all she wouldn't do it. But I really wonder if she does. Why would you tell someone hurtful things all the time if you liked them. I wonder how she really feels about me.

[mosdata1]

Did you ever stop to think that she may just be jealous of you? This might be a way for her to bring you down (emothionally) & separate you from the rest of the family. Don't give her that power.

[lucillerad]

activated recorder or could you get ahold of one. This could settle it all in a very short time. An old employer of mine many years ago tried to say that I quit my job but I had my recorder in my pocket so he was busted. TN is a state where only one person needs to know the conversation is being recorded.

chyrel

[gmyers]

No I don't have one but I have thought about it. Its sad when you have to do that but theres things going on in my family that would be nice if they stopped. People saying I'm calling them when I'm not and saying all kinds of things. Am I wrong to doubt? Would you if you were told four different family members are saying I'm calling them and saying things. I just can't believe that they are all saying the same thing. Thats just too much to believe. I know I'm not calling them and I don't see why all of a sudden they're saying all this stuff. Thats why I doubt a lot of stuff.

[janelle]

I woulldn't play the game with her. Just don't get upset with anything she says others say. Say something like will we need to pray for them if that is true don't we or something like that. Say they are nice to you and your husband so that is all that counts. You like them and they aren't one to say mean things about her or anyone else.

She may be trying to see if you come back with what they say about her. She may be insecure and think they are talking about her and this is a way to find out.

Tell her you want to have a relationship with her but you need to talk about something else besides what the family says. If she hears anything unpleasant then not to tell you. Then if she brings it up say you need to go since she won't talk about pleasant things. You have to train her not to say these things. Just do not listen when she talks about it. Say you need to get off the phone if she doesn't change the subject.

Anyway, what does she want you to do with that information? Not like you can do anything anyway. Tell her, families need to get along and that is what you plan to do.

If you can make light of it and even laugh when she reports to you what was said all the better. If she sees it doesn't make you mad she will get tired of the game.