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View Full Version : ITS OFFICIAL!!! I Give the Hell up!!!!!!!!



MsLynn
02-04-2008, 07:55 AM
Well Ya remember the house my dad "GAVE" me almost 2 years ago. well He's selling it. I got my income taxes and thought finally i can breath.

HELL FREAKIN NO. he called me this morning he's sending people over to see about painting it and all.

I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!!!!!. He swore the cancer changed him and I had hoped it did, but no, he's still the same selfish bastard he was...

I know it legally belongs to him since he conviently was too sick to make it everytime we were supposed to go get the deed changed over, and he has every right to sell it, but he shouldn't have told me it was mine.. and then do this..



So now i have to move. AGAIN... i feel so bad for the boys... I can't believe they are probably gonna have to change schools again. I really can't afford to be paying rent again. This house was the only thing keeping my head above water. I was supposed to start paramedic school in 2 days but i reckon thats not gonna happen now....


I HATE MY LIFE.....

earnhardt1
02-04-2008, 08:02 AM
aww i feel so bad for you and your boys i hope you get something figured out. can you talk to him and see if he will not sell it?

ahippiechic
02-04-2008, 08:04 AM
That's such a hateful thing to do! So sorry.

MamaArc
02-04-2008, 08:07 AM
omg I can't believe he would do this to you. I pray that everything works out for you and that things will get better.

dv8grl
02-04-2008, 08:09 AM
Sorry to hear that. Thats totally F'd up!

okie
02-04-2008, 08:26 AM
That's messed up! Has he offered to sell it to you? Don't know if that is an option for you or not. Or even if you could afford the fees to buy it. Why is he wanting to sell it? Family are the worst when it comes to screwing someone over but your dad, that is wrong.

MsLynn
02-04-2008, 08:48 AM
He claims he needs to sell it to pay dr bills, but my cousin now lives with him and since he's moved in, my dad has bought him a car. my dad now owns a boat, a motor home, but will he sell that, HELL NO!!. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM......

magenta
02-04-2008, 08:56 AM
I am so sorry. I know how you feel, I live in my grandfathers house and dread the day he pulls this kind of crap on me. He was suppose to sell it to us, but when we finally got enough to pay the fees and approved for what he wanted for it, he changed his mind. We couldn't afford anything else so here we sit, in half remolded house, that I refuse to put another dime in until he dies and my dad gives it to me. Knowing my luck the crotchety old bastard will out live us all! lol

iluvmybaby
02-04-2008, 09:02 AM
He claims he needs to sell it to pay dr bills, but my cousin now lives with him and since he's moved in, my dad has bought him a car. my dad now owns a boat, a motor home, but will he sell that, HELL NO!!. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM......

Why don't you go to the bank and see if YOU can buy it? then your boys don't have to move. That is crappy of him, I agree

Tasha405
02-04-2008, 09:04 AM
I'm so sorry!! :hug

jnc880
02-04-2008, 09:35 AM
I am so sorry. I know how you feel, I live in my grandfathers house and dread the day he pulls this kind of crap on me. He was suppose to sell it to us, but when we finally got enough to pay the fees and approved for what he wanted for it, he changed his mind. We couldn't afford anything else so here we sit, in half remolded house, that I refuse to put another dime in until he dies and my dad gives it to me. Knowing my luck the crotchety old bastard will out live us all! lol

omg thats funny...lol " Knowing my luck the crotchety old bastard will out live us all!lol"Sorry you guys have to go threw this stuff. Some times i dont get family, we should be here helping one another but ALOT of families do not see this i guess.:(so sorry guys

lucimPI
02-04-2008, 10:22 AM
Why is it that most always it is someone in your family that is always there to put the screws to you. "shaking head". I sure do feel for you. If it was anyone else but your own father!!!!

Kelsey1224
02-04-2008, 10:47 AM
I'm so sorry. You have certainly had the worse luck.

Don't make it easy for him...I'd make him go through process of evicting you.

On second thought...I wouldn't stoop to his level.

flute
02-04-2008, 11:23 AM
i'm so sorry Lynn!! ((hugs))

ilikefree
02-04-2008, 11:36 AM
I don't have any advice, but wanted to pop in and give you {{{HUGS}}}

Eyore
02-04-2008, 12:58 PM
Wow, sorry to hear this. Have you tried talking to him about this? Maybe offer to pay a small amount of rent to him. If he goes for that get it in writing though.
Good luck.

atprm
02-04-2008, 01:25 PM
Check in your state -- see if verbal agreements are legally binding. You might also want to check with an attorney... have you been paying "rent" to your dad for the house?

Whether yes or no, you might want to look into the laws regarding tenancy..especially if you are NOT paying rent.

Who has paid the property taxes on the house since you have been living there? If your father is the one paying those things, then you might not have much hope...but if you research it, you might feel a little better.

Shann
02-04-2008, 03:03 PM
I can't believe this. {{{{Lynn}}}} my heart truly goes out to you, you've been through so much and you deserved to be happy and able to do things to better yourself. I really hope that you don't have to give up starting school and I agree w/ another poster, see if maybe you can buy it. I wasn't sure if you were paying your dad rent for the home or not, but if you were maybe the mortgage wouldn't be more than the rent. I'm so sorry, he does sound very selfish.. especially buying your cousin a car and then kicking his own dd out on the streets. {{{{Lynn}}}}

MsLynn
02-04-2008, 03:06 PM
the only way i can buy it is contract to deed with him and he refuses. i've already tried that. he says he needs the money all at once "for his dr bills".. whatever. My credit is shot thanks to the bankruptcy when i got divorced and the crap him and his new woman pulled with the credit cards.

Shann
02-04-2008, 03:20 PM
:sob :hug I wish there was something I could do to help you, you don't deserve all this crap you've had to go through. *shakes head* I'm just at a loss right now for you. :(

catdance
02-04-2008, 03:24 PM
Oh, this is so like my Mama, just flat out MEAN, and I hate to admit it, but your Daddy sounds just the same, like they had a "trick in thier sleeves", I hate him for you..I am so sorry, and I mean this, I have been there in different ways, one day things are great, next day..IT IS NOT.
And unfair and it is HIS and you got, F*CKED, and I know how you feel, hpw betrayed and angry you feel.
This is not to make you feel better, rather I am on your side.
Life s*cks, and it isn't fair, but I will pray for you.
This is just crap A** family politics, and I know how you feel.
Major HUGS to you, you deserve better and you deserved an honest answer years ago, and to be fair, what ever ends up happening, your Daddy has to answer, if you are believing in G-D, and he might just get his own, and that is horrid to say, but I want you to feel vindicated in saying what you are saying, moving your self, the kids and starting all over, I feel it is fair you get to say , " I HATE HIM"...
I send an extra hug..

kidzpca
02-04-2008, 03:53 PM
Hugs and more hugs....

PrincessArky
02-04-2008, 05:17 PM
Oh sweetie you have been through so much I just hoped you werent gonna have anything like this happen......I swear if I had the money I would buy you that house........I really would. I keep thinking everytime I buy a lotto ticket I will win and do SO many good things for ppl that really need and deserve it.........I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

sheila_361
02-04-2008, 06:59 PM
:hug

gmyers
02-04-2008, 08:33 PM
What does he say when you ask him I thought you gave the house to me? Mn people can really be mean sometimes I feel for you. I hope somehow he changes his mind.

magickay
02-04-2008, 08:39 PM
As much as it sucks to lose your house, you are going to be *free* of this man and the sucking vortex of his unhappiness. Can you just imagine how liberating the experience is going to be? Now that you know the house is going, you don't have to have that continued worry/threat of losing it hanging over your head.

Of course, being without shelter isn't very comforting, but there are resources out there that will enable you to be less dependant on him. Don't give him another thought right now. He's not making you crazy -- you make yourself crazy thinking about all this BS he's manifested in your life. Don't give him that power!

If you are bright enough to want to pursue paramedic/EMT training (and you must be bright to take on that challege--and I salute that) -- you are smart enough to move on with your life and leave him behind. It's tough when a parent doesn't recognize the havoc and trail of destruction they can leave on their children. It would be worse for you to continue to carry that burden.

Be FREE -- and be happier for it.

ma4angels
02-04-2008, 09:51 PM
I am sorry that your dad is being mean to ou. I understand about Dad's acting stupid. I have had to distance myself from mine for a while because he is real good at hurting my feelings. Just don't give up on your dreams please start school in 2 days anyway. The house hasn't sold yet. You also have so many days after that to find a place to live. Maybe there is something reasonable in the same area you are in. Don't ever give up, where there is a will there is a way. I will be praying for you.

renaissanceman
02-05-2008, 02:14 AM
I encourage you to free yourself of the burden of being his daughter.

Do NOT have anything to do with him, dont let him see his grandkids, adn I haet to say this, let him know that you and his Gkids will NOT be at his funeral!

Let him know that what he does has repercussions! He has other financial options, but I guess losing that boat so his daughter and her kids have a place to live isnt a good trade off for soemone so selfish.

You and I have had some words in the past, but man I am sorry for this!

Keep in mind that ALL of us will EVENTUALLY get just what we deserve. You shouldnt wish evil on him, but its nice to know that there is justice; that things do sometimes balance.

I will pray that god helps you work this out.

Mom2Shaun
02-05-2008, 08:33 AM
Wow, what a horrible guy! But here's some comfort; the real estate market is so slow that it is unlikely he'll be able to sell it for months and months! So start your EMT course; you'll probably have finished it by the time the house actually sells! Then you can move on to your new life!

Oh, and I would be sure NOT to pick up the house before buyers came to look! ;)

gravittr
02-05-2008, 05:48 PM
damn. what the hell is he thinking throwing his grandkids out on the street. tats so stupid

flute
02-05-2008, 06:16 PM
Wow, what a horrible guy! But here's some comfort; the real estate market is so slow that it is unlikely he'll be able to sell it for months and months!

It is slow. But I know a teacher who just sold her house in 10 days, so honestly anything can, & will happen!




Oh, and I would be sure NOT to pick up the house before buyers came to look! ;)

BWAHAHAHAHAHa, that is a good one!

MsLynn
02-06-2008, 01:41 AM
if i find someplace to move he probably won't like the paint job i put on the walls, its white paneling and he'll have to replace it, lol since you can't really paint paneling and make it look good, lol but he'll sure know what i think, lmao

whatever
02-06-2008, 11:18 AM
Wow, i'm so sorry for you!! this would be something my dad would do to me.
I can't believe how family can really be so mean to their own kin!!
I hope what they say "one door closes, another one opens" comes true for you!!

mosdata1
02-06-2008, 02:22 PM
I am so very sorry to hear what your father is doing. Please don't repay his evil ways - it will take more effort & cause stress on your part. Just try to focus on what you need to do - not on him. Unless you are in a prime area & he is asking a great price for the house, I would not think that it would sell too quickly. I pray that you have enough time to complete the EMS course & start your new higher-paying job so you can move out on your own time-line.
I will lift you & your family up in my prayers.

CLARKS4
02-06-2008, 07:14 PM
So sorry to hear this. Prayers are being sent your way.

hblueeyes
02-06-2008, 08:24 PM
First off, I am so sorry thear of your situation. What a piece of work he is.

Although verbal contracts are binding, it is never the case with real estate. Real estate must be in writing. But if you have been paying the taxes and the insurance and the upkeep of the property you will have some legal grounds for reimbursemnent of those things you have paid. New water heater, furnance,toilet etc. are the responsibilty of the owner, not you.You can argue that he gave you the house 2 years ago so there was no need to pay rent. But he also cannot benefit from you paying the taxes and insurance and upkeep and if he sells the property he wil need to reimburse you for the monies you spent plus interest. Interest would be minimal since rates are low but the money is not the point here it is the principal. Get a lawyer and have the lawyer draft a paper requesting this money now as it is needed for you to move. You can also make him go through the time and expense of evicting you too and never be available to show the house and keep it a mess. Or you can be there and politely mention the water problems, the high utility bills and rodent problems. Homes are depreciating in most areas of the country so I am sure this house is no different. Do not feel like you are lying regarding the utilities either. This is a matter of opinion. My current gas bill is for $194., not bad when my friends are all paying in the $250s for much smaller homes with less people living there. Also and this is the most important, talk to a realtor. Preferably one from out of your area to see if your state has the same laws as most which is he MUST offer to sell you the house before placing it on the market. If he does not then you amy be entitled to damages. The broker he hires should also mention this to him since he obviously does not live on the premises. Bankruptcy can make a person with bad credit have better credit than before they went bankrupt. My brother went bamkrupt 2 years ago for the 2nd or third time and he just closed on a new home in August of 07. It is worth a shot to see if you can get a loan. What could it hurt.

Good luck

Me

STARLIGHT
02-06-2008, 08:40 PM
In my stae after living somewhere rent free for 5 yrs. you legally have what they call squatters rights? May that be in your case too?

peaceluver
02-07-2008, 06:54 AM
I am so sorry you and your family are having to move.

LuvBigRip
02-07-2008, 08:04 AM
the only way i can buy it is contract to deed with him and he refuses. i've already tried that. he says he needs the money all at once "for his dr bills".. whatever. My credit is shot thanks to the bankruptcy when i got divorced and the crap him and his new woman pulled with the credit cards.

Been there done that with the ex too. Yellow rat bastards. I am so sorry your dad is pulling this BS. WTF is it with family that lets them thinks screwing over and hurting family is ok. I am so sorry.

DrGrin
02-07-2008, 11:30 AM
if i find someplace to move he probably won't like the paint job i put on the walls, its white paneling and he'll have to replace it, lol since you can't really paint paneling and make it look good, lol but he'll sure know what i think, lmao

I wouldn't mess up the paneling, because he's been such a jerk in all areas of your life, he'd probably just have you arrested for vandalism.

I thought about this joke I got in email a long time ago when I read your post.

********
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room, removed the window cornices, and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!

**********
You could always just go buy a package of shrimp and stuff a few pieces into each curtain rod before you leave the house. :D

mosdata1
02-07-2008, 11:59 AM
Too funny!

cathych
02-07-2008, 01:46 PM
My dad died several years ago. Unless you and your dad make things right with each now, it will be a burden to you for the rest of your life. You do not want to be a angry, bitter, old woman. And, if you do not go to his funeral, it will look bad on YOU, not on him.

gmyers
02-07-2008, 02:22 PM
Not all parents are loving and caring. My dad has convinced most of my brothers and sisters that I call him all the time talking about different ones and that I chew him out and cuss him out all the time. I've never cussed my dad. But I can't convince some of my sisters and brothers that he's lieing to them. He told two of them that before he's through no one will like me and that hes not through with me yet. When I call him he tells me every time that he loves me but tells other people all the things I said above. Its getting where I'm afraid to call him because I don't know what he'll say I said. I'm afraid of my own dad and thats sad because I still care about him.

MsLynn
02-08-2008, 07:31 AM
My dad died several years ago. Unless you and your dad make things right with each now, it will be a burden to you for the rest of your life. You do not want to be a angry, bitter, old woman. And, if you do not go to his funeral, it will look bad on YOU, not on him.

my dad never wanted me, when i wasn't born a boy, he refused to come back to the hospital to get us. My mom had to call my aunt to pick us up. He had nothing to do with me unless he was forced to i was little, I WAS SO FREAKING HAPPY when i my parents got divorced when i was 7 and we moved to oklahoma. (he was left in wyoming). Then he thought he was dying of bone cancer when i was 16, he paid to fly us up to see him for 2 weeks. Then after he found out he would recover we didn't hear from him for years again. he moved to Oklahoma and he's disabled so he needs some help with lots of things. Me and my boys went over and mowed his lawn. did his shopping. I took him every day for almost 3 months to his radiation treatments for colan cancer. 40 miles to his house, then 40 more to the hospital then take him home, come home myself and get ready to go to work. all those kinds of things. He moved some woman in and again didn't need us anymore. THEN he found out she was stealing from him and and said if i would help him again, he would GIVE me this house. he was conviently sick everytime we had plans to go get the deed changed over to my name. Now he has someone else living with him and since they've moved in he's bought a new pontoon boat, a new motorhome, he has like 4 riding lawnmowers, he's even bought the person living with him a BRAND NEW CAR... like i said he's not selling any of that.

SO DON'T YOU DARE PRESUME TO TELL ME THAT I'LL BE BITTER. HONEY I'M ALREADY THAT. I WILL NOT GO TO HIS FUNERAL AND I WON'T FEEL BAD, NOT ONE DAMN BIT. I WAS HERE WHEN HE NEEDED ME, AND NOW THAT HE DOESN'T HE'S GONNA THROW ME AWAY.... HELL NO. HE CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL...

cathych
02-08-2008, 07:36 AM
you are absolutely right, you are already angry & bitter.

MsLynn
02-08-2008, 07:41 AM
its only against him, and i really don't need your freaking judgemental attitude right now. i'm trying to find out where me and my boys are gonna live next month. SO SCREW YOU.

PrincessArky
02-08-2008, 07:45 AM
SO DON'T YOU DARE PRESUME TO TELL ME THAT I'LL BE BITTER. HONEY I'M ALREADY THAT. I WILL NOT GO TO HIS FUNERAL AND I WON'T FEEL BAD, NOT ONE DAMN BIT. I WAS HERE WHEN HE NEEDED ME, AND NOW THAT HE DOESN'T HE'S GONNA THROW ME AWAY.... HELL NO. HE CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL...

oh MsLynn you are so much better than that. Sounds to me your dad is really a pos and you deserved so much better. It is his loss not yours that we all can see. Life it too short to carry hate for this man that doesnt even deserve to be in the life of someone so special like you. I know it has to be hard to let go but I bet once he is out of your life completely you are going to be a much happier person. Dont waste another second of you life thinking about him. I know that you are so gonna reach all the wonderful goals that you have set for yourself :)

PrincessArky
02-08-2008, 07:47 AM
And, if you do not go to his funeral, it will look bad on YOU, not on him.

after everything that has happened I bet ppl will understand why she isnt there and who knows if he treats others like that she might not be the only one going

mosdata1
02-08-2008, 08:02 AM
SO DON'T YOU DARE PRESUME TO TELL ME THAT I'LL BE BITTER. HONEY I'M ALREADY THAT. I WILL NOT GO TO HIS FUNERAL AND I WON'T FEEL BAD, NOT ONE DAMN BIT. I WAS HERE WHEN HE NEEDED ME, AND NOW THAT HE DOESN'T HE'S GONNA THROW ME AWAY.... HELL NO. HE CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL....

Lynn, while my father never promised me things, he used to promise to come see us & my brother & I used to wait for him all day (he started doing this when I was about 12 & my bro was 14 - older bro was out of the house - in college). My mom used to try to distract us, but 2 days to maybe 1 week later, he would call & tell us how sorry he was that he couldn't make it. I had not seen my dad since I was 4 years old! Finally when I was in H.S., he spoke to my mom, said he had a job & wanted us to come see him. Bro & I both refused. I said he was the dad & if he wanted to see us that badly, he could bring himself out to Queens! When the eldest came home from NM with his wife & DD's my dad once again, said he would come to visit. Well, needless to say, once again he was a no-show! I called my dad the next day & he gave some lame excuse. At that point the Eldest stopped calling him anything but Earl (his first name), and I just wrote him off. My other bro (the one 2 years older) had given up on him years ago. My mom used to tell me that hating my dad would only hurt me. He was not in my life, so he would never know of my resentment, so my anger would only eat up my insides.
A few years after becoming a christian, I decided that I would try to extend a peace offering to my father. I called all around town looking for him, but I was told that no one knew where he was.
Anyway, fast forward to about 16 years ago. I received a call from someone my aunt was sub-letting her apt to. I used rent her apt from her about 8 years before this call. The woman told me that some man had tried to call me with news of my father. When I called the man back - he was one of the people I had called when I was searching for my father. He told me that although my dad was living with him, in the basement of his house, he didn't want us to know where he was. Anyway, my dad was in the hosp with CHF. I called the hosp & the Dr's told me that he was stable so I could see him in the AM. I called my mom (in CT at this time) & my 2 brothers (1 in Brooklyn & the other in Syracuse by then). Well my dad died that night - all by himself in the hosp surrounded by strangers, in a crowded hosp ward. I did go to his funeral - his bro (my uncle) paid for it. Not us children, nor my mom.
While it is sad that I never had a relationship with my father, I also no longer felt bitter towards him. I hope that you can get to the point that it no longer such a raw wound in your heart. It is still fresh, so it is harder to overlook. Just know that you did what you should to help take care of him as any good daughter would do, but try to look at him as a man with issues that will forever keep him apart from those who would love him, unless he changes. Try to realize that he will not be the dad you want, or need him to be (at least at this point).
Sorry this is so long, but I can relate to not having a father around for you - although mine didn't use & discard me - he just had no use for me. Some men just don't know what it is to be a real dad :rules but it is more their loss than ours.

I pray that you are able to find peace, finish your training (please don't put this off, as it could take him a long time to find a buyer) & find an even better place to live.

Mo

Eyore
02-08-2008, 09:32 AM
Lynn, Is it possible your mom or some other family member would let you stay with them until you can get on your feet. Or if not stay with them maybe help out in some other way?
Also, is there anyway you can get like Section 8 or some kind of help from the state or other government body to help with housing for you and the boys?
I don't know to much about that stuff.

Mary_Jo3
02-08-2008, 09:43 AM
I am so sorry to hear about your financial situation.
My suggestion is:
Contact Public Aid for housing assistance, medical cards and food stamps.
Contact the financial aid office, don't give up your dreams of going to school.
Contact the School District when you get settled for the hot lunch program.
Contact Legal Assistance, and see if there is anything you can do about all the money you have put into the house already and pictures if you have them and the receipts.
Remember there are programs to help people in your situation, food pantries, Church basements for clothing and furnature and your friends, don't forget your friends, they may have stuff they don't want and you need.
I just hate it when bad things happen to good people, but I am a strong believer in Karma, what goes around comes around.
If the house is half remodeled it probably won't go fast unless he almost gives it away and after the realtor fees he won't have much left for his "Dr bills". Go out with your head held high as an example to your children who are probably scared out of their minds and let them know everything will be fine even if you don't believe it yourself. You sound like a very caring person to go into such a personal profession, to see people at the worst times in their lives and to be there for them. I have to disagree with some of the posts and say cut him loose, if someone doesn't better your life they don't deserve the chance to be in it, life is to short and you only get one shot.
Good luck.
Please let me know when you get settled in your new place.

Kelsey1224
02-08-2008, 12:41 PM
I'm not about to pass judgement on you and know what it is like to not have much of a father in my life. Luckily we reconciled in his later years. I say lucky because it was lucky for me...not that I had found him, but because I was no longer controlled by my anger for him. Because you see, that's what happens when you are angry with someone. Particularly when that anger consumes you. Even when your anger is justified, as your's most definitely is, that person is controlling you and they don't even know it.

Your father is controlling you and how you feel. Wouldn't it be nice to be out from under his control?

LuvBigRip
02-08-2008, 01:05 PM
His actions not only affect MsLynn, but the emotional well being and security of her boys. She has every right to be as angry as she is.

JustDoIt
02-08-2008, 02:01 PM
It makes me sick to see people calling MsLynn agry and bitter like it's a bad thing. Her "father" (for lack of a better word that would probaby be censored here) has absolotley NO remorse about the HELL he's been putting her through throughout the years. And now, he's not just doing it to her, but also to her boys.

Damn skippy, if someone did that to me, I'd chop off their balls and serve it to them on a platter. There is only so much a person can take, and I would have reached my boiling point a long time ago.

So, if you have nothing nice to say, then use the back button and get out of this thread. It wasn't a thread to start a debate about wheher or not she's bitter and angry, cause she already admitted she was. AND SHE HAS EVERY DAMN REASON TO BE!!! So go kumbaya elsewhere, and let her work out her own feelings.

Geez.

Man, it feels good to let it all out when I'm on the rag. LOL

gmyers
02-08-2008, 02:12 PM
She has every right to be angry. What he's doing is very selfish and uncaring to her and his grandkids too. If he wont let her keep the house for herself you would think he would for his grandkids. I really hope he'll do the right thing and let ya'll keep the house and make it legal this time so you don't have to worry all the time he'll change his mind again. Cause I don't think I'd take his word for it.

LunaChick
02-08-2008, 03:41 PM
It makes me sick to see people calling MsLynn agry and bitter like it's a bad thing. Her "father" (for lack of a better word that would probaby be censored here) has absolotley NO remorse about the HELL he's been putting her through throughout the years. And now, he's not just doing it to her, but also to her boys.

Damn skippy, if someone did that to me, I'd chop off their balls and serve it to them on a platter. There is only so much a person can take, and I would have reached my boiling point a long time ago.

So, if you have nothing nice to say, then use the back button and get out of this thread. It wasn't a thread to start a debate about wheher or not she's bitter and angry, cause she already admitted she was. AND SHE HAS EVERY DAMN REASON TO BE!!! So go kumbaya elsewhere, and let her work out her own feelings.

Geez.

Man, it feels good to let it all out when I'm on the rag. LOL



:congrats:

In total agreement. Maybe one day she'll work through the anger, if she wants to, but until then the woman needs to vent.

justme23
02-08-2008, 05:00 PM
My dad died several years ago. Unless you and your dad make things right with each now, it will be a burden to you for the rest of your life. You do not want to be a angry, bitter, old woman. And, if you do not go to his funeral, it will look bad on YOU, not on him.

Ppl have been telling me this for years. These are the same ppl that now (as an adult) tell me they knew how my father treated me when I was a child but "didn't know what to do about it". My father beat the crap out of me in ways that are hard to even imagine. He mentally abused me to the point that I still have issues to this day. When I was 15 I moved in w/ my aunt but I still loved him then, so I was devastated when he moved to the other side of the country several months later w/out even telling me he was leaving. A year after that he came back for a 2 week visit w/ his best friend. I didn't even know about this trip until a year after it happened. I was devastated again. Not only did I not know he was 15 minutes from me but he didn't even TRY to speak to me or see me. I was grown by this point and hatred was how I chose to deal w/ it. I refused to speak to him even though his best friend would tell me how he wanted to know how I was and all this bullshit. I made it a point to stay away from ppl who were still in contact w/ him because as far as I was concerned, he was dead to me and I truly felt that way down to my very core. Anyways... it's fifteen years later now. He somehow found someone to take pity on him and give him my phone #. He called of course but instead of hanging up and changing my #, I decided to see what would happen. I had been telling myself for several years now that I didn't even care enough to hate him, that there was just no feelings at all. I knew that was bs the day he told me "I know I didn't always treat you right as a kid and I hope you don't ever treat your kids that way". I tried to accept this stupid comment for what it was, his shitty version of an apology. But I quickly learned it wasn't enough... that I NEED to hear him say "Hey, I'm sorry I hit you". I know in my brain that it won't be the answer that makes everything better and like it never happened... but my heart aches for it. Now he sits up in Washington telling everyone that "he tried" and there's "nothing more he can do" and I just won't call him. Well, no, I won't call... he didn't really try cause he only called once and still thinks that *I* should make all the effort... I refuse, I WORSHIPED that man, *despite* how he treated me, for years. It's HIS turn now!

At any rate... the point I was making is that there are a LOT of steps one has to go through mentally to get to the point where you can forgive. It's just not as easy as "making peace" and forgetting anything ever happened. I know in my brain that I will probably regret forever not forgiving him while he is alive (who knows, if he gets his head out of his ass, I still may), but that is a price I am willing to pay at this point in my life. I know you were trying to be helpful, but saying it to someone and that someone actually doing it are just two very different things. I can also say that 10 years ago, when ppl said that to me, I reacted in much the same way to them. It's just really hard to get to that point.

MsLynn, if you ever need someone to vent to, pls feel free. I am sorry you are having to go through this. I am not an expert and can't make things better, but I can listen. (((hugs))) My prayers are w/ you and your kids.

sheila_361
02-08-2008, 07:38 PM
My real father has never been there for me, I remember vividly being 3 years old and seeing that bastard beat the crap out of my mom and when she wanted me to go next door to get my babysitter he threw me up against a wall. A few years ago he had a major stroke, I didn't give a shit then nor do I now, my step-dad who has been in my life for 40 years now is my dad, he gave me away at my wedding, he's always been there for me. So yeah I am bitter about my real dad and will never get over what he did,he can also rot in Hell for all I care.

xsweetestx
02-08-2008, 08:36 PM
Hon I wasnt gonna dip in this but my so called father treated me BAD casue I had my daughter out of wedlock and he hated her and I so I know what you are going thru..I hated him and never went to his funeral and never regretted it and you and your kids are more than welcome to come share my home with my family...Leave the fricken shrimp to....He deserves it....Gl

earnhardt1
02-08-2008, 08:47 PM
ok i was staying out of this for a while but reading this made me realize something. one my life isnt so bad now but.. when i was younger upto 13 i was beaten everyday all day by my stepmom with whatever she could grab,my dad sat back and did nothing. he didnt want to lose his precious piece of ass. well i then moved to my grama and lived with her only to fall into drugs and booze and get in a lot of trouble. i put myself in rehab/mental hosp. at 14 after i tried to kill myself in my best friends bathtub,i was diagnosed bipolar,severe depression, chronic depression,and sucidal tendencies. my dad came to see me 3 times i was there. my gram,aunt and bro everytime they were allowd.
so i then moved in with now hubby when i was 16 he was an alcoholic then and was an abusive b/f until 4 years ago when he got clean. so i know i have gotten off topic but in teh end of my life exp. my dad came upto me a year ago when i was having a fight with hubby and said that he is sorry i felt that i needed to stay with an abusive partner for all the years i did because he let my step mom beat me so he was the reason i thought it was ok for anyone else to beat me. i know look back and realise if he had defended me and stood up for me instead of giving me away my life would have been different. now he kinda does the same thing to my sister. and it wasnt until i became pregnant that i realise he isnt God and he isnt on a pedastol any more and it kills me to have to say that.
sorry again to drag this on. i jsut couldnt stop lol

so i guess what im saying stand up for you and the kiddies. and be the best mom you can and who cares what the hell he thinks or does.

queenangie
02-08-2008, 08:56 PM
Ms.Lynn, I am really sorry about this housing problem.

Prayers that you'll find housing soon!

If you were closeby, you could come stay w/ me.

Could you get help w/ the rent deposit from church or a local charity? What about temporary housing?

(((Hugs)))

lauriann
02-08-2008, 11:55 PM
my parents tried that with me when i was younger but in california after they give it to you they cant take it back so i won lol didnt even go to court my att sent them a letter and wala

Mary_Jo3
02-09-2008, 08:24 AM
You say you were remodeling the house?
Are there any things you haven't installed that you could return? Or sell?
I think you mentioned your utilities were high, it's probably due to the remodeling and your house not being airtight, we went through that so once you find a place utilites might be cheaper and you would have a little more money in your pocket.
I am sorry to hear how many of you have bad childhoods, when we were younger it was kept quiet, what happened in the house stayed in the house. So I don't feel (personal thought) that describing all your bad childhoods is helping her.
Lets try to think of positive ideas to help get her out of her present situation and not feed the demons. EDITED
How old are your boys?

MsLynn
02-09-2008, 10:55 AM
ok, first off i don't know where the remodeling came from, it was in perfect condition when i moved in and still is...

as for state assistance, i make too much money to qualify for any of those things, not enough to get buy but too much for most assistance. Luckily the income levels for the medical assistance for the boys is much higher than other things.

I'LL GET BY... we always do.. but decent rentals that i would actually move my kids into are hard to come by and when you do find one, they want you to pay dearly for it...

I don't really hate my dad. I just don't care.. I've never really loved him.. even when i was little. He was just another man to me. I've never really had any warm fuzzies about him. hell i don't remember him without a can of coors and a pell mell red in his mouth. When i get out of this house, AND I WILL GET OUT. i'm going to forget he even exists. and tell him to forget we do. not like that will be a problem for him.

I'M GONNA BE FINE. i'm sorry i even posted this. My problems should be that, my problems.

tigger4
02-09-2008, 11:08 AM
(((mslynn)))

I know how you feel and I think you are justified for feeling the way you do.

I hope you find a decent place for your kids and yourself. Call your children's school and ask to speak to the school counselor. Explain your situation and they should be able to help you. They have a lot of resources that aren't based on income.

MamaFairal
02-09-2008, 11:16 AM
I don't really hate my dad. I just don't care.. I've never really loved him.. even when i was little. He was just another man to me. I've never really had any warm fuzzies about him. hell i don't remember him without a can of coors and a pell mell red in his mouth. When i get out of this house, AND I WILL GET OUT. i'm going to forget he even exists. and tell him to forget we do. not like that will be a problem for him.


Thats truely sad :(

DrGrin
02-09-2008, 11:19 AM
I'M GONNA BE FINE. i'm sorry i even posted this. My problems should be that, my problems.

Don't ever feel sorry about venting. Holding up all the anger inside will only stress you out, raise your blood pressure and end up causing other health problems. Everyone needs a place that they can get things out.

I still think you should stuff shrimp or sardines because they are cheaper and would have basically the same effect-- into the curtain rods before you move out. LOL

ahippiechic
02-09-2008, 11:20 AM
Don't ever feel sorry about venting. Holding up all the anger inside will only stress you out, raise your blood pressure and end up causing other health problems. Everyone needs a place that they can get things out.

I still think you should stuff shrimp or sardines because they are cheaper and would have basically the same effect-- into the curtain rods before you move out. LOL

What she said. I would so do that, I'm a spiteful person.

MsLynn
02-09-2008, 11:28 AM
as much as i'd want to, or write something truely "NICE" on the living room wall, hell it'd cost him like 50 bucks to fix it, I just can't do it. its not in me. I just don't care enough. I've talked to the boys, and they seem to be ok with the move. I just hate it for them. I just want some more stability for them.

JustDoIt
02-09-2008, 11:45 AM
You know MsLynn, later on in life, your sons will look at you and appreciate all you've done for them. It isn't about how many times the have moved or what hey had for supper two Tuesdays ago.....it's about the love and hard work you're putting into raising them, and that's all that should count. You should be praised for doing this all on your own. There are families where both parents work who still aren't able to keep their heads above water, so you are only to be commended for your hard work.

Sometimes we need to vent, and groan, and let it out. Then you feel better. It's only normal. So just remember tomorrow is a new day, and the beginning of the rest of your life. You've made it this far, and I have no doubts you'll make it a lot further.

Hugs to you.

SLance68
02-09-2008, 12:51 PM
You know MsLynn, later on in life, your sons will look at you and appreciate all you've done for them. It isn't about how many times the have moved or what hey had for supper two Tuesdays ago.....it's about the love and hard work you're putting into raising them, and that's all that should count. You should be praised for doing this all on your own. There are families where both parents work who still aren't able to keep their heads above water, so you are only to be commended for your hard work.

Sometimes we need to vent, and groan, and let it out. Then you feel better. It's only normal. So just remember tomorrow is a new day, and the beginning of the rest of your life. You've made it this far, and I have no doubts you'll make it a lot further.

Hugs to you.

Like stated above - couldn't say it better myself. Your boys know who has done right by them and they will always remember that.

gmyers
02-09-2008, 01:33 PM
You should be proud of yourself for all the wonderful things you've done for your boys. I really hope that somehow you'll try to go to EMT school because even if its really hard at the time to do it'll be so worth it for you and your kids later on. And later on it'll make your life easier. Youl'l have more money and then things wont be as stressful as they are now. Your kids see all you're doing for them and will always remember it was because you loved them so much.

flute
02-10-2008, 12:50 AM
And, if you do not go to his funeral, it will look bad on YOU, not on him.

I do not understand this statement. You clearly don't care what anyone else thinks or you wouldn't have typed this sentence. If you cared what others think you would have been kinder.

Why should Lynn care anything what anyone thinks?
And, why are you giving advice you do not even follow?

Hello pot - this is kettle, wanna chat?

cathych
02-10-2008, 08:49 AM
I really don't understand what you are talking about...."giving advice I do not even follow?".............Anyway, I did not realize I was being unkind at all, I just did not want ppl to think badly of her because she chose not to attend a funeral. Also, a lot of ppl seemed to agree with me that it is really damaging to ones inner self to let bad feelings fester in your heart.

Mary_Jo3
02-10-2008, 09:03 AM
I We couldn't afford anything else so here we sit, in half remolded house, that I refuse to put another dime in until he dies and my dad gives it to me. Knowing my luck the crotchety old bastard will out live us all! lol

Sorry I got you confused with Magenta's post.
This is the Vent and Whine space, it gives us a chance to blow off steam with out taking it out on someone else, so I say get it all out, take what others say with a grain of salt. And every now and then someone has a good suggestion that might help someone out.
You are a wonderful mom in a bad situation and if anything I said upset you in anyway I am sorry. Does your 911 job have any educational benifits, I know my job will pay for classes related to what I do.
Take care and I hope only the best for you and your family.

MsLynn
02-10-2008, 10:27 AM
no i work for the county so all our benefits suck, lol. hell with the co-pays we have i can't even afford to go to the dr. but....


Like i said, We'll get by, i'll find a way, I always do. It probably won't be easy, but no biggie. I'll find a way. and yes i'll be free of the hateful old man.

no mary jo. nothing you said upset me, i was just confused why people thought i was remodeling. (doesn't take much to confuse me these days) lol

aussiegirl
02-10-2008, 01:28 PM
I'd just move. You'll be happier. Besides unless your under 18 your dad doesn't have to make sure you have housing.

gmyers
02-10-2008, 01:34 PM
I'd just move. You'll be happier. Besides unless your under 18 your dad doesn't have to make sure you have housing.


No he doesn't have too. But it would have been the loving thing to do for his daughter and grandkids too. A real father wouldn't let them go without if he could help it. And he shouldn't have given it to her in the first place if he was going to take it back. Thats cold.

PrincessArky
02-10-2008, 01:59 PM
no i work for the county so all our benefits suck, lol. hell with the co-pays we have i can't even afford to go to the dr. but....


Like i said, We'll get by, i'll find a way, I always do. It probably won't be easy, but no biggie. I'll find a way. and yes i'll be free of the hateful old man.


yep exactly and I think you are going to be much happier not to have such a negative person in your life

aussiegirl
02-10-2008, 05:14 PM
No he doesn't have too. But it would have been the loving thing to do for his daughter and grandkids too. A real father wouldn't let them go without if he could help it. And he shouldn't have given it to her in the first place if he was going to take it back. Thats cold.

I guess I just think if he gave it to her, her name would be on the deed. My Dad never paid for the house I live in and he could have afforded to. I always thought once I had kids and moved out it was my responsibility to take care of my living arrangements.

I just hate to see someone hate their father because of something like this. One day he won't be here. To be honest, I'd give anything to have my dad around.

gmyers
02-10-2008, 05:23 PM
You're lucky. not everyone can say that about their dad. I'd love to have a dad that cares but I don't and one of these days I'll accept it.

LuvBigRip
02-10-2008, 09:17 PM
I guess I just think if he gave it to her, her name would be on the deed. My Dad never paid for the house I live in and he could have afforded to. I always thought once I had kids and moved out it was my responsibility to take care of my living arrangements.

I just hate to see someone hate their father because of something like this. One day he won't be here. To be honest, I'd give anything to have my dad around.

If you read this, you would know he verbally gave it to her, but was conviniently sick or unavailable each and every time they were to make it legal. If you read any of her past history you would know what a sad and hateful man he has been over the years and what a giving daughter she has been in spite of it. There are times, when it is better to cut the hateful people out of our lives. We do it with ex spouses all the time and people cheer us for our strength to get out of a destructive relationship. Just because this man was her sperm donor shouldn't make it any different for her to want to move on with her life and end this destructive relationship. Many of us were very fortunate to have loving caring fathers who we would give anything to spend just one more minute with, however, that doesn't mean that ANYONE should think less of those who have the strength to do what is necessary for the mental health and well being of themselves and their own children.

Did her father have to give her the house? No. But he did, verbally. Pulling the rug out from under her when she is making strides to better herself and the lives of her kids show what a controlling and manipulative man her father is. Blood ties or no, she has every right, even the obligation to her sons to show true love and courage.

Personally, I applaud MsLynn for having the courage to wake up each and every day and do what is best for her and her family in spite of all she has been through.

gmyers
02-10-2008, 09:25 PM
Me too. It takes a strong person to do all she's done for her and her kids.

PrincessArky
02-11-2008, 05:35 AM
I guess I just think if he gave it to her, her name would be on the deed. My Dad never paid for the house I live in and he could have afforded to. I always thought once I had kids and moved out it was my responsibility to take care of my living arrangements.

I just hate to see someone hate their father because of something like this. One day he won't be here. To be honest, I'd give anything to have my dad around.

there is way more to the story than the house...........a lifetime of mistreatment :(

I am very glad that you had a wonderful dad but not all ppl are so lucky. My dad was almost a combo of 2 different ppl (mental problems) and he was hell on wheels sometimes but the difference for me was that he was never willing hurt me in the thing that he did he was rough but trying to be helpful. I am glad that my dad and I were at peace before the end

aussiegirl
02-11-2008, 07:45 AM
there is way more to the story than the house...........a lifetime of mistreatment :(

I am very glad that you had a wonderful dad but not all ppl are so lucky. My dad was almost a combo of 2 different ppl (mental problems) and he was hell on wheels sometimes but the difference for me was that he was never willing hurt me in the thing that he did he was rough but trying to be helpful. I am glad that my dad and I were at peace before the end

Your all right. I was very lucky. I had a wonderful father. I loved him with all my heart.

However, I'm thinking if I grew up with a father who mistreated me and was hateful. The day I turned 18, I would have left and never looked back.

Why would you accept a house from a father who is hateful and mistreated you. That makes no sense to me at all.

ahippiechic
02-11-2008, 08:04 AM
Your all right. I was very lucky. I had a wonderful father. I loved him with all my heart.

However, I'm thinking if I grew up with a father who mistreated me and was hateful. The day I turned 18, I would have left and never looked back.

Why would you accept a house from a father who is hateful and mistreated you. That makes no sense to me at all.

I have accepted things from someone I didn't care for because it meant my child had a safe place to stay. I'm sure she would have liked to tell him what he could do with his house, but if your children need a home, sometimes you have to swallow your pride and do what needs to be done.

PrincessArky
02-11-2008, 08:22 AM
I have accepted things from someone I didn't care for because it meant my child had a safe place to stay. I'm sure she would have liked to tell him what he could do with his house, but if your children need a home, sometimes you have to swallow your pride and do what needs to be done.

yep...........as for me there isnt anything I wouldnt do for my children

aussiegirl
02-11-2008, 08:46 AM
yep...........as for me there isnt anything I wouldnt do for my children

There isnt anything I wouldnt do for my children either.

I guess though, if my father were so abusive to me as a child he would not be involved in my life at all. Therefore, accepting something from him would not have been an option.

PrincessArky
02-11-2008, 08:50 AM
There isnt anything I wouldnt do for my children either.

I guess though, if my father were so abusive to me as a child he would not be involved in my life at all. Therefore, accepting something from him would not have been an option.

yeah maybe you would have done things differently but you honestly dont know until you are in those shoes........again I am glad that you had a wonderful dad. I see so many kids (even when I was growing up) now that just dont even have a dad involved in their lives at all and I just feel so badly for them. It is also hard on us mom's being both mommy and daddy...did that with my first 2 kids and now they have a step dad and their own dad is starting to take an interest in them as well so hopefully they will grow up with the joy of 2 dads :)

tigger4
02-11-2008, 08:53 AM
There isnt anything I wouldnt do for my children either.

I guess though, if my father were so abusive to me as a child he would not be involved in my life at all. Therefore, accepting something from him would not have been an option.

It is easier to sit there and say well if my father had been abusive I wouldn't go around him at all. But, in reality it is not that easy.

My mom abused me and let me be abused from the time I was very small. My dad sat back and watched it all happen. But, they are still my parents. No matter how much hurt and resentment there is there I still love them. I know that makes no sense, but that is just the way it is.

I have done a lot of things for my parents because I am a better, bigger person than they are. I know they are never going to do shit for me, but I will not lower myself to their level. I have children I am here to set an example for.

PrincessArky
02-11-2008, 08:55 AM
It is easier to sit there and say well if my father had been abusive I wouldn't go around him at all. But, in reality it is not that easy.

My mom abused me and let me be abused from the time I was very small. My dad sat back and watched it all happen. But, they are still my parents. No matter how much hurt and resentment there is there I still love them. I know that makes no sense, but that is just the way it is.

I have done a lot of things for my parents because I am a better, bigger person than they are. I know they are never going to do shit for me, but I will not lower myself to their level. I have children I am here to set an example for.

I completely understand

gmyers
02-11-2008, 09:03 AM
I do too.