I can't even defend myself

[gmyers]

I'm really tired of people telling me I'm wrong for trying to defend myself. People can say if my mouths open I'm lieing but if I try to tell people the truth then I'm a trouble maker and trying to stir up trouble in the family. I'm sick of people being able to say anything they want about me and my husband but we're stirring up trouble in the family if we tell people the truth. I'm stirring up trouble in the family by defending myself. What am I supposed to do just sit back and let people say anything they want to about us. I've done that for over two years but no more. From now on I'm going to call and find out whats going on when I hear something. I've set back and got my feelings hurt too many times the last two years I'm not doing it anymore. Apparently its ok for people to say anything but its not ok for me to ask if they said it. I'm tired of hearing lie after lie and I need to just shut up and not make waves or I'm not a good family member. I thought I was part of the family too but I'm beginning to really wonder how people feel about me and my husband. Over two years of hearing things over and over that I supposedly did. And hearing people say well why would they lie. I don't know why they would lie, but they did and are still lieing. I'm sick of this if I can't defend myself when I'm lied on then I don't want any part of this anymore. Its not worth it to be called a liar all the time. I'm sorry if this is so long but I really needed to get this off my chest.

[kelblend]

I'd definitely call them out on talking about you. If they didn't really say it, then the issue is with the person who told you. People have no right to say those things and then turn around and tell you not to speak of it. They probably hope you won't talk and end their little drama they are getting off on. I'm sorry you've had to put up with this. Oh and if that makes you a "bad family member", then I really think those people don't know what a true family should be. Sorry for going on like that just know a family member who says a lot but admits nothing and it sort of hit home in a way. I hope you are able to work things out with them and that they change some of their ways possibly.

[Shann]

:hug I'm so sorry you have to go through that.

[gmyers]

This is getting to the point that I'm afraid to call some people in my own family for fear of what they'll say I said. I don't even have to call and I'm constantly calling some of them and talking about people. I've got a brother I hadn't talked to in almost two years, until today, that I'm being told is saying I constantly call him on his cell phone and say things about my sister. And I didn't even know he had a cell phone until I'm told I constantly call him on it. But to be honest the reason I've never asked him is I don't know who to believe anymore. I don't know if he's even saying it and I've been accused of so much that isn't true I don't want to do the same thing to him. I honestly don't know who to believe anymore.

[ssgjeg]

Just distance yourself from everyone. The drama is so not worth the stress. You have a husband that loves you. You don't need them or their garbage.

[gmyers]

I told my husband that I must be telepathic because I don't even have to talk to anyone to stir up trouble according to them. I can go months or years without talking to some and I'm still causing trouble. I've just had enough of the lies and people taking up for the people that lie and bad mouthing us. These last two years have really opened my eyes to how people really feel about us thats for sure.

[myspirit]

Don't let them get to you, you're loved here! Even if you R a troublemaker! :)

[Freebeemom]

Why it is famililes are like this some times is beyond me. Why people feel they need to create drama is ridiculous. Sometimes, telling people what they don't want to hear is very hard, and as a result, they turn on you. Trying to blame the problem on you. Well, IMO: It's better to live your life as an honest person than a lying gossip.

Distance is the best thing for you now, as hard as it will be. Eventually, they will miss you and start calling again.
Sorry you are going through this. I totally know where you are at.

[PrincessArky]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this kind of crap I agree with others just distance yourself from them

[lassss]

Tell them to go F themselves and concentrate on your life. It's nobody's business what you and dh do. Make yourself happy..don't worry what others think....lol at least that is what I do

[gmyers]

I'm getting the impression if I try to defend myself and stir up trouble, according to them, that they don't want to associate with me then. It shouldn't be considered trouble making if I just ask people if they said something. How long do I have to let people do and say anything they want to and not say something. And why would family even ask me to do that. Its like saying its ok for them to talk about us but don't you dare say anything about them or you're trying to turn people against each other. I'm just really tired of it is all.

[kelblend]

I would end up distancing myself. It's not worth it.

[ElleGee]

Family blows sometimes. I remember not talking to anyone (6 sisters , 1 brother, my parents) for 3 whole years b/c of he said she said bs.. That got them to stop

I am sorry your family is being such boneheads

[whatever]

I dont talk to my dad. We had a blow out 9 1/2 years ago (well it was moslty with my dh) but then he kicked us off his property and i told him he would regret it. But i can tell you am healthier today for it. He was the type that emotionally abuses people (well close family). So now we only "talk" if we see each other in public. We maybe say hi. I hate his wife. so that makes it worse. I tried to reach out to him after 911 and his wife sent me nasty letters. so i decided it is for the best this way. So my advice is take a step back. put some distance between you (family) see if it helps.

[Kelsey1224]

It's a no-win situation with you and your family. And while it isn't the least bit fair, you obviously can't convince them that you have been wronged.

I agree with everyone else. These people are toxic. Only you can decide if you want to be around them anymore. If you do make that decision, you will need to accept that your relationship will be on their terms, not yours.

[nightrider127]

I'm getting the impression if I try to defend myself and stir up trouble, according to them, that they don't want to associate with me then. It shouldn't be considered trouble making if I just ask people if they said something. How long do I have to let people do and say anything they want to and not say something. And why would family even ask me to do that. Its like saying its ok for them to talk about us but don't you dare say anything about them or you're trying to turn people against each other. I'm just really tired of it is all.


You don't have to take this crap. Me and DH didn't take it from his family and you and DH don't have to take it from either of your familys either.

Cut them off. I am not going to tell you that it is easy to make a move like that because it's not. You and DH can do it. You will be a lot happier if you do.

[LitWtch]

Been through that for 20 odd years..... it split the whole family to the point that we rarely speak to one another because of a lying, conniving bitch sister in law.




They - including her own sister, mother, and father, found out the truth when the whore was hauled into jail for embezzlement and went on to drug rehab. Now they believe me.... but it's too late really. I got on with my life many year ago - that's all you can do - go on with your life and disassociate yourself with them.

[queenangie]

Time to take care of you and DH. Enjoy your own little family.

Leave the extended family alone. As stated above, they are toxic and not good for your emotional health.

Wishing you the best!

[gmyers]

Thanks everybody I appreciate your comments. I just got really tired of it all and had to vent. Shoot I've skipped talking to people for a few months at a time but every time I go back again it starts all over again except its new stuff. I feel like I live in a soap opera sometimes.

[hblueeyes]

I'd have fun with it. I have been therough this with hubbys family and my own to a much smaller extent. I had no problem ever saying anything about something that was said. I just made it seem like I was in the dark about it all or wanted to know how it turned out. It let others know that I was not the instigator but was told by (___) whatever was said. I never, ever called anyone in hubbys family. So when the crap started, I paid for detailed copies of all the phone calls I made for 3 months. Then showed everyones and asked where is so and so's number. Its not on their because we never call any of you. Then we just stopped talking and associating with them. We have peace and calm in our lives again where family is concerned because we do not bother with any one of them. Hubbys sis will call 1-2 times a year. If hubby answers, he just hangs up. If I answer I tell them he isn't there or I give him the phone and he hangs up. My youngest recently answered her call. She was askng him a bunch of questions and all he said was he did not know. Yeah, Mikey graduated, I dont know. Then he gave hubby the phone. Hubby asked who it was and when son said connie, he just hung up. We don't go there. It took him over 20 years to realize they were the problem. Now that he knows we just do not deal with it. I know they think it is because of me. I dont care. they do not matter to me. They can think anything they want. say whatever they want. I am out of it so I am happy.

Me

[tracey74]

sounds like my family my one sister who I dont speak to had the nerve in aug to make a "tribute" to our dead sister. we werent talking to her then either she tried to add me and my other sister just to be nosy and when we told her where to go she got mean and nasty with us, so we blocked her. then she made another one of our other sister and tried her BS again me and my sister wrote to myspace and complained(because she had written some derogatory things and trying to make it look like my sister wrote it) and myspace removed the content. she hasnt logged into my dead sisters one since aug and hasnt logged into my other sisters since jan 11. and she is always telling people I dont know or have never met,seen that I said things about them which how can I when I didnt know these people even existed? shes just too worried that we are talking about her which we're not cause we could care less what she does.but she things we should. kills her to know we dont let it bother us anymore and she tries all she can to make us go off on her so she can cry to her hubby and make it look like shes the victim and were starting things.