How do you break up with someone after 10 years?

[redrig]

We've lived together since I bought a house 5 years ago, we lived off and on together before that, broke up a couple of times. I'm just not happy anymore. He mostly just sits on the computer and drinks beer when he gets home from work. He's on the lazy side, he's a wicked procrastinator. I'm the opposite, I like to be doing something most of the time, I love doing yardwork and just being busy. There's no sex anymore and I just don't see him that way, I see him as a friend.

He's said some really hurtful things in the past; about 4 years ago called me a disgusting, fat, ugly cow and that still hurts till this day. When he's drinking he's verbally mean and argumentative, not just with me but with my family. He's not going to Christmas ever with us, which is just as well since he always gets into a verbal fight with one of my relatives, and they look at me as if to say "can't you control him?"

I think we've just gone in 2 separate directions and I know there's a lot of stuff that I want to do for me, spending more time with friends and family, my hobbies, my career. He's said in the past that he's holding me back and we've jokingly said how we'd split up our stuff if we broke up.

How the hell do I even have the "we need to talk" talk with him???

[Freebeemom]

Honey, you are on your way to having a better life. You know this isn't healthy for you, so why stay in it? Sure, it is going to be very difficult because of all the habits you have. These are habits that you don't like, but are making excuses for them.

Too often, people choose to remain in bad situations out of convenience. Stepping outside the box not only allows for growth, but allows for a chance to learn something about yourself that you never knew.

Try to tell him you need to talk...if he blows you off, email him. He may feel the same way.

[PrincessArky]

Just take a deep breath and start............it isnt easy I did that with my ex hubby after we had been together for 5 years and married 8 more. A year from now this will all be just a bad memory. I wish you the best of luck

[redrig]

Honey, you are on your way to having a better life. You know this isn't healthy for you, so why stay in it? Sure, it is going to be very difficult because of all the habits you have. These are habits that you don't like, but are making excuses for them.

Too often, people choose to remain in bad situations out of convenience. Stepping outside the box not only allows for growth, but allows for a chance to learn something about yourself that you never knew.

Try to tell him you need to talk...if he blows you off, email him. He may feel the same way.

Ii would love to be able to email him, since I can write it down so much better than I can speak it, but he doesn't know how to get into email!

I just worry that he'll freak out...I mean, I don't think it will be a total shock, but it will still be a shock. Hell, it's a shock to me that I'm even doing it. I've told my friends and I'm telling some of my family on Christmas eve, I figured if I did that I wouldn't be able to chicken out.

[cabby92]

Write it out. You can play with it until it says just what you want to say, like you would in an email. Then you can either say "Please read this, and then let's talk" or you can sit there and read it to him. At least that way you can say what you mean, and not forget something that's important to you.

[icequeen8455434]

cabby has a very good idea. I'm better at writing my thoughts/feelings out too. It'll be hard, but you have to do what is best for you. You are on the right path! Best of luck!

[freeplease]

Just know that legally, you may need to get him evicted to actually get him out of your house. He's been there 5 years, so he may have some kind of "squatters rights". A call to your local sherriffs office might be a good idea. Especially if he's got a temper. And to check on how it would be best to get him out.

Good luck to you.

[dv8grl]

I hope he doesn't have a temper. You should have a PLAN when you tell him, You can't just kick him out, but maybe you can find a place for him to stay, look into cheap apartments for him.

He may be looking to "end" it too... if there is no sex, you guys are just room-mates & whats the happiness in that!

Stay strong... it looks like you're doing whats RIGHT!

[galeane29]

In some states if you are common law husband and wife you have to divorce them as if you had went through a ceremony to get married.

[erijane]

Just take a deep breath and start............it isnt easy I did that with my ex hubby after we had been together for 5 years and married 8 more. A year from now this will all be just a bad memory. I wish you the best of luck

you only go around once as they say! if you not happy or enjoying the ride- you gatta change something! talking about it is one this doing it another- many of us have been in your shoes- and I hate nike but they are right "just do it"

[iluvmybaby]

He's said some really hurtful things in the past; about 4 years ago called me a disgusting, fat, ugly cow and that still hurts till this day. When he's drinking he's verbally mean and argumentative, not just with me but with my family. He's not going to Christmas ever with us, which is just as well since he always gets into a verbal fight with one of my relatives, and they look at me as if to say "can't you control him?"
?


You are in a pickle darling. Because he is a resident at your house, you are screwed if he doesn't want to leave. Anyone that receives mail at your house becomes a resident. If he doesn't leave peacefully,you will have to LEGALLY evict him. Are any of the bills in his name? Is the house in ONLY your name? Make sure he doesn't have any access to any of your back accounts. Then, when he is FINALLY gone change all the locks. Then, get start going to counseling, it sounds like he was mentally abusive. You seem like a smart girl, you can do this. Keep us updated

[janelle]

Who says just living together is easier. In a divorce you file papers and it's taken care of in court. I don't know about this room mate thing. Maybe someone else has gone through it and can tell you all the legal hassles it brings and what to do.

[Freebeemom]

I think that some are putting the cart before the horse. You need to think of a plan, yes, but you should also tell him. He may want to leave!

[lymi]

My daughter is getting ready to leave her husband. He has been violent. I'm worried. One thing that will help, Buy yourself a pocket tape recorder. I don't know if its admissable anywhere, but it helps to have proof of anything he says. Put it in your pocket or your purse. Good luck

[Bliss]

I think emailing a person who lives in your home is kind of strange. I'd just tell him we needed to talk, then lay it all out on the table.

I've always lived by, he has his house & I have mine. When we get fed up with one another one of us can carry our butts home. I'm not married by the way, never have been. I've been in a relationship that seems like forever.

At any rate Good luck to you.

[catdance]

I am in the same boat, I have had a terrible year as some know, furhter my Daddy got very sick with pneomnia in both lungs and he survived it only to have dementia and Alzhemiers, I got a very hostile unwanted job transfer and my BF is just a fruitloop, and sounds like your BF..I don't think guys like this ever have a conversation like the one you are posing..they just bite and snarl and use terrilbe words..I am lucky, I have my own apartment, and friends and a job, so it is going to hurt like HELL, but I have new jobs coming towards me and a different life, I am sick of being the BAD GUY to him..
I wish you luck if you wanna talk, E-mail me..or PM me and I can be available to you, I KNOW how you feel..I really do.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Wimzik]

There is no easy way to do it, from what you have said about him he probably will freak out no matter how gently you try to break it to him. My husband knew it was coming a year before I actually told him I was leaving and it was still a shock to him when I left, why? because no matter what i said he just didn't believe I would actually do it. Make sure you have a plan and then just tell him. Good luck and (((hugs)))

[sunniekiss]

Like Wimzy said have a plan in place & stick to it. Make sure when you tell him you have someone with you. Give him a legal document with a date stated the exact day he needs to be out. I gave my EX a date & he was out before then. I lived with my Mom until he was out. I also made sure I took every important paper & all bank books with me. I also passworded my computer. When he was out I changed locks & got an alarm system. I also notified my local police about the situation.
Good luck.
THEN CHANGE YOUR LOCKS!