What do you think ? ( Family Gatherings & Christmas )

[Jolie Rouge]

My sister sent out an email changing all the plans for the Family Christmas Party. When I spoke to my mom about it this morning, she had no idea of the changes. We have had the family party on the Sunday before Christmas from 2 - 5 for the last 25 years. We have moved it a few times becuase it fell on Chrismas or Christmas Eve to the prior Sunday. It was great because if made scheduling everything around it easier - I could book it on my calendar years in advance if needed. Understand - I am the youngest of 9 - so when we add in laws, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, SO's of the GK's and GGK's, a few assorted cousins and "adopted" family members, we are talking about over 100 people.

S is have the party at her house becasue it is larger and we have expanded out of my moms... and my mom is in her 80's so it takes a lot of pressure off of her. That's good.

But S has moved the party from Sundat to Saturday the 15. Why ? Because her DD and family have scheduled their vacation to start on the 16 which would be the alternate date with Christmas falling on a Tuesday this year.

I have already scheduled my whole month of December ! Youth Group, Children's Choir, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, and Cubscouts ALL have activities planned ... and I have made commitments to most of them , in one form or another. S's children are all grown, so I don't think she is thinking about us with younger kids and how much stuff goes with that.

I already emailed my sister and told her we may not be able to come.

DH says I am over reacting.

What do you thinK ?

Is it fair for one person to disrupt the long standing arrangements and plans for 100 people without consulting anyone ? Even if it is at her house ?
( Can't do it here, no room for that many ... )

What do you think ?

My December Schedule - D1- Sat Christmas parade ( will take Thurs, Frid and most of sat - by the time it is over, I am going to bed )
D2 -Sun - Catechism and Youth Mass/Choir
D8- Sat - shopping and wrapping Christmas Angel gifts with Youth
D9 - caroling and food collection with Girl Scouts
D15 shopping and wrapping, Angel gifts and food baskets with Gril Scouts and Cub Scouts, Scout Christmas party; DH Company Christmas party
D16 Distributing the GS & CS Angel gifts, food baskets and Caroling with All Scouts
D22 IL family party, my Church party
D23 - My Family party, Youth Choir
D24 - Youth Choir (Collapse)
D25 Celebrate Christmas At home with DH & kids

[freeby4me]

I think she is being rude and you all need to get together and make sure it stays the Sunday before. Even if you have to have it at someone else's house.

[ahippiechic]

I think it was rude of her to make changes that affect so many peole without consulting with them 1st. Even if it is at her house.

[Mom2-3boys]

Things happen, plans change and I think since it is being held at her house she has every right to change it, she gave enough time notification to everyone of the new date. I'm not trying to sound rude, but you shouldn't assume that just because the new date does not work for your family that it doesn't work for everyone. If it does turn out that it doesn't work for the majority of ppl then a new location should be found.

[DBackFan]

I also think it was rude of her not to consult with any other family. Perhaps it will work out, I sure don't like to think of you missing your own family get together. Families are forever my friend. :hug :santaclaus:

[ahippiechic]

It's her house, so yes, she has the final say, but discussing it with the others 1st would have been more diplomatic. Maybe together they could have came up with a date better suited to everyone. If not, then well, she tried at least.

[Jackie_Blu]

I think it is rude also. If it has been the Sunday b4 Christmas for 25 years, then thats the way it should remain. With the schedule of that many people to consider, it is easier to just have a standing day each year and everyone can schedule around it, rather than trying to work around everyone's plans.
I say if her DD has scheduled her family vacation when she knows full well the yearly Christmas part is, then she should be the one to forgo the party. IMO it is selfish and rude of your sister to expect nearly 100 other people to re-schedule their plans.
Have any of you thought of having the annual get-together at a neutral place,perhaps rent a hall or something, in the future? It might save some of these types of things happening.

[okie]

I think that it is rude of her. She should have talked with everyone else. Or atleast the majority and found out what was good for everyone else. Maybe Christmas should be moved elsewhere. With that many people I would probably try to rent a hall or something. If you were going to do that this year then I would start looking now. My hubby's grandma died right before Christmas and we could not find a hall or anything because they were already booked up.

[magenta]

I think it is crappy of her to change a long standing date. Our family Christmas sounds a lot like yours. Ours is and always has been the saturday before unless Christmas Eve fell on that day.

If one person took it upon themselves to change it they would have hell on their hands. We have had people who could not make it and the date stays the same. It doesn't matter who can't make it or where it is being held.

My Aunt's son couldn't make it one year and it was "her turn" to host and it was on the same day.

You don't take it upon yourself to change long standing family tradition. Sorry.

[buttrfli]

I also think its rude. I know its her house, but it sure effects more than just one person, so I would just have it at someone else's house...

on a side note... I am impressed with how you have a nice neat schedule.. I don't even know what I am doing in the next 5 minutes, let alone next month!

[justme23]

I think it's rude period. Standing plans for 100 people should not be changed because one grandchild decided to start her vacation on the day she's know was Christmas for the past year. It's just plain tacky and SHE should be the one to have to miss.

[Shann]

I also feel that she should have at least consulted with you all before making the change. Yes, it's her house, but if this is a long standing date, than she should have been more respectful of that. Plus, Dec. 15 (to me) is way too early to celebrate christmas :p I hope it works out for everyone.

[baragabrat]

It's her house, so yes, she has the final say, but discussing it with the others 1st would have been more diplomatic. Maybe together they could have came up with a date better suited to everyone. If not, then well, she tried at least.

Absolutely! Discussing it with the immediate family and getting their input as well as giving her reasons for it not being convenient for her would have been the the respectful thing to do. It often makes us uncomfortable when family or those we're close to make decisions out of hand without seeming regard for anyone else.

I do hope there will be no hard feelings in the long run, for any of you. Holidays can be difficult and it can be messy trying to coordinate everyone's schedules.

[Jolie Rouge]

on a side note... I am impressed with how you have a nice neat schedule.. I don't even know what I am doing in the next 5 minutes, let alone next month!

I have a big three month wipe-off calendar hanging in the pantry ... if it doesn't get writen down on the calendar it isn't getting done.

[buglebe]

Yes she was wrong to do that. If her children are grown didn't they know about the long standing date of the family Christmas party? And if they didn't couldn't your sister have reminded them? Of course she could! I would guess you don't have a choice now but to rearrange your schedule or not go. It would be hurting you and your family not to go I imagine. And it would hurt your mom the most. If you can arrange to go I would. But yes, my opinion is your sister is wrong and if it is going to be a standing thing that she has it every year from now on I would talk to her about when it will be.
Good luck.

[tngirl]

Considering that it is a family tradition, it should not have been changed. When she agreed to hold the gathering at her home she knew this and if she could not accomodate the date then she should not have volunteered her home.

[Jolie Rouge]

Wait ... wait ... Her Majesties Latest Decree....

No one can bring "store bought" foods to the party. Everything MUST be homemade with loving hands.

:rolleyes:

Somehow, she has changed places with Martha Stewart or something ...

The whole shopping and wrapping for the Youth Groups' Christmas Angels and Holiday party has been moved to Sunday afternoon with distribution immediately after. So my schedule has lightened p some.

I will be soooo gad when Christmas is here.

[okie]

Wait ... wait ... Her Majesties Latest Decree....

No one can bring "store bought" foods to the party. Everything MUST be homemade with loving hands.

:rolleyes:

Somehow, she has changed places with Martha Stewart or something ...

The whole shopping and wrapping for the Youth Groups' Christmas Angels and Holiday party has been moved to Sunday afternoon with distribution immediately after. So my schedule has lightened p some.

I will be soooo gad when Christmas is here.

Is she going to go out and kill that turkey or pig? I normally do something homemade but if it were me I would probably bring something store bought.

[Unicornmom77]

I think it is not only rude but why should a child get their way when it effects so many anyhow? I think its awful for someone to expect over 100 people to change a 25 yr tradition to suit a kids wishes anyway. My kid would be SOL in that situation.

I do understand how its at her house so she feels she can decide, but I still don't see how that makes it any less rude not to ASK first. Maybe it depends on how she worded it also...

I hope it all works out and I admire your scheduling also! I wish I had half as much planned!!

[gmyers]

I would buy something store bought put it in my dishes and she'll never know the difference. And take the credit for it if she likes it. Tell her how you slaved over it for hours and you hope she enjoys it after all that hard work.:lol

[dispatcher]

Wait ... wait ... Her Majesties Latest Decree....

No one can bring "store bought" foods to the party. Everything MUST be homemade with loving hands.

:rolleyes:

Somehow, she has changed places with Martha Stewart or something ...

The whole shopping and wrapping for the Youth Groups' Christmas Angels and Holiday party has been moved to Sunday afternoon with distribution immediately after. So my schedule has lightened p some.

I will be soooo gad when Christmas is here.

she wouldn't make it around our bunch. bought or slaved over you better get out of the way lol.

[janelle]

Honey, if she is game to have 100 people over to her house I say she can have it any dang time she wants. No way would I put up with that many folks tramping through my house. Imagine the clean-up. She needs to be nominated for sainthood.

AND forget the homemade crap. Get a Mrs. Smith pie and say you made it. Those pies are way better than anything I can make.

Just smile and get there when you can make it. Cut short your other activity if possible. Then remember what your house would look like after 100 came to the party.

You guys need to rent a hall next year. Decide this year when and where it will be and tell everyone that is a date no one can mess with. The owners of the hall won't let you in at any other time anyway since they rent in advance and they have others who need it.

It's a small miracle you have been able to get 100 people together at the same time each year until now. Get it put in the record books or something.

[JKATHERINE]

Wait ... wait ... Her Majesties Latest Decree....

No one can bring "store bought" foods to the party. Everything MUST be homemade with loving hands.

:rolleyes:

Somehow, she has changed places with Martha Stewart or something ...

The whole shopping and wrapping for the Youth Groups' Christmas Angels and Holiday party has been moved to Sunday afternoon with distribution immediately after. So my schedule has lightened p some.

I will be soooo gad when Christmas is here.

I'd bring something store bought just to piss her off! :D

[PrincessArky]

wow girl not sure what to make of this one I just hope it all works out and everyone is able to get together

[VALENA-)45]

Sorry, I didn't read all of the posts, but a question has come up and I wanted to know if anyone had thought of this: Since her house is the largest, and everybody is so used to going to her house. Let her go on vacation with her family, and y'all borrow the, her house and still have the christmas party. And take lots of pictures for her and her family to see when they return home. My father always said: "Ask for what you want, you can only get one of two answers, yes or no." See if that works for y'all. Good Luck. by the way, we are going to spend Christmas day with my dil and the grandkids this year. She don't want to do the cooking, and I don't eather, but, I came up with a solution, I'll sit in the kitchen and help her cook the dinner, she can do everything my hands and arms can't do. She likes the idea. Merry Christmas to All.

[freeby4me]

Jolie, just sit back and relax, make a cheese log or something for her and and just remember, Christmas day will be so much better!

[tigger4]

Honey, if she is game to have 100 people over to her house I say she can have it any dang time she wants. No way would I put up with that many folks tramping through my house. Imagine the clean-up. She needs to be nominated for sainthood.

AND forget the homemade crap. Get a Mrs. Smith pie and say you made it. Those pies are way better than anything I can make.

Just smile and get there when you can make it. Cut short your other activity if possible. Then remember what your house would look like after 100 came to the party.

You guys need to rent a hall next year. Decide this year when and where it will be and tell everyone that is a date no one can mess with. The owners of the hall won't let you in at any other time anyway since they rent in advance and they have others who need it.

It's a small miracle you have been able to get 100 people together at the same time each year until now. Get it put in the record books or something.


We always had family gatherings with over 100 people when I was little. That is until my uncle married the witch. Then Christmas stopped for the family. You had to go to each individuals home. It was a mess. So, it can and has been done before. I know a lot of families who have huge family gatherings, so Jolie isn't some oddity.

[Sassy65]

While I was reading this. I can understand that having disruptions is a mess. That is wonderful traditions you and all the families have been having for all these years.
You mentioned that your mom didn't know about the change of plans. Did you check and see if everybody in the family got the notice of the change of date?
As for your sister and family going on vacation. Maybe their family could only take that time for vacation due to their work? Sometimes Everything Happens for An Reason. In God's Book you need only to worry about today not tomorrows (and we also are not supposed to worry about anything let God handle it). We all need to be reminded about that.
If you feel that I'm trying to make you look bad. No, I'm not. I tell myself that many times not worry about these things. I have many families scatter everywhere and haven't seen them in many years. So go take your family and see all the families in the party and you will be glad.

As for making food or buying store bought. Doesn't matter. You just pick what you are comfortable with.

Take Care!

Sassy65

[janelle]

Lots of families have to rent a place now when they get so big. Guess when people lived out on farms it was easy to get 100 family members together. I can just see all those cars parked in my little street which is a CT. LOL But then no witch should dictate not getting together at a big rental place.

This year my sister and I had to keep our fingers crossed that my brother would even see us. For some reason he doesn't visit with us anymore. Says he is much too busy. Yeah right. People who hold grudges are the worse people to deal with. Whats wrong? I don't know, won't say. Just busy 24 hours a day 365 days a year. We accidently see him somewhere and he has to leave. Weird, weird, weird. Just don't want it to get this way for Jolie.

[tigger4]

We don't have Christmas like that anymore. Now on Christmas eve it is me, my DH, my four kids, my BIL, and if we're lucky enough for my MIL and step FIL to be in town they come. All of the rest of our family lives in Ohio and we live in WA state. Even when we lived in Ohio no one got together, we were expected to drag the kids around to everyones house so they could see them.

On year, I hosted my Girl Scout troops (I had 3 that year) family Christmas party. I had over 75 people in my 1100 sq ft. home. It was unique. The next year the American Legion Hall let use their hall. Thank goodness.

[Jolie Rouge]

You mentioned that your mom didn't know about the change of plans. Did you check and see if everybody in the family got the notice of the change of date?

I have been fielding several calls to verify the date change, time schedule and names for the gift exchange.


As for your sister and family going on vacation. Maybe their family could only take that time for vacation due to their work?

It is my sister's daughter that is going on vacation. D. just didn't want her to miss the party. sadly, because of the date change at least six others won't be able to be there because they made their work schedules according to the traditional date. I was able to work with some of the other parents, and because of THEIR conflicts... we moved ALL the Youth activites to the Sunday instead of Saturday... so me and my familty will be there.



As for making food or buying store bought. Doesn't matter. You just pick what you are comfortable with.

I always cook - so it doesn't bother me but several other people were upset ... exspecailly the ones coming in from out of town.

We have alsways had the party at my parents house. D. thought that it would be easier on my mom if she had it at her brand new - you just have to come see it - house. I think that is part of her Martha Stewart fantasy ...

[janelle]

Oh boy. Well go help her break in her new house. You and the other 99 people. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Any little wild kids in the mix?

The rental hall will be looking pretty good for next year.

[PrincessArky]

I always cook - so it doesn't bother me but several other people were upset ... exspecailly the ones coming in from out of town.



now see that would bother me the way that weather is in the south who knows it might be 80 degrees that day and dont ya know I want some of that potato salad after a couple hours in the car on that day NOT lol