Family

[okie]

I can't stand my family. A few of them got together and planned Thanksgiving without me or my sister. The few being, my grandmother, mom, other sister, aunt and cousin. Every year Thanksgiving and Christmas revolves around my aunt and cousin(grandma's two favorites). My mom usually sticks up for the rest of us but not this year. I guess she has to kiss her( my grandmother) butt because she is living there, long story. My aunt decided that we would do Thanksgiving the Sunday before because she and my cousin will both be out of town. Mind you, my cousin usually only comes around twice a year. He just happened to show up today. I'm used to this. No big deal, I figured we would have to do the holidays around one of them. If I can't be there then I just don't go if it isn't convenient for me. My cousin is going out of town for a football game and will actually be back before Thanksgiving but my aunt is going to be gone on Thanksgiving. I think he gets back late Saturday or on Sunday. I never found out which. I was also told that it would be at 1pm or later if my cousin can't get there by 1pm. I just told my mom that I may or may not be there because I'm fed up with the crap. No one even bothered to call me or my sister. I only found out afterwards because I called over there. So I jokingly, tell my mom that if they can change Thanksgiving for a vacation then we can change Christmas Eve for my hysterectomy, which is the day after Christmas. She said they weren't changing Christmas Eve because of my surgery. So, I hang up with her and I call my other sister to let her know what is going on. The more I think about, I start thinking that I really would like to stay at home on Christmas Eve because I have alot of things to get done before the surgery. So I call my mom back and tell her that since they can change things for a vacation then they can change things for my surgery. She told me they haven't even thought about Christmas and things are staying like we normally do them. Then she tells me that I am only trying to get sympathy and attention. I have kids and a husband so I have alot of things I have to plan out. Food to pre-make because my husband can't cook and alot of things around here that I want to get done because I won't be able to after the surgery and just get things done that need to be taken care of before. I told her that I wasn't even going to bother showing up after that comment and she could screw herself. I also told her not to bother showing up the day I have my surgery or anytime that I am in the hospital because I am going to request that the nurses tell her to leave. So I think that we will just stay at home this year.

[Shann]

wow that's a big pill to swallow. I'm sorry your family is being such jerks {{{{HUGS}}}} I have no advise or words of wisdom, but I know I would do the same thing if my family ever treated me like that. I can't believe they're seriously going to change thanksgiving but can't do christmas a few days early. :hug screw 'em! you've got more important things to worry about than their childish behavior.

[gmyers]

Heck with them. Do something with your sister and family for Thanksgiving. And as for Christmas I wouldn't go either if they don't seem to care about your surgery or your feelings for that matter. I don't see why people can't change their plans to be with family. The day isn't important its being with the people you love whether thats early or later. My moms parents were like that they'd tell her what gifts they bought her other brothers and sisters and their kids then say give her a dollar we forgot about her. Thats cruel. They hurt her feelings a lot. I hope your surgery goes good and don't let them bring you down. Show them that your world doesn't revolve around them and that you can have a good time without them too. Maybe next year they'll see that they can't bother you and change. I'm really sorry for what they're doing to you. Family can really be cruel and hurtful somtimes.

[dv8grl]

GIRL, dont put up with that! I say SCREW'EM as well! They dont know what they're missing out on! Don't let jerks like that bother you.... sometimes blood is thinner than water!

[freeby4me]

Sweetie, I say SCREW THEM!! Do your own family dinners on both Holidays. And as far as "preparing food" for after your surgery, BUY TV DINNERS. Seriously! It will not hurt them to eat some TV dinners and frozen pizza's for a little while. Its good enough for them to last them through till you're feeling better!

Forget about the rest of them, make the Holidays about YOUR family! Do it for yourself and more importantly, for your kids. Im sure they can tell how you really feel when you're around your mom and stuff, it cant be too pleasant for them.

(((HUGS))) from your BBS'ers.

[teenies*mom]

Sounds kinda like my family - so a few years ago - I just said "screw it" - I don't need the worries - me and my hubby and daughter do our own thing - either we have our own Holidays or we spend them with our best friends - I don't need the greif anymore -
you only live once - do what makes you happy.

[okie]

We didn't go last year either. It was on a Sunday and everyone was off work. We usually do it in the evening and we end up leaving late. Sometimes it's as late as 10pm. Most of us decided that since everyone was off work we would do it early in the afternoon so that the kids could be in bed at a decent time and us parents could get the Santa stuff done earlier. No staying up late getting things put together. That was fine for everyone but my cousin. So they did it late and we stayed home. I was kinda expecting something to happen this year, it always does, but I guess what hurt more than anything was my mom's comments. She and my grandmother have both had hysterectomies. So they should understand what I am going through. Maybe they are just too old to remember lol.

[hblueeyes]

Sounds alot like my family. I just blow them off. You have a husband and kids. Do what makes YOUR family happy. Why put yourself and them through the stress and aggrevation for people who could care less. My oldest sis always had Christmas. We went once and my hubby was not treated well. I said something even though he was not my hubby at the time. Next year we were married and nothing changed. I again said something but the next year we did our own thing. My other sis had thanksgiving and it was the same. So we stopped going. My family does not like my hubby. Some of it may be me because they just adore any hoe my brother brings. They thought his wife was so great but she turned out to be a piece of work. So, we just do our own thing. Started our own traditions and have great holidays at home. We did go to my sis house before christmas to spend time and exchange gifts. Hubby worked so usually did not come but he was always made to feel like he was not wanted. This year he is not working so we will not go. If you cannot accept my hubby after 24 years then poo poo to you. One nice thing is, my brother is having thanksgiving at his house so my Mom and her hubby will not be around so my family can relax and enjoy like we always did.

Good luck and concern yourself with those that matter most. Your hubby and kids.

me

[gmyers]

I feel the way you do my family doesn't like my husband either. If they can't like him after 25 years then we'll do our own thing at home too. Families can drive you nuts sometime if you let them.

[okie]

Sounds alot like my family. I just blow them off. You have a husband and kids. Do what makes YOUR family happy. Why put yourself and them through the stress and aggrevation for people who could care less. My oldest sis always had Christmas. We went once and my hubby was not treated well. I said something even though he was not my hubby at the time. Next year we were married and nothing changed. I again said something but the next year we did our own thing. My other sis had thanksgiving and it was the same. So we stopped going. My family does not like my hubby. Some of it may be me because they just adore any hoe my brother brings. They thought his wife was so great but she turned out to be a piece of work. So, we just do our own thing. Started our own traditions and have great holidays at home. We did go to my sis house before christmas to spend time and exchange gifts. Hubby worked so usually did not come but he was always made to feel like he was not wanted. This year he is not working so we will not go. If you cannot accept my hubby after 24 years then poo poo to you. One nice thing is, my brother is having thanksgiving at his house so my Mom and her hubby will not be around so my family can relax and enjoy like we always did.

Good luck and concern yourself with those that matter most. Your hubby and kids.

me


Our family can be the same way. If they don't like you then they are either rude or totally ignore you. Which is wrong on the holidays. I've seen it happen alot with some of my brother's girlfriends. Then he got married( luckily he divorced her) and even though I didn't like her I still tried to be nice. Heck, I'm even nice to my sister's husband and I really can't stand him. My brother's wife( at the time) and my sister's husband both have a child from a previous marriage and my mom wasn't going to get them gifts but she had bought alot stuff for my son, my daughter wasn't born yet. I told her that even though they weren't her grandchildren they were still apart of the family and that they were only kids. So don't take it out on them because she hates who my siblings were with.

[mirage7000]

I really feel for you! Couple of nuts in my family. Brothers second wife is totally bonkers in my mind and everyone elses. He has lost so many friends. Traveled from Buffalo Ny to Virginia for a Thanksgiving about 5 years ago. Still a nightmare for me and my parents. The jerk was so rude. Had my mom in tears. One thing was she wouldn't lift a finger to help with the dinner and sat in front of the stove. Had to ask her to move everytime to check the turkey. Blasted music when my parents were sleeping. Went out with her friends and was telling about some guy kissing up her arm. I could write a book on what she did that weekend. Takes me an aweful lot to tell someone off but I did. Oh yes and too she is in her 40's. You might think she is young or something. Haven't spoke to her since. Just feel so bad for my brother but I guess he takes it. His one friend was right that she only wanted a green card. She is from Scotland.

[ttistin]

I am so sorry you are going through this. To us the holidays is about being with loved ones, and family. BUT if they are going to treat you wrong and with no respect then I say stay home and enjoy yourself. Start your own little thing that makes you happy. That is the most important thing is staying happy and without stress. Good luck on your surgery.

[okie]

I am so sorry you are going through this. To us the holidays is about being with loved ones, and family. BUT if they are going to treat you wrong and with no respect then I say stay home and enjoy yourself. Start your own little thing that makes you happy. That is the most important thing is staying happy and without stress. Good luck on your surgery.

I hadn't really thought about the stress they would cause me. It probably would be a good idea to just stay home. I'm diabetic and when I get stressed my blood sugar goes up. Not something that I want right before surgery. Mine isn't controlled by meds only diet so it is hard to keep it down. I think that I will just take the time and stay home and relax(haha), get stuff done and spend time with my true family. I was actually shocked when she said what she did. She had been real supportive. My husband has actually been the one person who has been truely supportive and that kinda shocked me because he's a man and doesn't sometimes get the whole female thing.

[NCMOM]

LOL whewwww...what a story...come up for air on that one. wow

[ssgjeg]

I've given up being offended by my family. Thank God I live far away so they can't try to suck me into all the drama.

Personally, if I were you, I'd just stop associating altogether. Make them call you or stop by. I don't have long distance to call so my mother calls me about once a month and talks for about an hour and never asks me about her grandchildren. It let me know where I stand with her. Whether I'm important enough for her to remember. Maybe you should try that and just see how long they will go before they call and then see what they want to talk about. I'll bet it's only them and their lives and they don't even ask about yours.

[ahippiechic]

I've given up being offended by my family. Thank God I live far away so they can't try to suck me into all the drama.

Personally, if I were you, I'd just stop associating altogether. Make them call you or stop by. I don't have long distance to call so my mother calls me about once a month and talks for about an hour and never asks me about her grandchildren. It let me know where I stand with her. Whether I'm important enough for her to remember. Maybe you should try that and just see how long they will go before they call and then see what they want to talk about. I'll bet it's only them and their lives and they don't even ask about yours.

Yep, same here. There ARE benefits to living about 1900 miles from your family, lol!

[okie]

I've given up being offended by my family. Thank God I live far away so they can't try to suck me into all the drama.

Personally, if I were you, I'd just stop associating altogether. Make them call you or stop by. I don't have long distance to call so my mother calls me about once a month and talks for about an hour and never asks me about her grandchildren. It let me know where I stand with her. Whether I'm important enough for her to remember. Maybe you should try that and just see how long they will go before they call and then see what they want to talk about. I'll bet it's only them and their lives and they don't even ask about yours.

I actually did that right before I turned 18. I moved to another city where my boyfriend at the time lived. She had now idea how to get in contact with me. It took her a year to try and find out where I was and how I was doing. She never found me. I guess she figured I was working in fast food since that is what I had been doing. So I think she called all the restaurants and asked if I worked there. Luckily, the manager on duty at the time knew a little about my past with her. We were actually good friends and she told her that I didn't work there. Not that she could have told her anyway. My grandparents never tried to find me. If they really wanted to find me though, my dad knew where I was and all she had to do was ask him.

I have thought about ceasing contact with them again just because I am tired of all the drama.

[okie]

Yep, same here. There ARE benefits to living about 1900 miles from your family, lol!

If my husband didn't have such a good job then I would move out of state. That is something else that I have thought about doing.

[JustDoIt]

Wow, I really feel for you. I have planty of jerks in the family here too, and refuse to be a hypocrite and grace them with my presence at Christmas. I'm planning on staying home and making it a special day for me, my SO, my son and my Mom. Start a new tradition, KWIM?

Christmas is a time to be happy, so do what makes you happy. Good luck with the surgery too.

[Mary_Jo3]

You can pick your friends but not your family.
Take it easy, stay home where you are surrounded with love and no added stress. And keep us up to date after your surgery.
Good luck.

[iluvmybaby]

Come over to my house for Thanksgiving, if you can stand the insanity you are more then welcome.

[tough guy]

I try and keep away from family these days and esp. holidays. They drive me nuts. And thank goodness we live away from most of them. There are some that would ruin it for the rest of us!!
Its easier to be home and do our own thing.


Happy Holidays to ya:)

[okie]

Come over to my house for Thanksgiving, if you can stand the insanity you are more then welcome.


Can't be worse than the insanity around here!


You can pick your friends but not your family.
Take it easy, stay home where you are surrounded with love and no added stress. And keep us up to date after your surgery.
Good luck.


I will, it may be a few weeks later though.

[chyna123]

Its hard to get anything done around family when holidays come around....so I decided a couple years ago that I wasnt going to fool with anyone else and do my own dinners at home and have been doing it the past 3 years and they have all turned out wonderful!