OMG!! What do I do?!

[ilikefree]

Days like this I wonder why I am a stay-at-home mom. I don't like dealing with the bad stuff while hubby is at work. My kids got up for school this morning and the older one, who is 14, told me he didn't feel good. The last time my younger son said that I sent him to school anyway and he ended up getting sick in school. So I told Justin he could stay home today after I made sure he didn't have a test or something.

I took Ryan to school and came home. About 9:15 the phone rang. It was the high school principal. Not a good sign. She wanted to know if Justin told us what he and his friend Jacob did. She told them a couple days ago that they were supposed to go home and tell their parents and have us call the school to talk to her. Justin never told us and Jacob never told his dad (he's divorced).

Seems last spring they were in the band practice room and got on the computers. They recorded themselves saying a whole bunch of nasty things, cussing really bad words, saying how the one wanted to make quadruplets with another of their classmates (male) and how one wanted to sleep with a female classmate's really heavy mom. It went on and on and on. I didn't even finish listening to the rest of it. The band teacher found this and took it to the principal, who called the 2 boys into her office early this week. She told me that the looks on their faces when she confronted them with it was total shock. Jacob said that he thought they erased it. Well, why record it to begin with?! I haven't said anything to Justin yet. I don't know what to do. He is normally a good kid and is never in trouble and gets good grades. I'll wait till dh gets home and tell him what went on and see what he thinks. I told the principal to do whatever needs to be done to him at school. She mentioned an in-school-suspension and being banned from the computers. I would like suggestions about what we should do here at home. I've never had to punish him for something on such as big scale as this before. He's had his video games and tv taken away before, but that was for small things, never something like this. HELP!!!

[freeby4me]

Wow. At home huh. Well I would probably ground him from any and all extra curricular activities until after the new year (at least) I would probably strip him of any video games, phone priviledges, computer time TOTALLY. No friends or anything.

Definately start the punishment as soon as he gets home but wait for talking to him until after DH gets home and you both decide what to do.

[JKATHERINE]

It stinks that he did that, but I'm not sure how severely I'd punish him now given the fact that it seems to have happened quite a while ago. I'm not saying don't discipline him at all, I just wouldn't go crazy with it. You could also use this as a good time to talk to him about how badly something like that could have hurt the feelings of the classmate/s that they were talking so badly about. I know that if my mom were heavy/ugly/handicapped (whatever kids like to make fun of these days) and I heard a recording of some of my peers making fun of her, I'd be terribly hurt. Since he's such a good kid, I'd use this experience as one to learn from and let the school deal with most of the "discipline."

[MsLynn]

if he's usually a good kid, i'd probably go kind hard on him, let him know right now that any futher offenses won't be tolerated. If you go light on him he might think "well that wasn't so bad" and do something else. JUST MY OPINION BEFORE ANYONE FLAMES ME... but only you know your son and how you think he might react to any kind of punishment light or severe.

good luck

[freeby4me]

if he's usually a good kid, i'd probably go kind hard on him, let him know right now that any futher offenses won't be tolerated. If you go light on him he might think "well that wasn't so bad" and do something else. JUST MY OPINION BEFORE ANYONE FLAMES ME... but only you know your son and how you think he might react to any kind of punishment light or severe.

good luck

HOW DARE YOU.....DONT YOU THINK.....LOL Sorrry, i couldnt help it....:bouquet of course that sounds like a good idea, most of the time with good kids, one nice big scare is usually what does the trick!!

[cabby92]

Kids do and say stupid things. They did it with each other, not to anyone that might have been hurt by it (like the classmate with the heavy mother) and thought they had erased. Yeah, it was stupid, but they didn't harm anyone or anything. It sounds to me like they were stretching their testosterone wings. I remember how cool it felt to swear at 13 when no parents were around.

I'd have a long heart to heart with him, explain your feelings and tell him some of the things that could have happened had it gone any further. Maybe ground him for the weekend.

I really don't think they did anything that unusual for a couple of dumb kids. I have a 15 year old son and he does things without thinking and I just wonder **why?**.

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

#1 The school should have called you right then and there in front of your child. What makes them think "go tell mom and dad " That they will. But my God, last spring?

#2 I know kids can be mean,but it does seem like they were joking and thought they erased it, why tape it? TO WATCH THEMSELVES BEING DUMB-DUMBS..come on quadruplets with a male friend? (lol,sorry) Cussing? Thats all about the right of passage so to speak, you know "I cuss in front of my friends so I'm cool."

just let him know,it was in poor taste and at school no less. I would go light on the punishment.Maybe he was scared to tell you?

[taz69]

I would talk to DH, and then decide on punishment. I think the fact that he was supposed to come home and tell you, but didn't, should be considered too. He made a dumb mistake, but then he didn't come home and own up to it like he should have. I agree with Mslynn-go a bit hard on him, so he knows he won't be able to get away with it.

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

I would talk to DH, and then decide on punishment. I think the fact that he was supposed to come home and tell you, but didn't, should be considered too. He made a dumb mistake, but then he didn't come home and own up to it like he should have. I agree with Mslynn-go a bit hard on him, so he knows he won't be able to get away with it.


oh, I didn't add that in...add an extra something to punishment. Or, just let him know a weekly report from school to see how he's doing is in effect

[Shann]

I have to agree with JKat, Cabby and Davesbabydoll. They were just kids being dumb and the fact that it happened last spring is a long time ago.

That was really dumb on the school's part about telling the boys to tell their parents what happened... it was a long time ago, maybe they didn't really remember what they said, and it seems like they were just having fun were not aiming it towards anyone to really hurt them.

[Kyla Kym]

First off take a deep breath and remind yourself that most young teen boys probably act that way when we aren't looking, especially when they are around other boys their own age. They act that way because their friends do. They think it's cool, and they don't want to be labeled as a dork or pansy or whatever.

I still remember how shocked I was to pick up the phone one day and hear my son talking nasty to some girl his age. He was like 12 at the time. I couldn't believe my little sweet innocent boy was asking a girl what she wanted him to do to her! :yikes At the time I was totally disgusted and outraged at his behavior. From that day on he wasn't allowed to talk on the phone outside or with his bedroom door closed.

I gave him a good talking to as well. I told him what if it would have been that girls mom that had picked up the phone and over heard you saying that to her daughter?! I also told him how trashy he was acting and that might be impressive to his peers, but it's not to adults and if they find out then they would always remember how he acted, and think badly about him for it. Of course knowing me I probably just kept ranting at him about it for awhile.

But you know what, when he got on up in years If I picked up the phone and heard him and some of his other friends talking, those boys were talking worse than mine ever thought about talking. He's friends are what is considered the good boys that don't drink, smoke or do drugs. But boy do they have a mouth on them on the phone. In person they are just as sweet and polite as the day is long. :D

The whole point I'm trying to make is I think most boys talk smack to impress their peers, and it's really not that big of a deal. It's only words. It could be something really worth getting upset over like stealing, drugs or drinking. So if I was you, I would just give him a good (I mean business) talking to, then tell his dad so he can tell him a thing or to. Then if the punishment at school isn't to terrible I would let that be his punishment. Then I would tell this is his one free pass at home for talking nasty, if it happens again then we will make make sure you are punished here at home as well.

For me the threats of future punishment, seemed to work better than the actual punishment did sometimes. Like the time my son kept missing the school bus on purpose so I would have to make the hour drive to take him there myself. I got sick of it, and told him if it ever happened again that I was going to not just let him out at the gate, I was going to drive through the gate (because you can at his school, which is right in the middle of the school yard where all the kids hang out until the bell rings) anyway I said I'm going to drive right through the middle of the school yard with my windows rolled down and start hollering out my window "LOOK EVERYONE, MY LITTLE BUCK-A-ROO BOBBY ***** HAS ARRIVED FOR SCHOOL!". :D regardless to say, he never again missed the bus like that. ;)
Let us know how it goes. :)

[earnhardt1]

imo i would not freak out over something that happened almost a year ago.. and im sure if he is a good kid he is sorry and maybe he "forgot" to tell mom...

[ilikefree]

#1 The school should have called you right then and there in front of your child. What makes them think "go tell mom and dad " That they will. But my God, last spring?

I guess I should have mentioned that yes, this did take place last spring, but they had a different band director then and the new band director didn't find it till recently.

You guys sure make me feel better. I just couldn't get over the fact that I heard all that stuff come out of my baby boy's mouth. He doesn't disrespect us at home. Well, at least not dh or me. His little brother is a different story. He doesn't cuss at him or anything (believe me, Ryan would sure tell me if he did!) but he is just always picking on him and stuff.

[WVCindy]

:drama Bash me I don't care BUT, he's a boy they really don't have alot going on up stairs at this age. If this is the worst thing he ever does then THANK GOD!!!!! It's like they are brain dead or something, I have a 15 yr old and he drives me nuts with STUPID crap like this. I think you have already punished him by letting him kow that you know about it:busted how embarrasing was that for him lol. Good luck and remember that they are airheads at this age.

[DrGrin]

For me the threats of future punishment, seemed to work better than the actual punishment did sometimes. Like the time my son kept missing the school bus on purpose so I would have to make the hour drive to take him there myself. I got sick of it, and told him if it ever happened again that I was going to not just let him out at the gate, I was going to drive through the gate (because you can at his school, which is right in the middle of the school yard where all the kids hang out until the bell rings) anyway I said I'm going to drive right through the middle of the school yard with my windows rolled down and start hollering out my window "LOOK EVERYONE, MY LITTLE BUCK-A-ROO BOBBY ***** HAS ARRIVED FOR SCHOOL!". :D regardless to say, he never again missed the bus like that. ;)
Let us know how it goes. :)

:rolling

You're as bad as my friend who threatened her son with sending him to school in his PJs for the day because the bus had to wait on him to get down their driveway almost every morning. WTG mom!!

[YankeeMary]

I haven't read all responses but will shortly, but wanted to add...if that is the worse your child ever does then you are lucky. I would tell him I don't appreciate his language and really don't appreciate him not telling you, but truthfully, I wouldn't do much more than that. I hate the saying, Boys will be boys, but darnit, boys will be boys. Just be thankful he didn't threaten anyone, that could have been alot worse. Congrats on being a good mom, you know you are being a good mom if this is the first time he has been in trouble. I wish you the best and to your son.

[ahippiechic]

Kids do and say stupid things. They did it with each other, not to anyone that might have been hurt by it (like the classmate with the heavy mother) and thought they had erased. Yeah, it was stupid, but they didn't harm anyone or anything. It sounds to me like they were stretching their testosterone wings. I remember how cool it felt to swear at 13 when no parents were around.

I'd have a long heart to heart with him, explain your feelings and tell him some of the things that could have happened had it gone any further. Maybe ground him for the weekend.

I really don't think they did anything that unusual for a couple of dumb kids. I have a 15 year old son and he does things without thinking and I just wonder **why?**.

Yeah, what she said, lol! I'd also be talking to him about owning up to things. And I think the school should have called yoiu anyway and not relied on him to tell you.