whatever
04-10-2007, 05:11 PM
got this in a email and really made me laugh!!;) And the slogan: HAVE A HAPPY PERIOD, IS QUITE FRANKLY LAME! A guy had to come up with that, Am i right:rolleyes:
AN OPEN LETTER TO
MR. JAMES THATCHER,
BRAND MANAGER,
PROCTER & GAMBLE.
February 6, 2007
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads
for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their
features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(TM) or
Dri-Weave(TM) absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly
steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to
be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being
the only company smart enough to realize how crucial
it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting
right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call "an
inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human
body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division,
you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what
exactly happens during your customers' monthly
visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about
the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and
out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a
tough time for most women. In fact, only last week,
my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove
her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman
Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The
point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in
capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my
letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank
out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and
there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
words: "Have a Happy Period."
Are you f**king kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness-actual
smiling, laughing happiness-is possible during a
menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound
the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI,
unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl,
there will never be anything "happy" about a day in
which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a
hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in
a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your
head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic
message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense
to say something that's actually pertinent, like
"Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is
Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in
monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one
minute miss your brand of condescending bulls**t.
And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
AN OPEN LETTER TO
MR. JAMES THATCHER,
BRAND MANAGER,
PROCTER & GAMBLE.
February 6, 2007
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads
for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their
features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(TM) or
Dri-Weave(TM) absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly
steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to
be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being
the only company smart enough to realize how crucial
it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting
right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
forces violently surging through my body. Just a few
minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call "an
inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human
body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division,
you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what
exactly happens during your customers' monthly
visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about
the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and
out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a
tough time for most women. In fact, only last week,
my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove
her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman
Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The
point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in
capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my
letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank
out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and
there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
words: "Have a Happy Period."
Are you f**king kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness-actual
smiling, laughing happiness-is possible during a
menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound
the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI,
unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl,
there will never be anything "happy" about a day in
which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a
hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in
a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your
head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic
message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense
to say something that's actually pertinent, like
"Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is
Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in
monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one
minute miss your brand of condescending bulls**t.
And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX