Am I just a baby or do I have a reason to be pissy??

[Tenaaa]

I have been a member of this board for awhile and I hardly ever post, but I really need some way to get this off my chest. My birthday was yesterday it has been the same date now for 35 years. I have a father but he left when I was 4 and I wasn't expecting any card or anything from him because I never got anything (and again I got nothing) no big deal like I said I wasn't expecting it. My Mother on the other hand raised me. She is 60 miles from me about a 45 minute drive. For her Birthday I ALWAYS make a cake, drive the 60 miles, give her a gift and a card with money in it mind you. EVERY YEAR!!!!
Ok so it was Tuesday and I was on the phone with my sister and my mom is in the back ground saying tell her I will be thinking of her tomorrow which would be wednesday, NOT my birthday....I told her that and she said OPPS!!
Well I was a little ticked off, my mom not remembering the day I was born. Then I thought ok, she had the dates messed up....no biggy. Well my birthday came, I check the mail....no CARD, no NOTHING!! I wait all day waiting for her to call me, finally 10 pm I am getting ready to go to bed and she calls. "Just wanted to say Happy Birthday, Bye" WTH??? I have gone out of my way all the time to please this woman and she says happy birthday bye!!! ugggggggg I want to scream. I think of all the mothers out there who have lost their daughters and would give anything to send them a card. Maybe I am just being sappy as she would say but mannn I am at my wits end with her. So this year for her birthday, should I do the same??? Drop to her level?? Or say screw it and let this one roll off my shoulders too?? Any comments are welcome...good or bad...

[tngirl]

In my opinion, when it is time for her birthday, do the same as you always do. But do it with the same sincerity that you have always done and not in spite.

I remember the first time that my mother forgot my birthday....it was a very hurtful day. I even called her that evening....I really couldn't believe that she had forgotten her child's birthday. She never mentioned it and at the end of the conversation before I hung up, I reminded her. Her response, "Is it? I forgot" and she went on to talk about something else and never even said Happy Birthday. I cried myself to sleep that night....a grown woman with children of her own broken hearted because her mother forgot the day. It actually still hurts to this day and I still cannot understand how she could forget....it wasn't the last time she forgot either.

Now my mother isn't "here".....in body she is but not mentally. Now I have to deal with the fact that she will probably never remember another of my birthdays. I just deal with the fact that as we get older there are some things in life that just do not warrant so much attention any longer. My children are grown now but I still remember their birthdays and hope that I always will....but who is to say I will not get to that point of where the birthday of my grown children will not hold the importance to me that it once did.

Continue to love your mother and show her how important she is to you by remembering her birthday and showing her how you feel. Just don't hold it against her that she forgot yours because it will only lead to bitterness and more hurt feelings and will accomplish naught.

[JKATHERINE]

Well put, Roberta. I agree. Mother's aren't perfect, but we only get one, so love her and value her and forgive her when she messes up. I'm just at the beginning of my journey of motherhood and hate to think of the mistakes I will undoubtedly make along the road. Happy Belated Birthday.

[catssass]

Maybe they are planning a surprise party? I'd wait till Monday just to be sure...


.... I actually forgot my anniversary TODAY (27 yrs.) and DH couldn't believe it....lol

[Bliss]

Yep, even mothers make mistakes & forget certain things. Like the others said, I would overlook it.

[ahippiechic]

I'm sure my feelings would be hurt if that happened. But I wouldn't base what you do for HER bday, on her forgetting yours. Just do what you feel good about doing.

[jada1989]

I am sorry that happend Tenaaa, I would freak if my mom forgot mine. I just wanna say >>>>>>>>>>>Happy Belated Birthday To You, Happy Belated Birthday To You, Happy Belated Birthday Dear Tenaaa!!!! Happy Birthday To You.!.!.!.!.!.!.! And Many Moooorrrrreeee!!!!!!

[janelle]

HAHA it got to the point with my mother and me that she would just tell me how old I was gonna be on my next birthday. If I was going to be 30 she would say I was 30 about six months before my birthday. Well, I never paid attention to her birthday either. Just another day. My sister would do something for both of us on our birthdays and that was that.

We just didn't care to celebrate our birthdays. Yuck. Ya know?

Maybe you can take her out for dinner and celebrate your birthdays together. Where is it written you can't buy a gift for yourself? Take her shopping, get her a little gift and also buy something for yourself. Maybe she will offer to pay but don't expect it. Say and this is for me for my birthday. If she says something like it is wrong, then say well you like to give yourself a gift sometimes. Who doesn't? :confused:

[Shann]

maybe she has had a little bit of memory loss.. I know we all have those times.. or maybe it's early signs of alzheimer's? I'm sure you don't want to hear that, but it could be a possibility. If it makes you feel any better my dad forgets my birthday all the time :rolleyes:

[NoFoolPrice]

In my opinion, when it is time for her birthday, do the same as you always do. But do it with the same sincerity that you have always done and not in spite.

I remember the first time that my mother forgot my birthday....it was a very hurtful day. I even called her that evening....I really couldn't believe that she had forgotten her child's birthday. She never mentioned it and at the end of the conversation before I hung up, I reminded her. Her response, "Is it? I forgot" and she went on to talk about something else and never even said Happy Birthday. I cried myself to sleep that night....a grown woman with children of her own broken hearted because her mother forgot the day. It actually still hurts to this day and I still cannot understand how she could forget....it wasn't the last time she forgot either.

Now my mother isn't "here".....in body she is but not mentally. Now I have to deal with the fact that she will probably never remember another of my birthdays. I just deal with the fact that as we get older there are some things in life that just do not warrant so much attention any longer. My children are grown now but I still remember their birthdays and hope that I always will....but who is to say I will not get to that point of where the birthday of my grown children will not hold the importance to me that it once did.

Continue to love your mother and show her how important she is to you by remembering her birthday and showing her how you feel. Just don't hold it against her that she forgot yours because it will only lead to bitterness and more hurt feelings and will accomplish naught.
What she said! Really well said, tngirl! My biggest regrets in life are not being the bigger person and forgiving and forgetting what I considered wrongdoing by people no longer here to forgive. To Tenaaa and tngirl - HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!

[Tenaaa]

Thank you all for the replies. I wrote this thread very upset with my mother and I am so glad I didn't call her prior to reading your comments. I would have faught with her and been more miserable then I was.

Anyway, I decided tngirl is right, I shouldn't become her....I should stay myself and keep being happy go lucky me. I will give her a nice birthday as I have for many years. At least this way, I know that if anything ever happens to her, I did everything for her I could while she is here, I will have no regrets.

I do know one thing though...I will NEVER EVER treat my daughter the way I have been treated, so I guess my mother has taught me a wonderful lesson without even trying.

Again thank you all for responding and for the belated birthday wishes it meant a lot to the very sad little girl inside me :) :)

Happy Birthday to you tngirl, whenever it may be :)

[iluvmybaby]

Happy Belated Birthday, we at BBF love you, hope that your mom remembers next year :)

[tngirl]

My birthday is in April....but as old as I am getting I now try to forget about it....lol And happy birthday to you too....I forgot to mention that earlier. I am glad you feel better.

[Freebeemom]

That totally stinks. I would be very hurt if my mother forgot my birthday. Have you just talked to her about it? I don't care what people say, no matter how old you are, it is always nice to hear from those you love on your birthday!

(((hugs)))

[hblueeyes]

My Mom is great in some ways and terrible in others. I do not recall getting a card since I was 18. When I was 26, I was scheduled to have surgery on my birthday. My sis stopped as she was a nurse at the hospital but when my Mom walked in the room behind her, I just knew I was gonna die. The surgery must have been more serious then I thought why else would my Mom be there. She never went to anything when I was a kid.She never came by any place I lived so to see her was quite a shock.

I am glad to see you are taking the high road. If that is the only problem you have with your Mom consider yourself blessed.

me

[ang in NC]

Sorry you had a bad day. I have heard of Mothers forgetting their kids b-day, I just don't know.

[UROCgirl]

That is really sad your mom forgot your birthday. I hope I don't forget anyone's birthday. There are so many to remember sometimes, all the sudden, I feel a panic and think "I know I am forgetting someones birthday!" I have to check the calendar and birthdayalarm.com. My children are only 9 and 2 and I have not forgot yet.

When people forget my birthday I feel sad, but then I think life is crazy busy for everyone so maybe next year they will remember, especially when I do remember theirs, again and again.

I am glad you are feeling better, I am sure she feels bad/embarrassed about it.

One of my friends got engaged and set a wedding date. When she called her mom to tell her all her mom said was "Tell Ron I said good job." then her mom abruptly ended the conservation. My friend was devastated! Her mom did not say congratulations, do you need help planning the wedding?, I happy for you. Nothing you would think a mom would say. She had a hard time with her mom just saying "good job" what kind of comment is that anyway? Her mom did not even go to the wedding, reception, send a gift, nothing but a card. Her mom did live 16 hours away and had been divorced for a few years so obviously had her own issues. My friend still goes to visit her mom to have her meet her new husband although she did forget to send her a mothers day card and she felt really bad about it and she did call her mom. She just realized she can't depend on her mom but still loves her and realizes she has her own problems to deal with.

I try to be there for her especially since she can't count on her mom. I told her when she has a baby I am comming to stay with her for a week to help cuz I know her mom won't and I LOVE babies and my friend. They are trying but are having to go the invetro route. I pray it works they want a baby so bad and I want more than anything for them to be happy and have their baby.

Good luck with your mom and keep the people close who you know you can depend on. You can't pick your family but you can pick your friends.