I cant stand my daughter boyfriend :(

[cyberrat]

been a long time since i posted on these board but i needed to vent somewhere before i explode. Grant it my daughter is 20 and old enough to make her own decisions. But the fact that she is seeing this guy just makes me physically ill.

she has know him for a while they went to school together. back then she would not even have given the guy a second look. but since she has run it to looses at ever turn. she finally decided to take up with another one AHAHA!!

he is in college but will be lucky graduate, he has no car, no job, and probally will never amount to anything. My mom let her live in a small house she owns rent free and now the looser is living there. and my mom will not say a word about it. I want him out but can make it happen with out my moms support because the house is not mine.

I feel he is using my daughter, she has a job, and doing good college. I dont think this guy cares about ever amounting to anything. He has wormed his self into her life by being the nice guy, a real Duce Biglow if you ask me.

every time i see him my blood pressure hits the roof and i want to scream get a job or get out.

hes only been around for a little over a month and i find myself ploting his demise at every turn. how in the world can i deal with this that doesnt include large does of prozac and a tazer to zap him with

[Julie2763]

I feel for you. I have a 20 year old daughter too. Luckily, after almost 3 years, she has finally gotten rid of her loser boyfriend. He did have a job and a car but he was very childish and very inconsiderate. He threatens her because she won't come around. All you can really do is just be there for her. She will have to figure out that he is no good on her own. Good luck.

Julie

[firechic]

I know how you feel. But take it from experience, don't fight her too hard. It will just push her more in his direction.

[Freebeemom]

Believe me, I am going through this with both of my sisters. One is 20, the other is older and married.

This guy that my younger sis is dating is so not good for her. He has even given her an std and has told her that she is not worth anything to anyone because of this.

Ugh...All you can do is wait. Let her figure it out for herself. Otherwise, it will never change. Don't push, or she will never make the decision on her own.

[Blondiex46]

yep me to with both of my daughters, well I think so anyway.

My 24 year old has this BF who seems nice enough, she gets preg. (due May 22), well it turns out that he has a big of an anger problem AND collects knives and swords (hanging on the walls). Told my daughter and actually her father that I want them down, they don't think it is a problem. He is/was supposed to go to counseling for anger management, well got a new job and well you know the drill. My daughter will be fine, just am watching that situation, told her she could move home, but she just left in july, got preg in aug, started a nu job 2 months ago...My other daughter is 28 has a child of course and not sure if it is him that is controlling or her that makes the decisions, but we buy things for x-mas and my kids and even her god child got nothing. The communication is almost nil from her end. We don't talk everything I say is "wrong" and I was tired of walking on eggshells with her, plus she doesn't like how I raised her (was strict). Not sweating it tho, she knows where I am if she needs me I will be there, told her as much. Good luck!!

[dlwt]

I was about the same age when I had a loser boyfriend, my Mom and I had many huge fights over this which to me made me want to keep him longer because I WOULD SHOW HER. It was killing me but I did.
She has to learn on her own, I would tolerate it say he doesnt treat you right or whatever but its her decisions after that and you dont want her to be with him longer just to show you are wrong.
Good luck, your daughter sounds very smart she will figure it out rather quickly I would imagine

[hblueeyes]

My sis is in her 50s and makes over 80K a year part time. She has a home in Hawaii where she lives with her deadbeat hubby. They have been married over 10 years. He had a job for 2 months when they first moved to Hawaii but has been unemployed since. He is an accountant yet cannot get a job but he does not want one. My sis got him an apartment on the island so as to make it easier for him to find work. This guy is cheap to the bone and now my sis is too. She used to be very giving and generous. He hit her with a car while in the early days of a golf vacation. Her leg and back were black and purle and he made her walk the course as not to spend money on a cart. They waited til after the vacation before seeing a doctor as to not to spend more out of pocket expenses on an out of network doctor. (I think he tried to kill her). This guy is such a creap, a jerk, so much so that their neighbors at the house beat him up. Now he is suing. Something is wrong when 4 different neighbors kick your arse. I think this is the real reason for the apartment.

She is an adult and it is her business. People can only treat you and get away with what you allow them too. I think it has to do with control. She has it all and he is such a huge slob, over 400 pounds. Her ex hubby is a great guy but had an affair. I thiink this is the hidden reason.

Me :p

edited to add:

I agree to keep your feeling to yourself or she will become defensive of him and their relationship. Choose your words wisely if you must say something but let her know you are watching and will be there for her if she needs you.

Me :p

[buttrfli]

I agree with everyone else... as hard as it is to sit back and watch your kids make a mistake, thats probably what you are going to have to do. Shes going to have to learn the hard way about some men. :(

[jada1989]

I just have to say "Tough Love" I once remember a time when I was a younger girl who did not want to listen to any thing anybody told me , I am now 30 and boy , I wish that I wouldve listened!!! :eek:

[Buslady469]

I don't have much to say here...I was married at 19 to a loser, who beat the snot out of me....who didn't work, and I think that he slept with everything that had 2 legs!!! We got divorced in 1995, just this past June (2005), I saw him for the 1st time in 10 years...things were not so good in my marriage now, and I ran off with the ex-husband, knowing that my family would not be happy about it. I was gone for 3-1/2 months, when I woke up one morning, got ready for work, and the loser, took a swing at me with a ceramic cookie sheet., and when I told him that I waas going to leave ,and go back home, he told me that he was going to kill me. the loser, wrecked my car and totaled it, and I had NOTHING!!!!!!!!!! Keep in mind in the 3-1/2 months that I was gone, my husband and I got divorced,(September 2005) Through all of this, my family was not speaking to me, and I REFUSED to let them think that they were going ot run my life at 32 years of age....Now, looking back, I was an idiot....I am very lucky though, the man that I was married to, and divorced in Sept. drove 3 hours, picked me up, and we got re-married in October 2005..we were only divorced for 6 weeks...and my family still treats me like dirt!!!!!

So, whatever you do, don't lose communtication with your daughter, ALWAYS let her know that you will be there for her, you may not like her decisions, but she is your daughter, and you love her!

I have to tell my family that!!!! This was my decision, and had nothing to do with anyone but me. In my families eyes, that makes me self centered, but you know....since me and the husband got remarried, things between us could have never been better, and to hell with my family!!!!!!

Good luck with you daughter!!!!!

[Donnagg123]

Okay, it sounds to me as if you do not care for the guy but your daughter does. It also sounds to me like they are happy together, you are just upset because you feel he is not good enough for your daughter no matter what. In fact, it seems you are not happy with anyone she has dated because you called them all "loosers". You are just upset that he does not have a job or potential in your mind, right?

But the thing is, it is her life. They are happy together. You cannot force who you think she should be with on her. It seems like you will just be beating your head against a brick wall and ostracizing your daughter in the process if you try to force them not to be together or plot to get rid of him.

If he is in college then wait till he graduates before you make a judgement on him. A lot of guys in college are very immature (I ought to know I have several in my classes :)). That does not mean they will not be a good provider or treat your daughter like crap. You did not say if he beats her or mistreats her. So give him an chance, and like others said he will be out of the picture probably before long if he is that much of a loser. She got rid of all the others, right? :D

[Bliss]

You have to allow your daughter to live her life, she's an adult. This is not meant to sound mean, The problem a lot of parents have is they love to meddle in their children's life's, and think they can control who their children date, or marry & every aspect of their child's life. They want to have control over their child's life like they did when they were younger. Parents have to give their child room to grow, make mistakes, and live.

You can talk to your daughter, chances are she's not going to hear anything you say. I wouldn't barge into her life demanding she do this, that or the other because YOU do not like the man. It will be you who she'll become extremely upset with for interfering in her private life. She'll still have the man by her side..She will not get rid of him until she see's something is wrong...

[Juli67]

Let her make her own mistakes she will learn from them.

[cpbaby]

My sister has a history of picking "loosers". One beat her, but she DID wise up in time to get rid of him. The current looser is her husband and is a TOTAL looser. She met through his mother(her co-worker) while he was in prison, he got out, moved straight in with her, they got pregnant, had my neice, got married, he got put BACK into prison when my sister was 7 months preg with my nephew, talked her OUT of getting the scheduled tubal since he wasnt there to "watch his son being born", got back out of prison and now doesnt work because he is "disabled". Funny how his disability only acts up when shes had enough of him drinking her check up and her and the kids doing with out so she cant leave him while hes sick and in the hospital.


I try to be supportive without inviting too much conversation about him. To me, that is asking how he is and that is IT. I dont ask what hes doing or where he is sleeping(LONG story). If she gets tired of it, she will leave and I will do everything I can when that happens. Until then, there is nothing I can do so she lives the way she has chosen.


Im certain this guy isnt good enough for your daughter, but, like my sister, she has chosen him. There is nothing you can do but be there for her when the relationship ends.

[cyberrat]

I just have to say "Tough Love" I once remember a time when I was a younger girl who did not want to listen to any thing anybody told me , I am now 30 and boy , I wish that I wouldve listened!!! :eek:


i like your idea and that is exactly they way i feel. yesterday I had the credit card taken away form my daughter I will have no part in helping her with car repair or food as long as that looser is getting free rent!! Donnagg123 of course he is happy being there, free food.

I feel that if you are supporting you children then there are rules to be followed and shacking up with a bum will not be tolorate she wants to date him fine but we will not help he keep her duce biglow that is for sure

the other nite he had a shirt on that said For Sale and then he made the statement that he needed to get rid of it cause my daughter had already bought him AHAHAH I said ya she must have found him in the bargan bin and needed to make a return

[Donnagg123]

yesterday I had the credit card taken away form my daughter I will have no part in helping her with car repair or food as long as that looser is getting free rent!! Donnagg123 of course he is happy being there, free food.

Yeah, but who are you hurting in the process, the "loser" or your daughter? Is trying to get rid of him worth losing your daughter as well? Think of it that way. I am not saying you have to like him, but the fact that your daughter chose him means you should at least try to tolerate him. If he has only been there a month, it does not sound like that is enough time to get to know him.

[queenangie]

Well, the more you make negative comments about the bad BF,
the close it will push your DD towards him.

*wink wink* Use Psychology here.

She'll have to learn. Certainly is difficult being a Mom sometimes.

What is that old saying, "Gotta kiss a few frogs to find the prince!"

[Blondiex46]

Although my daughter is not talking to me and she gave no one gifts on our side of the family or saw anyone over the holidays unless they went to her, my feeling is something is just not right. I told her that I will always be here if she needed anything and that still goes. I love her but I don't agree with what she is doing. I didn't raise her to be the way she is being BUT I don't know what is going on behind closed doors. I would rather think that he is being controlling,etc then it is her purposly hurting the people who live her. So I will keep my distance but will let her know that I am here, just in case. This happened to my daughter the last time she was in a relationship and she never told anyone and he kept her away from anyone. Now you can say "how can someone do anything they don't want to do" believe me from experience it happens. The last time I just hired a PI to find her cause no body knew where she was and she showed up in essence, called someone, and he left her for another girl, actually cheated on her and they were engaged. My daughter just wants to be loved and accepted and is going about it the wrong way. My suggestion would be do not close all the doors, she needs someone and somebody has to be her soft place to fall and who better but her mom. You don't have to like all of the choices that she makes, but we all have to make mistakes and some of us has have to find out the hard way. Hang in there. Tell her that you love her and are there for her..

[stickers]

What is he like besides those faults?

I have many friends that the woman works and the man takes care of the home, they do very well that way and the dads do great.