PDA

View Full Version : HELP! I need advice!!



belleofpa
12-26-2005, 03:20 PM
My husbands brothers 3 oldest kids are living with his parents and have been since September when school started. This has been an ongoing problem ever since I met my SO 2 1/2 years ago. Every time we turn around he is sending these kids to his parents to live.
He is remarried to this scanky beeeotch and has 2 more kids with her that he keeps at home. They are 1 and I think going on 3.
The oldest three are 14 girl,12 girl and 9 boy.
Everytime he does happen to come around, these kids start to act out, get depressed and so on.
What really bit the big one this time is that we found out he spent over $400.00 on the younger 2 kids for X-mas and "forgot" to get anything for the older three.
He just quit his job, so like always mommy and daddy to the rescue. They gave him $200.00 to pick up their christmas layaway which they both thought had things in it for the older kids as well. NOT!!
Ralph and I went on Dec. 22nd and spent $300.00 which we didnt have to make sure these kids had a christmas. The youngest one actually spent christmas eve and day with us just so Santa would come see him. The older two dont believe anymore, and I wanted to make sure the little boy had a nice Christmas.
Hubby's parents live in a very cramped home. And I do mean VERY! They are in thier 60's and although they are still healthy, I dont feel it is right that they are raising these kids. Useless (the father) doesnt give them (his parents)a dime to help support them. If they need anything its my SO and I that try to see to it that they have it.
I am just SOOOO freaking pissed off. I cried half the day yesterday asking myself... how could a father do this to his own kids??
My thing is, should I go out on a limb and talk to child services? Do we have any chance in hell of getting custody of these 3 kids?
He (thier father) even told his mom that she would have them until they graduated from school!!

We dont have the money to hire an attorney right now but, I need all the help and support I can get.
I'm at my wits end and I'm tired of watching these 3 kids suffer because thier father is a total jerk.

Thanks for any help you can give me.

melissar
12-26-2005, 06:03 PM
I reread and reread and never noticed if you stated where these kid's biological mother is at. The whole circumstance sounds very frustrating and i feel for the kids.

Have you asked the grandparents how they feel about taking care of the kids? How are the kids behavior, report cards etc when they are living with the grandparents...I believe that this is the first factor to figure when deciding on what to do..

belleofpa
12-26-2005, 06:54 PM
I reread and reread and never noticed if you stated where these kid's biological mother is at. The whole circumstance sounds very frustrating and i feel for the kids.

Have you asked the grandparents how they feel about taking care of the kids? How are the kids behavior, report cards etc when they are living with the grandparents...I believe that this is the first factor to figure when deciding on what to do..


Their biological mother skipped out on them LONG ago. The grandparents love them but as my MIL has said, she raised her kids and doesnt want to raise them.
Their report cards etc are really good when at the grandparents.

tommyjo
12-26-2005, 07:08 PM
may i suggest that it isnt the father as musch as the stepmother? she is making his life hell if +their+ kids arent the focus. she is (possibly) insisting that they are ignored.

Bliss
12-26-2005, 07:58 PM
Pretty pathetic to abandon his own children for his current wife and her children. It sounds like he's taking lessons from his ex-wife.

tracey74
12-26-2005, 10:15 PM
well your inlaws and you and DH need to go talk to someone at children services and tell them you want to take them legally if possible and that the inlaws and yourself including have bee taking care of these kids emotionally and financially and their father cant even be bothered to come visit them.if their dad isnt working then is their stepmom? if not where are the getting money to raise the other 2 they have at home? Id see if I could go thru the child services to have them put into your custody if thats what you want to do.some states of course dont give family first rights but then again most states rather have the kids with family.Id do whatever i had to do to give these kids a better life.do you think tho if you talk to child services that they will look into the father and his new wife? and how they take care of the other 2 children? to me what your BIL did is abandonement.and he should get whats coming to him if he cant stand up to his wife and make his children come first then hes a loser and will one day hopefully regret it.maybe you have a family law master in your area that you can get a free consult with that can inform you of what you can do legally.I feel sorry for these kids being juggled around.people that do this to their kids need hung by thier bullocks or shot IMO

Dooberz121
12-27-2005, 12:25 AM
Hmmmmm, tough call. Child youth services is no joke. I used them on my ex in a custody battle. Even when it is supposedly over, they show at school, home, grandparents etc., They watch whomever gains custody like hawks for bout a year. It may be different in PA but, you must prove him beyond a doubt that he is unfit. They will say there is nothing wrong leaving kids with grandparents as long as they're fed, schooled, clean, clothed, unabused etc. This is his right as custodial Father. This is a big ole can of worms. Step carefully. What they gonna do with all their income tax money from all those children? Maybe hire an attorney to battle you? Timing, patience and research is of the essance before you make your move. Best of luck to you n hubby. So sorry for the kids........

melissar
12-27-2005, 08:00 AM
may i suggest that it isnt the father as musch as the stepmother? she is making his life hell if +their+ kids arent the focus. she is (possibly) insisting that they are ignored.

Hello... he is a grown man... and is responsible for his own actions.. If his current wife "is" insisting they be ignored he needs to step up to the plate and state that they are his kids.... Alot of men and i am not saying all men because my hubby is a great father and would never skip out on his kids if we were ever divorced... He however wouldn't fight for custody....(not like we have ever discussed it... we have clearly seen other couples and how they have handled the situation and he has stated how could any man ever do that to his kids...




So like others have stated getting custody of these three kids is somewhat scary... Did you state that you have only been with your friend for 2 and a half years... Are you ready for the committment for taking these three kids on if something should happen to your relationship... I would think about it really well before jumping into this situation...

I however do commend you for thinking of taking on such a situation...

belleofpa
12-27-2005, 10:20 AM
may i suggest that it isnt the father as musch as the stepmother? she is making his life hell if +their+ kids arent the focus. she is (possibly) insisting that they are ignored.

Oh, we all know this. The older 3 were fine at home until the b*tch got pregnant, it was after the birth of the first one that she went nuts.

I sent him (their father) out a letter in the mail today. I first had my mother in law, father in law and husband read it.
They all agreed with what I said in it. (that he is a no good worthless piece of ****)
We are just waiting to see what he will do now.

Dooberz121
12-27-2005, 09:23 PM
Belle,
All that have posted in regard, feel your anguish. Although you are understandably angry, I must agree with an earlier post in regard to your time in this relationship. This is his luggage. Are ya ready for the long haul??? Also, not to hurt your feelings but, it doesn't mean a fly on a doggies privies that you sent letters and all agreed with you. What will matter is, in court and, who will show on your behalf without, being ordered to testify. Once again........ Best o' Luck!

DAVESBABYDOLL
12-28-2005, 05:37 AM
HHmmmm, IMO, I wouldn't have sent a letter saying he is crap..you are wanting to gain or seek custody right? Do you think he will let you if you piss him off? No matter how you feel,keep it in (talk to hubby and in-laws)until what ever you do is complete. If I wanted custody,I would just basically ask "hey,mom and dad are cramped for space,getting older,how about you sign kids over to me?"

belleofpa
12-29-2005, 09:45 AM
Belle,
All that have posted in regard, feel your anguish. Although you are understandably angry, I must agree with an earlier post in regard to your time in this relationship. This is his luggage. Are ya ready for the long haul??? Also, not to hurt your feelings but, it doesn't mean a fly on a doggies privies that you sent letters and all agreed with you. What will matter is, in court and, who will show on your behalf without, being ordered to testify. Once again........ Best o' Luck!

I have been married to this idiots brother for a year and a half. Yes, I'm in it for the long haul. I'm not a child, I'm in my 40's.
Everyone in his family agree's that he is a waste of oxygen and that the best part of him dripped down his dads leg.

belleofpa
12-29-2005, 04:25 PM
OMG! I've had it. :mad:
My husbands parents just went and got that worthless piece of sh*t a new vehicle!! What are they thinking? Its not bad enough that they are raising 3 of his kids but, they go and get a car for him knowing that he doesnt even have a freaking job to pay for it!! :confused:

Thats it, I'm out of it from now on.

freeplease
12-29-2005, 05:09 PM
It sounds like your inlaws are in it for the misery. Some parents just can't get past the fact that their kids are worthless. I have a mother/brother thing like that in my family. I had to let it go just to retain my sanity. I figure it will add years to my life. lol

butteryfly830
12-29-2005, 06:43 PM
Man I hate to say this, but the way your in-laws are acting, I really think if it went to court, they would side with your brother in-law. They seem to be thinking he can do no wrong, otherwise, why would they continue to support him in so many ways? I would tread carefully if I were you, it is a shame that these 3 children are the ones who have to suffer. Keep us posted on how things are going....

belleofpa
12-29-2005, 09:35 PM
Man I hate to say this, but the way your in-laws are acting, I really think if it went to court, they would side with your brother in-law. They seem to be thinking he can do no wrong, otherwise, why would they continue to support him in so many ways? I would tread carefully if I were you, it is a shame that these 3 children are the ones who have to suffer. Keep us posted on how things are going....

I told my husband tonight that I think his parents are going senile. He agree's and we are done wasting out time on the whole thing.
If his parents can't see what a user and useless creature they have as a son, then who are we to do anything about it?

Wanna hear another good one? We just found out that the one child he has at home with him was put into the hospital for foot and mouth disease!
I'm no Dr., so I looked it up on web md. From what I can gather, its caused from being dirty and unsanitary. :eek:
Of course they can't clean their house, it was the older 3 kids that did everything when they were there!!
My daughter told me that she thinks the hospital has to notify child services. Does anyone else know if this is true? Gawd, I hope so. That would be one thing in our favor.
You're are right. It is a shame that these older 3 kids have to suffer because of this.

belleofpa
12-29-2005, 09:36 PM
It sounds like your inlaws are in it for the misery. Some parents just can't get past the fact that their kids are worthless. I have a mother/brother thing like that in my family. I had to let it go just to retain my sanity. I figure it will add years to my life. lol

I hear you! :)