if you have boys.. you know that this is a whine... lol

[sahmsfreeb]

i can attest to 5 of these... scary...



RAISING BOYS:

a. For those with no children - this is totally hysterical! b. For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. c. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. d. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. e. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...

Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a
4 year old boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

25. Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

[starduster31]

OMG, that is so true !!! thanks for posting this, i needed the laugh !!!

[Tisky67]

So true, so true.

I needed a good laugh , thank you.

[hblueeyes]

I have seen this before, a long time ago, when my kids were younger. I laughed then and am laughing now, along with a few, I remember that.

Let me add:

It is dangerous to put a stretch armstrong in the freezer and then the micrwave. It causes a mess and some serious burns too.

You wake up immediately from a deep sleep when you here, "Oh my God. Get in the tub quick and then you hear the water running. (From stretch armstrong exploding)

When stretch Armstrong expodes if you don't get the stuff off the walls quickly it will peel paint and paneling later.

If you have a small chunk of glass gone from your TV screen, (dont know from what or how still) stretch armstrong gunk makes a great filler that is very hard to see.

Me :p

[NotSoLucky]

ROFL...Thank you so much, as a mother of a 10 yr and a 3 yr old boy I really needed this laugh today.... :)

[lisarae]

Im only about half laughing. I have 5 year old boy, so I know alot of this is still to come!!!

[usascs]

my expeience with boys
You can not put a frog or snake in your overall pockets and expect it to live. exapecially thru the wash.

yes you should encourage your childs imagination but be prepared for a phone call from the highschool guidance counsler asking you to come in to discuss your sons latest english assignment. you get there, and they tell you your son needs therapy. why you ask, then they slide this 10 page sci fi story that your child composed and ask you to read it. Personally you think it is a masterpeice and should be submitted to some where like x files or maybe sent to stephen king. when you shake your head laughing and say thats just my child using his imagination, they ask if you want therapy cause no normal child could write something so out there. ok ok yes my child was abducted by aliens. and I see nothing wrong with this assignment, he obviuosly worked very hard and put a lot of time into it. and the teacher did say to use your imagination.

just wait till they get my youngest son

[Bubblescc]

LMBO!! I have two boys, anyone wnat them!!lol Just teasin they are crazy at times but cant imagine my life without them.

[mlayton1994]

this is so funny. I dont have kids but, I do have two nieces and a nephew. So I am going to add the story that my brother told me what his son did to him. (I hope that is ok).

Do not expect a 2yr old boy to sit there and play with his toys outside while you are painting. He will get in the paint. My nephew got in the paint and put two hand prints on the other side of his mother's car before daddy realized he was being a little too quite.

Realize that paint thinner does not only get paint that the child put on the car. It will also take all the paint off the car.

This is coming from a man who is quite intelligent. What men will do to get out of trouble with their wives. LOL.

Ok sorry I just had to add that.

Thanks for the post.

[Starlady01]

I know the feeling
( a few more)

Pogo sticks and hardwood floors don't get along with each other.

My son was doing the "PB & J" sandwiches thing before the commercials show began and it didn't work then and still doesn't in the VCR.

When they came out with Parental control remote controls I learned that they really do work , Controled all my tv watching. If you don't know the code the kid used back then you had to wait 24 hours for it to release itself.

Good idea to know exacly how many eggs you have on hand and what color they are just incase another parent shows up at your house to complain about eggs on there house,car ect. ( comes in handy with more then one boy in the neighborhood)

If you hear a crash be assured that it is something you had since childhood and or an antique yes boys will throw balls ect in the house no matter how many times you have warned them not to or how many times they have broken something.

You can take a huge dog with a leash and skates and the dog will pull a boy all over the neighborhood. ( P.S Not all dogs know what the word stop halt ect means and boy(s) will come home with lots of scrapes)

A new one if a neighbor complains about Fire extingers being sprayed on car check yours ( not this time he's older now :D )

If you find a cup, bowl ect with a mixer you don't Recognize it's better to throw it out then to try and clean it.

If you leave microwave popcorn in the mirowave for extended amount of time it will catch on fire and pour smoke.

[DonnaWV]

May I add some?

Cats do not like to be put in the comode with the lid shut, after someone has used it.
Make sure the bathroom door is shut before lifting the lid, or you will be cleaning ALL the house.

[VALENA-)45]

Thanks for the laughs. my 3 boys are grown and have kids of their own. I will have to tell my dils, to read this. I thank god, microwave ovens were not out when i had my sons, or i would have needed to buy stock in somebodies company.

[eeyore329]

will popcorn really burn and pour smoke???

cats in the potty...........LOL

my kids are 6, 8, and 10 with the oldest being boys and they youngest thinking she is 1/2 of the time..............

alot of these are so true and WONDERFUL birth control or warnings.........

[Momtothree]

Good idea to know exacly how many eggs you have on hand I agree with you hear.

It's good to know how many eggs you have so when your 3 year old broke them looking for the baby chicks you can find all of them to clean them up.

Bubble Bath in the toilet does not flush down, it spews all over the bathroom floor in a plethra of stinky bubbles.

That was awesome. As a mother of two of the most wonderful boys in the world. I know exactly were you are all coming from.
(especially with the ceiling fan) LOL

[Starlady01]

Well I know this bag did I'm not sure how many mins he had it on had to of been a bunch tho.

Well the egg thing was because some of the other kids egged a house on the next block and the guy came to my house , I just happen to know how many eggs I had because I was about to go shopping. And the egg shell was brown I use white eggs. My son was there I think maybe one day I may find out the truth. :D
On the subject of eggs I can't remember how many eggs he broke over the years. I learned that if you put salt on an egg it is easier to clean up.


(( o what am I taking about my son never did a thing, I can't think of one thing he acturally did)) :D
Not my angel

[luvangel72]

Another reason you need to know how many eggs you have is because when the kids decide to put them all over the house (under pillows, wrapped in blankets, in couch cushions, behind the chair on the furnace vent) trying to keep them warm so they will hatch, you know how many you need to find before someone sits on them! And that wasn't even my boy..it was my girls! So girls can be just as much fun...!lol

[tmseese]

If you hear your little guys say HURRY mom is coming! you got reason to be worried.
My set of twins at 3yrs old got the lid of a galloon bleach and poured it all over are laundry waiting to be washed. My husband was the laugh of work for months wearing bleached stain clothes. You cant afford to just run and buy new stuff.
We let are oldest have pet mice, until he kept letting them out everywhere and we had to catch them. Oh, and no they cant survive a was cycle in the wash machine. Imagine my surprize, when I went to put clothes in the dryer! I'm sure the neighbors heard me scream.
And if you put a tube of superglue in your pants pocket to hide it and forget about it. You finally have to tell the truth when you can't get your jeans off. Thats right. the tube open and stuck My childs jeans to his flesh! we cut his jeans off of him. Now picture this a little 5yr old standing there in his undies with a pocket still attached it took hours to get it off and it was painful I'm sure. Oh the joys of raising boys!!

[Starlady01]

If you leave a bottle of bubble bath next to the tub and don't keep it under control with child he will use the entire bottle of bubble bath at one time, and the tub will over flow with bubbles. It was over flow or splashing.
My son once stuck out the window and went to his friends house when I went to check up on him I found that the bed looked funny so I moved the covers and found that nothing was there but covers and I had to go out in the middle of the night to find him.


There are a few others things that I perfer not to say. :D

[LuvBigRip]

Sanitary Pads make great stickers...I found them everywhere.

Tampons 'splode in the toilet

If it has batteries and is adult in nature, your child WILL find it. :o

Never ever mention something needing to be done around the "but I just wanted to help Mom" child. I had 1/2" of soap and water on my hardwood floor my DD mopped.

[usascs]

It is not funny to drop a glass of choclate milk so that it hits the ceiling (my ceilings in the kitchen are just under 7'). and then laugh when the dog licks it off the ceiling.

and as for the sanitary pads they are not elbow and knee pads while you are roller blading.

[notjust925]

Kids,Ya just gotta love'em.
I LOVE YOU,STEPHIE AND D.J.

[rschiffler]

ROFL !!! I'm so thankful I have girls!

Thanks everyone for giving me a good laugh.

[mlayton1994]

I dont have children but, I do have nieces in a nephew. Here is the story my mom told me.

Be specific when telling a child something. For ex. When Lauren asked my mom if she could go outside to play with her friends (it was right at dinner time). My mom told her that she could not go out that door and play with her friends. Well dinner time came around and my mom couldnt find lauren. She found her. Right outside. Lauren informed my mom (her grandmother) she just told her that she could not go out that door to play with her friends (the front door) so she went out the back door instead. LOL. She was not being smart to my mom she was just pointed out the obvious.

[mirage7000]

Gee I'm having a terrible time trying to figure out who gave me the hardest time! My daughter or my son? Yikes! I am so happy to be a gramma now! Wow this all brought back some amazing memories! I could write a book! :eek: