Husband and I fight battle with 4 1/2 year old son

[jalex]

Since about a week or so, our dinner table is not quiet anymore. It is driving me INSANE!!!. Our 4 1/2 year old son won't try anything I cooked unless it is chicken nuggets, bread (any kind) with butter and any kind of belony, cheese, Milk and of course anything that does not look healthy.
My husband is now at the point where he says he has to eat what we are cooking and there will be no more "extra" food for Ty (our son).
But for the last couple of days there is only screaming and crying going on. Husband threats child with taking the toys away. Ty has been going to bed around dinner time now for 2 days because he refuses to even try the food. I also think that Ty needs to eat what we cook, but how do you get your child to eat if he even refuses to try it? So, I am again in the middle. My husband wants noting to do with making him something different to eat (and I am tending more to that) but how can you teach the leasson?
Tyler eats his Breakfast (Cereal, bread with peanut butter or any kind of lunch meat, cheese) and Lunch (we cook in the evening, since hubby is working all day). So, Ty will never be hungry enough to "want" to eat what I am cooking....
I can't starve the child.....so, does anybody have any suggestions? I tried making the food look "fun", but that does not work either
Thanks

[Kelsey1224]

You won't starve your child if he misses a few dinners. I think your husband is right. (Heck...even Supernanny said the same thing.)

Stop making dinner time a battlefield. Put food on the table...give your son a deadline of when he needs to complete it...then take away the food. If you are firm and consistant, he will come around.

Also, make sure you limit any late afternoon snacks. Personally, I think a small snack in the afternoon is a good thing, just make sure it isn't too close to dinner.

If we all ate correctly, our breakfast meal would be our main meal anyway with dinner (evening meal) being the lightest meal of the day.

[buttrfli]

You won't starve your child if he misses a few dinners. I think your husband is right. (Heck...even Supernanny said the same thing.)

Stop making dinner time a battlefield. Put food on the table...give your son a deadline of when he needs to complete it...then take away the food. If you are firm and consistant, he will come around.

Also, make sure you limit any late afternoon snacks. Personally, I think a small snack in the afternoon is a good thing, just make sure it isn't too close to dinner.

If we all ate correctly, our breakfast meal would be our main meal anyway with dinner (evening meal) being the lightest meal of the day.


ITA :)

[ahippiechic]

My 4 year old DD would live on microwave Mac & cheese and hot dogs if I'd let her. Sometimes it IS a battle to get her to try something different. I started eliminating her afternoon snack so she would be hungrier at dinnertime, that didn't work very well. So I started telling her she could have the mac & cheese IF she tried everything else on her plate 1st. That's worked pretty well for us. At 1st she would only barely taste the other stuff, but now she'll eat quite a bit if it and sometimes she doesn't even want the mac & cheese after she's eaten the other stuff. She's discovered she likes a lot of new stuff this way.

[jalex]

You won't starve your child if he misses a few dinners. I think your husband is right. (Heck...even Supernanny said the same thing.)

Stop making dinner time a battlefield. Put food on the table...give your son a deadline of when he needs to complete it...then take away the food. If you are firm and consistant, he will come around.

Also, make sure you limit any late afternoon snacks. Personally, I think a small snack in the afternoon is a good thing, just make sure it isn't too close to dinner.

If we all ate correctly, our breakfast meal would be our main meal anyway with dinner (evening meal) being the lightest meal of the day.


Thanks for your imput :)

Yesterday I told our son that he will sit infront of the food until he eats it or until it is bed time.....he sat there until it was bed time!

And I think I will continue that....because when my husband and I are done eating, we will go upstairs, watch TV and he has to keep sitting there. It is just nerve wracking because he screams for hours!!! I mean hours...and then he will keep waking up throughout the night, crying and screaming again.

Right now, he does not even get a snack at all, but he does not care....I know he will not starve if he does not eat dinner, but he also won't be hungry if he eats lunch and breakfast....

[jalex]

My 4 year old DD would live on microwave Mac & cheese and hot dogs if I'd let her. Sometimes it IS a battle to get her to try something different. I started eliminating her afternoon snack so she would be hungrier at dinnertime, that didn't work very well. So I started telling her she could have the mac & cheese IF she tried everything else on her plate 1st. That's worked pretty well for us. At 1st she would only barely taste the other stuff, but now she'll eat quite a bit if it and sometimes she doesn't even want the mac & cheese after she's eaten the other stuff. She's discovered she likes a lot of new stuff this way.


That sounds good!
I will make something he likes with every meal and he will get to eat it After he tried our food. I am just afraid that he will be soo stubborn, that, even if he would like it, he will refuse it anyways...just to make his point...YUP, he is THAT stubborn.....
:eek:

[lassss]

a few suggestions:

try to give him a lighter lunch so he will be hungry by dinner time

ask him what he would like for dinner (besides chicken nuggets) and have him help you make dinner, maybe that will get him to eat it

tell him it is ice cream night(or whatever his fav treat is) but only if he eats and finishes his dinner

gooood luck

[jalex]

a few suggestions:

try to give him a lighter lunch so he will be hungry by dinner time

ask him what he would like for dinner (besides chicken nuggets) and have him help you make dinner, maybe that will get him to eat it

tell him it is ice cream night(or whatever his fav treat is) but only if he eats and finishes his dinner

gooood luck


Thanks...
besides the helping me to make dinner, I have tried it all.

It is a matter of fact that my husbands birthday was on Tuesday and my son and I made a birthday cake he really wanted to try. But we told him he can't have any before he eats his dinner...well, he deceided he rather does not have cake.....


Thank you for the suggestions.... :)

[iowakat]

I don't think I'd make him sit at the table until bedtime. That just makes it hard on everyone. Set a time limit - 20 minutes or so - and after that clean off the table. I agree with a lot of the other suggestions, like limiting snacks, etc. I especially like the one about involving him in meal prep.

[bribella]

I know what you are going through. My 6 yr old is very picky and always has been.

I guess I just have a different take on it. To me it is just food and it's not a big deal. I know that everyone likes different things. I have always made Austin his separate meals. For the first 4 yrs of his life he only liked chicken nuggets, hot dogs, pasta, rice and raw carrots.

I do give him other things that he may or may not try. I know that he will eventually try other things. I don't make it an issue at all, as long as he eats and is healthy and gets his daily multi vitamin I am not going to do anything different.

And it has worked so far he now has expanded his likes to ham, fish, bacon, tuna patties, potatoes, corn, apples, bananas, pizza. Still cannot get him to eat red meat and he swears up and down he is a vegetarian LOL! at 6 yrs old.

He sees his pediatrician often and his a happy and healthy child.

[cinnamonch]

What you have to understand is that it isnt so much the different foods as it is the texture of the foods. Most kids wont eat red meat because of that fact.

Why not let him continue to have his cheese sandwich? Its probably a lot healthier than other things and just give him a piece of fruit with it. Also, have him just take a small taste of whatever it is you have cooked so he can see what it is like and go from there.

[jalex]

Again, I want to thank all of you for your help

If it was for me, i would not care as much either, but my husband has a different outlook on these things. That is the reason why I am looking for a solution, so we can meet in the middle.
But I am also worried that he will never eat vegetables or fruits ( I know a couple of people who still won't try them). And Hubby and I love both....
I guess I will try to talk to my hubby about these solutions you kind people have provided me with, and we can see on which one we both can agree...

Thanks for your help

[ahippiechic]

Kaitlyn doesn't like many cooked veggies but she loves them raw. When have our picnics that's what she asks for, sliced fruit and veggies and dip.

[schsa]

Ok, speaking from personal experience, I would outwait my parents on anything that they wanted me to eat and I wouldn't. I don't know how picky an eater I was but I know that I won the battle. I could hold out for hours rather than eat something that would make me gag. I agree with one bite of everything and then you can have what you want. If I got one pea I would have been much more cooperative than a spoonful. It's a good way to introduce new foods without making every meal a battlefield.

[renagade]

Let me tell you from one person who was made to sit at the table until they ate all their food. I resented my parents for that and I have never forgot the trauma it caused me. My dad was one who ruled the roost and your plate was filled by him and you ate it all or else. I still have a rough relationship with him and guess I always will. When I had kids I fixed them whatever they wanted to eat and I made hubby & I what we wanted. Took a little more time but it was worth it. My kids grew up to be heathly adults with no problems. I think you need to talk with your spouse and explain he is causing problems that will fester and put a wall between him and his son years later. I would hope he would care enough to try and go a different way. Good Luck.

[Willow]

I don't believe in forcing kids to eat. It just causes bad eating habits down the road. I grew up with a very mean step father and suppertime was not a good experience most of the time. I can remember gagging on spinache because he would make us eat it. My son is a very picky eater but I will not tell him he has to eat certain things. I just can't do that.

[justme23]

I think you should go w/ what Kelsey or hippie said -- I can tell you from experience of a child and being told to eat what was on my plate or 1. don't get up or 2. have it for breakfast. I can't say I was traumatized by it... but I definitely won that stubborn battle... there's still aLOT I won't eat. I'm not much for trying new things, either. Maybe if my parents had gone the route of some of the suggestions above I'd be more willing to do it... but that stubbornness is kind of ingrained now -- and it takes quite a bit of strength w/in myself to force new things.

Good luck in whatever you do -- this is definitely something I am NOT looking forward to as a parent... ((((hugz)))) and patience goin your way.

[stresseater]

I tend to agree with your husband. DD was like this when I got her(age7) she had lived a life of pop tarts and happy meals. I don't think she even knew what a veggie was. I stayed with it(no snacks, sit till you have eaten some of everything,no desert untill it's gone. Eventually she decided it was easier to eat it. DD#2, now 9 is past all this. She use to have problems trying new things but she too finally got over it and discovered that there is a lot of stuff out there that she likes. Now she'll try anything. My DS ,now7, is that way with a lot of things and we are doing the same thing. He too will finally figure it out. Good luck. :D

[one_angel]

I know I am re-stating a lot of what others has said...

I took a nutrition class for educators and research says that younger children go on eating "jags" where they only want to eat one to four things over and over. It sounds like your son is a little out of the age-range, but if one would think of it, I even go on "jags" sometimes when only a few things sound the best to eat.

Anyway, I go with the idea that he helps you prepare dinner. I recently read an article that said picky eaters are more likely to eat something that they have made because they are proud of it and have some "ownership" of the meal.

The others' idea of letting him have one food item that he loves if he tries the other things is a great idea. Just watch forcing him to eat nuts and peas and red fruit/veggies. Of course everyone knows that nut allergies are common but peas are too for some reason. I was allergic to red things as a child, and I would break out into hives. Yuk.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[VenuStar]

Around here with all the nieces and nephews as well as mine, the rule is...you have to take one bite of the food per each year of age (the older ones hate it but they do it and end up liking it).

[nightrider127]

Try not to worry about it, Jalex. A lot of kids, including our son went through a phase like that. With Randy, it was pancakes with butter and syrup and a glass of milk and that was it. If we went out to eat, we would have to make sure that the restuarant we were going to had pancakes on the menu. Otherwise, Randy would not eat.

Your son will come around, trust me. Our son did. That pancake eating kid has turned into a very healthy, 6'2", 190 pound man.

And may I add that he is downright handsome :D

[Hillbilly]

I know what you are going through. My 6 yr old is very picky and always has been.

I guess I just have a different take on it. To me it is just food and it's not a big deal. I know that everyone likes different things. I have always made Austin his separate meals. For the first 4 yrs of his life he only liked chicken nuggets, hot dogs, pasta, rice and raw carrots.

I do give him other things that he may or may not try. I know that he will eventually try other things. I don't make it an issue at all, as long as he eats and is healthy and gets his daily multi vitamin I am not going to do anything different.

And it has worked so far he now has expanded his likes to ham, fish, bacon, tuna patties, potatoes, corn, apples, bananas, pizza. Still cannot get him to eat red meat and he swears up and down he is a vegetarian LOL! at 6 yrs old.

He sees his pediatrician often and his a happy and healthy child. That is how we did with our son.He started out being really picky and I had to fix him something he would eat or he wouldn't eat.I couldn't stand the thought of him being hungry.Eventually he came around and tried new things.Now he eats very well and we don't have that problem anymore.I think with time,your son will eventually come around to try new things.I hope so anyway. :)

[*lilo*]

when i was little if i didnt eat what my mom made, oh well i waited until the next day to eat. my son is picky, and i force him to try new things. the other day i was eating pierogies and asked him to try some. he refused, so i was like well here try some of the mashed potatos from inside of it, he liked it. then i told him the outside was a noodle. dont you know later that night he asked me for 'mashed potatoe cheese noodles' LOL.

[andreame70]

I have a little man who used to be very picky as well.
<-------------------------There is his pic, I use it as my icon. Nash was one of those who seemed to live on peanut butter sandwiches and waffles with peanut butter and syrup, LOL. Sometimes, he would eat very little and sometimes nothing at all, no matter what we tried.

It took him a while to start trying new things, but he eventually did and now he loves fruits and he will actually choose a salad over anything else. Sometimes when we go out to eat, the waitresses go into shock because he will flat out ask them if they serve a salad.

I was concerned about the way he ate when he was younger, so I talked to his doctor about it. The doc told me to quit worrying about how often or how much he ate, just to make sure that when he did eat, it was nutritious.

I don't think you need to worry about it too much, a child will eat when they are hungry. We as a society put too much emphasis on eating. As long as what he eats gives him the nutrition he needs, then it will be okay. If he is not ready to accept new things and try a variety, what harm is there in letting him eat what he likes, it sounds like most of it is good for him.

Andrea