need advice for my sister

[crystalbug]

My sister left her husband, she brought her daughter and her stuff and moved in with our mother. She contacted her husband and he wanted to spend some time with their daughter so she let him take her with the promise he would bring her back on Wednesday well he didnt and when she called him he said he wasnt bringing her back.There is no court order or divorce decree as they just split up recently. She is now living in Ky and he lives in Cincinnati. Would the police help her get her daughter or will they have to take it to court or what. My sister called legal aid but they havent called her back yet. I thought she was making a big mistake when she let him take her but it is their marriage and none of my business. I just feel sorry for her because she is going nuts worrying about her daughter. any advice would be appreciated. Jackie

[bribella]

I could be wrong but IMO since there is no divorce decree, court order, custody order ect. And they are both her legal parents the both have custody and until it gets to court either one can take (no one has anymore right to their daughter than the other)

I could be wrong and i am sure someone will come along and correct me if I am LOL!

[cpbaby]

FIRST, contact a lawyer IMMEDIATELY! Then file for custody asap. Normally, the parent with physical custody(WHEN THERE ISNT A CUSTODY ORDER IN PLACE) is considered to "have cstody" so she needs that YESTERDAY.

She REALLY needs to talk to a lawyer. I know things have changed since my divorce in 1990. I do remember from way back then that its very difficult to get a custody order served in another state. What I mean is, I was awarded custody in KY, my EX-H got custody in GA. The KY courts wouldnt uphold the GA order since I had physical custody of my son and my order was from here.


Something to consider, if he tries to use the baby for leverage to get your sister to come back, unless there was physical abuse, she might want to. At least long enough to escape with the baby again. Its not nice BUT that is one way to get her daughter back.

[tracey74]

what bribella said is true and he can keep his daughter for up to 6 months until a court hearing can be issued(whichever comes first) since neither one has full custody(more or less) by the courts then there isnt much they can do.verbal agreements now adays dont go far.but she needs to get ahold of a lawyer asap legal aid sucks no offense but she could wait up to a yr before she gets help from them especially if its a state that has a waiting list. so if he wants to take her out of the U.S he can legally nothing she can do.sucks I know.but I'd say he's doing this to prove he can and will do it.also he's probably doing it to scare her into coming back maybe? I'm not sure what their situation is but most men do these things to try to get their wife back or to show they are in charge.(power trip kinda thing) she can call the police but I doubt they'd do anything.good luck hope he brings her little girl back I'd be lost without my kids

[bribella]

i dont know what their situation is like either and I realize the mother misses her daughter terribly but I would like to think that the little girls father probably was missing her just as much her mom does.

I know my children are my husbands whole world and he hates to be away from them.

[purplerose23]

There is alot of great and correct advice here. He is the biological father and is allowed to keep her as well. BUT....I would call a lawyer ASAP!!!!!! I would get the custody papers going now and fight to get her back.

ALSO, important question...how old did you say the daughter was? IF she is old enough in your state's laws, she is able to justify for herself where she would like to stay! That may help also and I would look into that as well if I were her..............


We wish her well and will keep our fingers crossed for her daughter to come home! (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))

[*lilo*]

I could be wrong but IMO since there is no divorce decree, court order, custody order ect. And they are both her legal parents the both have custody and until it gets to court either one can take (no one has anymore right to their daughter than the other)

I could be wrong and i am sure someone will come along and correct me if I am LOL!


you are 100% correct. i went through this about a year and half ago. you need the child back with you to get custody(well file for it), provided he's lived in ohio for 6 months or more. if he hasnt then the child is considered a resident of the last state he lived in. your sisters husband CAN NOT FILE CRAP IN OHIO UNTIL HE HAS LIVED THERE FOR ATLEAST 6 MONTHS, i know this for a fact(i was living in ohio when all my crap went down and couldnt file crap cuz iwasnt there for 6 months yet). if you have any questions on ohio's laws on this pm me as i know some of the laws there.

[buttrfli]

My DD's ex did the something similar. If her ex has a history of abuse, your sister can go get a PO for her and her DD ... then he has to let her DD go back to her. DON'T do this unles there is abuse.. filing a false PO is very bad.. and it will come back on her.

I don't know if this is a state specified option or not, but in Oklahoma, you can go down and file a temp order of custody. That will giver your sister custody unitl a hearing.

I agree with the others tho.. unless there is a court order, nothing can be done. :( hopefully he is doing this out of love for the baby, and not for revenge. Dads have just as much right as moms do and love their kids just as much (some dads anyhow)

[*lilo*]

oh another thing, just realized you said your sister is now living in KY she needs to find out the residency laws there ASAP!

[YankeeMary]

The first files, generally wins...unless there is abuse from either side.
If she has only lived in KY for a short while she might not be able to file for divorce there until she has lived there for 6 months, (varies state to state). In Ohio, it is (was) 6 months when I got my divorce. If she is just missing the child and isn't in fear for the childs well being then I would say she is lucky considering all the deranged people out there now. Hopefully, he will tire of being a "single" parent and come to his senses (if he has any) and bring that baby back. I hope all works out for your sister, I am sure she is heart broken and devistated. She has my prayers.

[nosamiam]

How old is the child? just curious.

[BabyDolla]

Why does there always have to be ONE parent that has total custody? I can understand if one of the parents has done stuff, etc, but I am sick of the courts thinking that just because a woman gave birth to the child, she is the better parent. Shoot my son is 100 times a better parent then his son's mom. However here in SC they always give the child to the mom. Stupid. Without the man there wouldn't be a child. I get so frustrated about this whenever I hear it. I won't go into detail about their problems, I could write a book. There should be mandatory shared custody if neither parent is abusive and such.

[buttrfli]

Why does there always have to be ONE parent that has total custody? I can understand if one of the parents has done stuff, etc, but I am sick of the courts thinking that just because a woman gave birth to the child, she is the better parent. Shoot my son is 100 times a better parent then his son's mom. However here in SC they always give the child to the mom. Stupid. Without the man there wouldn't be a child. I get so frustrated about this whenever I hear it. I won't go into detail about their problems, I could write a book. There should be mandatory shared custody if neither parent is abusive and such.

I think so too, but (here) they only do shared custody if both parents agree :rolleyes: One of my friends and her ex fought for 2 years over their boys and they finally agreed to shared custody and it has worked out wonderfully. The boys are now older and come and go as they please. The only down fall of the courts deciding shared custody is, what if the parents don't live in the same school district? or even in the same area? It can work for some, but probably not reasonable for others.

When DH got divorced, it wasn't common for the father to get sole custody, but he did and his girls are much better for it :) Fortunately there are men who step up to the plate and take responsibility.

[cpbaby]

If she has only lived in KY for a short while she might not be able to file for divorce there until she has lived there for 6 months,


Its 6 months in KY too, BUT there are ways around it, IF you want to go that route. I did, but that was 16 years ago and my soon-to-be-ex-H was in GA with no thoughts of coming up here to contest it.

[Denise1972]

I dont have any advice, but I hope everything works out for your sister.

[Tasha405]

I had a friend who lived in WV and when she split from her ex, he moved to FL and would come to WV to visit his family from time to time. Well he called her once and asked if he could spend some time with their son while he was there. It had been a few weeks since he had seen him and he was supposed to take the little boy to his moms house for a few hours and bring him back that evening. Didn't happen. He took off with the little boy and took him to FL.

My friend called the police and they said there was nothing they could do because he was the childs father and custody had never been worked out as far as who had full custody/visitation or whatever. She went straight to a lawyer and filed for full custody and told her lawyer what had happened and he somehow had it ordered for him to bring the little boy back. Maybe because she filed for custody first? Or it could be because we lived in a small town and the lawyer was well known. lol I don't know.

In the end she ended up with full custody but he has visitation for his son. He gets him every so many months for a week or so and then gets him for like a month during the summer. It probably would have been a little different if they had been in the same state or a little closer, but she has since moved to another state and he's still in FL.

If I were your sister I would go find me a lawyer, tell them what he done and file for full custody. I hope she gets her daughter back soon.

I'm sure he misses his daughter too but he didn't have to run with her like that. He was getting to see her. Thats uncalled for. My ex used to tell me that he was going to run with our son if I ever left him or anything. He never did it but he sure had me scared for a long time. He also doesn't see his child either (his choice), so I guess thats why it never happened.

Good luck and let us know how everything goes.

[schsa]

Without a custody agreement, she has no more rights than the father. Get to a lawyer and she needs to go to Cincinati and get her son back.

[crystalbug]

My sister has gone to the police and told her they can do nothing. Well she dropped a bombshell on us about that husband of hers several years ago he went to jail for molesting his niece, I never liked her husband but I didnt know he was that dispicable. He has also physically,mentally abused my sister in front of the child (she is 5) no child should see their mother abused. I am just dumbfounded that she let her go. I know she wanted to go with her dad and my sister didnt want to be the bad guy.but I think she made a big mistake.
She is considering waiting until he is at work and the child is at the babysitters and just going after her, would this work. would the police let her take her and bring her back. my sister is desperate, she was hoping they could work this out like adults, she isnt going back because of the abuse. I dont know nothing about ohio laws as I lived in Ky all my life. her husband has lived in ohio all his life so he coule file, but would his past history keep him from getting his child. I know he loves his daughter(an only child for him) but I am concerned for her welfare in light of the other information I just found out. he also has marijuiana in the apartment when my sister went to get her stuff she stumbled across it while getting her stuff. seems her husband lives a double life or somthing. she is thinking about telling the police of the drugs in the apt.I dont know what to tell her and any advice would be appreciated. She doesnt have a job right now so she canno afford a lawyer. thanks for all the replys and keep them coming

[bribella]

I think she needs to find someway to get a lawyer or some type of legal advice before her husband files for custody. I would think if he filed and got custody of her before the mother and the mother goes and "steals" her back while he is at work couldnt she get charged with parental kidnapping? Could be wrong.

[*lilo*]

call the bar association in your area, ask them for the modest means panel. as for the drugs in the apt, i know that here in PA that doesnt matter jack squat UNLESS the authorities catch him in the act of doing them infront of the child. sad isnt it? her best bet is to somehow get back in ohio and file all this there.

[tngirl]

residency is a factor in filing for divorce, but, custody can be done with residency requirements. She should be able to file an emergency custody hearing, but she will need to do it in OH before the father does. She should be able to do this without actually living in OH due to circumstances. Wouldn't take but a minute to be back in Kentucky with her.

PROBLEm!: IF SHE VIOLATES AN ORDER IN OH, SHE COULD BE PROSECUTED FOR KIDNAPPING EVEN WITHOUT A DIVORCE. SHE REALLY NEEDS TO BE ISSUED CUSTODIAL PARENT IN OHIO.

Several years ago my cousin's ex kidnapped her kids. They ended up in Puerto Rico, but the reason for that is that legalities kept her from the kids. She had custody in TN and he had it in NC. They went to Ft Campbell, KY for their military ID's and he made off with the kids there. Ky didn't recognize either states custody and neither state recognized the custody from the other. This gave the dad time to take them out of country.

And yes, this is a very touchy situation. A father has just as much right to the child / children as the mother. Depending on circumstances though, the child / children tend to do better with the mother. Guess it has to do with our nuturing nature. I have seen plenty of cases where I felt the kids would have been better off with the father.

[VALENA-)45]

Go to a lawyer, ASAP. and find out what your rights are. The law varies from state to state, and the sooner you find out the better off you will be. My mother snatched us from my father in D.C., and took us to N.Y.C., the laws make a difference. Good luck to her.

[buttrfli]

If he is a convicted child molester, I would be screaming it at the top of my lungs to ANYONE who would listen. The media is all over child molesters right now and if he has the child with him, someone somewhere will hear her and help her get the child back.

If there is no custody order she can take the child from the sitter.

and no offence to your sister, but WTH is she doing w/ someone who was convicted of child molesting? If he was convicted several years ago and the child is 5, did she stay w/ him while he was in prison? (to me several years is 4 or 5, so correct me if I am wrong)

NO judge will give him custody. She needs to call the police dept in the town he is in ASAP and tell them that this man is a convicted child molester and he has their daughter. He should be on probation/paroll and unless he has permission he can't leave the state.. he can't even move without notifying his PO. Him leaving the state will send him back to prison. Biological parent or not, there are laws that enforce his probation/paroll terms and him crossing state lines with a minor child is an absolute no no. She needs to let the authorities know. Call the police in his town, her town and his PO.