2nd whine for me today, can you tell Im not having a good day!

[keen9801]

oka I am going to ask a honest question and I want blunt honest answers, I don't want you to be mean to me, lol I just want you to tell me what you think, and

What Would You Do?

Here is the situation. Me and b/f have been together for 7 years we have 1 child together and my son who calls b/f dad. I care about b/f alot but

We have been through alot, my son has had alot of medical problems in which b/f was there for us, he supported us when I couldn't work, and he supported us emotional. There was a time when we just couldn't get along which I vented all the time here about and then we really started working things out between each other and over the last 6 months things was going great. Then here within the last couple weeks things are going downhill fast. He has lost his job, took him a week to go file for unemployment, he hasn't really cleaned the house at all, he complains when I want him to get up out of bed or do something. Thats not it those are little vents about him the bigger ones are he gets so mad at me when I don't call him from work, last night I got him up to find the thermomater (sp?) and he came into the living room and pushed off stuff from my computer desk including a glass half full of kool-aid onto the floor, he will throw a fit and be a total jerk if he doesn't get "it" as much as he wants, and I am just getting tired of it. I have felt that I didn't want to be with him and I told him once that I wanted to separate but he doesn't listen all he can say is oh I will change it will be better, then I think maybe he isn't doing anything wrong, I just want to be alone and thats why I nitpick at him about everything. Anyway so you ask why not just make him leave. Well thats going to be hard. For 1 if and when he leaves he will constantly beg to come back or threaten me with suicide. I know I couldn't afford to live on my own, I could never afford daycare for both my kids, I have already applied for the local agency that helps with childcare but they say I make too much, and of course they go by gross not net. As bad as it sounds with him here I don't have to pay for childcare, but I am still not happy 90% of the time. So what would you do?

[Freebeemom]

Sounds like you need to have a sit down with him, not in front of your son, and let him know your feelings. If you think you want this relationship to work then perhaps some counselling (You can go to a church for help as well if you are on a budget). This type of behavior is not good for your child, or for you. Hopefully you can get things worked out, if not...noone should live by threat. You should have a plan to leave if it doesn't work.

[YankeeMary]

Sounds to me he is suffering from depression to say the very least. Maybe a doctor could help?
If he is willing to show his butt (throwing items from the desk) while you are home, what is he willing to do when you aren't home? What if one of the kids tick him off the way "you" do? See where I am going? Is it worth it? Personally, if he doesn't get help for the depression and anger management I would say hit the road...life is to short to worry and wonder over when and what will cause him to show out. Good Luck!!!

[lassss]

sounds like a vicious cycle that keeps going round and round...you have posted about him before and his moods being an emotional rollercoaster. Might be time to get off the ride...good luck

[Willow]

Get rid of him!!!!!!

[Blondiex46]

I would say, do you want your son growing up to be like him? He is going to learn how to treat women by watching him and soon, your son will start treating you like he does and if all of that is ok with you then you know the answer to the question, if not then you need to make a change not just for you but for your child. I it easy, absolutely not, but you deserve more and so does your son.

[janelle]

How do you really feel about him? Do you love him or just keeping him around for his money and the company? I know that can sound harsh but lots of single women and men can get into a trap like this. Falling into a relationship too fast cause they are needy. When hard times hit it comes home to them. Most important question---DO YOU LOVE HIM? :confused:

[tracey74]

men get like this for a few reasons.drugs/alcohol,another woman or depression maybe all three who knows. but most men who "show their ass" do it to intimidate a woman into doing what he wants her to do.also by him ranting he never gets it enough he's trying to make you feel bad so you will give in.your child comes first and you should tell him this.also this kind of behavior to me isnt worth putting up with.if he will agree to go into counseling then fine.trust me Ive been thru this before.I finally got tired of it and said Im not putting up with it.(my man was like this due to alcohol and some drugs) finally when he thought he was about to lose it all he changed.(not saying all men change) now things couldnt be better.and he doesnt complain about little things.but you two need to talk things out.and if you have to seperate then too bad if he doesn't want to its not health for you or your child to be in this kind of relationship.if you want him out then you can have him removed I know its a drastic step but dont let him scare you into not seperating if thats what you decide to do.maybe the reason you make too much is because of what his income in the home was? if so and you get seperated go back and then see if you qualify for child care.check into any help you can get.no one deserves to be treated like this and personally I wouldnt put up with it.kids come first.and you dont want your child growing up thinking this is a normal part of life.

just my 2 cents

[joni1269]

ITA - he may suffer from depression. Not uncommon among those recently unemployed. If you love him, and I think you do - try to get him to seek help. Medications may help, or maybe even counseling. Most important - you must make sure that you and your kids are happy and secure. (((((HUGS)))))

[catdance]

Oh I hate this kinda of post, so hard to figure out, but the concern on this is any man that has to act totally mean and creepy for "IT"...I cannot and will never toleerate, I dispise MEN who use "IT" for intimidation it is wrong and abusive, I had a guy like that..and I will never forgive him with threating tatic's to get "some"..made me resentful and frightened..
"IT" is for good things, loving things..and when a guy get's like that..where is the JOY in it?
I didn't have kids with him, but his kids saw enough of that sort of thing to resent him and they made sure I left him, for me..and haven't seen thier Father since, either, they were just of age..so I thank those kids..I was afraid if I left, they would just get more abuse from a very UNHEALTHY MAN and FATHER, but they are fine..I am fine..and the guy got another gal who left him, and another for the very same reasons..and he had lost his job and drank like a fish and weirder...so I get some of this and want to say, I hope you can work it out in someway..or maybe it's time to figure a plan to get him..gone...
JMHO..
((HUGS))

[Shann]

*hugs* I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. It does sound like he is having some depression and anger managment problems and instead of finding a good healthy outlet for his unhappiness he is taking it out on you and brining you down w/ him. I think the other posters had some really great ideas. I do think you need to think of you first. Do you love him? Are you willing to work it out w/ him? None of the kids need to see what is going on and how he is treating you b/c your son may treat women like that and your daughter may feel it's ok to be treated like that and that's not right. After you search deep down inside yourself and come back w/ the answer if you love him or now, I think you will be able to plan your next move. Regardless of what happens between you two, I think he needs to look into getting some help. You nor your kids deserve to be treated like that and it's not healthy for him to be acting like that. Good luck.

[queenangie]

What is it that Dear Abby always says, "Would you be better with him or without him?"

Only you can answer that question.

Sending prayers & hugs!

[MsLynn]

the mood swings, and suicide threats, could be like the others have said, depression, it could also be Bi-Polar, or both, he needs to see a dr. pronto

you've also said he gets mad if he doesn't get "it" as much as he likes

Hypersexuality is sometimes a symptom of Bi-Polar

[wubbywa]

The more you try to figure him out and worry about what you are doing wrong and blaming yourself the more time you lose with your children. I tried for 4 years after my ex husband and I divorced to make it work again and I lost all that time with my son. I mean I was there for him but I worried so much about making the relationship work. You cant get back time lost with your children growing up.

[YankeeMary]

After re-reading your post and remember a few days or so ago youposted about your relationship, I just have to ask are you "involved" with someone else? Not so much involved but talking to someone? Please do not get offended but I felt the need to ask especially since I remembered your other post. I am NOT in any way, shape or form saying his behavior is your "fault". There is no one to blame for his behavior (wrong behavior at that) but HIM!!!

[YankeeMary]

The more you try to figure him out and worry about what you are doing wrong and blaming yourself the more time you lose with your children. I tried for 4 years after my ex husband and I divorced to make it work again and I lost all that time with my son. I mean I was there for him but I worried so much about making the relationship work. You cant get back time lost with your children growing up.
WOW what a powerful post...you are so so right!!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[VALENA-)45]

After you put the kids to bed, and make sure they are sleep. Sit him down and have a talk with him. Tell him how you are feeling about the way he acts, and if he wants to work things out, the the acting like one of the kids has to stop. I agree he could be depressed from losing his job, (I would be down in the dumps from losing my job), tell him that you can not afford daycare for the kids and pay the bills too. and that you need his help, "if", he is willing to keep giving it. If he feels like you have been using him he is going to fight you more and harder. The upside of this is that the two of you can work everything out, and no more fighting. I wish you a lot of luck.

[keen9801]

well thank you all for your posts, last night was horrible, he got so mad at me we were in another argument, this time because I was at work so long, my shift was 8-6 and we had some problems so I ended up working 8am to 9pm. he was really mad and said that I think my job is more important then my kids. I willl prolly talk to him tonight, gotta to go try to get some sleep, its 446am.

thanks again

[catdance]

JMO but aren't you with the job that generates money for the household?
That is kinda sad he is mad because work interfered, that happen's and since he was home to care for the kid(s) that should not evoke that kind of anger, that is just how life works..I hope you got some rest and are able to figure a way to talk to him and get this solved because I am sure you are quite unhappy..I send ya ((HUGS))