Do you think this is fair???

[eeyore329]

My mother in law plays favorites with my oldest son. She always takes up for him if he is fighting with his brother or sister. She comes to watch him play in ballgames or sing in chorus. He had EOG's this past week and she told him if he passed she would take him shopping. She told him around $10 for the limit. She called and asked last night could she take him today, his dad said yes, after asking if it was ok with me. She called my son and told him she would be here shortly and he asked her the spending limit and she told him $20...........UGH!!!!!
Now keep in mind that all 3 kids plus my niece get something at each bday and holiday. Which is fine, not necessary, but fine. She has come to several of the other two's scout presentations, and school functions, like plays. She doesn't offer to take them shopping like this. I can't recall a single time.My middle son is at camp this weekend which left my little girl here with me alone. She asked could she go with them and "she" told her not this time......maybe they could do a day together sometime........YEAH RIGHT!!!! I know my little girls feelings were hurt, but she didn't cry. She is so lonely right now, because she doesn't have her middle brother to play with.
Another time, she pencils and had an odd number......she gave the extra one to my oldest son. I would've taken it back home with me.......I actually said "Youre playing favorites"........but I don't think she took me seriously.....
Would you do this to your kids or grandkids? Do you approve?? This really BURNS ME UP!!! I do not approve. My kids are equal other than age. If you can't do for all three, don't do for one. Im not saying spend $20 on each child, but she could split that money up. My middle son just graduated up from wolf scout to bear scout and has already been told he passed the 2nd grade. My daughter just bridged to Brownies and passed kindergarten.........what did they get???? nothing. why??? UGH UGH UGH :mad: :mad: :mad:

why do people do this??
I told my husband last night I was not happy. I asked him was she going to reward the other 2 kids?? He said she better............THIS IS SO NOT FAIR. I know the world isn't fair, but when it is going on in your family, what can you do?????
Other than this I get along with her. BUT THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shann]

First off since your daughter is so lonely right now, can't you take her to a park or shopping and make a mommy and daughter day? I'm sure that would cure her loneliness and she'd get to have a fun day w/ her mom. Second that is not fair and you can clearly see that she is playing favorites. I think you need to sit her down and have a chat w/ her away from the kiddos. Be firm and let her know your feelings and let her know that unless she is going to be fair she will not be allowed to take your oldest shopping. Explain to her that she has four grandchildren and they all deserve to be treated equal and loved by their grandma. Let her know it hurts the other's feelings and your feelings to see her favor your oldest. I'd also tell her you appreciate it, but unless she can pull through w/ the others, it will stop. This is a tough situation, ususally I hear grandparents favoring one of their children's groups of kids, not one out of a group. :( Good luck, I know it's tough. :(

[eeyore329]

actually she only has 3 grandkids........my sister is no relation to her.........

Thanks for the advice. I would love to sit her down and talk. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but youre right she hurts my feelings and those of my other children. Since I posted, she has called and asked could she take him to another town, since there was nothing here at walmart.
I wish my dh was here. He is at camp with our middle son.
Last weekend, was mother /daughter time at camp. we had a great time. and 2 weeks before that, we had a she and me at another camp. she is outside playing on the swing right now. She was in the kiddie pool with her barbies. LOL

thanks again for the advice

[lisahiser]

I would tell your mother exactally what you told us here, I myself have had to do this to my own mother 8 years ago. I lived in the exact same town as my mother, and at the time my younger sister just had my neice who was almost 2 and I had my son, who was almost 1, well my mother would visit my sister and my neice and take them out shopping, to stay the night, buy her clothing and toys and such, and I would not see nor hear from her for months at a time unless I called her, well after awhile I had it, I wrote my mother a very nastly letter telling her how I felt and that it really hurt me that she did not want to spend time with her only grandson ( at the time) and that my son's other grandparents who lived 5 hours and another state away,(and they came to see us as much as possible) saw him more in a month than she would ever see him in a year. My youngest sister was there when my mom got the letter and she told me that my mom wouldn't even let her read it, but she knows to this day that she has it hidden in her dresser drawer. But i finally got threw to my mom and she started coming around and calling more often and she comes to both my boys baseball games and gives them rewards for doing well in school and takes them birthday shopping and such, as well for my neice and my nephew.
i would definatly let her know ASAP. not only is it not fair to the younger kids, but what kind of example is she showing them?

[Mystic32]

Don`t even get me started on Favorites. Granted my kids are 12 yrs. apart but my mom still coddles my son. He is 16 & still her baby. Can do no wrong in her eyes. My dot just turned 4. When she was a baby everything was ok for about 2 mos. then the novelty wore off. My dot has noone except me, her bro, & my mom......my son has everyone plus his father`s family (to a certain extent)Anyhoo, this woman will spend hundreds of dollars on my son & get him all the brand name stuff & not get anything for my dot. 1 yr. she gave me $5 to put towards a pair of pants for my dot. Another yr. she told me she (my dot) doesn`t really go anywhere. she doesn`t need to look good just go to goodwill or second hand shops. I`m a very strong person but cuz of her treatment of my dot I actually broke down & cried in public at a huge mall. I don`t know how people especially flesh & blood can be soooo cruel. I finally told my son look your old enough to understand you sis is not. i`ve got 2 kids to support on my own. if your grandmother only wants to buy for you then I need to buy for your sister. It`s sad & he`s just as mean....(gawd i`m sorry for blatting, just a bad issue with me). Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!11

[Steena]

I understand you pain. You certainly do not want to cause hard feelings between siblings over this....not good. It would almost be more bearable if she favored another family of grandchildren rather than pick just one out of same family. Even though there would certainly be jealously too if she favored another niece or nephew rather than one of your children. I have somewhat of a similar situation. Only set of grandparents live in another state and there is one granddaughter who lives nearby. This girl gets everything from grandparents, mainly because she is there and we are far away. She is a very spoiled only child who treats grandma, in particular, horribly, but still gets all the goods. It's kind of sad that I may be talking about an accomplishment of one of my children, and gpa will have to bring her name into it, and tell me about something "great" that she did. My kids cannot even have a shining moment by themselves.

[eeyore329]

Hey guys..........this is my MOTHER IN LAW......not my mom.........LOL

anyway, thing is, my hubby is her only child. So we have 3 kids and that means she has 3 grandkids, right???? Here's your sign.......LOL I told my hubby what went on while he was gone to camp, and he was just as mad as I was......am......haven't gotten over it yet.

anyway.......Im glad we aren't the only ones going through this..........

[Shann]

*hugs* I hope you and your hubby can both sit down and have a chat w/ her (away from the kids of course) and just let it out. As the grandmother she shouldn't be playing favorites and should love each of them equally. I can't imagine how hard that is on you to see the pain in your other children's face when grandma only wants to spend time w/ your first born. I'm a bit snotty though and I would put my foot down and let grandma know that there will be no doing for the first born unless she plans on doing it for the other two. Simple as that. (in my mind anyways) ;) I've got a mouth though and will use when needed. ;) Good luck! Keep us updated.