bout to blow up (Fiance).....HELP PLEASE! (Long...)

[purplerose23]

Ok, things have been quite crazy this year (if you have been following me, funerals, finances, moving etc) Well, we are ahead on finances and doing fine, we moved into a BIGGER apartment to help with the situation of my sister and her 2 girls moving in. We have more room, have our new bedroom set, have our own bath, and even cable and internet! Also, he has a new little truck and I have my truck so we can go as needed when situations arrise. WE are STILL working on the land he and I are moving on (land his dear departed daddy left us) clearing it out and all. WE plan to move there in October, just he and I. Well, things are going better between my sis and him (Fingers crossed). HOWEVER, ever since things went crazy earlier in the year, he has changed. HE is being argumentative and just hard on me on alot. Here is an example: Today during my break, (I am at work) I call him to see if he wants to meet me for dinner (He does pretty often, since I get 45min). I do have 3 days off starting tomorrow, well I want to help him, but the apartment old and our new one needs to be finished too. Well, he lashes out saying Im changing his plans and dont want to help as usual! My jaw dropped! I stood up though and to cut things short, I told him I am tired of arguing over silly things and I want time with him for us to make ends meet. These pointless bickers are driving us apart and nuts! He told me last week he did not want to leave and wants to be with me, and that he loves me more than anything.....but LATELY hes not good at showing it, as you SEE. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I do love him and want to be with him, but this has GOT to change.......................ANY POINTERS? (alittle more info below too)

[Quaker_Parrots]

I am sorry, but I really think your sister needs to get her own home, it is very obvious that he is going to act petulant toward you as long as you are living in a 2 family house---that never works out well.

[wubbywa]

I agree, but sisters are blood and you two arent married yet so you are in the middle. Someones feelings will get hurt. Maybe the 3 of you should sit down and talk, since its yurs and your fiances apartment your sister should follow your rules or what ever you would like to change.

[purplerose23]

Thats the catch, it is our apartment right now, but temporary. It will be hers once we have our land. However, things are ok among the family members (him and my sis) but its me and him. I want it to go better between us so bad it hurts.........I even am willing to go talk to someone with him, BEFORE the wedding. We do want to be together, but the issues, little issues are blowing up, way beyond what it should be. Like during my lunch today (30 min ago) he said I ask 10million questions, all I ask is how are you doing? Are you feeling ok? Are you going anywhere tonight? Simple things like that...nothing intrusive. He does the same thing! Am I in the wrong anywhere? I just want to get the pieces back together....BEFORE things blow up.......

[Willow]

I really think the underlying problem is your sister being there. He may not come right out and say that but it is probably what's bothering him. It's very hard on a relationship when you bring family into it like that. It's nice that you want to help your sister but I don't think it's helping your relationship any. Can your relationship survive until October?

[schsa]

Get some marriage counselling now. Make sure that all of the issues are out in the open before you go any further. This may seem like a minor issue but most marriages break up over minor issues not major ones.

You need to find out what is going on inside of him and sometimes a third person acting as a go between really helps clear the air. Do it now before he decides that he wants to back out of the marriage altogether.

[joni1269]

(((((HUGS)))))

I really don't have any advice for you - but I wanted to say I hope things work out for you. Sounds like you are working really hard at your future with him, and I hope things come out the way you want them to.

[iluvmybaby]

Get some marriage counselling now. Make sure that all of the issues are out in the open before you go any further. This may seem like a minor issue but most marriages break up over minor issues not major ones.

Men come and go, but family is forever. I dont know the current situation with your sister, is she causing trouble in the home? How long will she be living with you guys? Does she work and contribute to the household? How long is this situation going to happen?

Marriage counseling is def a option, keep in mind if he is not willing to work it out and stick with you, get rid of him. If your sister is freeloading and he resents that, it is understandable, tell her get a job and move out within XXX amount of days, you are not her keeper

[lassss]

Talk to him straight out, ask him if your sister being there is coming between the 2 of you and if it is, she has to go until Oct..period. Maybe he can't talk the way he wants because she is there and it is bothering him. Tell him how he is acting, maybe he is doing it subconciously and doesn't even realize he is doing it. Maybe he just has pre-marriage jitters. Either way, have dinner alone tonight and have a talk

[hblueeyes]

He and your sis may be getting along better but it is only on the surface. He is keeping things in and blowing up at you instead. It is the only way he probably knows. It is very hard living with others espically when children are involved. No one is at fault here but really cut him some slack. It is not easy if you work nights and he is home with your sis and her kids. They are probably lovely people but................ I am sure once you two are on your own things will get better. But also let him know you understand that it is hard and praise him for trying but also let him know you get hurt by his words and that when you are in your own place that behavior will not be tolerated. Look at it this way too, it is better than getting drunk, stepping out or getting high.

me :p

[VALENA-)45]

He and your sis may be getting along better but it is only on the surface. He is keeping things in and blowing up at you instead. It is the only way he probably knows. It is very hard living with others espically when children are involved. No one is at fault here but really cut him some slack. It is not easy if you work nights and he is home with your sis and her kids. They are probably lovely people but................ I am sure once you two are on your own things will get better. But also let him know you understand that it is hard and praise him for trying but also let him know you get hurt by his words and that when you are in your own place that behavior will not be tolerated. Look at it this way too, it is better than getting drunk, stepping out or getting high.

me :pITA.

[purplerose23]

thank you for the advice.....it is helping! I thought counseling might be overboard,but from the advice above, i am going to do it and make sure we will survive until october. Again i appreciate all of your wise words. my sis and him are still agreeing. we much needed the room and have it now. so far things are still shaky, but seem to be getting ok.......I will keep you guys informed.....