Am I Being Paranoid Or What????

[VALENA-)45]

Here is the story: We Sweetie and I were in a store the other week, browsing around for things. When a biker guy walked up to Sweetie and they started talking, I acted like I wasn't there. They were talking about bikes and all the places they would like to go and the guy told Sweetie about all the things his club does and told Sweetie he could join them if he wanted to. They go all over the place, here there and every where for meetings and such. All week long all I have heard about is all the traveling Sweetie is going to do here and there with them. He has yet to meet any of the other people, and now he is desperate to get his vest and ride off into the sunset with them. Now he is mad at me and telling me he is going back to be the old him he used to be, i told him you are 45 years old, we have been to gather for 5 years, and i have never seen him ride a motorcycle, and saying how he wants to be young again. I like to meet people but i am not going to go out of state to meet you unless i am on my way some where and we happen to cross paths. I guess I am just worried for him. And he seems to think it is OK for me to worry. OK tell me what you think. Thanks in advance. Oh and don't flame me, i am only human. By the way, we can't afford for him to gallivanting around the USA, chasing a adult dream.

[MsLynn]

sounds like someone helped him find his midlife crisis, and i'm with you, i probably wouldn't be happy either

[cpbaby]

I dont blame you, I would be upset too. Actually, I would be VERY upset.

(((((huggles)))))

[queenangie]

Yes, a midlife male crisis going on here.

I wouldn't be happy either.

(hugs)

[msmom79]

no your not,i would be upset also.!

[mjlewis23]

No, you are not being paranoid....my stepfather is the president of a motorcycle "club", and I would be worried if I were you too. Some of the clubs are okay, but some are bad, very very bad.....If my husband wanted to go off and do something like that, knowing what I know now, I would not be happy. Please everyone don't flame me for this, but I am speaking from experience. My mom has been through H@@@ because of all of the "club" business. Just be leary, and tell him to be leary too....it may start out all fun and traveling, but it could go very wrong. I'm sure he longs for the days that he could just go off and ride a motorcycle, but he can still buy one and ride by himself, or with you, or with friends that he already knows. He doesn't need a gang to own a bike. Also, if he just wants a taste of that motorcycle freedom from time to time, you can rent bikes from most Harley dealerships:-).

Michelle

[VALENA-)45]

Ok, should I get a female midlife crisis???????

[VALENA-)45]

No, you are not being paranoid....my stepfather is the president of a motorcycle "club", and I would be worried if I were you too. Some of the clubs are okay, but some are bad, very very bad.....If my husband wanted to go off and do something like that, knowing what I know now, I would not be happy. Please everyone don't flame me for this, but I am speaking from experience. My mom has been through H@@@ because of all of the "club" business. Just be leary, and tell him to be leary too....it may start out all fun and traveling, but it could go very wrong. I'm sure he longs for the days that he could just go off and ride a motorcycle, but he can still buy one and ride by himself, or with you, or with friends that he already knows. He doesn't need a gang to own a bike. Also, if he just wants a taste of that motorcycle freedom from time to time, you can rent bikes from most Harley dealerships:-).

Michelle You have said just what my brain has been thinking all this time. My worst fear is that he may go off with them and never be seen again. he seems to think because he is a big man that nothing can happen to him, i don't think like that, cause i have seen what can happen to people, putting their trust in other people, and he has too, we are both from nyc. he thinks this is just great idea to run off with some people he don't know. 45 and acting like a teenager going on a trip, without adult supervision. And i am sceard as all heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am leary of everybody. thanks for answering me.

[schsa]

Why not indulge him in some bike shopping? Those lovely little bikes are far from cheap. Let him find out the reality of bike ownership. Plus he has to have a license and insurance.

Money talks if nothing else does. He can't join the club without a bike. And unless he has loads of cash to spend he can't spend every weekend on the road.

[hotwheelstx]

No, you are not being paranoid....my stepfather is the president of a motorcycle "club", and I would be worried if I were you too. Some of the clubs are okay, but some are bad, very very bad.....If my husband wanted to go off and do something like that, knowing what I know now, I would not be happy. Please everyone don't flame me for this, but I am speaking from experience. My mom has been through H@@@ because of all of the "club" business. Just be leary, and tell him to be leary too....it may start out all fun and traveling, but it could go very wrong. I'm sure he longs for the days that he could just go off and ride a motorcycle, but he can still buy one and ride by himself, or with you, or with friends that he already knows. He doesn't need a gang to own a bike. Also, if he just wants a taste of that motorcycle freedom from time to time, you can rent bikes from most Harley dealerships:-).

Michelle


This has been YEARS AGO AND FAR AWAY but Scooby's dad was a "biker" Long drives to nowhere, meeting others that you wouldn't want to be stuck at a bus stop with. BE VERY LEARY OF THESE PEOPLE. I will admit you do meet some that are really nice, have good jobs, great families, do this for fun. There's the flip side you also meet others who are in it because they know no other way to live.

If you're that leary (I would be if you're husband is 45) I wouldn't actually protest but voice my opinin over and over until something happens.

Hate to say this but my Scooby (brother) his dad was in the wrong kind of "biker association". Had colors, leathers, al kinds of women. I'm not sure any of them stayed out of jail, a bar more than 24 hours.

Those days are long gone and I'm very thankful that Scooby was so young he doesn't remember any of it. I as a young teen do.

I'm still leary of them to this day. Solely because I know what kind of life some of them lead, what they do, how they do, get away with it.

Aggie's not the "riding type" but if he mentioned to me he wanted to do this at 49.............I'd be on him like bees flock to honey. I to this day still can find those "shady hangouts" that NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD ATTEMPT TO EVEN PARK THEIR CARS THERE.

Yes, I would think it's a midlife crisis. I've known 3 men in the past in their 40's quit their jobs, children grown, divorced after many years of marriage, sold their homes....all to do this. I've seen these men over the years. They are NOTHING like they were before. They've all but given up on life, don't talk to their children, families, live from place to place. All they care about is their bikes, riding into the sunset. It's a sad site to see.

I agree with Michelle you can rent bikes from a Harley shop for almost nothing....if your hubby wants to do it for fun. It's a nice way to see the sites, get around from time to time. It's not a lifestyle that I would choose to participate in EVER AGAIN.

I wish you luck.

[lassss]

Why not jump on the back and go for the ride?? My bf is going on 44 and he got his first Harley after his wife passed away in 2002. We always ride in the nice weather and it is a great experience. I got a Rebel last year but I rather be on the back so am selling it in the summer. You would surprised who rides a motorcycle today. It is NOT like it was years ago when ya saw a bunch of drunks fighting...today you see lawyers, doctors, engineers etc riding as Harleys are not cheap..so let him follow his dream and follow it along with him

BTW I forgot to add..alot of the groups you see today are sponsors for bikers against child abuse, bikers for christianity, bikers for cancer cures etc

[freebielover]

Go get your motorcycle license and get yourself a small bike. Then you guys can share the pasttime together. I swear my fiance and I have had some of the best times out riding together, we have the headset communicators and we just take day trips here and there together, its the best! Anyone can ride, I'm a small girl and I manage! You might have fun!

Also, if you are worried about the money, you don't have to get a harley, there are a ton of nice bikes for cheap that are very nice.

[lassss]

Go get your motorcycle license and get yourself a small bike. Then you guys can share the pasttime together. I swear my fiance and I have had some of the best times out riding together, we have the headset communicators and we just take day trips here and there together, its the best! Anyone can ride, I'm a small girl and I manage! You might have fun!

Also, if you are worried about the money, you don't have to get a harley, there are a ton of nice bikes for cheap that are very nice.

Freebielover how tall are ya and what do you ride?? I am only 5 ft and have a lil Rebel. I can get around but a lil leery (or scared) to get out in traffic lol..I am much happier on the back

[bribella]

You would surprised who rides a motorcycle today. It is NOT like it was years ago when ya saw a bunch of drunks fighting...today you see lawyers, doctors, engineers etc riding as Harleys are not cheap..so let him follow his dream and follow it along with him

BTW I forgot to add..alot of the groups you see today are sponsors for bikers against child abuse, bikers for christianity, bikers for cancer cures etc
ITA! Go with him. My Dad just rides a motorcylce and belongs to a club and they are all white collar, professionals. They get together every month and 2x a year they take long trips. My Dad is leaving in 2 weeks for a ride to a meeting in AZ. He's 55 and loves riding his bike :cool:

[Willow]

Ok, should I get a female midlife crisis???????

I think you should get a new sweetie. You posted about him before and how he said he needed time away from you and was going to visit relatives and leave you behind. There are a lot of red flags going up here.

[buttrfli]

Is there a local group that you guys can get to know together?

[VALENA-)45]

Freebielover & Lassss: I would love to jump on the back of a bike and go here and there with him. I have major medical problems with my arms, shoulders, entire back, and neck, so i would not be able to hold on to him for long, and he would have to stop every so often, and yes, i know about sidecars. I am worried about him going off with strange people he don't know, and yes he wants to fly his colors, and what not. Schsa: he has the majority of the money in this household, i am on a fixed income and i pay the rent and the house phone bill, and buy the food for this house. He fusses and fights over being able to do what he wants with his money. He doesn't have a license, cause he owes for dumb things he did and it was suspended, and as for insurance, he wouldn't be able to afford it. But all in all he doesn't see any of this the way i do, all he knows is he just wants to do it. Thanks for giving me your advice, and for being here for me, it takes a load off my mind to be able to come here and post my problems and not get flamed for them. Thank you all. Edited to add, he don't even have a motorcycle, has always wanted one. But he wants a new one not a used one. To me it is a pipedream, if save the money for it great, if you run through your money then you just keep dreaming. Buttrfli: I don't know, I could look around and see if there is one in my area. thanks for a great i dea.

[lassss]

Freebielover & Lassss: I would love to jump on the back of a bike and go here and there with him. I have major medical problems with my arms, shoulders, entire back, and neck, so i would not be able to hold on to him for long, and he would have to stop every so often, and yes, i know about sidecars. I am worried about him going off with strange people he don't know, and yes he wants to fly his colors, and what not. Schsa: he has the majority of the money in this household, i am on a fixed income and i pay the rent and the house phone bill, and buy the food for this house. He fusses and fights over being able to do what he wants with his money. He doesn't have a license, cause he owes for dumb things he did and it was suspended, and as for insurance, he wouldn't be able to afford it. But all in all he doesn't see any of this the way i do, all he knows is he just wants to do it. Thanks for giving me your advice, and for being here for me, it takes a load off my mind to be able to come here and post my problems and not get flamed for them. Thank you all. Edited to add, he don't even have a motorcycle, has always wanted one. But he wants a new one not a used one. To me it is a pipedream, if save the money for it great, if you run through your money then you just keep dreaming. Buttrfli: I don't know, I could look around and see if there is one in my area. thanks for a great i dea.


If that is the case Valena, you have nothing to worry about :D ...you can't touch a new Harley for under 15-16K plus he would need to get a permit, learn how to ride and then go for his license. Insurance runs about $200/yr (mine is 159 but I have a lil 250 cc) If he hasn't ridden for a long time , it's not that easy to adjust to it that fast..I thought it would but it took me the whole summer to get comfy going 35mph LOL

Hope things work out for ya

[freebielover]

Freebielover how tall are ya and what do you ride?? I am only 5 ft and have a lil Rebel. I can get around but a lil leery (or scared) to get out in traffic lol..I am much happier on the back


Lol, I know it can be scary, I'm 5ft2in so I'm short too. I have a little rebel 250 that I ride, its tiny. I also have a Vulcan that I won't take out alone in case I drop it, I can't lift it by myself. We also have a Honda Shadow which is nice but its HEAVY. Its a bit much for me to ride a long time.

To Valena, Sorry to hear about the health problems, sidecars kind of scare me so I understand that. I'm sure its just a phase. Maybe he could save his money for a bike, without taking away from the household, so he has something to look foward to. Make him realize he doesn't have to ride with a group because that sounds like a bad idea, does he have any friends that ride that would go with him? Maybe find some nice people that ride. Either way I hope it works out for you, and no you are not being paranoid, you just care about him and yourself, nothing wrong with that. :) Hugs and cheer up! It'll work out ok!

[buttrfli]

No license.. kind of makes it hard to drive LOL

I grew up in clubs and know how others feel about wanting to be patch holders etc., but I can't tell you how many guys will go through the loops then decide its not for them. Weekend bikers are one thing.. being in a club is a lifestyle. Its not for everyone. I don't see anything wrong with having friends in clubs, but if the wife/girlfriend isn't comfortable with her man wanting to get his colors, it will never work. Either he won't get them or she won't be around when he does.

Sounds more like he is wishful thinking at this point. Let him dream... he will eventually realize that without a bike or license he won't be going anywhere anytime soon. Real bikers can be your best friends or your worst enemies, depends on who you choose to be around. Its all about respect. You respect them and in turn you will be respected. The groups we are close with are like family to us. There is nothing that they would not do to help if we needed it and the same goes for us helping them.

I guess for people who really aren't familiar with the lifestyle, its looks great, but to be in a club you invest a lot of yourself and your family as well. My girls have so many "aunts" and "uncles" they can't keep their names straight LOL

[VALENA-)45]

No license.. kind of makes it hard to drive LOL

I grew up in clubs and know how others feel about wanting to be patch holders etc., but I can't tell you how many guys will go through the loops then decide its not for them. Weekend bikers are one thing.. being in a club is a lifestyle. Its not for everyone. I don't see anything wrong with having friends in clubs, but if the wife/girlfriend isn't comfortable with her man wanting to get his colors, it will never work. Either he won't get them or she won't be around when he does.

Sounds more like he is wishful thinking at this point. Let him dream... he will eventually realize that without a bike or license he won't be going anywhere anytime soon. Real bikers can be your best friends or your worst enemies, depends on who you choose to be around. Its all about respect. You respect them and in turn you will be respected. The groups we are close with are like family to us. There is nothing that they would not do to help if we needed it and the same goes for us helping them.

I guess for people who really aren't familiar with the lifestyle, its looks great, but to be in a club you invest a lot of yourself and your family as well. My girls have so many "aunts" and "uncles" they can't keep their names straight LOLI respect everybody, no matter their station in life, cause i want to be treated the same way. i used to ride as a teenager and as a young adult, it was fun. But, when all you can hear out of his mouth is how he is going to revert back to his old life and about how mean he was and that, it gets "old" real quick. He is 6 feet and some change, and a big body man, i am 5feet 5 little short thing next to him, he has this real heavy voice, when i first met him and heard his voice in a room and he came to talk to me, i looked at him like "what do you want", and was ready to kick him and run. LOL. I love being friends with everybody, cause somebody always know something i don't know. The funny thing is hasn't told any of his brothers or sisters about this, which is surprising cause he usally tells them everytrhing. Thanks, i am beging to feel a little better about this. my fears are still here though. If only you can smack a man upside his head and make him listen, life would be so much easir.

[tiffya]

My dad has been going through this "midlife crisis" thing for about 2 years now. He bought a bike and joined B.A.C.A. and all that jazz. Whenever my mom *****es about it I tell her that when it comes to midlife crisis' men either get a bike, a sports car or a new woman and to thank her lucky stars all he wants to do is ride a bike.........

JMO

[buttrfli]

If only you can smack a man upside his head and make him listen, life would be so much easir.

Who says you can't?? ;)

I know what you mean though. Men.. can't live with em...... (was something supposed to come after that? LOL)