belle5691
04-03-2005, 05:24 PM
I am so spent. I have nothing left for anyone anymore, and very little for me. About 3 years ago, I was laid off from a job I had for 7 years because of company downsizing. The first year after being laid off I collected unemployment. I got a dream job, a job where I learned so much....and it paid $12 for the first 90 days, then $15 hr after that. I had about 1 hr commute on good days. About 3 weeks from my 90 days being up, my husband had his 3rd heart attack within a 9 month period. It was the one that caused him to be unable to work any longer. I had to quit my job. He couldnt be left alone for extended periods, I couldnt commute and still get my kids to school and home. We ended up being told to move closer to Kansas City where my husbands doctors were as the hospitals where we were would not even treat a common cold in him as there was so much danger with his health. We had nothing to lose. Neither of us worked, we were living on his workers compensation payments from an injury that had occured 2 months before at his job and he was awaiting surgery on, but hospitals kept putting it off because of health risks. Thank goodness they did...it gave us extended period of weekly checks. We moved into a 4 plex owned by some very close friends of ours. We got so far behind on rent. On $240 a week, I couldnt keep up with $600 rent, all utilities, gas in car, food, etc. Our friends sold the 4 plex this past December and let us know that if we could move out before the closing, they would let all the past rent go. It was a lot. Im very grateful for that. But if we stayed the new owners wanted all the past due rent. We moved, I found an apartment for about $550 a month with all utilities paid. The maintenance man/co manager decided he "liked what he saw" and came over one day when my husband was gone...I already vented about this a few months ago. Im in a years lease here. In the meantime I began working again, the job Im at now---decided they didnt like the way I looked (Im 5 4 about 250 lbs...) because I didnt fit their boutique image of an optometrist office. If you cant afford Versace, Prada, Gucci, Burberry....don't go there. You're not welcome. Trust me. The manager quit because she refused orders she had received to fire me. I cant do anything about it. It wasnt discrimination based on age, race, handicap, or religion. Those are the only protected classes. I had an attorney, so did the manager. I could have had a long, long battle in court to prove some points, but why? Of course when the attorneys became involved I was asked to stay, they said they were mistaken, and on and on....Anyway, 2 years ago, when I had the dream job, I was on my way home from work--I was doing 2 jobs, one full time day job...and one part time home based business. I had been to a meeting about the hbb job and it was about 11:30 at night. I was on a deserted highway, and the speedometer in my car didnt work. I was going 76/65. I got my first speeding ticket ever. About 2 weeks later is when my husband became ill and there was no money for anything extra. The ticket never got paid. I got arrested for that ticket on Tuesday evening. I spent my first night in jail because there was a cash only bond on me and I couldnt pay $300. My husband was able to contact our church who worked really hard and was able to bond me out at 1 am. I am so grateful for that---and so embarrassed. My dad came to see me yesterday--he will NEVER know about this because I will never hear the end of it. I asked him to borrow his truck for a week until I can afford to get the correct tags on my car. When Ron had his work injury, he had surgery at a hospital who overdosed him on morphine/codeine. He was released from that hospital, quit breathing on the way home, and was rushed to another hospital to be given Narcon and be admitted for 7 days in an ICU. When he got his $6000 settlement, it paid back rent for 4 months at that time, and bought a $2,000 car, and paid back utilities, etc. That car lasted 1 year. On his way to get me from work one night the motor blew up. We limped along with a vehicle we used to have and had given to our nephew to rebuild, or whatever. One night something went wrong with the fuel lines around the first of January. We got our income tax and finally purchased another $2000 car hoping it will last longer. I have to get the correct tags this week so asked my dad to use his truck until I can do so. I cant afford to get caught again. I have to get to work somehow or we will really be sunk. We are 2 1/2 years into the disability fight for my husband. We have an attorney now. I need a job change. Its never gotten better. It gets better and worse. I keep getting interviews---all even further from my home. I used to qualify for $300 vision benefits, since I moved, I qualify for $94. My husband and I lost the medicaid insurance because we had been on it for 2 years. I cant afford the $600 a month for the insurance through my work. I feel like I am on pins and needles and wondering when it will ever, ever change. I have to stay positive, but its not really working. LOL. Right as I started this vent my best friend called to remind me of a conference call for the home based business. That was the best thing probably that could have happened because I feel like I am grasping, clutching at straws to hang on to any level of sanity anymore. Everyone in my family, except for me has had pneumonia. My oldest son, 15, ended up with mono. I feel like Im on the edge of a cliff and it could go either way at any time. If you have read this far, thank you....please dont "flame"....just please let me know---it does have to get better at some point...or send me to some motivational or inspirational site...something. Thanks.