I can't believe the child support office did this to me

[sdmay3]

I am in shock and literally shaking. The child support office just called. The lady informed me that my exhusband was on the other line and wanted her to give me his phone number so I could contact him. She suggested to me that I call him but go somewhere else in case he had caller ID. She had NO right to do this. There is a notarized letter in my file explaining that I do not wish for them to pursue support because it is a risk to me and my children. I do not want him to have any information about me.

I have had no contact with my ex for the past 7 years. The last time i saw him he put a gun to my head. The first few years after our divorce I had to keep moving to keep him from finding us. By the phone number she gave me I know he lives close.

I am SOOOOOOOOO MAD!!!!!!!!

[Army-Mom]

I know how scarey that is..I havent seen my x-husband in 23 years and also went thru abuse with him..
Is your # unlisted so he cant look in the phone book and find your address? saying a prayer for you and kids.
Marcia

[jedmatters]

In many states, the notarized letter does not undo the court order. That takes a judge's order. She is following the formal orders of support, like her job states.
She was kind enough to call you in advance and let you know he is looking for you, and how to keep him away.
You do not have to call him, that is your choice, but if you want to stop all contact, go back to the family court and ask for it formally.

[buttrfli]

Call the child support office and talk to her supervisor. I think that was handled VERY badly. I don't know what state you live in, but in Oklahoma, child support is mandatory. no matter what the custodial parent says, the state will persue it.

The worker who called you had NO right at all to suggest that you call him. I would be livid and my call to the supervisor would reflect that.

[sdmay3]

I sent the notarized letter years ago because the child support office told me to. They explained to me that his arrearage would still add up and if he sent in support it would be sent to me, but they would not actively seek support by taking him to court, etc. . I also had to sign a paper stating that I didn't wish to persue support because of the domestic violence and I had to provide court documents proving that there had been domestic violence charges on him.

[Bud_Girl76]

In many states, the notarized letter does not undo the court order. That takes a judge's order. She is following the formal orders of support, like her job states.
She was kind enough to call you in advance and let you know he is looking for you, and how to keep him away.
You do not have to call him, that is your choice, but if you want to stop all contact, go back to the family court and ask for it formally.


What she did was totally wrong and I would be calling and complaining about her ASAP..That is NOT her job to be calling you and telling you to call your ex that is NOT HER JOB..

[schsa]

I don't know that what she did was that horrible, but at least you know where he is. Now it is up to you to decide what to do next. She didn't tell him where you were or that you would contact him. She didn't say that you had to call him. I would consider it a warning that he is trying to find you and you might consider moving again.

If he was dangerous then he is probably still dangerous. I think she just did you a favor.

[Kelsey1224]

I don't know that what she did was that horrible, but at least you know where he is. Now it is up to you to decide what to do next. She didn't tell him where you were or that you would contact him. She didn't say that you had to call him. I would consider it a warning that he is trying to find you and you might consider moving again.

If he was dangerous then he is probably still dangerous. I think she just did you a favor.

ITA

[peaceluver]

I think that may have been her only way to inform you that your ex was looking for you. I think you should call and speak to a supervisor. Try to find out what your options are. If you feel you and the kids may be in danger because he is close then also contact the police.

[kygirl71]

I agree with some of the others. I think she did you a favor. She let you know that he is looking for you. Hope everything works out for you. Will be thinking of you.

[DAVESBABYDOLL]

WOW, hopefully she didn't give him any information as to where you're at.When you say you know he is close....how close? Has he contacted your family to try to find you? I wouldn't call him,but unfortunately,curiosity may get the better of you,if so, in Ohio *67 will block your number,or call FAR away from your house.

keep us posted

[Blondiex46]

I know how scarey it is and they don't have the file in front of them but I would call the supervisor and tell them that this happen and to put an alert on the screen. If he is a charming guy he could tell them anything to get info. Keep your eyes open cause not to scare you but who knows that happened when you hung up.

[latestdish]

The laws as to whether support has to be sought, including welfare and domestic cases by the state, does very wildly by state. Went through something, and still going through something like it, very recently, but with only one child. Call the court, and politely explain that you would like contact with him to cease, and ask if a domestic violence indicator can be put on your file. Contact an attorney immediately. I disagree with some of the other women here. I think that the situation was handled poorly, by them telling you to call an ex. Even in mandatory support, there should be a way to get support without putting you and kids in harms way. JMHO. -Joy

[sdmay3]

I told my husband what happened and he called Child Support. They didn't want to talk to him and told him the supervisor would call back. A half hour later the attorney for child support contacted him. She agreed that this should not have occured. She apologized and said this was the case of an "over zealous" caseworker. We are supposed to talk to the attorney again on Monday. There is already an alert on my file for domestic violence. My ex has NO visitation rights which is also in my file. Child support's job is to COLLECT SUPPORT. That is it. It is not their job to reunite families or to become involved in domestic issues.

You could say that the casewprker didn't know any better but when she told me to call from another phone that meant that she knows there is a risk of harm.

I am having a hard time with being thankful that she warned me. My life is already so crazy an I am in bad health. I just don't have the energy to run from him. My pain level today has went from a 2-3 up to around an 8.

The phone number is for a town about 20 minutes away.

[MusicfanAnnie]

Can you get in touch also with the police station and get a restraining order as well? If I knew my E-Husband was bothering me in anyway, after all the abuse that had taken place.. I would do everything possible to keep this man away.

Sorry your going through this...I would be pissed as all hell.

[VALENA-)45]

I am so sorry, that you have to go through this mess. Is there a way for you to get an order of protection, commanding him to stay away from you?? can you get one. Sending you hugs(((((((((((((((())))))))))))), and prayers.

[stresseater]

Call the child support office and talk to her supervisor. I think that was handled VERY badly. I don't know what state you live in, but in Oklahoma, child support is mandatory. no matter what the custodial parent says, the state will persue it.

The worker who called you had NO right at all to suggest that you call him. I would be livid and my call to the supervisor would reflect that.
Not always in Oklahoma. We have had my step daughter for 10 years and when we went through custody child support was waived. We ave custody and she has visitation rights and nobody pays anybody here.

[queenangie]

Sending you warm hugs, dear!

[irrelevant0]

I am having a hard time with being thankful that she warned me. My life is already so crazy an I am in bad health. I just don't have the energy to run from him.

if you don't have the energy to run from him, will you have the energy to save your life if he attacks you?

that's why people are hesitant to do what they think is a good deed. i think the woman was kind to tell you he was trying to contact you or whatever. she probably knew she wasn't supposed to and might have risked her job in telling you that.

i would be thrilled if someone warned me that my ex was looking for me. i was 15, he was 19, and it took me over a year to get rid of him. he was very violent, almost raped me. hopefully i will never have to deal with him again, but if someone knows he is looking for me, i can only pray they will tell me.

[buttrfli]

Not always in Oklahoma. We have had my step daughter for 10 years and when we went through custody child support was waived. We ave custody and she has visitation rights and nobody pays anybody here.

I did not know that. I was just going off my oldest DD's case last year and what the lawyer told her... maybe its by county? :confused:

DH had sole custody of his 2 daughters and his ex never paid a dime, but she was on ssi, so he couldn't collect even if he wanted to.

In some cases its more important that the non-custodial parent to be gone from the childs life than it is to collect child support.

[karefree]

http://www.daplus.us/PhoneSearch.aspx

If you have his phone number you can put it in the field above and it will give you his address. Perhaps you could give it to the police if they can help you. Good luck. At least you know he is looking for you still.

[tiffya]

In some cases its more important that the non-custodial parent to be gone from the childs life than it is to collect child support.


I agree 100%. I don't get a dime from my son's father for a very good reason..... :mad: