need advice

[tljohn123]

ok, here's the deal. I have a very sick grandmother...she is in hospice now. She is also in another state. I haven't seen her in a year because she's been sick, and I don't have the money to fly out. I want to see her now, before she's gone. I have this weekend off from work. Its going to be at least three days minimum with flying and all. I am torn wondering if this would be a good idea or not. My husband says, and I agree with him on this, that seeing her wouldn't do me any good, because this is not the person I remember. She's VERY sick. On the other hand, this would be some sort of closure for me. I don't know what to do here. I have no vacation time left, and I have no idea if my boss would work with me or not. Advice???

[joni1269]

I think you should go. You need the closure, and you might feel guilty if you don't. Go say goodbye..

(((((HUGS)))))

[Tadbit]

You got to go with your gut on this one. If you think you won't be able to live with yourself if you don't see her before she dies, then you should go. You can get another job, but you'll never get another chance to tell her goodbye. If she does pass on, your boss should give you time off to go to the funeral anyway, but personally, I wouldn't wait, but that's just me. I'll pray for her and for you to make the right decision, whatever it is.

[schsa]

Would she know you if she saw you? Is she still aware of her surroundings or is she at the point where she is on so much medication that whoever the person was that you went to visit would not be the person you knew in life? What memory of her do you want in your heart?

I wonder if you need to talk to someone who is there and find out how alert she is. Will she recognize you? Can she communicate?

Or would you rather keep the memories of the woman you knew, not the frail creature she has become. My personal feeling is if she is alert and aware then go. If not, keep your memories and go to her funeral. Then share those memories with everyone who you meet and see there.

[Jaidness]

personally I would go, in this case it may be better to regret the things you've done than the things you haven't. I just lost my godfather and boy am i glad I went and saw a few times before he passed!

[LitWtch]

Go, you will regret if you don't, even if the circumstances are not good.

[justme23]

Definitely go... you will regret it later and you might even resent hubby for not encouraging you. I didn't get to say goodbye to my mother and my family is the reason behind this... It's been 16 years and I am still trying to forgive them... so go while you have the chance!

[menanamama]

they will likely work with you if you explain to them what is going on.

[tljohn123]

the only problem with this is........i have absolutely NO vacation time. And the cheapest round trip ticket i could find--with hubby's help, is about $800. I don't have that much money. Hubby understands what I am dealing with, he's very sympathetic about this. I DID get to talk to my grandmother for a few minutes last night. She knew who I was, but just barely. I don't know if she'd recognize me or not. I also found out--per her wishes--there will be no funeral. Memorial service..I don't know. I wish I could figure out a way to get there for a few days...but I just don't know how.

[Jaidness]

what state is she in? Would a train do thr job or maybe a bus?

[tljohn123]

she's in seattle...i am in illinois, so a bus or a train or even car is out of the question.

[Johnslambchop]

ok, here's the deal. I have a very sick grandmother...she is in hospice now. She is also in another state. I haven't seen her in a year because she's been sick, and I don't have the money to fly out. I want to see her now, before she's gone. I have this weekend off from work. Its going to be at least three days minimum with flying and all. I am torn wondering if this would be a good idea or not. My husband says, and I agree with him on this, that seeing her wouldn't do me any good, because this is not the person I remember. She's VERY sick. On the other hand, this would be some sort of closure for me. I don't know what to do here. I have no vacation time left, and I have no idea if my boss would work with me or not. Advice???

I think you should go - you won't get a 2nd chance to say goodbye. I would like to think that your boss has a heart and if you explain the situation that he'll understand or maybe you can make up the vac. time....
As for airfare - call the airline and see if you can explain the situation, I know they have special fares sometimes when it comes to situations somewhat like this - or try expedia, priceline or one of those places. maybe fly standby???

[Jaidness]

awwww I'm so sorry to hear that, I'll be thinking about you , sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane is thinking if it is meant to be it is meant to be...so maybe something will work out for you. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed in the meantime keep your head up!

[sahmsfreeb]

the final decision lies with you of course taking into consideration your life and etc...

but all of the opinions here are valid and good...


i personally believe that it is better to be with the ones you love while they are alive...


they really dont care after they are dead if you are at their funeral or their grave... they dont want you to weep for them... they are in a better place...


this is just how i live my life...

like the song says.. in the living years....

[sahmsfreeb]

i found some flights on expedia...
from $403 Roundtrip


5:48 pm Depart Chicago (ORD)
Arrive Seattle (SEA) 11:11 pm Wed 16-Feb
Duration: 7hr 23mn America West 874 / 896
Connect in Las Vegas (McCarran Intl.)


but then again im not the guru like my dh is.. when it comes to cheap flights...boy oh boy!!! he is good!


travelocity (from $310 Roundtrip
9:10 am Depart Milwaukee (MKE)
Arrive Seattle (SEA) 1:23 pm ),priceline,cheaptickets.com ($371 Total (USD) out of milwakee), hotwire and orbits ( i foudn 405 dollars round trip) are other places to try... dont give up!!!


part of the problem iwth the high price is because i am assuming you would want to come back on this friday.. (leaving this wednesday) coming back sat. would be cheaper....

also be flexible... fly in and out of other airports and drive an hour or 2... this too can save you money...

ill keep you posted with what i find... :)

[ang in NC]

Go, go and go. I would give 5 yrs of life if I could get 5 mins of my grandmother again. When you leave tell her you love her!

[Barbi_Route66]

When Steve's grandpa was dying, we were flat broke. All we had in the checking account was $200. We were going to drive from Louisiana to North Carolina. I was just diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis & could barely walk (I was using a cane & in constant incruciating pain; couldn't bend my knees). My mom bought my airline ticket & Steve's dad paid for his ticket. We got to spend quality time with his grandpa. His grandpa died a month later. Unfortunately, we were unable to attend the funeral but I'm glad we got to visit him while he was still alive.

Explain the situation to your boss. If your company would do this, ask if they could advance you some of your pay so that you can take a flight to visit your grandmother. You could work out some kind of agreement to pay it back (like deducting $25 a week until it's paid back). Years ago I worked for a company that did this to help out employees who were in a bind.

You mentioned that you have no vacation time left. I'm assuming that you have Saturdays & Sundays off. If that's the case, perhaps your boss will let you have Monday or Friday off, that way you would only miss one day at work.

[tljohn123]

chicago wouldn't be so bad to fly out of..its a three hour drive from me. And this is a LARGE home improvement store, several locations, so its not like they could cut me a check right then and there. I can use my 3 days funeral leave though and that helped out somewhat. I know she knows I love her, she knows we are all thinking about her.

No, I don't have Saturdays and Sundays off all the time...my schedule is pretty screwy. It just happened that my weekend off is this weekend. I don't know if it would be a good idea to go or not. She's really sick, and I don't want to add to the commotion, no matter how bad I want to see her. My other family members feel the same way, but they're in the same boat as I financially.

Thank you all your support and help...sometimes, I just don't know what I would do without this forum.

[june72]

omg go, you will not regret it. i can tell by the way you are posting that you truely want to go. it doesnt matter what anyone says or thinks, the bottom line is what do you think. just remember when they close their eyes in death, that is so final. what i would give to just say hi mom, i love you. follow your heart and god bless.

[tljohn123]

An update.....she died last night about 6 pm, she went in her sleep. She's not in pain anymore. Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.

[Quaker_Parrots]

(((Hugs)))) Thoughts and prayers for you and your grandmother.

[Army-Mom]

I am so very sorry for your loss. my prayers are with you..
hugs,
Marcia

[jcw]

I'm so sorry

[Barbi_Route66]

I'm so sorry. Hugs & prayers to you & your family.

[june72]

god bless your heart. you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[1tiredmom]

sorry for your loss

[moe265]

you have my sympathy :(

[MamaFairal]

Im so sorry for your loss ((hugs))

You mentioned you did talk with her briefly on the phone and i hope that this helps somewhat with your closure.........be strong

[buglebe]

I don't know if this makes sense to you but this is how I view it when an older person dies. Grieve for yourself. Grieve because you are going to miss this loved person for the rest of your life. Don't grieve for her because her life has ended. She may have preferred death over what her life had become.
Loosing a loved young person is a totally different thing. But my mom died at 75, and my dad was 84. I don't think of 75 as being so old in todays world but at 84, and with my dad's illnesses it was time. He was in a much better place after he died. I think it was probably the saddest day of my life. I knew it was coming, I thought I was prepared but we never are. I miss him every day but I am comforted by knowing that he lived a long happy life and that he only suffered the last 6 months of his life. I felt Mom and I were cheated out of about 10 yrs but she was always healthy up until just before she died so that was something to be thankful for too. I miss them both very much but I take comfort in knowing they had good lives and are no longer suffering.