God I Didnt Know It Would Be So Bad !!

[gwens29]

:mad: MY SISTER WHO PASSED ON THE 5TH LEFT ME TO CLEAN UP HER MESSES :( HER APARTMENT IS A MESS IM TALKING NASTY NASTY...THAT IS ALMOST CLEANED NOW...I HAD TO DIG THUR MOUNTAINS OF CLOTHING TO FIND HER CHILDRENS SCHOOL SCHOOLS (SON AGE 16 DD AGE 17) WHICH ARE NON EXISITENT :( THEY HAVE NOTHING AND PART OF ME HATES HER FOR NOT SEEING TO THEIR NEEDS...I FOUND 2 PAIRS OF UNDERWEAR FOR HER SON AND 2 PAIRS OF JEANS ...HER DAUGHTERS UNDIES ARE HIDEOUS..AND HER BRAS AS WELL...THEY NEED CLOTHES SO BAD..BUT WE DONT HAVE THE EXTRA MONEY TO GET THEM :( WE HAD TO PAY FOR HER FUNERAL EXPENSES AND ARE NOW BROKE :( ...HER DD WAS SLEEPING ON A FILTHY MATRESS ON THE FLOOR...NO WONDER MY DS WAS SO DEPRESSED AND WANTED TO END IT ALL IF I HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL THAT I WOULDNT LIKE MYSELF EITHER...I LOVE HER AND MISS HER SO ..BUT ITS REALLY PISSES ME OFF THAT SHE DIDNT CARE FOR HER KIDS ENOUGH TO GET THEM CLOTHES AND HBA ITEMS ETC..SHE WAS A DRUGGIE AND WE JUST DIDNT KNOW HOW BAD :eek: NOW WE DO AND WE HAVE TO PICK UP THE PIECES...AND TRY TO HELP HER KIDS WHO ARE REALLY GREAT KIDS HONOR ROLLS FOOTBALL TEAMS , DRAMA NERDS ETC.THEIR DAD IS OF NO HELP HE SOIGNED OVER PARENTAL RIGHTS A FEW YRS BACK TO AVOID CHILD SUPPORT...MY BROTHER WHO IS DISABLED IS GOING TO BE THEIR MAIN PROVIDER WITH HELP FOME ME AND MY OTHER BROTHER...WE ARE DOING OUR BEST BUT WE ARENT FINICIAL ABLE TO HELP LIKE WE WANT .....THANKS FOR READING AND LETTING ME VENT

[YankeeMary]

I am so sorry for all involved. Maybe you could post their sizes and we all can see what we have to help. BBS family is wonderful in times of need. I sure wish you the best and sorry you have so many different emotions to deal with now. I hope you are able to find time to grieve for yourself. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless and HUGS!!!

[Barbi_Route66]

((((Gwens))))

Contact churches & civic organizations in your area. They usually collect clothing, household item, food items, etc. for people in need.

Since the father signed over his parental rights to your sister, I would think that the children would qualify for social security death benefits through their mom (at least to the age of 18). You probably have to wait until you have the death certificate to do this. They may also qualify for medicaid & food stamps. It's a pain to go through the process of applying for these programs & waiting for approval but it's definitely worth trying.

My heart goes out to you & your family.

[DonnaWV]

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending my prayers for you and your family.

Call your local DHHR. They have a program for emergency food and clothing. The kids should get a vocher to get them some clothes, and like someone else said food stamps. Sounds like the kids did well under the conditions they lived in.

Lets us know if we can help.

[gwens29]

what is dhhr? and she was diabled on ssi so they dont qualify for social security we are going to apply for food stamps and welfare and they will get jobs this summer...its just getting everyhitng started that is the stressing thing i know it will get better...thanks girls

[cookiegirl]

I am so sorry for you and the children. I too think they will qualify for social security.

What size is your nephew I have an 18 year old son. If they are the same size we can see what we have.
Just let me know

[nosanity05]

I feel very deeply for what you and your family are going through. We were in the same situation about 10 years ago, when my sis-in-law committed suicide, and we took take temp custody of her 16 year old, and had to settle her affairs.

I have a 17 year old son, who has clothes he's only worn once or twice. LMK what size he wears, and hopefully some of Nick's stuff will fit.

[gwens29]

here are the clothing sizes for them if anyone wants help it will be appreciated
gwen41539@bellsouth.net
bradley
size 40 X 32 pants
xl shirts
42-44 boxers
Gina
size 11 in pants juniors
size large in junior tops
38 c bras

[NiteQueen]

So sorry for your loss but i can help i have a couple of kids that size and we have way too many cloths i will have them go thru them tonite when they all get home can u pm me and let me know your addy and i will get them sent to you this weekend........

[schsa]

They should qualify for SSI because they are basically orphaned dependents. Ask. Also see about fostering them until they can get out on their own. Foster care will provide for them as well. And go to your social services office to see what else you are entitled to. There are probably programs out there that you aren't even aware of to help you during this time.

[justme23]

what is dhhr? and she was diabled on ssi so they dont qualify for social security we are going to apply for food stamps and welfare and they will get jobs this summer...its just getting everyhitng started that is the stressing thing i know it will get better...thanks girls

In order to GET SS you have to have payed IN to SS at one point in time... or atleast I thought that's how it worked... and if that's the case, then they CAN draw on the same income percentage that she did. My mother was deemed disabled the last couple years of her life (she had terminal cancer and worked until she just couldn't any more) and I got SS benefits until I was 18 after she died... don't take anyones word for it as gospel... fill out the forms and fight hard for it... yall need every extra cent.

[mistressB]

i'm a little shocked by your post. i can see that you are upset but your sister is dead now. she obviously had a lot of problems and was depressed if she killed herself. try putting yourself in her shoes. havn't you ever been depressed and not wanted to do anything,g et out of bed, shower, cook, clean ect? her children were basically old enough to look after themselves. heck when i was 17 i was on my own, buying my own clothes, and engaged to be married. they could have gotten jobs for clothes, washed their clothes, helped pick up around the house.

they might be able to receive some kind of death benifits. also for clothes take them down to the salvation army, both child will be given a voucher for 3 sets of clothes, a pair of shoes and pajamas for free. also if you are taking them in try to see if you can't get some kind of relative support through the welfare office.

[Kelsey1224]

In order to GET SS you have to have payed IN to SS at one point in time... or atleast I thought that's how it worked... and if that's the case, then they CAN draw on the same income percentage that she did.

This is a true statement! My hubby works for Social Security and he said that you would be amazed at the people who come in requesting benefits as surviving dependents...and the deceased parent never worked so there weren't any benefits.

So, if your sister was disabled, she might not have ever worked. However, maybe she worked before she became disabled, so it never hurts to check our what's available. Since the father (who signed away his rights away) is still alive, they aren't entitled to benefits under his record.

And if they aren't eligible for survivor's benefits, maybe they are eligible for supplemental security income (SSI) or medicaid. Someone posted about being foster parents. Whomever takes over care of the children will probably receive some sort of subsidy from the state. At least, that's the way it is here in California.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It is no wonder to me that you are angry and overwhelmed. My best friend's brother killed himself and the family has never been the same. He took the easy way out and left a family behind to clean up his mess.

I realize that your sister was depressed and depression does have a way of imobilizing people, but you are entitled to your feelings.

[reneep45]

my brother killed his self a few years ago , "he had no kids or wife" Well i'm still mad at him, he was on drugs , long story , but i know what you are feeling !
please pm me your mailing addy , i'd like to send something for these kids , they need to know that people DO care about them.
I've been about as low as low can get but i'd never kill myself.
i'll never get over loosing him , i'd never put my kids thru what i have to deal with

[Blondiex46]

gwens: my kids are younger so can't help you there. My prayers are with all of you tho. The kids are very fortunate they have you and it appears that they have been through a horrible time. I would contact every agency possible to see what they qualify for. Even though the father gave up his parental rights does anyone in his family see have contact with them? Good luck

[Tasha405]

I agree with the others, apply for everything that you possibly can for these kids because I'm sure they could really use it right now. Stay strong and please know that what you are doing is great! ((((Hugs))))

[nosanity05]

i'm a little shocked by your post. i can see that you are upset but your sister is dead now. she obviously had a lot of problems and was depressed if she killed herself. try putting yourself in her shoes. havn't you ever been depressed and not wanted to do anything,g et out of bed, shower, cook, clean ect? her children were basically old enough to look after themselves. heck when i was 17 i was on my own, buying my own clothes, and engaged to be married. they could have gotten jobs for clothes, washed their clothes, helped pick up around the house.



I think you need to keep in mind that the OP stated the kids are Honor roll, and heavily involved in activities. My own teenagers hit the ground running in the morning, and are not finished with practices, youth organizations, etc, until at leat 7 PM most evenings. Then its supper and study time. Mine are responsible for their own rooms. I don't feel they have the time for anything else. My 17 year old is not permitted to work when school is in session, as in addition to his regular day, he does drama, and 2 evening college courses, along with the church youth group. Everyone's situation is differrent. When my sis-in-law killed herself, her home also had turned into a hovel. Her teenage boys were pretty much staying with friends at the time, because everytime they came home, all they did was fight with the Mom. So, they just stayed away.

[gwens29]

I am mad at her and mad at myself for not tryign to help her in a more effective way ..and her kids have in a way been on their own for while she has cared for nothing but her pills but that isnt the way it is supposed to be..they are good kids and deserve love and support to help them make something of themselves...and they are devasted and im not going to insist they clean house!!! i feel they need a break im the adult i feel its my job to get them settled ..they feel so overwhelmed and alone..they will get jobs this summer to save oney for things they need...but during school session id like to have them concentrating on being kids...and having good grades...im sorry if u feel im doing too much for them i guess they are all i have left of her and i love them and want to ease their pain and duties for a while...and they did come and sort through their clothing and i that is when i found out that they dont have the things like they should...and we dont have a salvation army but we do have another place and i am contacting them as soon as i can...but here where i live all the good things are picked thur and nothing but junk is left for the people who actually need things...our town population is 6500 people and their arent a lot resources like they are in bigger places...they dont qualify for for death benefits my ds didnt work enough to get any turned in and foster parenting is assigned u cant just pick the kids u want so they they would be placed with a non family member :(


i'm a little shocked by your post. i can see that you are upset but your sister is dead now. she obviously had a lot of problems and was depressed if she killed herself. try putting yourself in her shoes. havn't you ever been depressed and not wanted to do anything,g et out of bed, shower, cook, clean ect? her children were basically old enough to look after themselves. heck when i was 17 i was on my own, buying my own clothes, and engaged to be married. they could have gotten jobs for clothes, washed their clothes, helped pick up around the house.

they might be able to receive some kind of death benifits. also for clothes take them down to the salvation army, both child will be given a voucher for 3 sets of clothes, a pair of shoes and pajamas for free. also if you are taking them in try to see if you can't get some kind of relative support through the welfare office.

[KrystallizedFlame]

You might want to try your local freecycle as well. When my nephew came to live with us, he only had 1 pair of pants. Picking him up in Utah put a financial burden on us at the time. The people of freecycle were awesome. They gave me two bags full of clothes for him.

[irrelevant0]

they should have been getting a check until they were 18 since their mom was on ssi. my ex-fiance's mom is on ssi, her kids get a check every month. his oldest sister lost her's when she got a job though.

what do the kids like?

[jonette5]

Gwen, I am so sorry for your loss, it must be really hard on you right now. If you will pm me your mailing address I can probably send you some clothes for the girl. My DD is the same sizes and she just cleaned out her closet and I have a few things here that she will not wear. Also if you tell me the girls shoe size I can probably help there too. If she loves flip flops as much as my DD then she will definatly be in luck!

[gwens29]

they should have been getting a check until they were 18 since their mom was on ssi. my ex-fiance's mom is on ssi, her kids get a check every month. his oldest sister lost her's when she got a job though.

what do the kids like?

yes they receive welfare 214.00 a month but my sister had that spent plus her money as well she had bad checks out at every check holding place in town...not to mention she spent 400.00 in one night a bingo :( that she didnt have ....she was at the end of her rope..she did pay the rent but left all the other utilities behind for us to deal with...the kids are normal teenagers as far as i can tell my neice is a very talented artist and loves drawing,pastels,paints she is also a top english honor student ont he drama team..has written so nice stories poems etc.. her brother is a football guy, drama team star and on the honor roll as well...they can put all my family to shame in the smarts department lol we are so proud of them :)

[Blondiex46]

These kids probably have been raising themselves for a very long time. If you want to PM where you live I can see if I can find anything out. I am assuming that she didn't have a Will or anything that says what she where she prefers them to live, with whom, etc. Is there anything in particular that you need other then for us to listen? If so just ask.

[cinnamonch]

Any bills left behind by your sister are not your responsibility to pay. You need to get a copy of the death certificate and go to each place and show them.

Foster care income can go to a family member. In most cases, the system prefers that children stay with family members instead of being placed with strangers. Granted, your brother or you would have to go through the same screening as other foster parents but probably not as stringent given the circumstances. I have friends who work in this area so if you need more information please feel free to pm me.

[dianepost]

i am sorry if this will offend anyone but i do need to comment, THIS IS A HUMAN BEING WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, GONE FROM THIS EARTH, YOU WILL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. i am certain you will be able to find a way to do the best you can in this situation, with the help of family and friends and prayers. i cannot imagine how the children feel, emotionally they must be drained. i lost my brother two years ago and i would give an arm a leg an eye and all my wealth to have him back. it is too bad you did not have a good relationship with your sister, and i am sorry for you. i will pray for you and hope you can by the grace of god get through this.
please do not judge your sister too harshly as deep down none of us really know how a person is truly feeling.
again my condolences on losing a member of your family.
:confused: :confused: :( :( :(

[gingerswit]

I just relized she commited suicide. OMG she was in so much pain. She hurt more then you could ever amagin. She loved her kids as well as she could. When you don't love yourself it is hard to really love anything else. I am sure though if she thought as it was getting close to her killing herself that you would be mostly be concerned about the bills, No she wouldn't have paid them because they are just bills, she was dying inside and figured it would be best if she wasn't here. She left her kids because she probably thought they were better off. When people are seriously depressed and think about suicide it isn't so they can run away from the bills, usually it is so they can run away from the PAIN. She is in a better place now and feeling no pain. God Bless her. I hope that one day you can not be so angry with her and undestand what kind of suffering she was going through, she left her kids, Bills are nothing compared to all the pain she was going through.

I think I read where you said you wish you could have helped. Well when people are that depressed there usually is nothing that is going to bring them out of it unless they want out of it and have the strength to get out of it. And most people once they put their mind to it do it. I hear on my scanner people who are threatening suicide and those people are crying for help. Please don't be mad at her for ending it. she had no choice, the pain was too much. The bills are bad but don't put her life's value based on them. she was just a person in deep emotional pain. It is hard I know for people to understand that pain if you haven't been through it and the pull to end it is always there.

[gwens29]

i am sorry if this will offend anyone but i do need to comment, THIS IS A HUMAN BEING WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, GONE FROM THIS EARTH, YOU WILL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. i am certain you will be able to find a way to do the best you can in this situation, with the help of family and friends and prayers. i cannot imagine how the children feel, emotionally they must be drained. i lost my brother two years ago and i would give an arm a leg an eye and all my wealth to have him back. it is too bad you did not have a good relationship with your sister, and i am sorry for you. i will pray for you and hope you can by the grace of god get through this.
please do not judge your sister too harshly as deep down none of us really know how a person is truly feeling.
again my condolences on losing a member of your family.
:confused: :confused: :( :( :(
OH NO U ARE WRONG WE WERE VERY CLOSE I CALLED HER EVERYDAY I TRIED TO BE HER FRIEND /SISTER ETC BUT THE DRUG USE PUSHED HER AWAY FROM ME I TRIED TO TALK TO HER AND GET HER TO SEEK HELP AND THAT IS WHEN SHE DIDNT WANT TO TALK TO ME EVERYDAY...I HELPED ALL I COULD WITH MONEY ETC THEN I LEARNED THAT THE MORE I HELPED AND GAVE HER ... THE WORSE SHE BECAME:( I LOVE HER DEARLY AND WE WERE SO CLOSE A YR AGO THIS IS WHAT DRUGS DOES TO A PERSON ...I FEEL SORRY FOR HER AND MAD AT HER ALL AT THE SAME TIME...BUT I DO LOVE HER AND HOPE SHE HAS FOUND IN DEATH WHAT SHE COULDNT FIND HER ON EARTH :(

[Blondiex46]

I am sure that she has and is watching over all of you. You are doing a wonderful job and I am sure she knows that the kids are very well taken of in your hands.

[mistressB]

i thought suicide was the unforgivable sin?

[ang in NC]

I think you are doing a great job. You are a wonderful aunt!

[firechick]

There is NOWHERE in the bible that says this?? When I was in seminary at Bob Jones University I had to do a report on this exact quote and I searched several religions and could not find ANY quotes in any of these religions bibles to back this belief up. It is kind of like an old wives tale sorta speak.


i thought suicide was the unforgivable sin?

OP Just want you you know that you & all your family are in my prayers. I can't imagine the pain your DS was in to want to end it all. It had to be extremely awful to not want to see her dd walk that isle or her dd or ds up on that stage at the end of HS. I pray that you and your family find peace. I also pray that you find the help you need with support for Bradley and Gina.
God Bless,
Kelly

[mistressB]

ok, i was just curious, it's a believe that just about every christian i have ever met has subscribed to because they think it's because you don't get to repent before you die or something.

[ckerr4]

ok, i was just curious, it's a believe that just about every christian i have ever met has subscribed to because they think it's because you don't get to repent before you die or something.

Catholics believe this because it's a murder of oneself, and you don't have the chance to ask for forgiveness, or to confess. So you're right on that account, at least from a Catholic perspective. If you believe that killing is wrong (including killing yourself), then the applicable scripture would be in the 10 Commandments, I suppose.

[gingerswit]

just like god would not "send away" someone with cancer of the lungs, he would not "send away" someone with illness of the brain. I have heard that people believe suicide is the worst sin but that comes from people and not God. God loves everyone and that includes people who commit suicide. Depression and other types of mental illness are very much real diseases and the God I know wouldn't turn you away because you are sick.

[gwens29]

hi all ty for the support i wanted to add that we havent got the autopsy report yet but we do think it was a overdose of somekind...but the coroner said it will be months before it comes back...but i think in our hearts we already know what happened...