katgirl3
01-12-2005, 10:47 AM
Found this at another board. lol
THESE ARE GOOD... .
For those who already have children past this age, this is funny.
For
those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who
have
children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not
yet
had children, this is reason for birth control. For those who do not
have
children, and will never have children, this is reason for a thank you
prayer.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4
inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint
on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times
before you get a hit. By the way, a ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
long
way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by
a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," or "cool",
it's
already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, lots and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't
walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials
show
they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
not
like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Did you know that cats throw up twice their body weight when
dizzy?
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs
to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was
trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
straw
and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build
my
house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think
that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he
said...'Holy moly! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach
for
the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of all men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and
brake
fluid
:D :D
THESE ARE GOOD... .
For those who already have children past this age, this is funny.
For
those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who
have
children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not
yet
had children, this is reason for birth control. For those who do not
have
children, and will never have children, this is reason for a thank you
prayer.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4
inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint
on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times
before you get a hit. By the way, a ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
long
way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by
a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," or "cool",
it's
already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, lots and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't
walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials
show
they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
not
like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Did you know that cats throw up twice their body weight when
dizzy?
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs
to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was
trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
straw
and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build
my
house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think
that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he
said...'Holy moly! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach
for
the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of all men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and
brake
fluid
:D :D